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Page 10 text:
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THE TUSCOLIAN belling the cat At a certain school, in remote times, the Freshmen were much troubled by a principal. “We can’t talk to one another when we wish,” said one. . “We can’t run in the halls,” said another. “We can’t chew our gum,’ said a third, “nor run upstairs, nor take our tiipe about coming to classes. In fact, its become unbearable.” “I-have an idea,” said one. “What?” they all shouted eagerly. “Let one of us go up and speak to him just before assembly, asking him to do some writing on a paper. Then he will lay down the detention slip, another of us will quickly snatch it and hide it, so that when he wants it, he won’t be able to find it.” “Hurrah!” they cried, but one wise Freshman (who should have been a Sophomore) was silent. “An,d why do you not agree?” they asked him. “Let me ask one question,” he replied. “Who is going to do the deed?” All were silent. Then one said, “I would, but I must see about some work at that time.” Another said, “I would, but I’m to be in a play and must get ready for it.” Now as ever, the Principal roams through the halls and corridors of that ancient building, looking for candidates for the detention list. —Jean S. Fourteen hours and seven minutes ago, our teachers brought down upon our defenseless heads a new type exam, conceived in severity and dedicatd to the proposition that all mimeographed copies are equal. Now we are engaged in a terrible review, testing whether those questions or any other questions so conceived and so mimeographed can be answered. We B-stud-ents are met on the great battlefield of that exam. We have come to dedicate a portion of our meager knowledge to a final resting place on that page she has put before us. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot masticate, we cannot concentrate, we cannot answer these questions. We will little note, nor long remember what they are here, but the teachers will never forget what we write here. It is for us, the suffering, rather to be dedicated here to our unfinished work which they, who teach here, have thus so far nobly advanced before us. We here highly resolve that our labors shall not have been in vain, that these exams under the teachers shall have a new spirit of inspiration, and that these grades of the pupils, by the teachers, for the pupils shall not sink below a C. —Viola Flesor With apologies to Abraham Lincoln.)
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Page 11 text:
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THE TUSCOLIAN 9 the king’s bell Once upon a time there was a king named Kollins, who wanted all of his Junior-subjects to be happy. He therefore decided to erect a tower on the front gate of the royal court, place a large bell at the top and issue this decree: TO ALL ROYAL SUBJECTS OF MY TUSCOLIAN KINGDOM: BE IT KNOWN THAT WHENEVER YE WISH LATE ENTRY TO THE CASTLE, YE MUST RING THE BELL, UPON WHICH THE JUNIORS WILL APPEAR AND JUDGE YOUR CASE. The next day the bell rang, and when the Juniors came running to see who was late, there stood Marian Baker. “Why are you late?” asked King Kollins. “Someone stole my equilibrium and as I couldn’t walk to school, I had to get down and crawl,” she explained. “Who is the thief?” the King asked. Marian looked about the crowd and soon pointed out Edwin Bradbury. “Is this true?” the King asked Edwin. “Yes,” he confessed. “Then,” said the King, “you shall give her back her own equilibrium and yours also. Is this a fair decision, my good Juniors?” And they all replied, “Yea, yea.” Two days later the bell rang again, and this time Virginia Ro-mine stood without. “Why are you late?” asked King Kollins. “Miss Frantz required my sewing to be done today and I couldn’t get it finished in time,” sobbed Virginia. “Juniors,” demanded King Kollins, “what is your pleasure in regard to this case?” “Your Royal Highness,” said Julia Kennedy, “I propose that Virginia be given a seamstress to assist her, and that Miss Frantz be deported to Siberia on a charge of cruelty.” “Yea, yea,” shouted the Juniors in one accord, and the King replied, “It shall even be so.” For many days the subjects in the castle lived quietly and peacefully. Then one morning, just as the tower clock struck eleven, the bell pealed out noisily. To the surprise of the King and his Junior-jury there stood the leading social lights of the Junior class: Elizabeth Norvell, Martha Seip, Pauline Bruno, Marie Compton, Ruth Hawkins and Dola O’Neal, each with a favored Junior boy at her side. “Do you mind telling me what I can do for you this morning?” asked the King gently, for he didn’t wish to show the slightest displeasure to these, his favored subjects. “Oh,” yawned Marie, the spokseslady of the group, “we had a party last night, and felt that it wouldn’t be doing justice to our work to come while we were still sleepy.” (Continued on page 14)
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