Tuscola High School - Tuscolian Yearbook (Tuscola, IL)

Text from Pages 1 - 28 of the 1931 volume:

freshman primer Vol. XI Tuscola, Illinois, January, 1931 No. 4 this freshman issue possible, vve dedicate this magazine. Her gay enthusiasm, her work with the dramatic and debating clubs will be missed by every student. She taught here only three semesters, but every pupil was eager to do anything she requested. We wish her success in her new field, but we shall never forgive her for leaving us. Table of Content the freshman class.............................................................. page 2 what we want to be when we grow up .. ... page 3 the ninth period .............................................................. page 3 the little red hen______________________________________________________________ page 4 nursery rhymes ... page 4 little red riding hood __________________________________________________________ 'page 6 the babies_________________________________________________________________________ page 7 belling the cat __________________________ __ page 8 semester’s end addresss —................. . page 8 the king’s bell _________________________ ,__ page 9 a modern child’s bedtime story________________________________________________ page 10 advenchers of a little boy___________________.... page 10 can you imagine ... —..... 1...page 11 a freshman english theme_______________________________________________________ page 11 freshman psalm_____________________________________________________________________ page 11 english assignment_______________________________________________________________ page 11 scotch greeting card_____________________ ...... page 2 recipes page 12 who’s rita ... . page 18 J° es — -.....-........................ page 14 THE TUSCOLIAN 3 what we iDcmt to he when we groiD my Artist: Bernice Loyd. Aviator: Faye Albritton, Eugene Hale, Wayne Hanson, Wayne Smith, George York, Albert Wright. Aviatrix: Jane Kearns, Florence Garrett. Ball Player: Blaine Rideout. Barber: Eugene Laughlin. Beauty Culturist: Kathleen Meister, Myrta Jane Owen. Bum: John Norvell, Frank Parrish. Buyer (foreign countries): Erma Shoemaker. Business Man: Frederick Law-horn. Civil Engineer: Lewis Belles. Clerk: Lola Hawkins. Dressmaker: Fern Bird. Electrical engineer: Glenn Fra-zee. Charles Wood, Maurice Owen Engineer: Carl Woolverton. Farmer: Dale Archibald, Jack Cook, Carl Frye, Lemuel Frye, Willard Laughlin, Loyde Martin, Caleb Nowning, Paul Rahn, Don Reed, Glenn Quick, George Seip. Manager of a Big League: Wayne Neal. Manufacturer of Airplanes: Raymond Baker. Mechanic: Thomas Kennedy, Harold Kincannon. Nurse: Marjorie Burns, Victoria Frye, Ruth Riley, Bertha Rowland. Office Girl:Erma Snider. President of a corporation: James Lamb. Public Entertainer: Georgia Renner. Sailor: Wayne Abercrombie. Scout Leader: Leah Jane Hoel. Stenographer: Bernice Albritton, Ruth Coslet, Tracy Cox, Dana Crossman, Frances Ford, Frances Goodwin, Nancy Harrington, Marcella Rahn, Edith Senters. Storekeeper: Wayne Rideout. Steel Magnate: Boyd Wiesner. Surgeon: Clarence Jones. Teacher: Carmoleta Chapman, (Latin); Delmar Crafts; Ruth Haines, (physical training); Billy Hardin (physical training); Milton Hubbart, (manual training); Viola Flesor (grade school) Betty lies, Ada Jones, Willis Jolley, Wayne Hardwick, Edna Kre-sin; Ruth Moore, Eileen Morris, Mary Myers, Emma Quick, Pauline Robertson, Jean Senters, La-vonne Smith (English); Jennie Mae Huff. Telegraph Operator: Raymond Grissom. Telephone Operator: Wanda Lincoln. Traveling Agent: Arthur Kre-sin. The Ninth Period I see a man. I see him writing. He is writing my name. He writes it on a slip of paper. He fastens the slip on a board. He carries it into assembly. He is reading the names. He reads my name. It makes me happy. I like my name read. I like to be in things. We sit in the study hall. It is very quiet. It is good for our nerves. We get most out of our school. Others have eight periods. We have nine. We love our teachers. 4 THE TUSCOLIAN the little red hen Little Ikey Nelson found a ball. It was a basketball. He said, “Who will come out for basketball?” “Not I,” said Bernard. “Not I,” said Tut. “Not I,” said Patrick. “I will then,” said Ike, and he did. “Who will play guard on the team?” asked Ike. “Not I.” said Bernard. “Not I,” said Tut. “Not I,” said Patrick. “I will then,” said Ike, and he did. “Who will be captain of the team?” said Ike. “Not I,” said Bernard. “Not I,” said Tut. “Not I,” said Patrick. “I will then,” said Ike, and he did. “Who will take the team to Bement?” said Ike. “Not I,” said Bernard “Not I.” said Tut. “Not I,” said Patrick. “I will then,” said Ike, and he did. “Who will wear this T’?” said Ike. “I will,” said Bernard. “I will,” said Tut. “I will,” said Patrick. “Oh no you won’t,” said Ike. “You would not come out for basketball. You would not play guard on the team. You would not be captain. You would not take the team to Bement, and you shall not wear the ‘T’. “I shall wear the T ” said Ikey, and he did. toastiriches Here’s to you, may your shadow never grow less. Here’s to our bills—and may we some day meet ’em. Here’s to prohibition enforcement. The results are staggering. ’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved and won. Here’s to the old fashioned girl who used to stay home when she had nothing to wear. Here’s to man who is like a kerosene lamp: Not especially bright Often turned down Generally smokes And frequently goes out at night. Here’s to the pedestrian. Every year is leap year with him. Here’s to all of us. May we have more and more friends and need them less and less. If one could see In black and white The things one says From morn till night— I wonder if We’d silence some Our ever quick Unruly tongue? And if we could Look deeper yet And see tired nerves Which we upset By harsh words from A careless mind— I wonder if We’d be more kind —Exchange THE TUSCOLIAN a, h9 c’s A is for Ada, though in from the farm, The boys all admit she is full of charm. B is for Beall, most energetic is she, If she keeps on, an inspector she’ll be. C is for Cox, who is very tall; He wouldn’t look well with a small girl at all. D is for Dale, who makes us rejoice, When he opens his mouth with that wonderful voice. E is for Elsie, who knows her stuff; If you don’t behave, she’ll treat you rough. F is for Frank, who thinks its quite nice, To be with Frances on Saturday nights. G is for Georgia, about whom ’tis said, She got home one morning too late for bed. H is for Haines, her first name is Ruth, She’s interested in Homer—love cuts its first tooth. I is for Idleness, a thing very dear, Better let it alone when exams are near. J is for Juniors, who think they’re quite smart, But we Freshmen will show them rigTit from the start. K is for Kennedy, they call her Snooks; She is making good use of her high top boots. L is for Leah, her last name is Hoel. She’s the Freshman who stole Drusilla’s beaux. M is for Mary, and I’ll bet my sox, That in another year it will not be Cox. O is for Opinion, a thing we po-sess, What ours is of you, you’ll have to guess. P is for Pauline, who is seen at night, With a little boy called Albert Wright. Q is for Quality, ’tis found in this school; It is displayed by everyone as a general rule. R is for Raymond, whom teachers can’t bluff, He is surely little, but he knows his stuff. S is for Sophomores, who think themselves wise, They look down on us Freshies and want to advise. T is for Teachers, whom we all do love (?) They’re expecting to meet us, some day, above. U is for us, each bright Freshman We hope you will like our Tus-co-li-an. W is for Wulliman, both kind and wise, A capable man, who loves to advise. X is for Xmas which is now over, But during one week, we all were in clover. Y is for Yearning by those who can’t dance, We’re willing to teach them at the very first chance. Z is for Zeros which we all adore, Believe that, friends, and we’ll tell you some more. 6 THE TUSCOLIAN little red riding hood “Now, my dear, I am sending you to High School, and do not stop on the way,” said Mrs Snider, as she helped Erma into her coat But as the day was sunny and Erma had a nickel in her pocket, she soon forgot all about what her mother had said and stopped to buy one all-day sucker, two cents worth of candy hearts with verses on them, and two large sticks of bubble pm. By that time she had forgotten which way the school was and was just beginning to cry when the Principal of the school came along. Being young and innocent, she had no idea who he was nor that he had his eye on that bag of candy. “Will you please tell me the way to the High School?” she asked shyly. “I am going there myself,” he replied, “but you go this way and 1 11 go around the block, and we’ll see who gets there first.” (Now you must know and understand, oh kind little reader, that he was planning on cutting corners and running very fast the minute he was out of sight, so as to get there first.) Erma, however, took her own sweet time, as usual, and finally arrived at the school. First she knocked at the door, but since no one came she just lifted up the latch and walked right in. Humming a little tune, she skipped gaily up the stairs, and began to wander through the beautifully clean corridors, sucking her can- dy, and making bubbles between hums. But suddenly she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder and felt herself being jerked into what she thought was an office. (The jerk was so sudden that it bursted a particularly fine bubble all over her face.) She looked up and found herself gazing into the eyes of the kindly stranger who had directed her to the school, but how queer he looked! “W-w-why M-M-Mister Gr-ga-grandfather, wh-wh-what big ears you have!” “All the better to hear you popping that bubble gum, my dear.” “But grandfather (Erma had been taught to call all male strangers, grandfather—just as you have heard, dear reader, some call all little girls, sister) “But grandfather, what big eyes you have!” “All the better to see you skipping up those steps and wasting your time, my dear.” “But grandfather,” she said, more puzzled than ever and beginning to feel a bit—quite a good bit—frightened. “What big hands you have!” “All the better to write your name down for detention,” he shouted, and with that he seized a slip of paper and a pencil— “Erma, Erma, it’s time to get up, dear”. It was her mother’s voice calling, and little Erma opened her eyes to find herself in her own littl white bed, in her own little room. THE TUSCOLIAN belling the cat At a certain school, in remote times, the Freshmen were much troubled by a principal. “We can’t talk to one another when we wish,” said one. . “We can’t run in the halls,” said another. “We can’t chew our gum,’ said a third, “nor run upstairs, nor take our tiipe about coming to classes. In fact, its become unbearable.” “I-have an idea,” said one. “What?” they all shouted eagerly. “Let one of us go up and speak to him just before assembly, asking him to do some writing on a paper. Then he will lay down the detention slip, another of us will quickly snatch it and hide it, so that when he wants it, he won’t be able to find it.” “Hurrah!” they cried, but one wise Freshman (who should have been a Sophomore) was silent. “An,d why do you not agree?” they asked him. “Let me ask one question,” he replied. “Who is going to do the deed?” All were silent. Then one said, “I would, but I must see about some work at that time.” Another said, “I would, but I’m to be in a play and must get ready for it.” Now as ever, the Principal roams through the halls and corridors of that ancient building, looking for candidates for the detention list. —Jean S. Fourteen hours and seven minutes ago, our teachers brought down upon our defenseless heads a new type exam, conceived in severity and dedicatd to the proposition that all mimeographed copies are equal. Now we are engaged in a terrible review, testing whether those questions or any other questions so conceived and so mimeographed can be answered. We B-stud-ents are met on the great battlefield of that exam. We have come to dedicate a portion of our meager knowledge to a final resting place on that page she has put before us. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot masticate, we cannot concentrate, we cannot answer these questions. We will little note, nor long remember what they are here, but the teachers will never forget what we write here. It is for us, the suffering, rather to be dedicated here to our unfinished work which they, who teach here, have thus so far nobly advanced before us. We here highly resolve that our labors shall not have been in vain, that these exams under the teachers shall have a new spirit of inspiration, and that these grades of the pupils, by the teachers, for the pupils shall not sink below a C. —Viola Flesor With apologies to Abraham Lincoln.) THE TUSCOLIAN 9 the king’s bell Once upon a time there was a king named Kollins, who wanted all of his Junior-subjects to be happy. He therefore decided to erect a tower on the front gate of the royal court, place a large bell at the top and issue this decree: TO ALL ROYAL SUBJECTS OF MY TUSCOLIAN KINGDOM: BE IT KNOWN THAT WHENEVER YE WISH LATE ENTRY TO THE CASTLE, YE MUST RING THE BELL, UPON WHICH THE JUNIORS WILL APPEAR AND JUDGE YOUR CASE. The next day the bell rang, and when the Juniors came running to see who was late, there stood Marian Baker. “Why are you late?” asked King Kollins. “Someone stole my equilibrium and as I couldn’t walk to school, I had to get down and crawl,” she explained. “Who is the thief?” the King asked. Marian looked about the crowd and soon pointed out Edwin Bradbury. “Is this true?” the King asked Edwin. “Yes,” he confessed. “Then,” said the King, “you shall give her back her own equilibrium and yours also. Is this a fair decision, my good Juniors?” And they all replied, “Yea, yea.” Two days later the bell rang again, and this time Virginia Ro-mine stood without. “Why are you late?” asked King Kollins. “Miss Frantz required my sewing to be done today and I couldn’t get it finished in time,” sobbed Virginia. “Juniors,” demanded King Kollins, “what is your pleasure in regard to this case?” “Your Royal Highness,” said Julia Kennedy, “I propose that Virginia be given a seamstress to assist her, and that Miss Frantz be deported to Siberia on a charge of cruelty.” “Yea, yea,” shouted the Juniors in one accord, and the King replied, “It shall even be so.” For many days the subjects in the castle lived quietly and peacefully. Then one morning, just as the tower clock struck eleven, the bell pealed out noisily. To the surprise of the King and his Junior-jury there stood the leading social lights of the Junior class: Elizabeth Norvell, Martha Seip, Pauline Bruno, Marie Compton, Ruth Hawkins and Dola O’Neal, each with a favored Junior boy at her side. “Do you mind telling me what I can do for you this morning?” asked the King gently, for he didn’t wish to show the slightest displeasure to these, his favored subjects. “Oh,” yawned Marie, the spokseslady of the group, “we had a party last night, and felt that it wouldn’t be doing justice to our work to come while we were still sleepy.” (Continued on page 14) 10 THE TUSCOLIAN a modere child’s bedtime story Amos: Andy, Ah is now gwine to tell you-all about a bullfight Ah once seen in Spain. Andy: Alright, then proceed wid de lie. Amos: As Ah said once before, dey have dese bullfights in Spain and Mexico in an arena. Andy: Did you-all say Reno? Amos: No, Ah did not. Ah said “arena”; Reno is wheah dey git divorces. Andy: Ah understan’. Amos: Well, de fust thing, dey bring onto de field de bull. He done has brass knobs on his hohns to make him look fierce. Andy: Ah is begin to get interested. Amos: Well, de next thing out is de matadoh. Andy: Well, what is de matodoh? Amos: Well, he am de guy what is supposed to slay de bull; understan’? Andy: Uh huh. Amos: De next guy on de field is de picador. Andy: Ah s’pose he am de guy who done carries de pick an de shovel to bury de bull an matadoh with. Amos: You is de craziest blockhead Ah done eber seen! Andy: Maybe you is right, but go ahead wid de story. Ah spose de next guy on de field is de cuspidor. Amos: No. De bull nor de matador don’t chew tobacco. Andy: Well, ain’t dat too bad? Amos: Everybody is ready for de fight when all of a sudden de bull charges. Andy: Why in de heck don’t he pay cash? Amos: De matador whips out a brandella and sticks de bull in de back. Andy: Dat is a good sign of rain. Amos: What is a good sign of rain? Andy: Why, you done said he whipped out an umbrella and put it over de bull’s back. Amos: Andy, yo’ is crazy. Ah said he whipped out a brandella an’ stuck de bull in de back with it. Understand? Andy: Yes, I believe Ah is. Amos: An den de crowd starts cheerin’. Andy: What for--de dead bull? Amos: No! For de brave matador. Andy: Shut up yo’ mouth, Amos. Ah’s regusted. odoencliers of o little boy onct upon a time thair wuz a little boy hoo had at berth bin kristend eugene hale. 1 day he set out into the wyd wurld bi his littul selfy. he started akross a teeny weeny brook on an old fut log but he saw his own littul selfy in the water, he thot it wuz a kross angry stranjur. so he turned arowned and went bac to his momy. (Willard L.) THE TUSCOLIAN 11 can you imagine Billy Hardin walking around quietly? Maurice Owen sitting up straight in his seat? John Norvell and Lewis Belles studying in the fourth period study hall? Frances Ford not hunting Pauline R., and Pauline not hunting Frances? Emma Jean, slender and tall? Glenn Quick not asking someone else what Miss Deer just said in general science? Miriam Beall not telling every one to take a shower in P. T.? Wayne Hardwick not reading a library book? Erma Snider not giggling? Miss Mernitz grouchy? Ruth not thinking of Don? Palmer Cox smiling pleasantly? Bernice Loyd with straight hair? The Science Club letting out when the bell rings? Pupils walking quietly out at noon? Raymond Baker not trying to out-talk the teacher? Wayne Neal not on detention? —Wanda Lincoln a freshman's enqlish theme A girl is walking down the street. She is singular; you are nominative. You walk across to her, changing to plural. Then it becomes dative. If she is not objective. you walk in the plural. Her mother is accusative, and you are imperative. You talk of the future; she changes to the objective. You kiss her hand, and she becomes masculine. Her father is present, things are tense, and you become a past participle. freshman psalm Miss Wells is my algebra teacher I shall not pass. She maketh me to show my ignorance before the class. She maketh me give proofs for my grade’s sake. Yea, though I study till midnight I can learn no algebra. She prepareth my “quizzes” in the presence of lofty visitors. She giveth me a lowly grade. My work runneth over. Surely “zeros” and “conditions” Will follow me all the days of my life And I shall dwell in the Freshman Class forever. —Carmoleta Chapman Nursery Rhymes Vincent had some paraffin gum It was as white as snow And everywhere that Vincent went His gum was sure to go. It followed him to school one day Which was against the rule Miss Sluss she took it from the lad And chewed it after school. —Pauline R. 12 THE TUSCOLIAN scotch greeting card (Check as desired, paste on a penny post card and mail to close friend) ■—Merry Christmas —Happy New Year —Ground Hog Day Regards —To My Valentine —Lincoln’s Birthday —Washington’s ditto —April Fool! —3 cheers for 4th of July —De Diego’s Birthday best u)isfaes —Twelfth Night —Kamehameha Day —St. Swithin’s Day —Yom Kippur —Halloween —Thanksgiving —Zrinjski, Skol Misc. EXTRA —Happy Birthday —Congratulations for new baby —Condolences —Vote here —Having a nice time —Wish you were here Or what have you? Taken from The Pathfinder recipes 1. How to get on the A Honor Roll 1. Tell the teacher what good grades you got last year. 2. Prove to your teacher that he is wrong on one of his pet theories. (Always do this before the entire class, interrupting a lecture or examination, if possible.) 3. Tell your teacher sweetly but firmly that you are taking his course only because it is required. 4. Write witty cracks on the margins of all your notebooks and papers before handing in. A teacher’s life is very drab without these helps. (Helpful Louie Lane, U. of I. Line.) 2. Recipes for Home Brew: 1. Chase wild bull frogs for three miles and gather up the hops. To them add: 10 gal. tanbark Yj pint shellac 1 bar homemade soap. 2. Boil 36 hours. 3 Then strain it through an I. W. W. sock to keep it from working. 4. Add one grasshopper to each pint to give it a kick. 5. Pour a little into the kitchen sink; if it takes the enamel off it is ready for bottling. (Chicago Heights Star) english assignment English assignment: Use the following words in sentences: defeat,, defence, detail, fascinate officious. Results: 1. The rabbit jumped over defence, defeat before detail. 2. I got a new dress which had ten buttons down the back of which I could only facinate. 3. John and Wayne were out fishing when all at once they fell in and called out officious (oh fish us) out.” THE TUSCOLIAN 13 Who’s Rita Rita was loath to air her family troubles but under the circumstances she could not lie to the frail little lady. “Sometimes she does, but usually she’s awfully strict. She will probably be lying in wait for me when I get home.” At the angry gleam in Mrs. Lyman’s eyes as she said this, Rita knew she had made a mistake. Mrs. Lyman turned to her husband in a determined way. “Fred, I feel certain that this Miss Tythe is not Rita’s aunt. I want you to look into the matter. I won’t rest until you do.” “Why Marie, they could have us arrested for questioning anyone’s right to her niece. It’s just your imagination working overtime.” Mr. Lyman was plainly shocked at the idea. “Well, maybe so, but it won’t do any harm to go and have a talk with her. Certainly she won’t be angry if you tell her it’s just a notion of your wife’s. I don’t care what you say about me.” “Well, we’ll see, Marie. But we can’t do it tonight. I’ll go see to-morrow evening.” “Very well. Just so you see soon,'” During this conversation Ross and Rita had been sitting very quiet and white-faced. Now they rose and slipped from the room. “I’ll take you home,” Ross said, as he helped Rita with her coat. “It’s almost eight o’clock. He took her to her front door but left immediately. As Rita opened the door, her aunt came forward with a sterner face than usual. She was naturally a harsh woman, almost six feet tall, with straight, iron-grey hair and an aquiline nose. “Rita,” she demanded in an ominously quiet voice, “where have you been ?” “Why Aunt Cora, I’ve been at Ross Lyman’s. His—” “You’ve been where?” demanded Miss Tythe, fiercely. “I’ve been at Mrs. Lyman's,” Rita repeated in a scared voice. “Don’t let me ever hear of you being there again,” her aunt said sternly. “But what’s this I hear about Mrs. Lyman being ill?” she went on in a different tone. “Why yes,” Rita was glad of any respite from the tongue-lashing, or perhaps worse, that she feared. “She’s been ill ever since the disappearance of her daughter, Ross’ twin sister, when they were three years old.” She watched her aunt’s face as she said this. Miss Tythe turned pale but said nothing more on the subject. “You’ll go upstairs to bed now, young lady, if you please,” she said briskly. The next morning when Rita was awake she heard her aunt preparing breakfast. As she hurridly dressed she reviewed the proceedings of the night before. “Tonight is the night Mr. Lyman comes,” she thought, rather scared at the idea. As Rita entered the kitchen, her aunt looked up and remarked in her usual brisk fashion, “You won’t go to school today, Rita. We’re leaving for California tonight. I’ve decided I’m too old for these cold winters here. We’ll have to pack today.” Rita stopped and stared at her aunt.. “Leaving for California? What on earth—” Then suddenly she understood. She was so startled she could say no more. Her aunt looked at her peculiarly but her face was expressionless. Nothing more was said during breakfast. Both were busy with their own thoughts. After breakfast, Rita went up to her room on the pretext of packing her clothes, but in reality she was watching for Ross. “If I’m not at school this morning, he’ll think there’s something wrong and come down at noon.n' All during the morning nothing was said except the few necessary remarks about packing. At noon, three trunks stood packed in the front hall. Rita went to her room to watch for Ross again. She had a note tied to a rock ready to throw out at him. In a few minutes she was rewarded. She saw him coming hurriedly down the street, not pausing until he came to her house. He started to enter the gate but as he heard her whistle he paused and looked up. She heard her aunt coming up stairs so she tossed him the rock and leaning far out cried “catch,” in a loud whisper. She had just time to motion for him to go on when her aunt came into the room. “Rita, what are you doing?” she asked irritably. “Just saying good-bye to the old place,” Rita answered with a perfectly sober face. She even managed the glint of a tear. “Getting awfully affectionate all of a sudden,” Miss Tythe snapped as she turned on her heel and left the room. Rita glanced out of the window and saw Ross standing by a tree reading the note. She heard her aunt enter the storeroom and close the door. “I suppose she’s, going to look over some old trunks,” Rita thought. “We’re safe for a while.” Just then Ross finished the note and looked up with a stern expression on his face. She leaned out the window and said, “O. K.?'’ “0. K„” he answered. “Tonight at (Continued on page 15) 11 “Palmer dear, Palmer dear, where have you been? “I’ve been on Pembroke to visit a queen.” “Palmer dear, Palmer dear, what did you there?” “None of your business.” Little Miss Chapman went to the cupboard To get her poor Billy a bone. But when she got there the cupboard was bare So for supper young Billy went home. Hickory Dickory Dare Whitey Baker ran up the stair Three steps at a time He thought it was fine But Wulliman was there. Mable and Irene went to the office, John and Dean stayed at home, Ruth and Don were on flunker’s list, In detention there was a groan; But the good little Freshman cried Tee-Hee-Hee, all the way home. Mister Wulliman has lost his list, And can’t tell where to find it. Leave it alone and we’ll go home, Don’t worry; we won’t mind it. DID YOU KNOW? That Dean Rice has gone to sleep so many times in the Study Hall that he thinks the bell is an alarm clock? That mumps are contagious, that a kiss will carry the germ, and that Elizabeth N. and Weldon 0. had the mumps at the same time? That Mellroy Ross, during his birthday party, while trying to find something about which to laugh, was told to think of Ruth. “No,” he said. “I can’t do that; our affair is too serious?” That certain Junior boys thoroughly enjoy going with Freshman girls, even if they do write Bedtime stories about them? That there is no use in studying because: “The more you study, the more you know The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know. So why study ? The less you study, the less you know. The less you know, the less you forget. The less you forget, the more you know. So why study ? “Words brought me here,” said the prisoner. And the judge made them into a sentence. THE TUSCOLIAN Storekeeper: “This ten-cent piece doesn’t ring good.” Harold Reed: “What do you want for a dime, a set of chimes?” Miss Sluss: “How is it that you haven’t made more progress? At your age I could read fluently.” Harold Todd: “Probably you had a better teacher than I.” Paul Snider: “I gave our sick pig some sugar.” Dola O’Neal: “What did you do that for?” Paul: “To make it well. Haven’t you heard of sugar-cured hams ?” Dorothy Brown: “Elinor, why hasn’t Mr. Wulliman much hair?” Elinor: “Because he thinks so much.” Dorothy: “Why have you so much?” Elinor: “Because—go away and don’t ask such silly questions.” Quite matchless are her dark brown i-i-i-i-s She talks with perfect e-e-e-e-s But when I tell her she is y-y-y-y-s She says I am a t-t-t-t-s. Link B.: “Do you think it’s unlucky to be married on Friday?” Richard: “Why would Friday be an ex- -eption ?” OlIR SCRAPBOOK The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la, Had better be careful or they Will get up too early, and little Jack Frost Will pinch them for getting too gay. the king's hell (Continued from page 9) “Very true, and most admirably expressed,” said the King. “My Juniors, what is your royal pleasure?” “Your Royal Highness,” returned James and Harrison Ro-mine, in perfect unison, “we suggest a half-holiday for all.” “Yea, yea,” uttered the Juniors in one accord, and the King in his most benign manner said, “It shall even be so.” THE TUSCOLIAN 15 Who’s Rita (Continued from page 13) seven. Then he waved, smiled, and was gone. All afternoon Rita roamed about the house. “I don’t see why I couldn’t go to school to say goodbye to the kids,” Rita muttered sullenly. “No need getting sentimental because your’re leaving for the winter,” her aunt snapped. “You’re not leaving this house. Understand?” and she went out and slammed the door. “Humph!” remarked Rita to herself, as she paced the floor. “She won’t feel so gay tonight.” Suppertime came at last. As seven o’clock drew nearer, Rita became more nervous. After supper they changed to their traveling clothes. With all her faults, Miss Cora Tythe dressed well. “The train leaves at 7:45. We’ll leave at 7:15,” she remarked as Rita came down dressed for the trip At five minutes of seven someone knocked at the door. Miss Tythe frowned impatiently, but stepped forward to open it. In came Mr. Lyman, Ross, and Officer Kinney, the policeman. Miss Tythe put her hand to her head and muttered a low cry that sounded like, “It’s all over.” “Now what does this mean?” sternly demanded Officer Kinney, before she had gotten her breath. “Mr. Lyman explained the situation to me and it sounded like a crazy idea of his, but this puts a different light on the matter. Is this girl really your niece ?” “Why of course she is!” Miss Tythe answered in a dignified voice. “How dare you insinuate that she isn’t.” “There's no use for you to argue all this out,” Rita remarked coolly. “I’ve something here that will settle the argument.” She reached into her pocket and drew out a letter, yellow with age. It was postmarked Los Angeles, Calif., Sept. 6, 1917. Rita unfolded the letter and handed it to Mr. Lyman. No one paid any attention to “Miss Tythe” who sat bolt upright on the couch as if turned to stone. Officer Kinney and looked over Mr. Lyman’s shoulder as he read it aloud as follows: Los Angeles, Calif., September 6, 1817 Hortense: I have the girl. Will bring her to you on Tuesday. Name is Ruth. Won’t have much trouble with her. Have place pick-out in East at Archdale, Vt. Pleasant place. They won’t be apt to search there, until Tuesday. Jim. When Mr. Lyman paused, the perspiration was standing on his forehead. He looked from Ross to Rita and from Rita to Ross. Then he said in a queer, shaky voice, “So Marie was right! Our daughter!” Suddenly “Miss Tythe” began to laugh a shrill, hysterical laugh. All turned to her in amazement. When she got her breath, she said in a strange voice. “Well, we got our revenge. That’s all we wanted so we’re willing to suffer.” Then she began laughing again. “But Dad, who is this woman?” Ross asked with a bewildered frown on his face. “She is an ancient enemy of mine, son,” Mr. Lyman remarked with a weary smile, “but I never dreamed she would go to such lengths to get revenge. She and her husband were down and out. They applied to me for help while I was chairman of the organized charities in Los Angeles. I gave them help several times, but he was such a worthless scamp, they were always destitute. One time while they were down and out their daughter took ill and died. They blamed it on me for some reason or other. This was their way of getting revenge.” Mr. Lyman passed a hand over his eyes and sighed as he finished. “But Dad,” Ross persisted, “why didn’t you follow them up if you suspected them ?” “I did, my boy. I did everything in the world to find them but they were gone completely. At the time people said it was the “perfect crime”. I never told your mother I suspected them. She was so broken up we left town immediately and traveled in Europe for a while.” Just then Rita cried out. They all looked and there lay “Miss Tythe” in a crumpled heap on the cot. “Call a doctor, quick!” ordered Mr. Lyman. Ross did so and soon Dr. Wakely was there and took charge of the woman. “She’s just received a severe shock and her heart’s gone bad. She’ll be all right soon.” He stepped to the telephone and called an ambulance. When it arrived he took her to the hospital, accompanied by Officer Kinney, who was to arrest her as soon as she recovered. “Why, just after you left at noon, I went out in the hall and saw Aunt Cora, I mean —her—going down the steps with a box of waste paper. Then I noticed a letter lying on the floor. It looked so old I thought maybe it was one of her love-letters so I picked it up and read it. As soon as I saw what it was I decided to keep it and let you accuse her, to (Continued on page 17) 16 THE TUSCOLIAN Dr R. E. Burns Licensed Dr. George H. Fuller CHIROPRACTOR Over State Bank First National Bank Building Phone 140 Tuscola, Illinois Tuscola, Illinois If You have Shoe Woes — Bring Them to Joe Modern Shoe Service J. W. I)e ROSA Quality Materials Modern Machinery Tuscola, Illinois STRAND THEATRE Sunday and Monday, Jan. 25-26 Tuesday and Wednesday, Jan. 27-28 WHEELER and WOOLSEY “HOOK, LINE and SINKER ’ Boy Friend Comedy: Paramount “Blood and Thunder” Late News 10c and 50c GRACE MOORE in “A LADY’S MORALS” Comedy 10c and 85c Thursday and Friday, Jan. 29-30 10c and 30c Chas. Farrell and Janet Gaynor “THE MAN WHO CAME BACK” DENTIST Dr. C. L. Hine Stacy’s Drug Store X-Ray Tuscola, Illinois Tuscola, Illinois THE TUSCOLIAN 17 Who’s Rita (Continued from page 15) see how she took it.” Rita smiled at her bit of strategy. “Come, let’s go and tell mother the good news,” said Ross as he rose and held out a hand to the two of them. When they reached the Lyman home, Mr. Lyman called the hospital and asked about the patient. She had recovered from the heart attack but her memory is entirely gone. It is just a question of time with her now,” he said gravely. “Now let’s go tell mother.” And the three of them went to make the frail little lady waiting so anxiously in the pretty bedroom happier than she had ever been before. (THE END) Chameleon Gravy Editor: Hold everything for “Things Scientific” as I am working on a little idea that is bound to revolutionize the clothing industry and the table etiquette. I am conducting experiments in extracting a glandular substance from the skin of the chameleon to be used by cooks, chefs and housewives in the preparation of gravy so that it it will immediately match the color of any shirt, tie, coat or vest. Rev. R. J. Weyrick, Valleyford, Wash. —The Pathfinder He Marvelled So many doubts the Master heard That when a stranger sought his Lord And trusted fully in his word, He marvelled. If we should trust and do his will, With not a question of his skill, I think the blessed Master still Would marvel. H. Ray Warren HARDWARE and FURNACES PHONE 149 Tuscola, Illinois Headin’, Writin’ ’n ’Rithmetic Mr. Rough ton found a ten dollar bill. He paid a debt to Mr. Collins with the same bill; Mr. Collins paid a debt to Miss Webber, who in turn paid a debt to Mr. Cox, who paid a debt to Mr. Henning, who in turn paid a debt to Mr. Roughton, who then found out the bill was counterfeit. Who lost and how much? Miss Deer: “What are the blood vessels that connect the veins and arteries called?” Clarence Jones: “Caterpillars.” Smaller than the molecule is the atom; the proton is smaller than the atom, and the electron is smaller than the atom. But the very smallest thing is the loveron whose girlfriendon spurns him. Miss Deer in physiology class (speaking of the scalp): “Now what is dandruff?” Milton Hubbart: “It’s chips off the old block.” Mr. Wulliman in chemistry: “What can you tell me about nit- Ralph Kruse: “They’re a lot cheaper than dayrates.” Nick Carter in P. T. class: “Form a straight line. Now will everyone hold up his left leg.” Glenn Quick holds up his right leg, causing him and the boy to his right to have their legs sticking out together.) Nick: “Who is that sap there holding up both legs?” 18 THE TUSCOLIAN E. B. Haekleman Full Line of Groceries, Vegetables Earl Parker and Meats. MENS WEAR Phone 22 -23. Tuscola, Illinois Tuscola, Illinois School Books and Supplies For all School of Douglas County McNeill’s Drug Store Phone 88 Tuscola, Illinois Myron Boylson, M. D. PHYSICIAN SURGEON First National Bank Building Phone 225 Tuscola, Illinois Arthur’s Billard Parlor SOFT DRINKS LUNCH Phone 49 Tuscola, Illinois THE TUSCOLIAN Myron E. Lollar, M. I). ROY A. PALMER Surgeon D. O. PHONES Osteopathic Physician Office 10 Residence 113 Tuscola, Illinois Tuscola, Illinois WE PRINT The TUSCOLA JOURNAL, The METHODIST BULLETIN, The TUSCOLA BARGAIN SHEET, The High School TUSCOLIAN High School Annuals, and All Kinds of Job Printing JNO. IIOWK, Editor and Publisher. 103-107 East Sale Street Leon Reinheimer’s HENDRIX MENS WEAR CHEVROLET SALES Cars and Trucks Suits Made to Measure The Greatest Chevrolet of Quality — Service — Price Chevrolet History “A six in THE PRICE RANGE OF A FOUR” 105 Sale Street Tuscola, Illinois Tuscola, Illinois PLUMBING and HEATING Phone 54 Hoel—Bros. Quality Food Store “Everything to Eat Both Groceries and Meat.” We Deliver Phone 21G Tuscola, Illinois 20 THE TUSCOLIAN Slip in a Bradley—And Out-of doors The Bollman Co. Sanitary Meat Market Fresh and Cured Meats at Reasonable Prices Brown Robertson, prop. Phone 63 Nu Way Cleaners Mens Suits cleaned and pressed $1.00 Men’s Overcoats cleaned and pressed 1.00 Ladies’ Plain Dresses cleaned and pressed 1.00 Ladies’ Plain Coats cleaned and pressed 1.00 Give us quantity and we give you quality at these prices. Plate Glass replaced in all makes of Cars Cashford’s Art Store Moulden’s Radio Store Douglas Cafe MAJESTIC RADIOS Open Day and Night Short Orders J. F. BARTH, PROP. Tuscola, Illinois Phone 163 Tuscola Hi Quality Hatcheries Must Hatch Good Chix Use WaXfree Havoline and Indian Green-Lite Gasoline Tuscola, Villa Grove, Newman, Chris- Indian Refining Co. man, and Arthur, Illinois “Coxie” Jones, Agt. Phone G4 TIIE TUSCOLIAN 21 Howard Weaver Meats, Groceries and Fresh Vegetables PHONE 117 DELIVERY GOOD COAL Rasor Coal Company “A Black Business Handled White.” Phone 510 LIFE INSURANCE Roy H. Johnson General Agent, Tuscola Illinois Harry King Successor to McKee Insurance Agency INSURANCE Tuscola, Illinois “Today’s High Peak in Motor Car Values.” TUSCOLA MOTOR SALES INC. S. L. VICTOR Phone 183 O. B. SMITH 22 THE TUSCOLIAN JOHN DEWEY “The Suit Man” SUITS $23.50, UP “The Old Clothes Doctor” Our business is Candy and Ice Cream Kandy Kitchen We make both of them We are always ready to serve you Tuscola, Illinois Hotel Barber Shop 1st CLASS SERVICE Douglas Hotel Bldg. Ben Hott Prop. Mr. Mrs. W. C. McGary MORTICIANS and House Furnishings Day 539 Night 268 Romine’s Recreation Parlor Soda Fountain — Billiards Athletic Headquarters Phone 398 Tuscola, Illinois First National Hank Tuscola, Illinois OLDEST BANK IN DOUGLAS COUNTY THE TUSCOLIAN 23 — C. C. Buehrig Hickey’s Tire Shop Sanitary Fountain PHONE 13 For Best Drinks and Delicious Dishes Tuscola, Illinois We Treat You Right Tuscola, Illinois Quality Shoe Shop ALBERT H. LUCAS Shoe Repairing Shine Parlor Satisfactory Service First Door West of Strand Theatre Douglas County Garage “Home of the Buick” BUICK CARS GASOLINE — OIL — STORAGE — PARTS ACCESSORIES — TIRES and REPAIR SHOP O. L. PARKER F. A. WARREN 1). E. PARKER Tuscola, Illinois 24 THE TUSCOLIAN MOST FARMERS— Realize the added value of owning good equipment. It has been said: “Good Equipment makes a Good Farmer Better” As a dealer for many years in FARM EQUIPMENT, I have learned the importance of giving adequate service to my customers at all times. C. A. VEST FARM EQUIPMENT DEALER Repairs—Service Tuscola, Illinois Carp’s Barber Shop “IT PAYS TO LOOK WELL” Tuscola, Illinois Brewer’s Recreation Parlor Goofy Golf, Pocket Billiards Ice Cream, Candy, Cigars. Everybody Welcome Tuscola, Illinois. Phone 170J You get that better class of work at The Ohaver Studio All Work Guaranteed Phone 503W for an appointment today Portraits and Kodak Finishing W. A. Fullerton Bakery We Suggest a Sitting at Once. Miller’s Studio PHONE 162 Tuscola, Illinois Farmer’s State Bank Tuicola, Illinois Where You Are Always Welcome Prompt and efficient Service and Advice in all matters of business, in connection with general commercial banking F. H. Jones Lumber Co. Plione 21 Build A Home First All Kinds of Building Materials Tuscola, Illinois