Turlock High School - Alert Yearbook (Turlock, CA)

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if Vit: ,X ggfjjff L5 ez?-W Take Warning HIS story is written with the idea of warning unsuspecting youths of the terrors of a fishing trip in the company of women. especially if they bear any resemblance to the following. in size, number, gender, temperament and age. You may wonder at the use of the word gentler in the above sentence, hut do not worry, the explanation will he forthcoming immediately. 'llhere are females of the femalish type who can't keep a straight face: they either giggle or sneezei there are females of the neuter gender who haven't any initia- tive, hut just stand around looking silly: there are females of the masculine gender. who have a super-abundance of confidence in them- selvesgand none in other people-and who assume direction of all matters and all things brought to their attention: then there are the real women whom men like to know and to he with. Needless to state. none of the latter was in my party which consisted of the following: one cousin: age twelve: size, tall, thin, with sharp corners: tempera- ment. ground glass: one aunt, mother of cousin: age, about thirty- eight HJ: female of markedly male characteristics-heavy eyebrows. fuzzy upper lip, etc,: size, same as daughter, only more so: tempera- ment, greased lightning: one school teacher: age anywhere lletween forty and sixty: gender, neuter: size, wide and dominating, large and overflowing: eccentricities, high heels and wide hat: temperament. luke-warm man hater: one girl friend of cousin: age, thirteen: size. plump all over: high lights, small mouth and large feet: temperament. mush, with a dash of wet sawdust and cactus. Let me reiterate hefore I go on, DU NUT GO FISHING XYl'l'll FISMALES. Most of them have about the same attitude toward the noble sport of fishing as the girl of whom I heard this story. .-X young man and a young lady went fishing together. The young man asked 10

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TN' lllf l :uultyHlet's give three theers for them! Xte wnn't use just the the .trtlinztry ruh! ruh! ruhl Hut rather let us give line fur thtise whit seulcl us, une fur those who train us, :intl the lust, ll lung runs- ing une in litnittr uf thuse whom we elztim as emin- - rzules. XX'e realize that :ill the ulmve qualities :ire nee- essztry in the llllllitx up ul 11 fzteulty, :intl that prtmhztlmly nt: one memehr tif our fue- ulty euultl he elassitietl en- tirely in une of the ztlmve tlivisiuns, Hur fzteultv is stezulilv gimvviiig in numlmers. XYe .7kmTlw 8Kzw have seven new memhers this year. We must nut lztil ' o tu give limmmlmle mentiun in Nliss Ecla Ltmg, who at the beginning ttf the year wus ut the hezrl ttf the English tlepztrtment, hut whit left 'll. ll. S. :luring the flu epitlemxe tor special eztnteen tluty in lirzinee. Xte :ire pr-mtl ttf har! Neither must we leave nut Mr. Seymour of Lf. C. ur Nlrs. Swnnenslnn: nt' Keyes, who suhstitutetl in the English tlepzirtnient tlurintg Kliss lveecl's illness. .Xll ut our instrnettwrs have ever lmeen lwuntl rezuly :intl willing tw give ns ztssistztnee :intl zirlviee when we have suught it. XX'e mlm- nut slight their INDSIIIUIIS :ts ztclvisnrs to the vztriuus elztsses. :intl the help mul gnitlztnee they halve given us in this eupueity, Nut wnly :ire nur instruttttrs our teztehers, hut they are :fur frientls. linr example. tlitl ytnu ev er ntutiee the grtmps uf huys that seem tw ztutumzttieztlly gzttlier :tlmut Cairn :intl Nl:1e :tt ntnms ur times uf leisure, selitml parties wwultl he mlull minus the wit ttf the elztss zulvisttrs. All the praise we can give these men :intl wumen is tleservetl. :intl n is ggivtn smeerely. lhe seinurs, us they gn wut, :intl lwwer elztssmen. . . 4 5 . :ts thev gt- un will nut turget the memlmers ut' nur te'teher etvrps nl 1 I l Pl J, XX'e ure sure their persnnulities :uid high stztntlztrtls have been firmly implatntetl sfvmewhere in the niinmls tif :ill 'll. ll, S. stuflents. 9

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the young lady if she did not feel sorry for the poor fish, to which she replied, Oh, nog I know that they are happy because they are always wagging their tails! Do not, under any circumstances, go fishing with females. If you simply must, wait until you are married: and then you can speak out and relieve your mind if it becomes necessary fand it most certainly willj. However, what you want is the story, not advice. Advice is never heeded by young men any way. My father and I arose at four A. M. one foggy, july morning, and set out for the beach. At noon we returned in possession of four hali- but, aggregating some sixteen pounds, and a multitude of other varie- ties of small fish. Now this was, of course, an unusual catch. Dad realized it, or pretended to, but I did notg and so, for some days, I talked of but one thing--fishing. Not that I was in any way keen on going fishing with a crowd of women, but I thought that if they went, I could gog and what mattered anything, just so I went? I have since seen my mistake. I believe that Dad saw it from the beginning. Dad was entirely unresponsive to my pleadings. He said he was not particularly desirous of rising at four in the morning, and breasting a damp fog merely to fish. My father is generally conceded to be a wise man. I had had my doubts about his wisdom, but I now concede what others had conceded before me. However, experience is the best teacher and I am glad, whatever the cost may have been, to have graduated from that school in that particular department. It was arranged that we were to rise at four, that is, the cousin, the aunt. the school teacher and the girl friend were, my mother being indisposed, and my father-well, his case has been explained. Thus if things went well which, by the way, they did not, we should leave th: house about four thirty. Then, if no accidents, detained us, which they did, we should arrive at the beach about five o'clock, taking into con- sideration the careful driving which my cargo would necessitate. Everything would have gone well, had it not been for the over- zealous cousin. My aunt and cousin slept in one of the two bedrooms next to mine, and my father in the other. My aunt possessed a Big Ben alarm. a species which has an inordinate vitality, it is notriously riotous, and unmitigatingly implacable in its demands upon the fairy. Slumber. This particular one was no exception, or rather it was ex- ceptional to the extent that it possessed the above listed qualities in a super-abundant degree, so abundant, in fact, that if I really wished to secure revenge on the Kaiser, I should consign him to listen to the harsh, intermittent jangling of two dozen Big Ben alarm clocks for the rest of his days. These clocks are singularly persistent, and if the sleepers be not awakened by the first warning, the second warning will be forthcoming: if the second does not turn the trick, there is always 11