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Page 32 text:
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the frat rat Like the other rats, you — the frat rat — have your own distinctive costume, which you believe is a signal flag to members of the opposite sex that you are the type of man who reads ■Playboy — i.e.. a real plastic swinger. From your fashion-collared pocket-stayed Gant shirts to your weejun boots. you are in the height of style. Those of you frats who are rich, but don ' t want to be particularly ostentatious or engage in conspicuous consumption, own only a regular Cutlass instead of a 442. Even so. it is equipped with a vinyl roof, black vinyl interior, a stereo tape deck with a four- speaker system, and bucket seats — with the middle hump covered by a pillow so you and your date can. thus neutralizing one of the most effective means of birth control today. To create your own rhythm, you can also use your variable-speed windshield wiper. Booze and boobs used to be your staple. On big outings, you were always ready with a bottle in the car as soon as your date got in. When fixing a date for one of your brothers, the greatest compliment you can pay a girl is, Like, man, you ' ll really dig her: she can drink me under the table. For you know you have to pour drink after drink down the almost-insatiable Newcomb gullet before you can hope for some ACTION. In the liberated Tulane of today though, grass has assumed all the mystique of a fifth of Scotch or Bourbon. Now when you pick up your date, you often just ask. ■ ' Hey. baby, ya ' wanna turn on? ' In one way or another though, you are still looking for your Southern Comfort. You sucker pledges into joining the fraternity because they pay the dues. They are greeted by the Face — the rush chairman with the $100,000 smile. Funny how all you big brothers, who promised the freshmen to get them dates and to tutor them, now either ignore them completely once they are pledged. or go to them on a Friday before a football game with a Hey, Sam, I PAGE 28 bet you know a lot of freshman girls in your classes. Your brothers are your real pals until they get the paddle into their hand, with a sadistic gleam to their eye — then watch out! When drunk though, you form your collective womb, and hold hands, and sing. and stomp through the beer sludge while your dates look on. Cute, isn ' t it? Your greatest possible pleasure is a football weekend. If you want to be true to your name as a frat rat. you must already be bombed at the pre-game cocktail party. The purpose of the football game itself is to get your date excited, to yell obscenities and to thereby parch your throat. And after the game there is the glorious dance, more appropriately called the ball. You have Playboy nudes on all four walls and your bible is the Frosh which comes out every year just in time for you to call up prospects to inquire. Say, do you look as neat as your picture? And would you like a date with a real live Frat Rat?
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Page 33 text:
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minnie mouse It is hard to characterize the thoroughly modern Minnie. You are rapidly changing your image from that of the villager-clad, weejun-shod, well-bred filly (sired by Who ' s Who out of Social Register). In accord with the changing trends of fashion, you, the Newcomb co-ed are now sporting faded blue jeans, tie dyed T-shirts (sans bra), and an occasional maxi- skirt: the midis never did quite make it on campus. The coiffure has remained basically unchanged: with the exception of an occasional shag, you still grow your mane long enough to be able to shake it in the breeze. Socially our young lady finds herself in quite a quandry. The frat man just isn ' t movmg swiftly enough to keep pace with her liberated attitudes. But that only leaves the REAL FREAKS! And everybody knows that in addition to being dirty, and smelly, and addicted. they are also victims of various unmentionable sexual diseases. This leaves you no alternative but to demean yourself on Friday and Saturday nights and to don your Dior originals and make the scene at the Top of the Mart (capitalism is really disgusting isn ' t it?). But after all. Mommy and Daddy didn ' t shell out 516,000 to have you graduate ringless. Another traumatic problem which confronts the new Newcombite, is the old sorority hang-up. Like it or not girls, it is still part of the ' status- quo ' . Thus even the girl who is trying desperately to become part of the •Now generation must subject herself to pangs of Rush. Although the emphasis is not quite as heavy (girls no longer transfer to LSU for a semester to pledge Chi Omega there, and the suicide attempts when the Kappa rejection list comes out are not quite as prevalent), the bidding is still very important. The sexual revolution is not quite the scene at Newcomb yet. Although it has been rumored that there has not been a virgin Newcomb grad since before the days of Sophie herself, Nancy cannot quite bring herself to fornicate on the quad. Drugs? Well. everybody is smoking now. I mean even some of the straight people engage m illicit marijuana activities. But hard dope? Do you think I would do that to My bod? They cant prove that the pill is medically harmful you know. Alas everybody knows that the Real world isn ' t very interested m what the Now generation is doing to change the Newcomb co-ed. After four years as a fashionable freak you will obviously have released all of your hostilities and surrender. You will take your place among the ranks of other educated ' housewives. P. GE 29
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