Townsend Harris High School - Crimson Gold Yearbook (Flushing, NY)

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THE PHILOSOPHER A Play in One Act By Harold Fleck Dramatis Personae Dr. F randpoodle, a professor of Ethicsg a timid, scholarly man, he is small of stature, and he blinks his eyes incessantly behind dark-rimmed glasses. Mrs. F randpoodle, wife of the professorg a stout woman of very excitable nature, her attitude is always of great respect for her husband. Detectivejolomon, an amateur detective, friend of the F randpoodles. Mr. Crabstone, friend of Solomon and the Frandpoodles. Approdite, colored maid of the Frand- poodlesg her outstanding characteristic is the presence of two buck teeth in her upper jaw. Scene: Parlor of the Frandpoodles. This is a huge room on the ground floor of their home. To the right is a French door leading to the side streetr, through it pours the light from a street lamp. At the center, to the rear, is a highly decorative fireplace. Above it, on the wall, is a huge picture. At the center, to the foreground, is a large table, fancifully carved. There is an electric table lamp on it, and a few chairs of an antique nature placed about it. To the left is a stair- case leading to the bedrooms. The walls are crowded with pictures of all sizes. Scene I Prof.: You see, my dear, I have won again, and now I shall retire to my study. KHe gets up from the chair.J Mrs. F.: It's very early, and why must you work so hard? I really believe that you won't be appreciated for such labor. Prof. fremoving his glasses and blinking violentlyl: The recompense for intellectual work is not perceived, but rather . . . con- ceived . . . ahem . . . ahem . . . that is, my dear, the joy is brought forth through the medium of the means and not through the end achieved. That inner joy that only the rational being can experience, is all mine. That is the only joy we should desire . . . nothing else, for all other pleasures are vain . . . futile . . . sensuous . . . Continence is the only road to freedom . . . ah, yes! Good night, my dear. page fifty-eight

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III Since he thought he knew all the tricks, He entered local politics, Because he was a prodigious dub, He was let into the Tammany Club. IV Soon beyond his wildest dreams Euriah was judge in the Borough of Queens, Because to court he never came late, He was made a Surrogate. V Because he wanted to be more famous, He branded himself an ignoramus, KUnwittingly, though, I must confess, By writing a verdict of 9,000 words, Ninety hundred, no more, no less. VI Because he was the worst of all, He was installed in City Hall. There he reigned for over a year, Without applause, Without a cheer. VII They mocked his eyes, his jaw, his face, They hounded poor Eury all over the place, But in November the folks grew tired, And so another Mayor hired. And this, I am sorry to tell, Spelled iinis for Eury Snell. Epilogue Oh, where is Eury, where is he? Let me confirm your hopes, your fears, He still does nothing constantly, Just as he's done for sixty years. That was the story of Eury Snell, I hope you have attended well, So all join in and toll his knell, Hale, Eury! Farewell, Snell! page fifty-seren

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Mrs. F. Qfalteringl: That's true . . . oh, of course. Good night. QThe professor walks very slowly to the left and climbs the stairs as though in deep thought. Mrs. Frand- poodle remains seated. She pushes the chess- men about absent-mindedly. Looking up, her gaze rests on the French door. She gives a slight start, draws back a bit, and appears somewhat frightened. She gets up from the chair and calls Approdite. The maid en- ters from the left.J Appr.: Did you call, mam? Mrs. F .: Yes, Approdite, I want you to run over to Detective Solomon's home to tell him to come here immediately. Appr.: Yes, mam. QShe goes out to the left.J QMrs. Frandpoodle sits down, draws the table lamp closer to her and continues to play with the chessmen. Occasionally she looks about the room nervously and mutters incoherently to herself. After a few minutes Approdite enters., Appr.: They're here, mam. Mrs. F.: Please show them in, Approdite. fApprodite goes out to the left, and Detec- tive Solomon and Mr. Crabstone enter.J Det. S. and Mr. C.: Good evening, Mrs. Frandpoodle. Mrs. F .: Clgnoring the salutation and get- ting up hastilyl: Pm really so disturbed, De- tective Solomon . . . oh, my . . . Last night, and in fact, for the last few nights, Approdite and I have been hearing strange noises come from that door over there Qpointing to the French doorl, and Approdite believes that someone enters every night. We're so fright- ened that we don't even look, but hide our- selves in our bedrooms . . . oh, my! Det. S. QOn his face is a sagacious look. Before speaking he gives a piece of gum in his mouth a vicious bite.J At what time does it usually occur? Mrs. F .: Almost always at three o'clock in the morning. Det. S. and Mr. C.: Ah! Det. S.: And does your husband know of it? Mrs. F. Oh, nog the professor does not know, for he remains in his study until late, and then he goes to bedg besides, I wouldn't tell him, for it would disturb his peace of mind. fMr. Crabstone, on hearing the word uprofessorf' begins humming a melancholy tune, which sounds a great deal like a dirge.l Det. S.: In that case, I believe we'd all bet- ter wait until three oiclock and then catch the culprit red-handed. page fifty-n ine