Townsend Harris High School - Crimson Gold Yearbook (Flushing, NY)

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AS CANINES G0 By Lady Agatha the Third In Collaboration with Irving Levenson My goodness, when I hear these so-called human beings discussing us canines as though we were inferior beings, it makes me mad. What have they over us, anyhow, that makes them think they're the high--whatever it is- and walk around with their chests stuck out so far that the buttons on their vests are liable to pop off ? fBy the way, we animals term ourselves canines, not dogs. A dog in our language is a tramp in yours. And after all, Lady Agatha the Third, Champion, and blue ribbon winner five times, cannot very well be termed a tramp, eh?D And another thingg in what way are these humans better than we? Have they got nice, sleek, warm hair like ours? Most certainly they haven't. When winter comes they have to bundle up with only their noses showing, and still they shiver. I've often wondered how they manage to move about, loaded down as they are like persons with Christmas pres- ents. And did you ever see those women, with their hair covering their ears completely, or wound fancily around their necks, like tails? You would think they were afraid of having their dirty ears seen. Humph! And last, but not least, they talk about their petty love affairs as though they were the only living creatures that made love. Say, did you ever see two doves cooing, or snakes necking? fThey're all neck it seems to me., Indeed, we anilnals can truthfully ask-what have you humans that we haven't? And that is where my story comes in. It's about three characters--four, to be exact. Myself QI'm a collie, with long, brown and white beautiful hair, a perfectly shaped head fthe judges say all thisl, and a very friendly disposition, except when my ire's aroused., Next comes Sir Colvin the ninth, Champion, and the snubbiest canine you ever saw or smelt. Third, is my mistress' baby. I like the little tot, although she does annoy me frightfully at times by pulling my hair and twitching my ears. But she is sweet-in fact, all we canines of Mitsville, N. J. love her. Fourth, is something or otherg heis a page fifty-one

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2 '-4 ,152 Q. iff 4 1' and it is true that his incorruptibility, his just convictions, and his perseverance were of primary importance to the successful out- come of the issue. After the death of his mother, who had had great influence upon her son, Harris fol- lowed what his ancestors would probably have termed 'Gthe road of dissipation. Be- cause of the demands of his public duties and the extravagance of his conviviality, Har- ris neglected business, thereby causing the partnership with his brother to be dissolved. Having only temporarily deserted his Puri- tan views, Harris soon promised reform and purchased an interest in a trading vessel bound for California, around Cape Horn. At the destination he assumed full ownership and spent the next five years in trading and exploring voyages, which finally resulted in financial disaster. During these voyages Har- ris acquired a vast knowledge of Oriental culture. When Commodore Perry, passing through China, en route to Japan, stopped at Shang- hai, Harris sought a position with the expedi- tion, but his services were refused. In 1853 he applied for the consulship at either Hong Kong or Canton, but received the minor port of Ningpo. Harris was rather ambitious, so, having been disappointed in his request, he sought the aid of William L. Marcy and Wil- liam H. Seward. His injured feelings aroused much sympathy at Democratic head- quarters, and Harris was appointed Consul General to Japan. On his way to that coun- try he concluded a favorable treaty with Siam, but the greatest task was to obtain a personal interview with the Shogun. Stranded near Yokohama, after eighteen months of parley- ing, he succeeded in meeting Premier Di, whom he convinced of the necessity of the treaty by citing examples of violence em- ployed by the European powers in China. Harris remained Minister General at Yido until Lincoln was elected president in 1861. He then became an ardent War Democrat. Harris never married during the seventy-four years of his life. As a diplomat, Harris followed the usual policies of his contemporaries, except that he was exceedingly honest, resisting as long as possible the avaricious demands of mercy. No doubt he shone in his international ser- vice, but his greatest achievement was prob- ably the foundation of the Free Academy, a beacon for later enterprises of similar nature -a creation which will live as long as the untold riches of education are appreciated. page fifty

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dog, there,s no doubt about that. But what kind is beyond me. Anyhow, his name is Beebo. He's tremendous in size, always dirty Che belongs to no onej, and professes to adore me. Such humiliation! Well, that about completes the list of characters, so on with my tale. fNo pun intended., One day, after returning by car from a dog show in which Sir Colvin and I carried away the honors, I was permitted to go to the village for a little jaunt before being turned in for the night. As I was pacing slowly along the sidewalk fand being ac- corded my due respectl, I noticed Sir Colvin carrying on a flirtation with a sheephound of some low breed. At sight of me, however, he left l1er and raced over to my side. '6Har-ya, Aggie,'9 he grinned. Howie the old gal? We sure carried away the show today. '4Yes, and due to no credit of yours, I replied tesjjly. Your mistress certainly beauty-parlored you up sleek. Why, you smell like a room full of perfume? '6Well, you're not exactly a pansy your- self, he grinned in return. But never mind that. How about a little smacker, huh ?', Humph,', I barked, my nose so high in the air that it grew cold. '4I'd sooner kiss-9' I looked around for an object of my feelings, and beheld Beebo pacing lumborously down the street. Whenever I see that dog he's al- ways going nowhere-slowly. I don't believe he could get up enough energy to shake a fly off his tail. I-Ie's big, and clumsy, a cross between a shepherd and a great dane. His tail reminds one of a mountain road, winding up and down and landing goodness knows where. I-Iis thick matty fur is always covered with burrs, while the idiotic, senseless grin that spreads over his countenance continu- ously, seems to fit him perfectly. He's a sort of fixture in town. He lives on scraps that people throw him, sleeps half the time and the other half he is busy looking for food. No- body knows where he came from, and every- body wishes he would return soon. He's amiable, and good-natured, but not the sort of animal to add prestige to our little town. Still hot from Sir Colvin's retort, I added, snapping, Pd sooner , kiss-yes-Beebo, there. No sooner l1ad I uttered these words than I regretted them. Sir Colvin was a great punster and practical joker. If I didn't live page fifty-two