Townsend Harris High School - Crimson Gold Yearbook (Flushing, NY)

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THE DAILY SCRIBE BY THE OLD TIMER Upon a recent visit to Townsend Harris, I noticed that the whole order of things had changed. Evidently, the entire school has been attending the new course in Etiquette, even unto the office staff. This is the conversation I overheard between Mrs. Richter and a student who had been sent in for a pink card. MRS. RICHTER fcheerilyj: Good morning, sir! What can I do for you today? STUDENT: Why, Illl have some- thing in the way of a pink or a nile green card, if you don't mind. MRs. RICHTER fpulling out a huge ostentatious glass case, filled with a large assortment of different colored catdsj: It's really a pleasure to cater to such a frequent customer. To- day's specials ate: beige, ultra-marine, village schoolhouse, scarlet, horizon blue, and fawn brown. QProudlyj. Our collection includes every color both in and out of the rainbow. STUDENT: Let me see, your battle- ship gray cards are a bit off color, and really wouldn't be fit for the pocket of a fastidious Harrisite. Indeed, your biege assortment seems a little faded. Are you sure those canary yel- low cards are absolutely fresh? They look slightly wilted to me .... Really, you are an expert in these matters, Mrs. Richter, what would you sug- gest? MRS. RICHTER: Personally, I think that a sunset carmen card would be suitable for your character and per- sonalityf' STUDENT: To be perfectly frank with you, my dear, I think that your assortment is quite dull and uninspir- ing. MRS. RICHTER: You see, our budget has been so small these last few years that we haven't had the necessary money to spend for new and refreshing color combinations, and consequently, we must struggle along with this meagre supply from year to year. STUDENT: How true! How true! I think I'll deign to select an old- fashioned ultra-violet card, and not tary any longer in this drab poorly- ventilated office! MRS. RICHTER: Aclieu! Come again! fC0ntimzeri from Page Onej prived of his liberty by confinement in the jugge, and how instructors had brazenly deprivedhim of his property ftext-books and notesj during exams, without said due process of law. I-Ie also cited the example of one Mr. Begg who had the habit of appropri- ating private property without just compensation. In fact, it is rumored that he was accustomed to give no compensation whatever! This is not all, shouted the emin- ent jurist, straining his vocal cords to the breaking point, Hin Article I, Sec- tion 9, the Constitution declares that no bill of attainder shall be passed. A bill of attainderf he hastened to add, is a special act by which a per- son may be condemned to death, or to outlawry, or to banishment without the opportunity of defending himself which he would have in a court of law. And who does not know the fu- tility with which students try to defend themselves when punished by a zero? fwhich is fully as bad as the three things listed abovef' declared the great judge, ruminating over memories of his boyhood days. In conclusion, stated Chief jus- tice Whyman as he ended the short interview with a brief sweep of his capable hand, I intend to ask capital punishment for all teachers who vio- late this decision! Page Forty-Four

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THE DAILY SCRIBE EDITORIAL Tradition, custom, and the rules of the library have been disregarded! Not since 1928 has such a heinous crime been committed within these hallowed walls. This sort of thing should be stopped immediately. For only yesterday a student was caught reading a copy of the Mirro- graph News in the library! Not since the good old days when W. Arthur Schatteles and Sidney Eriedberg braz- enly, openly, and shamelessly walked into the library with copies of these tabloids under their arms, has such a horrible offence even been dreafneci of. It would be well to recall the details of that famous case. When the black- guards were caught red-handed with the yellow journals in their possession, they protested vainly that they were thinking of founding a newspaper called the Mirrograph News, and were only perusing the tabloids in an effort to get suggestions for their publica- tion. Needless to say, they were pun- ished to the fullest extent of the law. The Mirrograph News was heartily acclaimed as soon as it made its ap- pearance, but for a few years the nec- essary funds for making it a perma- nent institution were not forthcoming. It was not until 1937 that a million- aire alumnus of Townsend Harris Hall donated an amount sufficient to put the publication on a firm financial basis. It is a grim twist of fate which made the Mirrograph News, the paper which these two Pioneers of Personal Liberty founded, again play an im- portant part in a famous !'Library Ejection. The Daily Scribe hereby institutes a campaign for a strict cen- sorship of the material which students are allowed to read within the pre- cepts of the library. Let the Mirro- graph News and its like be banned! Only the Congressional Record must be allowed to enter. SILENCE! The silent library has at last become a reality! For nigh onto fifty years, Miss james has been endeavoring to attain this end -but only by ex- tremely crude methods, such as oral admonition to cease the exercising of larynxes, and, in extreme cases, the distribution of pink cards gratis. Only twenty-three years ago, the aid of science was enlisted. Since that memorable day, experimentation has been going on night and day, and finally the scientists have emerged from their laboratories, and disclosed the result of their investigations. This is the process whereby sound will be banished from the library. Be- fore entering students must undergo a rigorous examination for the elim- ination of all wheezes, coughs, colds, and sneezes. Thos who have any ail- ment whatsoever which would tend to disturb the peace, are not allowed to enter. Those students who have but minor illnesses are treated on the spot. Sometimes it is necessary for a patient to smoke a whole carload of Old Golds to eliminate a stubborn cough. When a student has received a card from the medical department, certify- ing that he is a perfect physical speci- men, and in the pink of condition, he is allowed to enter a second anteroom where he is thoroughly searched, and all his pockets, briefcases, etc., are sealed with the great seal of Town- send Harris Hall. He is then given his sound elim- inating apparatus. This consists of pneumatic shoes, a gag, and a sound- proof suit, similar to a diving suit, only a little different. All the books in the library are bound with rubber-7M inches thick, and are equipped with large parachutes, so that if they are dropped they will strike the pneumatic Hoot very gently and noiselessly. Page Forty-Three

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THE DAILY SCRIBE PERSONALS The Hon. Morris Sher, whose in- auguration as president of the United States was solemnized on March 4, will take a short trip to inspect the new summer White House at 45 Zero Avenue, North Pole. The President will leave Wasliington at noon, and will return at 6:30 P. M. to address the National Demopublican Club. lag It has just been discovered that Mr. Oscar Grossman, newly installed presi- dent of the Bank of North America, was one of our classmates in high school. It is strangethat this gentle- man, who has attained such phenom- enal success, should have been grad- uated from the same school. He maintains that the wonderful training he has received at Townsend Harris Hall was partly responsible for his speedy rise to fame. ..-ar... An innovation was created by our Executive in the choosing of his cab- inet this year. He combined the ten Secretary-ships which ordinarily com- prise the cabinet, and awarded the portfolio to Harold Frenchman, who distinguished himself at Townsend Harris as the Secretary Extraordin- ary. -,al Dr. Reuben Fine will explain, in an address to the International Society of Mathematicians n e x t Wednesday night, just why Professor Einstein didn't know what he was talking about. ,xl Prof. Maurice Zaken, the well- known dancing master, has bought out Arthur Murray, Ned Wayburn, and jack Blue, in what has been called the greatest merger in the history of the light fantastic. Prof. Zaken is now the acknowledge leader of the Terpsichorean world. Victor Feingold has just been elected President of the League of Nations. This position came as a re- sult of the 931 billion dollar war which he so cleverly prevented. -.:r- jerome Adler now has a position near the Editor of the New York Timer. Quite true, the proof-reader's desk is just across the hall. la... The thirty-first edition of Sidney Freidbergis Book of Poetry ap- peared yesterday. The first edition was printed in 1929, and copies are now bringing as much as thirty-eight cents apiece. fC0nlinued from Page Onej port. Inciclentally, the use of the ship was extended to the class by Herbert Davenport, owner of a large fleet of trans-Atlantic airships, and after whom the flagship, Graf Davenport is named. The meal was barely over when the giant dirigible slipped silently into its Paris hangar. The entire party then disembarked and painted the town red, so to speak. Those who used too much paint in the process were jailed for Bolshevism. A remarkable thing happened. Only one speech was made the entire eve- ning! This one person, who had bet- ter remain nameless for the present, rose to deliver an oration and stayed in that position for nearly four minutes when the enraged assemblage rose and forced him to stomach a plate of Nora's Baked Beans! The other speakers, fearing that they too might be inflicted with this terrible punish- ment, declined to say anything. On the way home, one of the play- ful boys stuck a pin in the gas bag of the dirigible, and deflated the whole thing. Luckily the Zeppelin was only two hundred miles from home, and coasted safely into port. And so to bed. Page Forty-Five