Townsend Harris High School - Crimson Gold Yearbook (Flushing, NY)

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THE DAILY SCRIBE EDITORIAL Tradition, custom, and the rules of the library have been disregarded! Not since 1928 has such a heinous crime been committed within these hallowed walls. This sort of thing should be stopped immediately. For only yesterday a student was caught reading a copy of the Mirro- graph News in the library! Not since the good old days when W. Arthur Schatteles and Sidney Eriedberg braz- enly, openly, and shamelessly walked into the library with copies of these tabloids under their arms, has such a horrible offence even been dreafneci of. It would be well to recall the details of that famous case. When the black- guards were caught red-handed with the yellow journals in their possession, they protested vainly that they were thinking of founding a newspaper called the Mirrograph News, and were only perusing the tabloids in an effort to get suggestions for their publica- tion. Needless to say, they were pun- ished to the fullest extent of the law. The Mirrograph News was heartily acclaimed as soon as it made its ap- pearance, but for a few years the nec- essary funds for making it a perma- nent institution were not forthcoming. It was not until 1937 that a million- aire alumnus of Townsend Harris Hall donated an amount sufficient to put the publication on a firm financial basis. It is a grim twist of fate which made the Mirrograph News, the paper which these two Pioneers of Personal Liberty founded, again play an im- portant part in a famous !'Library Ejection. The Daily Scribe hereby institutes a campaign for a strict cen- sorship of the material which students are allowed to read within the pre- cepts of the library. Let the Mirro- graph News and its like be banned! Only the Congressional Record must be allowed to enter. SILENCE! The silent library has at last become a reality! For nigh onto fifty years, Miss james has been endeavoring to attain this end -but only by ex- tremely crude methods, such as oral admonition to cease the exercising of larynxes, and, in extreme cases, the distribution of pink cards gratis. Only twenty-three years ago, the aid of science was enlisted. Since that memorable day, experimentation has been going on night and day, and finally the scientists have emerged from their laboratories, and disclosed the result of their investigations. This is the process whereby sound will be banished from the library. Be- fore entering students must undergo a rigorous examination for the elim- ination of all wheezes, coughs, colds, and sneezes. Thos who have any ail- ment whatsoever which would tend to disturb the peace, are not allowed to enter. Those students who have but minor illnesses are treated on the spot. Sometimes it is necessary for a patient to smoke a whole carload of Old Golds to eliminate a stubborn cough. When a student has received a card from the medical department, certify- ing that he is a perfect physical speci- men, and in the pink of condition, he is allowed to enter a second anteroom where he is thoroughly searched, and all his pockets, briefcases, etc., are sealed with the great seal of Town- send Harris Hall. He is then given his sound elim- inating apparatus. This consists of pneumatic shoes, a gag, and a sound- proof suit, similar to a diving suit, only a little different. All the books in the library are bound with rubber-7M inches thick, and are equipped with large parachutes, so that if they are dropped they will strike the pneumatic Hoot very gently and noiselessly. Page Forty-Three

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dill' S l'ibQ Vol. VII. No. 20 May 30, 1959 New York MILLENIUM ATTAINED! Class Banquet Huge Success! Breaking all records for gaiety, thrills, and excitements the Thirtieth Reunion Banquet of the class of june '29 came to a hectic end early this morning. The breaking of dawn found the revelers widely scattered. Some reposed in the Paris jail-others lay at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean -and a few reached their respective homes in comparative safety. A unique idea was put into effect when it was decided to hold the fes- tivities aboard a Zeppelin crossing the Atlantic. This has many advantages over the old-fashioned 'lground ho- tels. It enables one to enjoy the beautiful scenery of the mid-Atlantic by moonlight, and it offers to the ad- venturously-inclined the opportunity of indulging in that rare sport called Zeppelin - Aquaplaningf' Several members of the class were lost in the pursuit of this rather dangerous form of recreation. Besides all this, by embarking on a trans-Atlantic airship, one can reach London or Paris in two or three hours. This proved inducement enough, and the Council voted unanimously to hold the Banquet on a Zeppelin. The celebration began when the diners sat down to a sumptuous meal in the main banquet hall of the Graf Daven- fC01zlimzed O72 Page Fozzrj . SCHOOLBOYS WIN LONG FIGHT WASHINGTON, May 30, 1959. In solemn and austere council to- day, the Supreme Court declared that the giving of zeros violates, and is in direct opposition to, the Constitution of the United States of America! Chief justice Whyman, in support- ing his decision, pointed to Amend- ment V of the Constitution, which provides that no person shall be held to answer for a capital or other in- famous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand jury, .... nor shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law, nor shall private property be taken .... without just compensation. As everybody knows, declared Mr. Whyman, students are being punished every day, by the inflictions of zeros, for various infamous crimes fsuch as not doing Homeworkj With- out being given a fair trial by a jury of their peers, as the Constitution so specifically prescribes. This must be stopped immediatelylu screamed the dignified Chief justice at the top of his well-trained lungs. Here His Honor paused and re- called how many times in his own High School career he had been de- fC0ntinzzed on Page Tbreej Page Forty-Two

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THE DAILY SCRIBE BY THE OLD TIMER Upon a recent visit to Townsend Harris, I noticed that the whole order of things had changed. Evidently, the entire school has been attending the new course in Etiquette, even unto the office staff. This is the conversation I overheard between Mrs. Richter and a student who had been sent in for a pink card. MRS. RICHTER fcheerilyj: Good morning, sir! What can I do for you today? STUDENT: Why, Illl have some- thing in the way of a pink or a nile green card, if you don't mind. MRs. RICHTER fpulling out a huge ostentatious glass case, filled with a large assortment of different colored catdsj: It's really a pleasure to cater to such a frequent customer. To- day's specials ate: beige, ultra-marine, village schoolhouse, scarlet, horizon blue, and fawn brown. QProudlyj. Our collection includes every color both in and out of the rainbow. STUDENT: Let me see, your battle- ship gray cards are a bit off color, and really wouldn't be fit for the pocket of a fastidious Harrisite. Indeed, your biege assortment seems a little faded. Are you sure those canary yel- low cards are absolutely fresh? They look slightly wilted to me .... Really, you are an expert in these matters, Mrs. Richter, what would you sug- gest? MRS. RICHTER: Personally, I think that a sunset carmen card would be suitable for your character and per- sonalityf' STUDENT: To be perfectly frank with you, my dear, I think that your assortment is quite dull and uninspir- ing. MRS. RICHTER: You see, our budget has been so small these last few years that we haven't had the necessary money to spend for new and refreshing color combinations, and consequently, we must struggle along with this meagre supply from year to year. STUDENT: How true! How true! I think I'll deign to select an old- fashioned ultra-violet card, and not tary any longer in this drab poorly- ventilated office! MRS. RICHTER: Aclieu! Come again! fC0ntimzeri from Page Onej prived of his liberty by confinement in the jugge, and how instructors had brazenly deprivedhim of his property ftext-books and notesj during exams, without said due process of law. I-Ie also cited the example of one Mr. Begg who had the habit of appropri- ating private property without just compensation. In fact, it is rumored that he was accustomed to give no compensation whatever! This is not all, shouted the emin- ent jurist, straining his vocal cords to the breaking point, Hin Article I, Sec- tion 9, the Constitution declares that no bill of attainder shall be passed. A bill of attainderf he hastened to add, is a special act by which a per- son may be condemned to death, or to outlawry, or to banishment without the opportunity of defending himself which he would have in a court of law. And who does not know the fu- tility with which students try to defend themselves when punished by a zero? fwhich is fully as bad as the three things listed abovef' declared the great judge, ruminating over memories of his boyhood days. In conclusion, stated Chief jus- tice Whyman as he ended the short interview with a brief sweep of his capable hand, I intend to ask capital punishment for all teachers who vio- late this decision! Page Forty-Four