Tottenville High School - Purple Parrot Yearbook (Staten Island, NY)

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FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES EXTRA, EXTRA! Something new and pretty has been added to the history of the U.S. Today the first woman president was unanimously elected. She is none other than the incomparable Marylou Matthews. President Matthews passed her first law four hours after election. The new law states that all subway, bus and trolley car windows must have curtains. Anyone found handling the curtains will be placed under arrest, then declared next week to be National Curb Polishing week. She insists that all curbs and sewers must be cleaned and polished with glass wax. They will all be inspected by the V.I.P. Bill Bogarts. The V.I.P. backed up the president's actions by stating, lt's about time someone did something about cleaning up the sewers in this country. ANOTHER ROL- LER RINK FOR STATEN ISLAND ANNOUNCED! Plans for the building of a new Roller Skating Arena have been announced by the famous cor- poration of Wood, Sauss, and Benedict. The plans for decorat- ing the building's interior are still being worked on by the great Sorby. The plans were held up for some time when an attorney found that the above company intended to build their arena on the site where the Staten Island Rolladium is now located. How- ever, the situation is well in hand, and the building is to be erected on the outskirts of the city of Tottenville. CLASSIFIED ADS . -:- Personals - :- The Peggy O'Shea Beauty Sa- lon will make you a new person with her activated mud pack. Her expert packer is Katherine'Staf- ford. Our Motto: WE'LL PLAS- TER YOU WITH ALL WE'VE GOT! ! I l ! I BIEL VS. HEER- LEIN A conference is being held at the Billop House in Tottenville for the first time in 175 years. The Board of Elders is trying to decide whether Harry Biel is in- nocent or guilty for the serious heart attack of Marilyn Heerlein. This was brought about by the fact that Mr. Biel was wearing blue and white striped slacks in- stead of his usual levis. Miss Heerlein, an assistant in the teaching of the new Cootie Ex- terminating Dept. at T.H.S., is recovering in Richmond Memorial Slaughter House. MEN DO YOU WANT MUSCLES? If so, enroll at the AUE BUILD YOUR MUSCLES SCHOOL. The proprietor and perfect example of a physical wreck is Frank Aue. The school motto is: ENROLL IN OUR SCHOOL A PAR- TIAL WRECK AND WHEN WE ARE THROUGH WITH YOU YOU'LL BE A TOTAL WRECK. MOVIE QUEEN VISITS TOTTEN. VILL1-1 For the first time in two years Tottenville had the pleasure of having Shirley Temple Kilkes on stage. For the past week the young starlet had been appearing nightly behind the footlights of the stage in the Stadium Play- house. Miss Kilkes in her short movie career of six months has won two Oscarettes, one for the leading performance in Joe Blow from the Windy City. SINGER TO MAKE DEBUT IN HOME TOWN The famous alto singer, Miss Ethel Brown, is going to make a personal appearance in Legion Hall. She will sing some selec- tions from the hit opera, Life of a Swordfish, by Barbara Corson. The alto part will be rendered by Miss Brown, but there will' be no soprano part due to the fact that Miss Corson has not yet com- pleted writing it. CAFE W'ILL OPEN IN TOTTENVILLE Opening up a new cafe in town are the Misses Mason and Mor- oni. Miss Mason announced today that the name would be the The Soupbone Cafe and that well- known chef, Douglas Clark, would cook there. Miss Moroni stated at a press interview that the Honorable Steve Kertecz, Governor of Tot- tenville, would cut the ribbon on August 15, 1981. OPERA OPENING The grand opening of Ollie's Opera House took place last night. Ollie's new star, Miss Helen Tonsil De Fusco was O.K. lO.K.-off keyl. Still in all they loved her and she'll be back next year in WEEK! A MOUSE. TODAY'S SPORTS STAR Baseball was pushed to greater heights today when Johnny Ku- rowski, star second sacker for the New York Yankees, smashed six home runs in yesterday's after- noon game against the Cleveland Injuns. Although he made five errors in fielding, his homers will put him in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The pitcher Kurowski got his homers from was the Injuns best hurler, Johnny Scotchman Mc- Cracken, who was very put out by the sixth homer. Johnny Scotchman, one of the most outspoken men in baseball, told the reporters that he wasn't wor- ried about five, they were all in a day's work, but the sixth really affected his pitching pride. GOSSIP CORNER It's been said by various people that Louella Parsons could out- talk anyone! Last night Louella lost her title. It seems that she and .luke Box Ellen Tull had a three-round gab session. At the end of two rounds, Louella passed out leaving Ellen still talking. She continued to talk until her assistant and second, Richard Riley, carried her out. She now holds the title of World Cham- pion Talker.

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