Tottenville High School - Purple Parrot Yearbook (Staten Island, NY)

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A MILLION OR NOTHING That Rootin, Tootin' blues singer, Ginny Blackwell, is at it again. Ginny, alias Sugar Pie, wants a million dollars from the Higsby, Higsby, and Higsby Jr. Recording Company for a con- tract they have proposed to her. The contract calls for Ginny to sing the seventeenth verse of Rachmaninoff's Eleventh Sym- phony. Ginny says, That would be just wonderful. They want her to sing it from atop the flag pole on the Empire State Build- ing at 11:30 A.M. on the fourth of July. She said the whole thing is utterly absurd. She never rises until 12:30 P.M. THEY'RE FOR- EVER BLOWING BUBBLES The Misses Peggy Shrimp Skinner and Joyce Trouser-Low ing Russell have just made their debut at Oscar's Pickled Para- dise. The Misses Skinner and Russell, former students of T.H.S., have completed their professional courses in the Art of Bubble Dancing, and they are now mak- ing the most of it. MAYOR SPEAKS AT GRAND OPEN- ING OF SPORTS GOODS SHOP Opening next Thursday in Tott. is a new Sport Shop. The owner and manager, Calvin Brown, was honored with a visit and recitation from the mayor, Richard Beck. Included among the guest speakers was Police Commissioner Fred Beck- er, who thanked Brown, on behalf of the police force, for the leop- ard shirt he so generously do- nated. MAHARAJAHA PAYS VISIT TO UNITED STATES The rich Maharajaha, John Litz of Nemko, arrived last night on the steamship America. When asked what he thought of the U.S. all he could say was AAAA ??'?'? I!!! ,,,, ::::. He expects to be weighed in gold and jewels within the next few days. His chief counsellor and friend is Sire Richard Pecoraro, who pays all the Maharajaha's debts with diamond and ruby teeth. DIANE KAIN MAKES DEBUT Miss Diane Kain of 900 Spark Ave. made her debut last night at the Pork Club. She is a grad- uate of Tottenville High School and Bellevue Finishing School. .lust between us, they did a very good job of finishing her. HARVEST MOON WINNER OPENS SCHOOL Staten Island, N. Y.-Monday will be a big day for all on the Island. It will bring the grand opening of the HAUGHTON DANCING SCHOOL. Charley Haughton, founder of the school, will teach the rhumba. When asked why he would teach the rhumha only, Charley said, This comes naturally to a man because of his masculine swinging hips. His female instructor will be the Broadway star, Miss Barbara Deschau. During the grand open. ina Party on Monday, Miss De- schau will perform her famous routine of, 'Tm Forever Blowing Bubbles. Mr. Haughton has won the Harvest Moon Dance corn- Petition 30 times in succession. The school is expected to he a great success. RICHARD THE LION-HEARTEDN RETURNS The well-known explorer, Rich. ard Lion-hearted Ekstrand has just returned from his exploration of South Africa. While on his way in the rough African junge he killed four ele- phants with his slingshot, and strangled three tigers with his bare hands. When asked by the press for a comment, he replied, Aw gee whiz, it 'tweren't nothin'. . . ATTEND THE SCHOOL FOR NURSES' ASSISTANTS Owned and operated by the one and only-Barbara fFlorence Nightingalel Andersen. Her assistant is Dr. Thomas Walsh. THIS IS THE ONLY SCHOOL OF ITS KIND!!!!!! QUIGS DO IT AGAIN Last night at the Tottenville Arena the little Quigs did it again! They were victorious by a score of 98-1. Their opponents, Bob and all the little Nielsens, went home with very sad faces. Alma Quigley was high scorer for the Quigs with 95 points. After the game, Alma was asked how she managed to be so outstanding. She replied, blushing, Aw that ain't nothin'. You should see me when I'm in condition. .IOCKIES OPEN GATEWAY A new race track, The Gooey Gateway, has just been opened up by the two famous jockeys, Georgia Dennis and Carole Dil- gard. Such fine race horses as Icky and Sticky will race there. Shortly after this had been re- ported, the prospective owners announced that in the winter the track shall be flooded and there would be horse racing on skates. FAMOUS FRENCH ACTRESS IN TOTTENVILLE Babsy Deschaux, well known French actress, is now staying at the Greasy Towel Hotel, in Tot- tenville. Rumor about a romance between Miss Deschaux and Wil- liam Humphrey Bogarts whom she recently co-starred with in Gooey Kisses, were verified to- day when they were caught hold- ing hands in the Stadium's bal- cony. FOX, ENGI- NEERED BY TONY, WILL FIGHT FIRES Commissioner John Fox, for- mer chewing gum king, disclosed his intentions to stick to his new position as chief of the New York City Fire Department. His co- chief, Anthony Mazzella, who won fame by his ingenious en- gineering contraptions for which, he explains, There are no engi- neering needs, told this reporter that the only reason why they both would enjoy their jobs so much is because they always wanted to be firemen when they were young.

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WEATHER REPORT. iii:15R'+i i1iT'ffF TH E PROPH ET 3':fP.L':3:t VOL. 36 CUBIC FEET No.?3?2 ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN by Peggy Dunlop Dear Aunt Peggy: After receiving your advice as to mending my heart, I find that I've gotten nowhere fast. I have just returned from my boy- friend's funeral. I'm heart-broken. He died all of a sudden the other night from the cake you told me to bake. Now I think I have a new beau-the undertaker who buried poor Joe. What I wanted to know is-should I give him a cake, too-also-where can I buy Aunt Peggy's Candy? I couldn't get it anywhere. Please help mend my broken heart and hook that undertaker. Please-I'm desperate! Sincerely, M. E. Bochino Dear M. E.: You were extremely wise not to use your first name as you might be recognized, I recall your past letter and remember sending my advice. You recall I said, Feed your man lots of cake. If it doesn't work, arsenic you take. Then I told you, if arsenic doesn't work, Aunt Peggy's Candy will! Through some error, my letter was printed as follows: Feeding your man lots of ar- senic, baked in a cake, it's a very cute trick. We all make mistakes -never despair, my dear. Sincerely, Aunt Peggy ATTENTION, STOCK CAR RACERS! I ! Public Friend No. One, Walter Hatton, stock car magnate, today announced his donation of two millions of his countless millions to the establishment of the Hat- ton School of Mechanics and Stock Car Racing. He attributes his success financially to these vocations. LOST One tall, dark, and handsome Roller Derby star. Walks up- right, clean shaven, muscle bound, and just too dreamy for words. If found let Pat Moran know- she'd like to find him. THEATRE NEWS The opening of the new vaude- ville show, Old Timer's Revue, was proclaimed a success last night after the appearance of two comedians, Mike and Bill, known in private life as Michael McCor- mick and William Siersema. Their act consisted of such new jokes as, Why did the chicken cross the road, to get to the other side, and some renditions of the favorite songs such as Good- night Irene, which they are planning to revive. When asked after the show about their great success, they for the present. McKay, who was the first man to set foot on the Moon, started on his trip to Mars said that they owed it all to their friend and manager, Wild Bill Burns, who, they say, taught them all they know among literary cir- cles for his novel, How to Grad- uate and Like lt. A GREAT DAY FOR THE IRISH Courageous nurse, Nancy Ryan, was recently accredited for saving the lives of three women mission- aries, Lorraine Kent, Marilyn Unger, Carol Reis. The mission- aries, Miss Kent, head missionerg Miss Unger, head missionistg and Miss Reis, head missionister of the Bail Saiii, in deep Africa, were captured by the Bombo- Trombone Trive last Tuesday. Nurse Ryan bravely trailed the missionaries to the tribe head- quarters where Chief Polo-Rolo Popiniff found it a fair bargain to swap his captives for a carton of Carter's Little Silver Pills. All four women are resting comforta- bly in Hayview Sanatorium. by Peggy Dunlop ADVERTISEMENT Mademoiselle Shirley Matthes Announces the Granding Opening of her FRENCH TOE NAIL CLEANING SERVICE on Tuesday next ONLY during lunch STORE OWNER MAKES SAD DISCOVERY The new owner of the chain of Woolworthless Five St Dime stores, Patricia Spratlin, has just made the shocking and sad dis- covery that nothing in her stores costs five or ten cents. She in- tends to do something about it, when she untangles herself from the ribbons on the new ribbon counter in her Great Kills store. She claims she is making prog- ress, but her hands are still tied. BAILEY BLOWS TOP OF MODERN SCIENCE Mr. Alan Bailey, of the Ahlin- Bailey Science Foundation, has, this week, astounded Modern Science with his accurate the- ories on the habits and peculiari- ties of Chemistry. His partner, Harold Ahlin, received a severe shock, not only from Mr. Bailey's theories, but also from his ru- mored fiancee, Roller Derby star Pat Moran, Murph, who shocked him through the electric personality in her hair. Ahlin is famous, also, for the theories but his are on Staten Island electri- city. RESIGNATION ACCEPTED ? Miss Joan Gunther, gun moll of Martin Stallone, announced to- day that she was handing in her resignation. Mr. Stallone, who is head of the Bookie Association of T.H.S., has different ideas. He has just written a letter to Miss Gunther offering her a raise LEARN TO DANCE IN TWELVE DIF- FICULT LESSONS The Tip, Tap, Toe Dancing Academy Prop. Dorothy Knudsen Feet soaked after each lesson- free of charge.

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FIRST WOMAN PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES EXTRA, EXTRA! Something new and pretty has been added to the history of the U.S. Today the first woman president was unanimously elected. She is none other than the incomparable Marylou Matthews. President Matthews passed her first law four hours after election. The new law states that all subway, bus and trolley car windows must have curtains. Anyone found handling the curtains will be placed under arrest, then declared next week to be National Curb Polishing week. She insists that all curbs and sewers must be cleaned and polished with glass wax. They will all be inspected by the V.I.P. Bill Bogarts. The V.I.P. backed up the president's actions by stating, lt's about time someone did something about cleaning up the sewers in this country. ANOTHER ROL- LER RINK FOR STATEN ISLAND ANNOUNCED! Plans for the building of a new Roller Skating Arena have been announced by the famous cor- poration of Wood, Sauss, and Benedict. The plans for decorat- ing the building's interior are still being worked on by the great Sorby. The plans were held up for some time when an attorney found that the above company intended to build their arena on the site where the Staten Island Rolladium is now located. How- ever, the situation is well in hand, and the building is to be erected on the outskirts of the city of Tottenville. CLASSIFIED ADS . -:- Personals - :- The Peggy O'Shea Beauty Sa- lon will make you a new person with her activated mud pack. Her expert packer is Katherine'Staf- ford. Our Motto: WE'LL PLAS- TER YOU WITH ALL WE'VE GOT! ! I l ! I BIEL VS. HEER- LEIN A conference is being held at the Billop House in Tottenville for the first time in 175 years. The Board of Elders is trying to decide whether Harry Biel is in- nocent or guilty for the serious heart attack of Marilyn Heerlein. This was brought about by the fact that Mr. Biel was wearing blue and white striped slacks in- stead of his usual levis. Miss Heerlein, an assistant in the teaching of the new Cootie Ex- terminating Dept. at T.H.S., is recovering in Richmond Memorial Slaughter House. MEN DO YOU WANT MUSCLES? If so, enroll at the AUE BUILD YOUR MUSCLES SCHOOL. The proprietor and perfect example of a physical wreck is Frank Aue. The school motto is: ENROLL IN OUR SCHOOL A PAR- TIAL WRECK AND WHEN WE ARE THROUGH WITH YOU YOU'LL BE A TOTAL WRECK. MOVIE QUEEN VISITS TOTTEN. VILL1-1 For the first time in two years Tottenville had the pleasure of having Shirley Temple Kilkes on stage. For the past week the young starlet had been appearing nightly behind the footlights of the stage in the Stadium Play- house. Miss Kilkes in her short movie career of six months has won two Oscarettes, one for the leading performance in Joe Blow from the Windy City. SINGER TO MAKE DEBUT IN HOME TOWN The famous alto singer, Miss Ethel Brown, is going to make a personal appearance in Legion Hall. She will sing some selec- tions from the hit opera, Life of a Swordfish, by Barbara Corson. The alto part will be rendered by Miss Brown, but there will' be no soprano part due to the fact that Miss Corson has not yet com- pleted writing it. CAFE W'ILL OPEN IN TOTTENVILLE Opening up a new cafe in town are the Misses Mason and Mor- oni. Miss Mason announced today that the name would be the The Soupbone Cafe and that well- known chef, Douglas Clark, would cook there. Miss Moroni stated at a press interview that the Honorable Steve Kertecz, Governor of Tot- tenville, would cut the ribbon on August 15, 1981. OPERA OPENING The grand opening of Ollie's Opera House took place last night. Ollie's new star, Miss Helen Tonsil De Fusco was O.K. lO.K.-off keyl. Still in all they loved her and she'll be back next year in WEEK! A MOUSE. TODAY'S SPORTS STAR Baseball was pushed to greater heights today when Johnny Ku- rowski, star second sacker for the New York Yankees, smashed six home runs in yesterday's after- noon game against the Cleveland Injuns. Although he made five errors in fielding, his homers will put him in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The pitcher Kurowski got his homers from was the Injuns best hurler, Johnny Scotchman Mc- Cracken, who was very put out by the sixth homer. Johnny Scotchman, one of the most outspoken men in baseball, told the reporters that he wasn't wor- ried about five, they were all in a day's work, but the sixth really affected his pitching pride. GOSSIP CORNER It's been said by various people that Louella Parsons could out- talk anyone! Last night Louella lost her title. It seems that she and .luke Box Ellen Tull had a three-round gab session. At the end of two rounds, Louella passed out leaving Ellen still talking. She continued to talk until her assistant and second, Richard Riley, carried her out. She now holds the title of World Cham- pion Talker.