Thomas Dale High School - Reflector Yearbook (Chester, VA)

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New York is so crowded I can scarcely distinguish the people from the window dummies. In fact, is that a dummy or Robert Bradley I see? Oh! It’s Robert a'l right, giving away pamphlets on “The Value of Education.” There is Dorothy Adams, too. She has become immensely wealthy since she discovered how to make snow out of left-over bread crusts. “These bread crusts are specially prepared by the Moore-DesChamps Crust Factory, managed by Stanley Moore and Davey DesChamps. Fifth Avenue, too, has become quite a place since Shirley Smith, Mary Moore, and Patricia Warren established their pastry shop featuring pastries so prepared that they can be made into adorable hats if warmed before shaping. Next door to their shop stands the Chester Culture Club Building. Looking in, we find Jane Johnson busily typing her new book written in honor of General Roy Collie and his associate, Lieutenant Billy Collie, commanders of the Eighth Army of Centralia. Only four yards away in a quiet little office, James Ragland and Jimmy Moorefield, authors of the “Advice to the Lovelorn Column”, are trying hard to find an answer to one of the questions submitted to them. It seems that heiress Betty Jean Hitt wants to know how to make a success out of marriage—without a husband! Professors John Paeplow and Charles Fisher are offering their advice concerning the question, but since they work only in the field of taxidermy, they are finding it a bit difficult to be of help. A little farther away, on the seven hundred and twentieth floor of his luxurious mansion, billionaire Randolph Kientz relaxes and thinks over the day’s problems. His personal maids, Emily Blick, Alice King, and Wilda Langster, have drawn up a petition and are preparing to quit the household on the grounds that a salary of one dollar and forty cents a week is hardly enough to live on. In addition to this worry, airplane manufacturer, Bernard Anderson, has sued him for twenty thousand dollars and Randolph is unable to recall in which bank his one thousand dollar bills are deposited! Speaking of money, in 1956 Nellie Minetree, Marjorie Payton and Donna Staples pooled their resources and bought the North Pole at a bargain sale for $5.98. After fourteen years of freezing, they sold it back to its original owner, James Congdon, for half price. Now they have moved to the Sahara Desert! Over at the United Nations Conference, the United States Secretary of State, Graham Bruce, is busy trying to find out which delegate “made off” with the atomic bomb last night; while on the other side of the room, our first woman representative to China, Marion Reid, is trying to persuade Spanish Professor Miners Rapalee that “ain’t” is a good English word! Now my cloud is moving westward and below me appears Bush Ranch, owned and operated by Winston Bush. Catherine Goyne, noted bareback rider, is performing her new no-hands, no-feet, dare-devil stunt while riding astride a bucking pinto. Pardon me—she’s no longer astride and now it’s ‘“no-horse’’, too! Say, there comes that airplane and Nell Brooks again. Oh-my-goodness, she has taken a piece off my cloud! Hey, Saint Peter, throw me down a spare—quick! Phew! Here we are—already in Hollywood! Herbert Benett has recently taken over Clark Gable’s position as king of the movies, and will soon be seen as “The Reflector.

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Class P rophecy .| ERHAPS you may think it strange that I, one of the world’s greatest circus acrobats and trapeze flyers, should in this year of 1970 be established and ordained a full-fledged angel up beyond the golden gates of heaven. But heed me, my friends, for these words I speak hold naught but truth, and it is with this truth that Iam able to cast my eyes on the whole of earth and its inhabitants. The terrific force by which I am now driven parts the white cloud upon which I sit, and permits my eyes to wander downward. I behold a great tower with five golden figures set atop it—yes, it is the famous ‘Tait University, established in honor of that great gentleman, Robert Tait, A.B., D.C., B.C., who so faithfully served his country through the invention of the world’s most lasting and deadly rat poison, the “Pansy”. Upon peering more intently, I discover that there are not five but four golden figures perched upon the tower. ‘The fifth figure is that of Jerry Tunstall in person who is busy shining the remaining four. I now rearrange my halo, thus causing my cloud to float swiftly eastward until I behold the capital of the United States. Seated in his new Deisel heli- copter, which runs on the power generated by a piece of bubble gum, and which was invented by Fred Jouget, is the President of the United States, Rodney Wells, At the wheel of this contraption is the pompous figure of the President’s chauffeur, Donald Johnson. Donald obtained this coveted position through the recommendation of Geraldine Hadder, the late Duchess of Bellwood Manor. But this is enough of the capital, so let’s travel to the city of New York. Waverly Martin’s newly invented twenty-eight-way stretch rubber girdle has created a minor sensation in spite of the fact that seamstresses, Dorothy Gay and Ramona Kelly, claim it takes more rubber to make than a raft. It is here that I also behold Florine Ammons and Mary Jane Jackson, sensational dancers in the Leech Club. Their arrangement of The Lost Chord vs. The Last Dance was a smashing success in more ways than one! Let’s pass on to the Museum of Fine Arts and take a look at Harold Jinkins’ latest surrealistic creation, commonly called “Halli-Tosis’. It consists of a clothes-pin with two frog legs and half an eye on it. Modern art, they say—well, I am indeed glad I am up here and out of it all—or am I? Could this white thing coming toward me possibly be an airplane? Yes, it is and it’s being driven by that daring flyer, Nell Brooks! Now back to earth. Say, there’s Jean Bryant and her five little Nugents! I hear she’s coaching them to be great American basketball players. “Take a look at Yankee Stadium. Barbara Ellison is pitching for our Yankees in their eighteenth undefeated year! Edith Merritt, I hear, just had a heated argument with Leo over who should manage the Chester Cubs. ‘There’s Jake Williams, too, who has recently been appointed official score keeper for the Lower Slobovia fishing team, Pardon me now for just a minute while I get out my telescope and “specs”. “The Reflector.

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Shakespeare in the Robert Daizovi production of the “Greatest Spear”. This picture will also star John Anderson as Hitler and Albert Huband as Tarzan. Although the production appears a rather “mixed-up” affair to me, Hollywood reporter Ethel Johnson, says it is better than anything previously seen except a Repub ican majority in both houses! Over at the RKO lot, Terry Teeple, Wilton Birdsong, and Jackie Jones, the screen’s newest and most thrilling triangle lovers, have finished their latest pic- ture “Shall We Die Now?” Pin-up model, Mabel Lovelace, says after you have seen it, you have no other alternative. Oh! Now my cloud is floating over another continent. It is South America, a land of thrills and adventure. In fact, right now a very odd-looking female dressed in snow boots and a Lathing suit is attempting to scale the Andes Mountains, while carrying a pair of skis and an umbrella. Goodness, it’s Agnes Temple, still trying to find out what you have to do to get your picture in the paper! Down below me, sailing on the smooth blue waters of the Pacific are Jean Ramsey and Connie Adams who are eagerly awaiting the first launching of their sub-submarine. Jean and Connie claim it will not only run under water but when it strikes the ocean bottom it will keep straight down through the earth. The only hitch is they haven’t yet figured out how to get it back on top of the water again. Just over beyond the Andes, in the deep jungle of Brazil, a neon sign which reads “Bradshaw’s Barbecue, Clothing Store, Pool Room and Library” proves to me that Vernon and Floyd Bradshaw are succeeding in bringing civilization to the natives who are too lazy to come and get it. About two hundred miles away, on the outskirts of this great wilderness, Dorothy Davis, famed animal trainer, is attempting to remove the tonsils from a screaming jaguar, who really doesn’t like the idea at all. “Dot” has almost as much courage as Kenneth Zimmerman who is in Rio de Janeiro getting source material for his new comic strip “Little Awful Andre and the Falling Cocoanut”. I had often heard of the heating facilities down below the earth, but when I became an angel I thought I’d be out of it all. I should have thought twice because it’s so hot up here over this torrid area that I’m obliged to move to a cooler climate. It is about time for me to leave, anyhow, so let’s take one quick look at France. ‘There we find stylists Theodocia Morris, Carl Morris, and Lula Partin who after twenty years of arguing have finally persuaded the French that their bathing suits aren’t suitable for wear. It seems to me that if they have managed to keep them up for twenty years, they might as well continue to wear them. But now, I must really depart, for my halo, which is size ten and much too big for me, has begun to slip down over my eyes and I fear that if I do ot begin my journey upward, I may never reach those golden gates of which I am so fond. So to you, my good friends, I say “adieu”, but to my little white cloud I can only say, “Sail away, the Heavens await us!” ANNE ROCK. Ther. eflector