Temple University School of Law - Restatement Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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looked quizzically at the doctor who was testifying and said: “You will admit that doctors sometimes make mistakes, won’t you?” “Oh, yes; the same as lawyers,” was the cool reply. “The doctors’ mistakes are buried six feet under ground,” was the lawyer’s triumphant reply. “Yes,” he replied, “and lawyer’s mistakes often swing in the air.” •1. i On Wills—A Toast “Ye lawyers who live upon liti-gent’s fees And who need a good many to live at your ease; Grave or gay, wise or witty, what e’re your degree, Plain stuff or state’s counsel, take counsel of me: When a festive occasion your spirit unbends. You should never forget the profession’s best friend; So we’ll send round the wine, and a light bumper fill To the jollv testator who makes his own Will.” «?« ♦ 3' An honest old blacksmith upstate, dispairing of ever getting cash out of a delinquent debtor, agreed to take his note for the amount due. The debtor wished to go to a lawyer and have the document drawn up. but the knight of the anvil, who had been a deputy sheriff in days gone by, felt fully competent to draw it up himself. This he proceeded to do, with the following result: “On the first day of June, I promise to pay Jeems Watson the sum of Forty-two Dollars, and if said note be not paid on the day and date aforesaid, then this instrument is to be null and void and of no effect.” ♦ ♦ A burglar, who had entered the home of a young lawyer at midnight was disturbed by the awakening of the young lawyer while he was in his room. Drawing his gun, he said: “If you move, you are a dead man. I’m hunting for money.” “Wait. I’ll strike a light,” said the young lawyer, “and I’ll hunt with you.” J» A newlv-made magistrate was gravely absorbed in a formidable document. Raising his keen eyes, he said to the man who stood patiently awaiting the award of justice: “Officer, what is this man charged with?” “Bigotry, your Honor. He’s got three wives,” replied the officer. The new justice rested his elbows on the desk and placed his finger tips together. “Officer,” he said somewhat sternly, “what’s the use of all this education, all these evening schools, all the technical classes, an’ what not? Please remember that in any future like case, a man who has married three wives has not committed bigotry but trigonometry. Proceed.” » • $ Professor Schofield—W hat is homicide se defendendo? Law Student It is where a man kills himself in self-defense. 117

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Hegal 3fa8 t£ An Oral Examination of Debtor Lawyer—What is your gross income? Debtor—I have no gross income. Lawyer—Do you mean to say that you have no income at all? Debtor—No gross income; I have a net income only. I am in the fish business. ❖ £ Prim a Falia—Innocest Prisoner at the Bar-—Now 1 asks ver, gents of the jury, if I’d got away with all that swag, like they say I did, do ver s’pose I'd have hired this here little $15 lawyer to defend me? ♦ ♦ ♦ The following recently appeared in a Southern newspaper: Notice I)e co-pardnership heretofore resisting between me and Mose Skinner is hereby resolved. Dem what owe de firm will settle wid me, and dem what de firm owes will settle wid Mose. :» . 4. Consistency A female witness in response to counsel’s question stated that she was thirty years old. “What!” fairly shouted the lawyer, “Did you not testify five years ago in another case that you were thirty years old?” “Quite likely,” was the unabashed reply, “I am not one of those women who say one thing today and another tomor- The other day an attorney was airing his indignation. He had been robbed. Yes, sir, robbed right there under the eyes of the law. Finally the Judge noticed the fuming and fretting one. “What’s the matter now?” he asked. “Matter, it’s a confounded outrage. Had my overcoat stolen right from this room.” fhe Judge smiled a little. “Overcoat, eh,” he said. “Bah, that’s nothing. Whole suits are lost here every day.” t a Murder Justifiable A man arrested for murder was assigned a lawyer whose crude appearance caused the unfortunate prisoner to ask the judge: “Is this my lawyer?” “Yes,” replied his Honor. “Is he going to defend me?” “Yes.” “If he should die, could I have another?” “Yes.” “Can I sec him alone in the back room for a few minutes?” ❖ 4 ♦ Tit for Tat Most everyone knows that many lawyers take a keen delight in trying to confuse medical experts in the witness box in murder trials and often they are repaid in their own coin. A case is recalled where the lawyer, after exercising all his tangling tactics without effect. 116

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The Judge's Fikst Case I’pstate, a man named Johnson was elected Justice of the Peace in a little town. He pretended to no judicial attainments, and was elevated to the place solely because he was the oldest man in the community. The first case that came before him was that of a man charged with stealing a calf. Justice Johnson was conscious of his legal inexperience, so as much as possible to avoid the scrutiny of the public, he put down the hearing for the next morning at seven o'clock. This was so early that when the time arrived the Prosecuting Attorney was not on hand and his Honor faced only the Sheriff and the prisoner and his lawyer. “Gentlemen, you will please come to order,” said the Court, thumping on the table with his fist. The lawyer arose and said: “Your Honor, I represent the prisoner in the case. This is the hour at which the court was announced to open, and as the prosecuting attorney is not present, as he ought to he. I desire to make a motion that the prisoner he discharged.” Pile judge figeted about a moment and said: “Gentlemen, it is moved that the prisoner he discharged.” The lawyer nudged his client vigorously with his elbow. “I second the motion,” blurted out the prisoner. “Gentlemen, you have heard the motion,” said the Court. “As many of you as are in favor of it signify by saying ‘Ave.’ ” “Aye,” called out the lawyer and the prisoner. “Contrary minded, ‘no.’” “No,” shouted the Sheriff. “The ‘ayes’ have it. The prisoner is discharged. A motion to adjourn is in order.” The lawyer responded with the motion, the prisoner with the second. and Justice Johnson’s first term of court was a thing of the past. 3 ♦ A prisoner, not represented by counsel, in Quarter Sessions, had been duly convicted of larceny, when it was seen on examining his previous record, that he had actually been in prison at the time the theft was committed. “Why didn’t you say so?” asked the judge of the prisoner, angrily. “Your Honor, I was afraid of prejudicing the jury against me.” •» «:» : In reward of faithful political service, an ambitious saloon keeper was “elected” magistrate. “What's the charge ag'in’ this man?” he inquired when the first case was called. “Drunk, yer Honor,” said the policeman. 'fhe newly made magistrate frowned upon the trembling defendant. “Guilty or not guilty?” he demanded. “Sure, sir,” faltered the accused, “1 never drink a drop.” “Well,” urged his Honor persuasively, as he absent-mindedly polished the top of the judicial desk with his handkerchief, “Have a cigar, then.” its