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Page 28 text:
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7 Vietu l y u In '72 Deep in the secluded regions of Tide Swamp we find Richard Frith. It is Prohibition again, the year 1972, and he and his accomplice, Pam Huxford, are trying to perfect a new formula for moonshine under the supervision of Doc Basnar. Kenneth McHargue. Elbert Poppell, and Ed Cothran, proprietors of Rattlesnake Saloon, are trying to speed up the process because their steady customers, Red-nose Ratliff and Blearey-eyed Bowdoin are clamoring for MORE. Their only problem will be getting it from the swamps to the saloon, but Sidney Attaway, Vernon Hatcher, and Tommy Evans have solved that by putting it in Coca-Cola bottles which Claudette Callicott, with the help of Gail Cunningham, has been persuaded to snitch from her daddy. All of this is done, of course, under cover of darkness, for Steve Holton, Carl Whiddon, and Phillip Weidler, champeen Revenoors of the United States, are always on the prowl. As a matter of fact, Ru- dolph Parker and Earl Mixon are already serving a life sentence for getting caught unloading the corn at the still. What's this? It's a note from the underground. Say, wasn’t that Marshall Hicks, the notorious confidence man? They tell me he's made billions from the rich dames, and they still love him. Hey! The note is from Strike-it-rich Stephens. He made his money by collecting bottle-tops and selling them for hub-caps on Crosleys He's throwing a shindig at the Rattlesnake Saloon, strictly con- fidential. of course. Let’s go. As we walk in, Fanette Brunson, the joint's pianist, is banging out an introduction for Alkali Allie, Queen of the Plains. She begins to sing, “Fill Your Pockets Full of Dough, Boys, 'Cause I’m on the Town Tonight.' As she finishes her song, the can-can crew, Jessie Belle Ellison, Mary Loraine Griffith, Martha Ann Wages, Betty Jo Kirkland, and Barbara Jean Westberry, ate led in by Lynne Washburn, now known as Flaming Maime. Turn out the lights' Hide the booze' It's the SSBB, Society of the Sisters in the Battle against Boot- leggers. Jean McCullough, head of the organization, is beating the doors and in surges her devoted followers I can see Vergie Andrews and her husband being mauled by Laurie Jean Broome and Lynette Forehand Maxine Hart has smashed all the glasses and is helping Marjorie Leggett finish off another guy All the while Fanette is frantically playing away at thq piano, but there is no stopping the fury of Rachel Sadler as she tosses a guy over her shoulder to Wanda Whiddon Little Lindy Lou Strickland isn’t the world's only lady feather-weight for nothing. She’s got three men knocked out cold. Betty Puckett helps Faye Wigglesworth and Nan Simpson “take care of the bartender, Buddy Allen. The riot's over and someone has called the hospital, Dewey Pittman is out cold and as he comes to, he sees some angels. No, they aren’t angels, they are Jerry Hawkins, Marjorie McLeod, Maxine McGill, and Betty Ann Poitevint Nurses for the Dr. Killpatient McBloodsquirt Hospital. Melvin Ezell comes to and when he sees Lynne, Jessie Belle, and Martha Ann through hazy eyes, he promptly faints again. As the boys are carried out, we breathe easy again and climb down from our hideaway over the chandelier. But when we find that Aline Gamble drives the ambulance, we begin to worry about escorting them to the hospital. I’m afraid Charles Schmid won’t be able to make it. His pulse is going, going, gone. “It’s OK,” Betty Ann Poitevint cheerfully adds, We’re going right by the Sad Souls Funeral Parlor run by Howard Mathis. We’ll just dump him off there.” We’ll get off here There’s a sign on that telephone pole we want to read. It says VOTE FOR BETTY ANN PEACOCK FOR CONGRESSWOMAN It seems she's running against the Grantham twins, Alton and Alveh. Their slogan is Vote for us, you’ll get your fill When we invite you to our still.” Betty Ann has a good chance with Mary Ann Howes, her staunch supporter, touring the country with her blood and thunder speeches on the evils of wine, women, and song. I really think we ought to go to Charles’ funeral. Herman Grubbs is preaching the last rites and Mary Jo Faircloth and Annie Jean Peacock are singing “Doing What Comes Naturally.” Ah-h-h let’s don’t. I don't know why but I (hie) don’t feel so good. Claudette Callicott Gail Cunningham
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Page 27 text:
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Betty Jo Kirkland wills her shorthand book to any poor unsuspecting soul who thinks he wants to learn it. Maxine Hart and Linda Strickland will their hoggish ways in volley ball to Eleanor Tedder. Marjorie Leggett wills her curly, blond hair and flirty eye-lashes to Frances Franklin. Annie Jean Peacock wills her ability to indulge in matrimonial entanglements to any senior girl Aline Gamble wills her delicate figure and horse-riding ability to Jeanette Puckett and Annie Lois Ferns. Faye Wigglesworth wills her tall, slim figure and all her boy-friends to Early Jane Wages. Nan Simpson leaves her long, blonde hair to Beverly Price. Martha Ann Wages wills her natural red hair to Charlotte Louque. Barbara Westberry wills her book of military addresses to Charlotte Louque. Phillip Stephens wills his crew-cut to Lamar Osteen. Jerry Hawkins wills her ability to receive four letters a day to Early Jane Wages. Claudette Callicott wills her “beautiful blue eyes to Ricky Swearingen. Pam Huxford wills her ability to thoroughly confuse eighth graders as to how to play basketball to Mrs. Norman. (Only she can confuse them more.) Buddy Allen leaves himself to Eleanor. May she appreciate him as much as he does. Allie Jane Bird wills her place as cheerleader to Yvonne Moon, who needs it to take care of Larry on basketball trips. Sidney Attaway leaves to Buddy Odom his ability to leave women alone. Anderson Bowdoin leaves to Dexter Porter his ability to beat the law—of averages. Ed Cothran leaves his honorable title as “Class Pest” to John Dickert. Vernon Hatcher wills his ability to be a one woman guy to Phillip Borklund. Charles Schmid leaves his ability to make great “witticisms” (he thinks) in class to Bobby Kirkland Steve Holton leaves his false front teeth to George Hamby, who will probably need them next year Kenneth McHargue leaves Jamie Shaw a whole seat on the basketball bus—he hopes. Betty Puckett leaves her title as “Friendliest to Charlotte Louque. Vergie Andrews leaves her ability to catch and hold a man to George Ann Holmes. Laurie Broome leaves her “anxious” feet on the basketball court because it gets her in trouble. Jessie Belle Ellison wills “Woody” to Jeanette Puckett. Mary Loraine Griffith leaves the secret of her lurid past to Edwina Graves. Mary Ann Howes leaves Mr. Leas enough money to buy some peppy marches to take the place of “Casey Would Waltz With the Strawberry Blonde.” Jean McCullough leaves her extensive knowledge of basketball rules to Beverly Price. Dewey Pittman leaves Gloria Parker in the care of her sister, Willie Bea. Tommy Evans leaves his ability to keep his mouth shut at the right time to Ted Guilford. Alton and Alven Grantham will if they will and won't if they won’t. Wayne Ratliff would leave Clayton Swain something if we could just think what.
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