Taft High School - Eagle Yearbook (Chicago, IL)

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Page 30 In the Sleep of the Remember way back when: You could get into the lunehroom without being wrung through the afeteria. entrance. We could keep ourselves awake y chewing gum? lrowding the hero bench: I dfidn't pull a single boner when he North Central representatives 'alked in. Ludden thoughts: Why not modernize Shakespeare 'ith jive lingo ? His stories are ep, but he talks like an icky. The Juke-Boa: Kid. Veather report: Fine today, cooler tomorrow, aid the judge when I was caught peeding. vumbell pome: Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November: So's my uncle Louie for walking Into a bank after it closed. vumbell Pome: 'Tis spring, The boid is on the wing How absoid! The wing is on the bofid. Vorst Joke I Ever Heard: Cop: Where's the fire, bud? Speeder: Why, officer, my brakes re bad and I'm hurrying home be are I kill someone. Incyclopedia Americana: Forbids-50c. Grammar-momma's poppa. Palm olive-life boy's girl friend. Vatif? Watif Ruth, 3A, w-ere sunny in- tead of Mooney? Watif Shirley, 4A, were raw in- tead of Wheldon? Watif. Margery, IB, and Barbara, A, were smaller instead of Bigler? Watif Florence, ZA, were last in- :ead of Firszt? Watif Robert, 3A, were a hill in- :ead of a Dale? Watif Raymond, 3A, were a Noose instead of a Swan? Watif Jean, ALA, were peachy in- Lead of Perry? Watif Betty, 1A, were a biscuit lstead of a Kriecker? Watif Bob, 4A, were an Ever- iarp instead of a Schaefer? Watif Marjorie, IA, were a reaser instead of a Soper? Watif Saul were nearer instead F Farber? Watif Helen, 3A, were a Jersey lstead of a Guernsey? Watif Eleanor, 2B, were a singer lstead of a Wisler? Watif Olive, 3A, were a cow in- ead of a Horst? Taft Tribune April 155' Oxie Tells Pal How It's Done By Right People Now take this here case of the Taft lunehroom, said our street corner sage, young Oxie Oberg. 42- ,321 1' ff , f Q' of C I G NUI Q 5 if , f ' ' X? I p. N -, l I Winnie and Oxie It's a sad state of affairs when them there seniors don't know enough to crook the little finger while guzzling a bottle of pop. Yeh, replies Wlinnie the Pooh Wahlstrum, chairman of the Save Our Lunchroom in This Here ,Crisis League. It's a doity shame the way them kids have been slingin' rubbish around. Say, it sure ain't got nuttin on the city dump! Well, that's exaggeratin' it to de extreme, Winnie, says Oxie. But the noise is enough to put the toughest guy ln the nut house. Miniature War of Movies Yeh, that's another thing all right, Winnie says. You know this Hitler guy and his war of the noives could take a lesson or two from them Taft kids. Why I betcha if he was to go around England a bangin' them chairs and a clatter- in' them trays, he'd win that war afore you could say William How- ard Taft. Well, that is what is referred to as debatable, Winnie my boy, but one thing certain it's more than us refined and cultured guys can put up With, retorted Oxie. It's like dying a slow death to stay here very long. These here kids ain't got no respect for the delicate feelings of one who I will refer to as the honorable assistant princi- pal, Mr. Leonard Teuscher. Why, do you know, Winnie, I saw him weeping big salty tears of utter anguish, which in plain hocus pocus means the guy was takin' it to heart. Upliftin' For the Soul Yeh, I seen 'em too, Oxie, but don't you think he would a been uplifted if he'd a stuck around until the seventh period? Oh, you mean the classy enter- tainment that Ernie Kowalski put on as a take-off of 'The Man On The Street'? Yeh, that would a pepped 'im up. An did you notice, Oxie, that And How to Ruin It YOUR HEALTH I - By Dr. Ebeneezer I. Fixem 1 The daily lecture for today is on capitists. This class of human be- ings takes business from the little guy like me. Now take Mr. Dum- opolis, the fruit store owner tyou take him, I don't want him eitherb. He sells apples at unconstitutionally low prices. People then partake of these unholy bargains. It isn't bad enough that they buy 'em, but they eat 'em too. So they don't get sick and I don't get any business. My friends, I hate apples. Take the advice of a fireside stool pigeon's chat and staw away from this fruit. Now to answer your health ques- tions. wk ae ar S.A.P. writes that he is suffering from Bilateral Pes Planus, common- ly called flat feet. He Wants to know what to do? My Dear S. A. P., I truly sym- pathize wlith you. My advice is to stay out of a draft 'cause Uncle Sam doesn't want a flat foot floogie anyway. O. A. O. writes that every time she attends a Tyrone Power movie, she suffers a heart attack. How can she cure this strange malady? Dear O. A. O., I suggest that in- stead of seeing a Tyrone Power flick, you see a Donald Duck com- edy. If this doesn't work, you can web my feet and call me Ducky . Ik Uk if N. U. T. writes to say that he is afraid his hearing is becoming de- fective. A few days ago someone called while he was out and asked to be called at 9959. Since then, no matter what exchange he has dialed with this number, all he hears is a buzzing sound. Dear N. U. T., No, it's not bees in your bonnet. It's just an April Fool's joke. 9959 dialed with any exchange is the perpetual busy signal. Your thought for the day Quoted from Roy Otwell: It's not the cough that carries you off, it's the coffin they carry you off in. Ernie come up faster than Bob Hope on them ad libs or whatever you call them there wisecracks that you stick in on your own! You're right, Winnie, and may- be them kids'll get wise some one of these days and realize that they ain't never goin' to get to hob nob with Emily Postmortem and that mob eif they don't stop stickin' their elbows in their spaghetti. Yeah, and don't forget you gotta crook the little finger when you're guzzling pop. Which goes also for any bev- erage, says Oxie. V rl f HOW TO FR' And Cook Your Gb ...-By Prudence Benny?- J Norma Light, 4A, has decie learn how to cook so as to fil way to her boy friends through his stomach. Bein acquainted with her new ra few weeks ago she accide tuned in a famous cooking 1 and a fashion expert at the time when she decided toilltr her culinary knowledge. ' This is the recipe she 1 down: ' Combine one cup of sugar two eggs in a new 011611 f0sS Bl Beat until the mixture isf of aquamarine color and tihen some more. Sk Pls Pk ' Melt one patent leather ha in pan and add to first mi Sift together two cups of flou' box of Madame Iustre ,face 1 and one half teaspoon of salt to sugar' mixture alternately one and one-half cups of Cuta nail polish. Continuea beatin 10 minutes or until thfz batter like a seersucker dress with skirt and attractive bustle. Pour batter 'into ar greased padour hat and cover with yards of vefing in the smart and red color combination. Ba one pair of nylon hosiery f minutes. 214 Dk Sk When the cake is done, rem from the pans. You will nc ready to frost and decorate delectable bit of pastery. To an icing which will be enjoy everyone, combine one-thlird shortening with two Kate I slips for stouter women an: dram of Night in the Livery E perfume. Continue beating fol minutes and then slowly ade red woolen babuskka. When the frosting assunc smooth feminine shoulder line ready to be applied to the Spread on the top and sides one pair of four-button length on gloves. Decorate your wo art with gobs of veils, rit flowers, and berries. The D00r young thing has in vain for three weeks to pl this cake. However, she has given up and resigned herse the life of an old maid. THE STING-'ER SEWI MACHINE'S new model fluid drive. It's so easy to that wishing will make it s if ik It STOP AND .SOCK AT THE OLDMODE I-IOSIl SHOP!! Our stockings are grand walking, but positively will run. If you do get a rlu some peculiar twist of fate, only words arw Darn itlll

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Page 28 Taft Tribune API-il 1 Bringing Up Junior i--1---- By Angelo Mooney--------- The problem child has become somewhat of an American institution in the past few years, and the apparent answer to this problem has been the- let-mama's-little-darling-do-as-hewishes theory which in later years results in many innocent teachers' going stark raving mad. Now I advocate the spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child- theory, or as it is more modernly interpreted, southern - exposure- attack - for - greater - peace - and - quiet. For instance, when Johnnie brings home his report card with red spots beaming forth here and there, don't give out with the old Line of, When I was a boy, but take Johnnie aside and point out the unsuitability of that color scheme, and then proceed to duplicate the color scheme where he will be able to understand it best. If you are the type of father who believes in being a pal to his son, beware, for you are tread- 1- ing on thin ice. Take this jiive and jitterbug 5 stuff. Don't attempt to understand the latest 5 swing creations, as you will only antagonize your 5 offspring who doesn't understand them himself. And furthermore we advise you to steer clear of jitterbugging, no matter what kind of a rug you used to cut at the old barn dances. The sound of creaking bones will not harmonize with the blare of a hot trumpet. You will never be able to exert your authority if you insist on wearing a few of the outlandish concoctions your son admires as the current fad. If you parade down to breakfast with your shirt tails flap- ping in the breeze and your tie and socks looking like a Roman holiday, your son will probably look horrified and think to himself, The old boy'S off his nut. Allways remember no matter wha tyour son or daughter ad- mires as the current fashion, he prefers to think of you in the outdated attire. 4, six M, .0 '1': f'!i ff- in 4.1 ' I J, ff' 7' 1 'I' ff 5 if I' , I 1 Pl - . .fp 1 5 The Angelo Product FooL FooL Driblvle, Drool Hellol!! Who am I? I'm one of the two other guys that people always claim it must have been. April Fool!! You thought I would have to be somebody pretty important to get in the editorial column, didn't you? Well, there's method in my madness! It gets rather monotonous being blamed for just about everything that a civilized C?J human being can do. For example, you know very well that it wasn't I who put soap in your candy because if I had been that close to a box of candy I would have eaten it myself. And I know, too, that you told Susie that it must have been either my brother or I, whom she saw drinking that luscious pineapple soda with a redhead on the very night you told her you had trig to do. In fact, it couldn't have been we because we had dates with two other redheads. Fu1'thermore, we heard you tell Mr. Mooney that it was not you, but we two who cut thlird period English when you knew we had been ex- cused to see H100 Men and a Girl, both on the same ticket, ibut don't tell anyonej. And remember that last firedrill? You told Miss Maloney that it must have been we who walked the farthest away from school. It couldn't have been you! Oh no, you're no dummy, or are you? Do you recall the noise and confusion of the lunchroom as it used to be?So that was my brother and I, bub? Well, our mother brought us up right. S-he told us never to talk with our mouths full, and we're always so hungry that we eat straight through from the fifth to the end of the seventh without ever having time to indulge in conversation! Well, any- way, April Fool! I'm not really mad. Taft Tribune Published Bi-weekly by the Journalism Students of the WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT HIGH SCHOOL 5625 North Natoma Avenue, Chicago, Illlnols Publisher: Frank Mocks. Any sllnilarity to nletropolltan dailies ls purely coincidental. Super Snoopers Proclaim Dirt Is Where You Find It Seen while snoopin': Don Leutz washing Betty Lou's limousine . . . Mr. Kennard Seyller prevaricating in the seventh period lunch while the believing students listen innocently . . . Leroy Moore and Boots Mossong enjoying their school daze at Taft . . . John Ped- erson applying his artistlic talents to the noise factory Cpiano to youj during division . . . Bill Hagerup thrilling the fifth period journalism class with his Swedish interpreta- tion of Three Bears. . , . Miss Alice Maloney calmly announcing that half the men who sweep the floor are mothers and have families to take care of . . . Swede An- derson tripping over his yaller shirt . . . Bob Dale telling Miss Helen Lowes she'd be a good target for snowballs . . . Mary Jane Biers dropping a key out of the chem lab window . . . Fred Fassnacht looking mournfully at his course book humming, There'1l Be Some Changes Made . . . Bill Kevan tossing a piece of candy ,into a girl's typewriter in his typing class . . . Earle Karlsen and Bobby Schaefer whizzing by on their little two Wheelers . . . Jeannette Behrens spouting bright remarks in her English class . . . Jean Cullen get- ting spanked on her birthday . . . Lucia Lucenko telling the har- rowing tale of the time she fell through the living room ceiling . . . Evan Olsen, 1B, on the third floor looking for the staircase going up . . . Richard Bergsund, 1B, trying to join the GAA . . . Violet Roohad- ze and Helen Douglas lin the swim- ming pool as usual . . . Barbara Ellis philosophizing in the gym of- fice . . . Betty Winkelhaus pushing Loretta Mentzal under the shower with her clothes on . . . Charlotte Henrikson declaring that her name never gets in the paper . . . Shir- ley Korman worrying about her homework . . . All the Tri-Hi-Y girls wondering what fellas they'll take to the spning dance . . . Lio- nel Louthan blowing things up in his chem 'class . . . Rod Velde sporting green shoes at the Sham- rock Shag. These escaped the censors: While discussing copper and zinc electrodes in Mr. C. Vestal's phys.ics class, someone asked, What goes with copper? Bill Bessemer shat- tered the silence with, A motor- cycle and siren! It's a wonder Wayne Klebe, 3A, doesn't become the genius of the shorthand classes with that bevy of girls always on hand to give him the translations. The students are taking a collec- tion for one of the less fortunate Taftites, namely Hank Green. The poor chap his sadly in need of Don't Be a For Attend This Dar A dance to display a nonsense is offered this noon by the Student co The music will be sup! those super-colossal mu the Topha.tters . The bo girls' gym will both be u the girls' gym there will array of booths in whic sense will reign. The 4 will take place in the boy All this may be had i dime. Come and get it. ,..1. a fountain pen. Any little bution will be greatly appi That's a mighty cute littl thing Ed Jarvis is crochet' it a bundle for Britain-01 bundle? QWe bet he darns sockll Mr. John Piuppo has hee taining hlis biology classe tales of when he was the the football team. 'tln thos declares that mighty mass cles, they didn't pick 'em l size, but by their brawn. Carl English has decided his homework to the Quiz I they can answer it, he'll the teacher next day, and can't-he'll be 25 dollars History repeats -itself, and these Taftites. Here are z their Famous last words: Nancy Grey: Cobina! a I Betty Craft: 'fOu la la! . . Janis: I'm in love! . . . C Frank: I'1l see you in cl tl1e windows are washed! S1nooch Erickson: Nov have I done? . . . Jean Yipe! . . . Charleton Bar! back of me hand for you mouth! . . . George Hanl the world's a stage, and actor! . . . Mary Jane Don't call me Red! . . . I Voorhee . . . That I will! Funk: That's hardly white . . . Ben Trapanni: quote unquote. QHe's the strong typel . .. Red Croston: just talking to Mr. Teusche Biill Hedges: He's a quee: Maryalice Youmans: Giv1 Smith. Betty Cameron: I'll stick ting! . . . Marge Mann: Y kiddin! . . . Phyllis Dolan: did it! . . . Tom Craft: Simp! . . . Lee Brinkwc quietly fainted . . . Bill C: I still say Benny Goodma Norman Esserman: Listen! never stayed awake long er hear the restj . . . Elaine ren: Do you wanta hear a , Janet Stone: Ye gads ar fishes! . . . Lucy Muskat: C looks good! . . . Gertrude ski: Gol-ly! . . . Howard Jz I've gotta wash the car . Nowakowska: Yippe!

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riil 1, 1941 Zzft Girls Want ins 6 Brawn or Their Men By Lorraine Risavy J you prefer the broad, brawny, ian type of fellow, or do you iorl the bright intelligent sort? rey by the inquiring reporter vs that most of the girls at are picky and want a little achr. ith Kieselbach, 2A, sighs, 0h! a man with brawn to bring e the bacon. Edra. Lindeman, 1A, is neutral states, They need brains to to do it. declared, is brutal. ins without brawn is sickening, anyhow I look better with the vny type. uth Kaage, 1A, says that she :n't car-e about the muscles, but wants fthe brains. After all, avers, You can always pad n up. 5 k it sup and muscles me Swanson, 4A, Lwn without brains -What Use Brain? vonne Po-tempo, 1A, feels that brainy ones are better looking, Priscilla Pollak, lA, thinks 3 when the man is brawny, you e more to look at. fiss Agnes Kiley doesn't Like er extreme. I prefer a combi- lon, she revealed. hir Lee Turner, 4A, drawls, ell-l-l, I believe I prefer both lse it's b1'awn that attracts the and brains that attract her ents. They both help. ler sister Pat fCaroll Turner, shows the other side of the stion with her answer of, I 1 be peculiar, but my choice is ins, because it takes bralins to e personality and after all, lt high school boy has brawn? anet Stone, 4A, shows indiffer- e and declares that it doesn't ke any difference as long as it's ian. What Use Brawn? leverly Singer, 3A, prefers brain brawn because, What good is wn without brains? 'hyllis Larson, 4B, prefers brain ause she wants to be boss of her ninion. 'he teachers seem to stick to- her with a preference for brains. as Mabel Berquist likes intelli- lt people, and Miss Ruth Benja- 1 thinks brainy people are more sresting and are easier to get ng wlith. Iiss Catherine Dempsey de- res, t'Ohhhhh! brains by far! th them you can accomplish nething. You can't get every- Hg by fighting. tAny brainy rns found wandering in the cor- ors will receive a royal wel- ne by her in the office.l Taft Tribune Page Discover Here How To Lose Friends, To Alienate People By Sterling South Do you want to know how to make people dislike you instantly? Are you tired of your boy friend? Would you like to know how to dis- courage overnight guests? Then here is the book of your dreams: it will teach you how to antagonize anyone, anywhere, any- time without the aid of dandruffg it will get you out of distasteful social engagements more quickly than you got into them. Be sure to read How To Lose Friends and Alienate People CUp to a. Certain Point and how to Keep Them at That Point, by Irving D. Tressler. All of you who have survived this review thus far will be moved by the message which thlis book will bring you: besides you will learn how to make a poor first im- pression and how to turn a conver- sation into an argument. A few of the many good hints follow: Always Be a. Heel! Always make the other person feel like one cent. Keep a snarl on your lips. Don't forget to for- get names. Never listen to any- one else longer than two minutes. Talk about yourself. Look upon life as a duel and yourself as a duel personality. The more quickly you draw blood in a con- versation, the sooner your opponent will cry, Enough! Begin an argument and make an enemy. Make an enemy and lose a friend. Lose a friend and gain some time to yourself. When peo- ple expect you to give them a shoul- der to lean on, give them a bony elbow. You may be wrong, but don't hesitate to use your right to prove you aren't. Gossip is like a foot race. It needs a starter and you can do it. Put Your Foot In It! If you wish to get the most out of this book, there is one major requlirement in addition to being able to read and understand words of more than four letters. What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to want to make others dislike you just as much as you dislike them or a vigorous determination to recognize the fact that most people are about as interesting as a semi- annual report of the U. S-. Gypsum company. No kidding, for a real laugh every second, read this book! It is a burlesque on How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, perhaps you have guessed, and is really funnier if you have already read How to Win Friends. The Fool of the Year , ' us your orbs on Robert Tl McGonigle Thackery Oliver I-l Esquire, P.D.Q., C.O.D., N.U has been proclaimed by a . poll as the nation's fool. by a cracked cranium wor title, King of All Fools. 'l r of puny puns came from L a he accumulated and practi ast knowledge of ton foolery. .fe, ' ' ' se ay ' ' . l e s screwball's weird mind is 8 . . e s King of witty comebacks when asked why he eats pie v Its just force of habit 1 there are never any forks the knives arent sharp I I use a fork I stick myself I'm not used to 'emi' ly can be heard chirping e song, Teacher Wants Me fr am. And when asked if any other he sang out a chc or I Like Bananas 'Cause They H Bob Holiday No Bones. Holly, full of folly, .is also noted for his definitely charming apparel collection of hats. This noted authority of men's haberdashery ste The correct accessories for mooching rides is the larger rubber thl on display in the picture above and the dainty red and white strij checked bow tie which appeals to the women. Numerous similar instances have enabled Taft's basketball starC?f practice running and dodging rocks, books, and any other handy mov objects tossed by the unexpecting victims of his rare humor. Upon gazing at his picture, King Fool roared, Gad Zukes! I hav seen anything so funny as that since I looked in a mirror. He cont that he is not so dumb as he looks and that's p1'etty dumb. Receiw straight E's on his course book, being president of Miss Jane Carlet daivision, and participating in basketball and other competitive sp proves his ability as an athlete, scholar, and all-around good sport. Tribune Presents its Sponsor The opinions expressed below do not ne sarily represent those of the Taft Tribune fact, all the editors, co-editors, assistant tors, and their stooges heartily love all n bers of the teaching profession. However, to keep up its pose as an oracl the general populace, the staff must per from time to time, the publication. of som the rabble's propaganda although it canno' veal the author of the bit below exeep' parentheses f Smooch Ericksenl. Y 1' Oh be careful when shooting your teach- Then she'll never recover and tellg You remember the old faithful saying: ' If it's worth doing it's Worth doing wel My teacher was sweet-75 And had a slight touch of the goutg So I grabbed my gat .in the heat of a s1 And took a good blast at the lout. Just picture my shame and confusion As I awkwardly tried to explaing I just nicked her arm and left in alarm, Making it hard to plug her again. Oh be careful when shooting your teacl It takes training and skill and finesse. So come, fellow students, and join my c Till our homework is assured of succes Ed note: Any resem- blance to actual persons is merely malicious.