Sycamore High School - Leaves Yearbook (Sycamore, IL)

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. SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY H Thanks to a two-headed coin Miss Hansen won. Meanwhile lean was out canvassing the villagers for votes so that she might be elected superintendent of schools and oust lean Han- sen from her position. In the second grade I saw Miriam lespersen, eagerly reciting the alphabet to her teacher. Miriam practiced shorthand so much in her high school days that she had forgotten how to write longhand. In the science department were Professors Robert Meier and William Chambers, violently arguing about the Law of Red and Yellow Hats. As far as I could make out, Professor Meier was winning the argument because he had only one black eye whereas Professor Chambers had two. On my way out of the school I heard one of the teachers saying, The other day daddy said he'd take me to the theater to see Ma- demoiselle Bilge if I'd come home right after school hours . Yes, it was Marge Dunning, still talking about her daddy. Out in the open I heard a loud roar in the sky and saw a plane coming straight toward me. Since some of the natives threw them- selves flat on the ground, I did the same. Luckily the maniac at the controls pulled out of the dive in time to prevent a crash. Ioan Pauler was piloting this craft under the instruc- tion of Don Mitterling. They were still going steady, but as yet Ioan didn't have a ring because Don's plane required much gasoline and he couldn't afford both. Marjorie Niemeyer and Ruthie Nelson were hard at work making costume jewelry from sea shells. When they had finished some new ornaments, Marge would parade the streets with them to drum up new business. Ruthie always followed Marge on these excursions to capture prospective customers and usher them into their shop. In this manner the two enterprising women had set up a notorious but profitable business. Reaching the very heart of the settlement, I heard the strange chants of the village medi- cine man who was stirring a boiling kettle of liquid. Under the coating of war paint was Ralph Larson. I tried to speak to him, but he only shook his head and continued stirring. I was becoming hungry and entered .a grocery store. This store was run by Tommy Billings and his wife, the former Catherine Allen. Tommy, Ir., who was now ten years old, was delivery boy. Their best customer was Steve Brown whose fondness for peanuts had' persisted throughout the years. Steve had gone into the coal business right after graduation but now was delivering ice to the people on the island. On my way through the village, I noticed that one of the dwellings had a Red Cross flag floating above it. I was told that here Bob Yaffe, M.D., treated cases of many un- pronounceable diseases. His capable nurses were Elizabeth Rich, Dolores Nelson, and Kath- erine Peterson, all of whom fought over who would carry the doctor's bag. Adjoining the hospital were the undertaking parlors owned and operated by Gerald IX-'lcMenamin and Iune Haeberle. Iune had taken a fancy to this busi- ness during her high school days. Gerald was also enthusiastic about his job and was constantly thinking up subtle ways of obtain- ing new corpses. He and the minister, Art Montgomery, were good friends. Burrhead had changed and was now' a quiet, respected gentleman who lived with Don Firkins. Passing Don's home, which was a large, elaborate dwelling, I saw him sitting on the lawn smoking a pipe. Bernice McDaniels and Alberta Balcom, were fanning him with palm leaves. Don had inherited a great deal of money right after graduation and had brought it with him to the island. He had-put up the financial backing for Elaine Youngman's new face lotion guaranteed to remove any and all freckles. But the customers also got skinned when they bought it. Passing another hut I saw Clyde Gibson down on his hands and knees before a small spaded plot in which could be seen a few green shoots. Clyde proudly informed me that he was growing petunias, sweet peas, and nastursiums. He has wanted to be a gardener for many years but only lately had he found time for it. Another horticulturist, Ralph Mor- rison, alias Burbank the second, was crossing a cabbage with a pea to obtain heaven knows what. . Eleanor Cleary had become a cook, famous for her rabbit-ear pudding. Her chief tester was Virginia Sharp who gained two pounds a day as a result, and,now had become so large that she could easily wear a size twelve dress. . Adjacent to Miss Cleary's cooking labora- tory was the Outdoor Testing Kitchen run by Bernice Nelson, Ellen Garman, Betty Wilson, and Helen Irving. These girls worked day by day concocting new foods to besafely de- voured by the Sniff Islanders. Before allow- ing the public to use their new recipes the girls fed -the food in question to Helen's hus- band, a certain farm lad from Mayfield. When I asked Helen if it wasn't dangerous to feed her husband these strange foods, she merely

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SENIOR CLASS IPROPHECY In 1965 while touring the South Sea Islands our ship anchored in the harbor of the tiny islet of Sniff for repair. As I stood by the rail- ing who did I see but jim Parker, diving for pennies. I was sure it was he. Hearing me he swam toward the ship. He explained that five years after graduation Mr. Shrout found it was one of the seniors in the class of 44 who had draped a scarf around the statue of Lincoln in the main hall. This awful disgrace caused them to flee to this tropical isle and establish the village of Sychoinskidinski. I asked the captain for permission to go ashore. As Iimmy and I walked down the beach to the settlement, we came upon the entrance to a huge cave. jimmy explained that the high priestess of the village resided here. I entered alone and saw a small woman, whose face was thickly veiled, sitting on an elaborate throne. As soon as her guards had left, she removed her veil, and she was none other than Marilyn King. She explained that after she and Bob had broken up for the hundredth time, she had decided to become a priestess and devote her life to the study of the super- natural. I heard the sound of an old Model A Ford outside the cave, and Don Clapsaddle, a prosperous fisherman, entered with a basket of fresh fish for the priestess. Passing under a cocoanut tree I chanced to look up and saw a cocoanut heading straight for me. I jumped aside just in time and heard a chuckle. There in the tree sat Donny Sabin, with a silly grin on his face. Don told me that he spent most of his time there, waiting for people to pass underneath so he might try his skill at cocoanut shooting. Sabin was still just a playboy at heart. Further on I caught a glimpse of some- thing red and came upon Phyllis Carlson and Bill Brotche arguing. I stepped around them and caught some of Bill's conversation: Mine's redcler than yoursl A short distance from there I heard the loud blast of a trumpet and saw a figure dash by shouting, Charge, We're off to Panama. Yes, it was Billy Reuss, still believing he was Teddy Roosevelt. While digging near the vill- age he had come upon the bones of a dino- saur, he was now the president of a large excavating company. I was distracted from Billy by a mob of children 'who had run to meet me. I was amazed to learn that these eight rowdy young- sters belonged to Gladys Tall. I never found out who the lucky father was, but the triplets bore a remarkable resemblance to a certain navy veteran. Q Entering Sycoinskidinski I noticed a large neon sign on one of the huts. It read Mad- ame La Patcho School of Beauty Culture. I entered and saw Madame La Patcho applying lipstick to one of her customers. As Madame pushed back her hair from her eyes, I saw that she was Margaret Mary Brannen. She was on her way to instruct a class on how not to apply make-up. Her rival across the road was Marion New- man. She had many original ideas on hair styles, such as the cannibal upsweep and the cut-to-the-waist bob. Edna Goodley, a typical housewife, came daily to this beauty parlor to have her eyebrows plucked and restyled. The natives became so entranced by her ex- treme eyebrow styles that everywhere she went, a long line of them followed her. Another patron of the salon was Bob Doty, who came for marcelle waves. Bob had to look his best, for he was in the ladies' shoe business and worked hard getting shoes on the feet of native women. I heard laughter from the open door of one of the huts and looking in saw Liz Cook, under the name of Mademoiselle Bilge, sticking one foot in her mouth and the other around her neck in mid-air. Meanwhile Alice Matteson was telling a funny story, and Shirley Rote was making faces at the audience. All the spectators were enjoying this except Iune Haeberle and Gladys Tall, who did not know what it was all about. To insure laughter, Dirt Gets In Your Eyes Margaret William- son had been planted in the crowd to give forth her best giggles at the proper time. Later while Carol james held the attention of the listeners, Liz, Shirley, and Alice went through the audience stealthily picking pockets to strengthen their financial status. Thorald Anderson took them to and fro in his purple truck to keep any stray wolves away. Proceeding down the main street, I came to a two-story hut, the Sychoinskidinski Grade School. I entered hurriedly, hoping to find some old friends, and, sure enough, the kin- dergarten teacher was Bonney Ward. She was surrounded by a group of children to whom she was reading Leo Tolstoy's, War and Peace . As I was about to go, I overheard one of the small girls inquire, Mommy, what is daddy making for supper? I concluded that she was Bonney's little daughter: I wonder who's boss in that family. Iean Hansen was teaching third grade. She explained that since she and lean Smith had both qualified for the position, they had tossed a coin to see who would get the job. a r-

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SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY replied, No, he has a life insurance policy. Continuing my tour of the village I almost fell over LaVice Grissinger who was sitting in the pathway with a ouiegie board. She was calling it names because it wouldn't tell her when her husband would be home. I never knew LaVice had such a temper. Along this same path there were trees lay- ing across the way. Directly ahead I saw a man powerfully swinging an axe against a tree trunk. The large muscular man was Carl Swanberg. He explained that he was the vil- lage carpenter, but that at present he was cutting down trees for exercise only. Before I had a chance to leave, a woman came down the road with a huge basket, bulging with food for Carl's lunch. No wonder he was such a husky man with a good wife like Mary Roberts to cook for him. As a hobby Mary did por- trait paintings. Later I came upon a group of laborers, who were ardently at work leaning on their picks and shovels. I saw the letters S. I. L. on their shirts, and as I drew nearer I found that these ditch diggers were Russ Taylor, Doug McLain, and Iohn Wellander. The S. I. L. stood for the organization of ditch diggers known as the Sniff Island Loafers . As we talked a woman in blue jeansapproached shouting, You men get to work there. What do you think this is, a kindergarten? To my astonishment the boss of the laborerswas Evelyn Scoot. I guess she is still ruling men with an iron hand. I went on my way. Eleanor Wolfe, her mouth full of pins, hurried by without seeing me. She was the dressmaker in the village and received much business after Ruth Town- send started the vogue for grass skirts. Ruthie began most of the vogues - the good and the bad. While the mothers were having new clothes fitted by Eleanor, they left their babies with Ruth Buzzell. Ruth was willing to take care of all children from the ages of one to twenty-five. Of course, she preferred the older ones. She was often hired by Alvina McAdams and Vera Angel, who were both married and had families of their own. For some time I had noticed small scraps of paper lying here and there on the ground. Picking one up I saw that it was covered with figures. These slips finally led me to one of the huts, in which Helen Taylor and Alice Giltner sat, scratching their heads over a pile of papers laying on the table in front of them. They paused to tell me that they worked day and night figuring out the income tax of the islanders. They were having no end of trouble. In desperation they consulted Beta Penrod's library, but as yet Evadine Benson, had not written a book on taxes. Beta Pen- rod, Evadine Benson, and Marjorie Westlake had worked up a profitable business together. Evadine wrote books, Marjorie illustrated them, and Beta ran the rental library. All books published by these girls had been read by lean Arison, now a profound thinker and philosopher. She could often be seen walking around in a trance reciting Moth- er Goose rhymes to herself. Outside of the settlement I came to the Hairless Monkey Farm owned by Elbert Scott and Donald Packard of F.F.A. fame. Elbert distracted the monkeys by pulling their tails and throwing water in their faces, while Don cautiously removed their hair with tweezers. These hair-ridden monkeys brought extremely high prices from zoos. Making my way back to the ship I saw a delapitated hut near a rippling stream. On the bank of the stream sat a bearded old her- mit, leisurely fishing and uttering the words, I hate women . After talking to him for a while he informed me that he was Bob Allen. It seems that after Marilyn had become a priestess, he decided to take up the life of a hermit just to spite her. As I left him there by the stream I could still hear him muttering, I hate women . Toward evening I reached the beach and saw a large sailing vessel anchored. Marye Faye Skelly and Blanche Hughes were on board. They were the proprietors of the Dive and Grab Pearl Company . They had found one of the largest pearls known to man, but had thrown it back into the sea because they could think of no logical way to divide it. After conversing with these two friends, I boarded the ship. I took one last look at the island. I wondered if the people of Sychoin- skidinski would ever leave this carefree life to retum to civilization.