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Page 26 text:
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SENIOR CLASS IPROPHECY In 1965 while touring the South Sea Islands our ship anchored in the harbor of the tiny islet of Sniff for repair. As I stood by the rail- ing who did I see but jim Parker, diving for pennies. I was sure it was he. Hearing me he swam toward the ship. He explained that five years after graduation Mr. Shrout found it was one of the seniors in the class of 44 who had draped a scarf around the statue of Lincoln in the main hall. This awful disgrace caused them to flee to this tropical isle and establish the village of Sychoinskidinski. I asked the captain for permission to go ashore. As Iimmy and I walked down the beach to the settlement, we came upon the entrance to a huge cave. jimmy explained that the high priestess of the village resided here. I entered alone and saw a small woman, whose face was thickly veiled, sitting on an elaborate throne. As soon as her guards had left, she removed her veil, and she was none other than Marilyn King. She explained that after she and Bob had broken up for the hundredth time, she had decided to become a priestess and devote her life to the study of the super- natural. I heard the sound of an old Model A Ford outside the cave, and Don Clapsaddle, a prosperous fisherman, entered with a basket of fresh fish for the priestess. Passing under a cocoanut tree I chanced to look up and saw a cocoanut heading straight for me. I jumped aside just in time and heard a chuckle. There in the tree sat Donny Sabin, with a silly grin on his face. Don told me that he spent most of his time there, waiting for people to pass underneath so he might try his skill at cocoanut shooting. Sabin was still just a playboy at heart. Further on I caught a glimpse of some- thing red and came upon Phyllis Carlson and Bill Brotche arguing. I stepped around them and caught some of Bill's conversation: Mine's redcler than yoursl A short distance from there I heard the loud blast of a trumpet and saw a figure dash by shouting, Charge, We're off to Panama. Yes, it was Billy Reuss, still believing he was Teddy Roosevelt. While digging near the vill- age he had come upon the bones of a dino- saur, he was now the president of a large excavating company. I was distracted from Billy by a mob of children 'who had run to meet me. I was amazed to learn that these eight rowdy young- sters belonged to Gladys Tall. I never found out who the lucky father was, but the triplets bore a remarkable resemblance to a certain navy veteran. Q Entering Sycoinskidinski I noticed a large neon sign on one of the huts. It read Mad- ame La Patcho School of Beauty Culture. I entered and saw Madame La Patcho applying lipstick to one of her customers. As Madame pushed back her hair from her eyes, I saw that she was Margaret Mary Brannen. She was on her way to instruct a class on how not to apply make-up. Her rival across the road was Marion New- man. She had many original ideas on hair styles, such as the cannibal upsweep and the cut-to-the-waist bob. Edna Goodley, a typical housewife, came daily to this beauty parlor to have her eyebrows plucked and restyled. The natives became so entranced by her ex- treme eyebrow styles that everywhere she went, a long line of them followed her. Another patron of the salon was Bob Doty, who came for marcelle waves. Bob had to look his best, for he was in the ladies' shoe business and worked hard getting shoes on the feet of native women. I heard laughter from the open door of one of the huts and looking in saw Liz Cook, under the name of Mademoiselle Bilge, sticking one foot in her mouth and the other around her neck in mid-air. Meanwhile Alice Matteson was telling a funny story, and Shirley Rote was making faces at the audience. All the spectators were enjoying this except Iune Haeberle and Gladys Tall, who did not know what it was all about. To insure laughter, Dirt Gets In Your Eyes Margaret William- son had been planted in the crowd to give forth her best giggles at the proper time. Later while Carol james held the attention of the listeners, Liz, Shirley, and Alice went through the audience stealthily picking pockets to strengthen their financial status. Thorald Anderson took them to and fro in his purple truck to keep any stray wolves away. Proceeding down the main street, I came to a two-story hut, the Sychoinskidinski Grade School. I entered hurriedly, hoping to find some old friends, and, sure enough, the kin- dergarten teacher was Bonney Ward. She was surrounded by a group of children to whom she was reading Leo Tolstoy's, War and Peace . As I was about to go, I overheard one of the small girls inquire, Mommy, what is daddy making for supper? I concluded that she was Bonney's little daughter: I wonder who's boss in that family. Iean Hansen was teaching third grade. She explained that since she and lean Smith had both qualified for the position, they had tossed a coin to see who would get the job. a r-
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Page 25 text:
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SENIOR CLASS WILL , Ralph Morrison leaves his strong, silent charm to Iames Crosby Schwab. With our little wolf reformed it'll be safe to go out on the street nights. Alvina McAdams leaves her colorful career as a waitress to Nancy Slezak. You meet more interesting people this way. Berniece McDaniels leaves her fiery tern- per to Betty Nowlen. Better beware all you who heckle Betty. Douglas McLean leaves his typical Irish- ness to Wes Iohnson. Need we say more? Gerald McMenamin leaves The Ford to Mr. Hauswald. Now you can put that bicycle in dry dock, Hausie. Bernice Nelson leaves her neatly curled hair to Genevieve Russell. Neat hair is more alluring than that Charles Atlas course, Gen. Delores Nelson leaves her cuddle up a little closer line to Miss Reuber. Who's kid- din' who? Ruthie Nelson leaves her bangs to Mr. Shrout. Marion Newman wills her belligerent manner to Helmer Nelson. He has to have something to protect himself. Marjorie Niemeyer leaves her live alone and like it philosophy to Eddie Cook. This I've gotta seel Don Packard gives his harem of DeKalb women to George Clark. We'll get even with the DeKalb gals this way. Jimmy Parker leaves his remarkably good looks and All American Boy complex to Watson Bennett. Enter a new and more fascin- ating Watson. . ' Ioan Pauler leaves her beauty marks to Dorothy Wampole. Reta Penrod leaves her fits of violence as a committee chairman to anyone who wants a quick ticket to Elgin. Kathryn Petersen leaves her curvacious loveliness to Tooty Bauer. Oh come now! Bill Reuss bequeaths his disgust for women to Gussie Gustafson. He won't give the gals a break anyway. ' Liz Rich hesitated to leave but finally de- cided it wouldn't be too bad since Red lives out in her direction anyway. Mary Roberts graciously.grants her teeth braces to Marilyn Adee. You'll have an extra pair now in case you swallow yours, Fat. Shirley Rote leaves her swoons over any handsome he-man to Meri. tl-lave you seen Shirley's locker door?l Donny Sabin wills his ioy for iive to Miss Scarseth so she can be a iitterbug. too. Elbert Scott leaves his stirring, portrayal of Mr. Witherspoon to Frankenstein. Maybe this will give him a new lease on life. Virginia Sharp leaves her pomp and pious- ness to Ioy Niebergall. My how quiet things have grown. Frankly, Marye Faye is worried: there isn't another Skelly to inherit Bob Larson. Evelyn Skoot lends her little Ford to any- one who wants to get around. lean Smith leaves her priority on Miss E. Y. to Bernard McMillian. I Gladys Tall leaves her interest in the Navy to Ioe Minnahan. Use it as a morale builder when you're on K.P., Ioe. Carl Swanberg leaves his prize winning menagerie to the F.F.A. Quit drooling, kids, that doesn't mean Mary. Helen Taylor leaves her bland innocence to anyone who wants to get away with murder. Russ Taylor leaves his razor to Bobby CPeach-fuzzl Hennis. Ruthie Townsend leaves her Rogues Gal- lery of droolable males to any girl who wants to brighten a dull evening. Bonney Ward wills her pass to South Da- kota to anyone who needs new hunting terri- tory, and we do mean lean Smith lFreshmanl. Owwwl ' Iohn Wellander leaves his motorcycle to Mrs. T. so she can tear out and round up any truants. ' Marge Westlake leaves her artistic but quiet life to Clara Louise Sundly. ' Margaret Williamson leaves her sense of humor to Tommy Fenwick. Anything but that corn. Tommy. Betty Wilson leaves her boisterous per- sonality to Audrey McCullah. Eleanor Wolfe, the perfect example of the domestic type, leaves this characteristic to Eileen Askelson. Try the homemaker line, Eileen. Bob Yaffee leaves those trumpet lips to Herb Renwick. Let's polish up that old tech- nique, Herb. Elaine Youngman leaves her job at the Na- tional Tea to Donna Brotcke. You'll find it's a marvelous supplement to your diet, Donna. Filed: and forgotten by said testators who hope no one ever brings it up again. Signed. THE CLASS OF '44 ' ' 21
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Page 27 text:
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. SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY H Thanks to a two-headed coin Miss Hansen won. Meanwhile lean was out canvassing the villagers for votes so that she might be elected superintendent of schools and oust lean Han- sen from her position. In the second grade I saw Miriam lespersen, eagerly reciting the alphabet to her teacher. Miriam practiced shorthand so much in her high school days that she had forgotten how to write longhand. In the science department were Professors Robert Meier and William Chambers, violently arguing about the Law of Red and Yellow Hats. As far as I could make out, Professor Meier was winning the argument because he had only one black eye whereas Professor Chambers had two. On my way out of the school I heard one of the teachers saying, The other day daddy said he'd take me to the theater to see Ma- demoiselle Bilge if I'd come home right after school hours . Yes, it was Marge Dunning, still talking about her daddy. Out in the open I heard a loud roar in the sky and saw a plane coming straight toward me. Since some of the natives threw them- selves flat on the ground, I did the same. Luckily the maniac at the controls pulled out of the dive in time to prevent a crash. Ioan Pauler was piloting this craft under the instruc- tion of Don Mitterling. They were still going steady, but as yet Ioan didn't have a ring because Don's plane required much gasoline and he couldn't afford both. Marjorie Niemeyer and Ruthie Nelson were hard at work making costume jewelry from sea shells. When they had finished some new ornaments, Marge would parade the streets with them to drum up new business. Ruthie always followed Marge on these excursions to capture prospective customers and usher them into their shop. In this manner the two enterprising women had set up a notorious but profitable business. Reaching the very heart of the settlement, I heard the strange chants of the village medi- cine man who was stirring a boiling kettle of liquid. Under the coating of war paint was Ralph Larson. I tried to speak to him, but he only shook his head and continued stirring. I was becoming hungry and entered .a grocery store. This store was run by Tommy Billings and his wife, the former Catherine Allen. Tommy, Ir., who was now ten years old, was delivery boy. Their best customer was Steve Brown whose fondness for peanuts had' persisted throughout the years. Steve had gone into the coal business right after graduation but now was delivering ice to the people on the island. On my way through the village, I noticed that one of the dwellings had a Red Cross flag floating above it. I was told that here Bob Yaffe, M.D., treated cases of many un- pronounceable diseases. His capable nurses were Elizabeth Rich, Dolores Nelson, and Kath- erine Peterson, all of whom fought over who would carry the doctor's bag. Adjoining the hospital were the undertaking parlors owned and operated by Gerald IX-'lcMenamin and Iune Haeberle. Iune had taken a fancy to this busi- ness during her high school days. Gerald was also enthusiastic about his job and was constantly thinking up subtle ways of obtain- ing new corpses. He and the minister, Art Montgomery, were good friends. Burrhead had changed and was now' a quiet, respected gentleman who lived with Don Firkins. Passing Don's home, which was a large, elaborate dwelling, I saw him sitting on the lawn smoking a pipe. Bernice McDaniels and Alberta Balcom, were fanning him with palm leaves. Don had inherited a great deal of money right after graduation and had brought it with him to the island. He had-put up the financial backing for Elaine Youngman's new face lotion guaranteed to remove any and all freckles. But the customers also got skinned when they bought it. Passing another hut I saw Clyde Gibson down on his hands and knees before a small spaded plot in which could be seen a few green shoots. Clyde proudly informed me that he was growing petunias, sweet peas, and nastursiums. He has wanted to be a gardener for many years but only lately had he found time for it. Another horticulturist, Ralph Mor- rison, alias Burbank the second, was crossing a cabbage with a pea to obtain heaven knows what. . Eleanor Cleary had become a cook, famous for her rabbit-ear pudding. Her chief tester was Virginia Sharp who gained two pounds a day as a result, and,now had become so large that she could easily wear a size twelve dress. . Adjacent to Miss Cleary's cooking labora- tory was the Outdoor Testing Kitchen run by Bernice Nelson, Ellen Garman, Betty Wilson, and Helen Irving. These girls worked day by day concocting new foods to besafely de- voured by the Sniff Islanders. Before allow- ing the public to use their new recipes the girls fed -the food in question to Helen's hus- band, a certain farm lad from Mayfield. When I asked Helen if it wasn't dangerous to feed her husband these strange foods, she merely
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