Susquehanna University - Lanthorn Yearbook (Selinsgrove, PA)

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He will become a man noted for hi scientific courage in butting against this hitherto unsolved problem. He will later turn from this devious path of science and become an exponent of Blackstone. A negative exponent, I ven- tured to remark. No. said he. not that. He will win renown for his ability in the case of Adam versus Eve. To even up, I asked him the origin of this species. From the town of Middlcsworth, was the seemingly far-distant an- svver. I then surmised that this must lie no other than our stunning brunette, Ira W. Bingaman. Well ! Well ! Here is a peculiar marking. You see there are two -pots adjacent to each other; both small brownish discolor- ations. Look how they are arranged very close to one another | and they seem to lie moving. ) Very peculiar, I remarked, musingly. Ah ! I see. Those two spots were formerly fardistant, in miles, but you see they are coming closer and closer together and will soon unite to form one large dot. These individuals will become great (as befalls their lot I and will become the salt of the earth. They will succor the falling and rescue the perishing. Great will be their reward. Enough, quoth I. I have them spotted, trie Sunday and Annie Beaver. I am sure. I bad forgotten to tell the aged seer that I myself had in- tended to turn the Futurescope upon these fallen people. Fallen in love, 1 mean. But all the world loves a lover. This was two too bad and so we stopped to partake of some refreshments, in which the bone joined us. Freshened somewhat by the refreshments he again began like a man in a heavy stupor. -Look ! Here is a red spot. Ha, I see. A cardinal. I can almost see him. He has a classic, Grecian, Venus de Medici countenance and is reciting the Magnificat A car- dinal, who can that be. The seer looked at the list of names and pointed silently to one. I looked, and lo, it was Thomas Barclay Uber, Senior, no Junior. I ' ll al ' lau it was a surprise. At this juncture we were interrupted by the passage of Pop. Schrader ' s auto. After the sound of the whirring wheels had died away in the distance, the man of mysteries again chanted: One large red spot. A woman. I believe. A school inarm. I can almost see the stern Puritan countenance, with the golden rule in one band and the book in the other. I asked if there were Dot possibly another spot. He replied to the negative. Mary Ruth Fisher Miller. Who ' d a thought it. Once more he consulted the fowl ' s wisdom tooth. I uoticed be was eying attentively a large black spot. Here 21 '

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1 PF®pfc cy Since I am not a prophet or the son of a prophet, and as they Bay A prophet is without honor in his own coun- try, the thought came over me, like the whine from the fountain at Selin ' s Grove Hall, that perhaps it would ! ■ well, expedient as it were, to find, to seek out from the highways and byways, one with whom I could sweet com- munion hold and find out what the fates hold in store. Thus, while traversing ' the plains of Greese, on the outskirts of Chicago, seeking to find the long lost oracle, 1 happened across a man of commanding appearance, with long unkept heard, dishevelled hair, and whose air pro- claimed him to he from Down where the Limburger grows. In response to my inquiry 7 , as to the location of the famed oracle of Apollo, he, with a wild weird laugh, which almost froze the blood in my veins, replied: Know ' st thou not that I am the prophet of Ivor? I replied, that as a matter of course, I had heard of him. I asked him to un- ravel the mysteries which perplexed my shallow brain. Replied he: Wist thou not, that I am able to peer into the future? This seemed my worldly vision as the one sent to aid me in my task. After some dickering as to the com- pensation, et cetera, I pail him the 100 ducats demanded and he agreed to prophesy ( . K. Then as he turned to go to his retreat to secure his potions, I noticed for the first time the placard pinned to his threadbare vestments, on which was written, When all others fail, consult Mr. Hartz. What mean those words, thought I. He soon returned with a queer, familiar looking object, which on close scrutiny I discovered it to be a goose bone. I then recollected of reading about the aged prophet who lived in the Hartz Mountains. In response to mv question as to how he was able to foretell with the goose bone, he replied, By the spots, ye shall know them. I then gave him the names of those whose fate I wished to foresee. He then took the wish bone and upon rubbing it with his magic fingers, numerous spots or clis- colorations of variegated colors appeared. Here, said he. is a spot, which although dim, is still to be reckoned with. The man that marking represents will find fame and fortune hunting for Darwin ' s Missing Link. 21

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is an interesting character. The spot betokens that he is a farmer, a scientific farmer. As he follows the plow with that serious air, one wonders whether he is not seeking some new element. See he is reading, Piers the Plowman. Great guns, Dutch Benfer. Ah, here is another interesting spot of a yellowish hue. Look, how like Diogenes, he wanders about with a far awav look, his Lanthorn in hand, looking for an honest man. Take notice ! He was business manager of the l!)()li an- nual. James Dber, alias the Silent Partner, did von say? Right you are. By the great horn spoon, exclaimed the prophet, no more spots will appear. We must away to consult the fire that burns eternal; the goose bone ' s charm is broken. We then went down in a great valley to the prophet ' s den. 1 was comfortably seated on the rush covered floor of the cave and thinking what next ; when lo ! the conjurer lifted what I saw to be a huge lid by an unseen spring and the fire shot forth from the bowels of the earth. I then told him the names of the remaining classmates. He replied, I will cast their future upon the curtain of tire. He then uttered some strange sounds and twisted his body into snake like contortions and presto before me appeared a life like picture. The scene was laid in a small country town almost as large as Selin ' s Steddle. Upon the town square, surrounding a gaudily painted wagon, was assembled a large concourse of humanity. The gas light, which looked similar to the one in front of the Alumni Gymnasium, cast a lurid, fantastic glare over the assembled multitude. A man was speaking. His melodious voice seemed to cast a spell over his appreciative audience. On a chair, behind him, sat an individual, attired as a German comedian. The speaker, whom I recognized as none other than Chas. Geise, was declaiming the virtues of Dr. Harter ' .s Electric Bitters. As the Doctor finished his speihl, the comedian began to crack some funny jokes and ended with a Weber and Field ' s pantomine, ml nauseum. I then recognized the voice as Henderson ' s. Tin 1 Doctor, thanks to his persuasive powers, soon sold his huge stock of Electric Hitters. He then told the audience in stentorian tones that the curative properties of the Bitters would be greatly augmented by wearing one of his patent electric belts. While the Doctor was awaiting the psychological moment to pounce upon the reubens, Mr. Henderson entertained the audience by re- citing Little Hoy Blue, with the result that the audience blew homeward. The last scene showed the doctor and his assistant in the village drug store, quaffing their burning thirst with hop soda. 23