Sunbury High School - Torch Yearbook (Sunbury, PA)

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-V-'A-.A-4 2.1, W -Av+' A-A-Q' A sas POOR RICHARD'S ALMOND SACK Cheerful Thoughts One swallow may not make a summer, but a dozen or so will make a bad morn- ing, says Coryell Kerr from experience. lt's a poor doctor that cannot cure a ham, quotes Robert Renn. When the cat's away, the neighbors have insomnia.-This will also apply to Elwood Tharp's clarineting. Two lobsters are better than one, if only one is in a chair. Go to a specialist and he will do you good-and plenty, is Raymond Roush's motto. If at first you don't succeed, try some- one else. Bob Stuck finds this applies in love. The world may be flat, but not much of it is on the level. That's how Pete Bzdil lost his pay checks. When in doubt, do as you please, and Helen Dietz does. Never cross a bridge till you get to it, yet Audrey Searle, authority on sheer hosiery, declares, UA stitch in time saves a runner. The early bird catches the worm, but Fred Wynn remembers that haste makes waste. Ye Lunar Lesson The moon is 238,800 miles from the earth, and all things considered, it is prob- ably just as well for us that it is no nearer. It is frequently seen out very late at night, and it is known to get full once a month. This has led everyone to infer that there is a man in the moon. He is easily phased and his change is all in quarters. The moon is believed to exert a great influence over the tide, and also over the untied. People who are known to be per- fectly decent in daylight, will make love in the moonlight, although they have no logical reason to do so. Definitions Sage: A fool who is on to himself. QA wise guy, like Charlie Rhinehartj. Industry: That devotion to p u r p o s e which enables a boy to plan diligently for hours, how to avoid 15 minutes of work. lSee also Joe Fryj. May Day: Your move. fWell, move overly Woman: Cannot possibly be cl e fi n e d . fPaul James could tryj. Prune: A dried fruit usually less expen- sive than tlie strawberry. Imperfect specimens of it are sometimes found in boarding houses. tWears glasses and has straight brown hairj. ?, Ye Editor's Whimsies Nowadays our deepest sympathies go out to those valiant women who see their armed menfolk depart, perhaps never to return, from the Constitution Conventions in Philadelphia. fAnybody herefgot men- folk?j Pioneers shave with bits of glass, says a recent bulle tin from Fort Duquesne. It must be hard to tell whether the wounded fighters have just come back from the Indian wars or the barbers. fEugene Coleman might try this method of shavingj. Whispers Carried Have you any news you want hushed up from place to place? BETTY FEESE will do itffree-just for the fun of it! HOCKENBRACICS PAWN SHOP Anything Hocked Not a single crooked transaction in two years of business. Special gift to be given my first customer. Good prices paid on all sorts of bric-a- brac by FRANK LIN V. HOCKENBRACK. Proprietor. Page 97

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Page 96 11 'A'AvAvAvAvAvA'-vAvAvAvAJ.vAv.v l' 7 . .. Blessed are the Ellgilflggigz Innocent, for they A have lots to learn. A Publication of Nutty Literature Vol. 2-No. 6 Price-3 Guineas LOCAL WRESTLING MATCH PROVES TO BE HUGE UPSET A wrestling match last week between George Washington Bennett and Daniel Boone Neydig, a former lad of Penn's Woods, at Madyson Round Garden had an unusuale iinishe. Bennett, ye strange and strong strangler, tossed his unwieldly ad- versairye with such force that Neydig sailed headlonge out ye arena. The following day he was known to have landed at Fort Augusta, 150 English statute miles distant, where Colonel Hunter Houtzenheimer, surprised at the strange method of attack, withstood ye unexpected visitor fthe first in two yearsb attired in peacoolyear 'trassling togs. Colonel Houtzenheimer's beloved wife, Anna, and her erstwhile friend Sister Frances, milfed by the uncouth ruHian's actions, mayde negotiations with one Con- rad Meiser to deliver ye fellow to ye city of t'Brotherly Love. Inasmuch as this be record time, me- thinks it be well that Mayor Sir Walter Wert and some respectable citizens,includ- ing John Jay Dagel, Benjamin Franklynn Wheeland, and Robert Morris Snydare, a prominent banker, are endeavoring to ye utmost of their ability to have Messrs. G. W. Bennett and D. B. Neydig collabo- rate to repeate ye act and open a postal service between severale towns in Penn- sylvania. Ghost Writing Themes written, Research work done, Archives excavated, etc. Reasonably done by Betty Carl, Arlene Erdman, Jane Willard, and Miriam Renn. Also-Latin translations and second year German compositioneat slight ex- tra cost. COUNTRIE PARTY MAKES DIRTY SWEEP OF ELECTION Ye Countrie Party came to tovsm yesterdaye and defeated ye Gentlemen'sy' Party both in brutal, savage encounters and at ye polls to make this graft-filled election the most interesting in years. When a mob of rustique Germans ousted seventie sailors working for ye Gentlemen's party under Rudyard t'Ruddyface Bickel, thereby proving their supremacy which has long been a bowen of contention, the situatione became so acute that Mme. Netsy Mangle and Miss Betsy Gofer More, owners of Ye China Chipper Tea Shoppe, as well as Guy Grow Green and Charles Calledwell, operators of Ye Square Diehl Print Shoppe, were forced to cease work. QLet your editor, not these competitors, do your job printing4Ed. notej. Final results counted by ye Countrie party in the absence of their opponents: For Seneater Howhard Johnson ............ 4 Coryell Glenn Kerrpatrick .... 651,938.6 For Adj acent-General Harley Kent Bearitt ......... 328,391 Jackel Smythe .............. 297,654.5 At ye end of ye daye's voting Bearitt and Smythe were tied, so an extra period of voting was wrangled out. At ye end of this time the Countrie party proved to be better ballot box stuffers and won all events. Allwin Rothermeal was high scorer for the winners tossing in 42W ballots. He was closely followed by Frederick Poyer Springsett, who voted 3654 tymes. In all probability an investigation will be made to determine how a town of several thou- sand people can cast as high as 600,000 votes.

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Page 98 Heap Big Pow Wow Injun: Now is the year 1938, brethren . . Soon will be 1939, Then, Mebbe 191-8? QNO coaching from the audience, please . . . now, go on . . . Injun . . .J Hey. you Heap Big Medicine Man, Father Time, I mean, what'ull it gonabe in 1948. huh? Father 'limez QStroking nize long beardj You want to know????? Injun: Dern tootin', ya ol' nuisance!! Father Time: Ctlumping gleefully in the air. and cutting a caper with his scythej O. K. 1'm gonna let youse guys in on some hot tips. fChewing on the freshly-cut eaperj . . . Here goes . . . The skies clear. all the haze and clouds are wafted away. sweet music. like that of a bass horn. is heard. The scene is that of a Lubritorium. NVhistling of a not-too musical nature is heard, and a touseled red head pops above the grimy grease pit. It is Bob Snyder whistling to his partner in the gas station business. John Simpson, who is running towards us in a dainty Paris creation designed by Adabelle Hartman. the only female overall designer in the world. In front of this modernistic pink and blue establishment is Carl Sowers. advertisement manager. who is now batting off at the mouth about the unique service rendered by the afore- mentioned two boys. Hob Egan, popular young man about town.. 'ves up in a newly acquired deluxe super-super Plymouth town ear, and Charles Seeboldlixf es out of hiding to be the first to wipe his windshield in the best 'tCircle Service manner. X To the rear of the gas station is the Hot Doggery of Lena XVendt. assisted in her cuisine by Betty Sanders. Their fame in the culinary arts has spread all over, and their eanned products are causing indigestion and riots from Maine to California. The ladies in charge inform us that they get all their meats and similar supplies from Smith, Smith, and Smith, butcher shoppe. and barber shoppe combined. It seems that Bill wanted to he a surgeon, so he got around the expense by barbering fatrociously, too . . . as apple-cheeked Robert Renn will readily testify, after we pick him up . . . bloody and bleeding from the entirely unneces- sary shave Bill has given himj, and Bill makes a living selling the fruits of his razory labors in the cattle pens. The fog drifts over the scene again . . Injun: NVelllll . . . ????????? Father Time: XVelllllll . . . ??'???'. Things grow suddenly light again. and we are HERE!! NYhere??? HERE!! you dum- mies!! On the great white way, and entering the Yumph a new nitery established by Don Lister and Bill Ploek, treasurer and president respectively. Featured on their colossal enter- tainment bill is their own orchestra. known from Toonerville and back, and the sensationally senseless comedy team of Libby and Mohn. Buddy Rogers is Quadruple-tongueing his trum- pety way to fameg the dancing team of Dick Fenstermacher, respectfully? isgalgnia hea 'ner. Acting in the able capacity of head waiter. Hurley VVilvert. and his two subo inates, Ike., ego and Fred Poycr are tossing food right and left to the poor patrons. -4 N. There is a riot at the doorway, for in have swept the two most poptjil and t. Red T x actresses on thc illegitimate stage of today . . . Betty Kepner and Birdie- volomon. F th are heavily furred, masearaed, and eyebrowed, and to ieaeh the least ll, , in - ?