Strathcona Tweedsmuir School - Paidia Yearbook (Okotoks, Alberta Canada)

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4.3, Ed Klassen David Fathi A PROPHECY BY David Komlodi Ladies and Gentlemen: The Tapir is going to take over the World. Yes. .. the Tapir. You may be asking yourself a combina- tion of these three questions:- 1. How are the Tapirs going to take over the World? 2. When is this take-over going to occur? 3. What the devil is a Tapir? l will attempt to answer these questions. The Tapir is an American mammal with a flexible proboscis. It has a short tail, small feet and a pig- like head. NOW ..,.... How can a pig- headed creature rule the World you ask? Well, Man did ...,. However, the Tapir will go about it in a different manner. The process has already begun! Starting from two strategic points, Southern Malaysia and a swamp south of Managua, Nicaragua, spies have infiltrated the upper echelons of both Capitalist countries and Totalitarian alike. Tapirs have taken hold of secret documents without leaving a clue. Who would ever think of looking for trunk prints? Tapirs have gained followers from various other species, in an atempt to overwhelm any human defence. This would be easy - Environmentalists would not allow the killing of the poor defenceless animals. But why, do the tapirs desire command of the planet? Do they have an inborn hatred of man? Or some mad psychosis? Or is it perhaps a publicity stunt? NO. The revolt is upon us. We must do something before it is too late. Security has leaked to me what they believe is the date and time of the revolution. The time is not so distant. Be prepared. On September 31, 1984 at approximately 10 a.m. 110:30 Newfoundlandl don't plan any parties - because the tapirs are revolting - and so is this speech. ....... . F com or 514' 610 do it 6byG N UCI 2144 gg Dec rho 11:5 -ii 9 5 3, U S 2 3 2 25 I s S 2 gf 3' 2 2 ,1 3 1 1' A Q ',. 2 5: THE TREE ' ll 2 . E . lt was alive, once. Q It stood above the emerald green sea, I Q Fleaching with its great branches, 't 4 Trying to touch the sky. K V, Its leaves were fresh and green 1, 1, And they danced inthe gentle summer breezes -I3 39, And yellowed,andfell in autumn. -f 1 its flowers were white as snow, QQ, 01 Tainting the air with their sweet perfume. 'Qbm But no more. The sea is now grimy and fouled with waste. The branches are naked. The leaves have gone forever. The breezes now carry fumes fearsome as Death himself, Killing, rotting, destroying all life. The snow-white flowers are now black as night, Covered with gaseous sludge we call city air . They wither and die, gasping for pure air. Man is the most intelliegent of all creatures. But he is a slow learner. David Fathi Grade 9 The Gentle Art of Head-Shrinking ln my opinion, head-shrinking is the most absorbing and relaxing hobby I have yet tried. Many people are misled into thinking this hobby involves skill and concentration but here they are wrong. I started with only a family recipe consisting of a mixture of herbs and spices, but beginners need just a cooking pot, scalpel, gloves and a smooth object. The standard procedure is to remove the skull, and, in my case, soak it thoroughly in the speed-shrinking mixture. Then the head is sus- pended above a smokeless fire and the facial expressions stroked for twenty to twenty-five minutes. Voila! The result is a handy souvenir that can be hung conveniently from the belt. The art itself is slowly gaining popularity after a brief lull of three or four centuries. People all over the world are finding out how econom- ical and satisfying it is to start their own collections of shrunken heads. Hobby shops and trophy hunters will usually pay a minimum of seventy-five dollars for a well-preserved head. Unfortunately, the common practice is to shrink heads of people with great prestige. This omits ninety per cent of Calgary's population. A beginner may always start with English staff, but this is usually frowned on by masters of the field. Also, the heads of certain English teachers are swollen beforehand as a result of conceit! On the contrary to turning out well, they have been known to omit putrid odors. Although the hobby of head-shrinking is proceeding slowly, it is sure to capture the hearts of all Canadians. It is economical, convenient, and offers attractive results. - Another neat suggestion from Jonathan Swift's Hobby Shop

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io'ii-some y Q 'gL . SS x X f X J VISITORS TO EARTH , TT , 7 Jfrless -X S, 71 A Science Fiction Story ix, THE END ' The war lasted three days. lt started when a new radiation produced by fusion of Cobalt 62 was developed by England. This radiation, it was found, destroyed only human blood cells and nothing else. The new discovery was stolen, almost simultaneously, by the U.S.A., Russia and China. Each country loaded its nuclear weapons with this radiation and waited as they had for almost fifty years. No one knew who started the war. No one knew who won. Five months after the end of the war, January 16, 1994, no one was alive to remember it. One June 25, 1994 the last man on Earth died at the American Base in Antarctica. But forty men and women were left alive. Twenty were orbiting Earth in Space Station Earth One. There were another twenty on Moon Base Serenity. Forty men and women to carry on the human race in a totally hostile environment for three centuries while they waited for the Cobalt 62 to be washed out of the atmosphere. THE BEGINNING The probe had finished its work. Radiation was down to normal and the Earth was fit for man to live on once more. The probe showed an abundance of wildlife and vegetation. In fact the whole world was ready for man. And when the world was ready, so was man. lt was October 9, 2294. The space shuttle, Eagle, landed at 22:00 hours. The first man to step on the Earth for three hundred years was called Mark Fteeman. He was the director of the Project Zeus which serviced the ships for three hundred years until they reached Earth. They landed at the remains of Cape Kennedy Space Centre. Two hours later, they left. Forever. Half an hour after they had landed, a single, blue-white ball which gave off an incredible amount of heat and light appeared before the party and materialized into a human being. And then it spoke: We are sorry you came back. We did not want to do this to you. But we have decided that you are bad for Earth. You must never come here again, lf you do not leave here in a quarter of an hour, you will be transported to the Moon by us. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? asked Fteeman, explosively. I am Spathe. I am a mutation of your race and I come from Earth. Please leave. Fteeman tried to speak but he couldnt Something stopped him I am sorry you have to leave but it is necessary Soon our masters will arrive and they might destroy you We are sorry but we do this for you This time Pteeman could speak but when he opened his mouth he found himself in the control room of the Eagle three hundred miles above the Earth heading towards Serenity Base And through the observation posts he saw the Earth bathed in a bright blue white glow lt was ours once Then he turned towards the hostile Moon his home and that of the human race Forever David Longcroft Grade 8 ,K WJJQTA il lf VK -1 Ji Xt X t , , . XRSWXX SRX X is , X X X X XX X , EY, f tsggfgflitltwtg QF X -g pi' X Q I . , . . I H l .. . I V 9 I i . . ' ' . ., l ' N' ' . - i - is , 1 5 . . . , . . . f . 'i ' , .E . 7 .V W. I J . . . ' f J ' P . . . I V D . ,-, ' v .. - .. 4 . ,H - .7 ' ' . . ' -I 5 . v L 5 a 'sq 5 ' . . lg J ' I 1 . 3 I N! . ,-, ,N . f - ' --' ':.. - ,fff , 'YI' I' ..4,-- , X xr. ' . A l.-

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4' if r q,qQ K, N, 6' o if ff s 2' 'I at S Q-o 9 E' QQ .rg Q5-,,, '42 3-2 35' vt? Sa :sl Sn fbi 9 51.93. 99 5' 'Q- M 'Vp author, nz 0 TEACHERS SHOW PROMISE AS TH ESPIANS A review of the STS staff presentation Sandy Heard's Flying Circus at Winter Carnival, February, 1976. lt was a powerful performance, the kind one is lucky to see once in one's life. For a few brief minutes it was Chem 20 all over again, a brilliant synthesis of one b d wrote: l of the most inane classes in high school. But forget what the ar once come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones. This tour de force of character study by a group of twenty-one talented individuals would put Olivier to shame. The cast included Mrs.Kirkham who was winsome as Shirley Willey and Mr. K'lb ho did a masterful job in his cameo appearance as Brett Kool. John Strath- i w muir, Slip Sturgess, Steve Kleen, Andy Lousy and Fred Furlong as the back of the ll M .S h 't and class crowd were played by Mr. Keller, Mr. Wilson, Mr. McConne , r c mi Mrs. Foster respectively. Polly Dawson, the class whiz kid, was, aptly enough, Dr. Nosal. Randy Draine, tied and jacketed, was played by Mr. Ditchburn who could not quite submerge his extroverted behavior despite valiant attempts. Never mind! We enjoyed the signs: Peasant etc. Mrs. Widney was Tubby Gonesometimesg Patches Headstrong the class rowdy was played by our quiet librarian, Mrs. Ro chan and Julie Body, who arrived in class in a gym suit half-way through the P performance, was Mrs. Coyne. When Mrs. Coyne played Julie, her gymnastics skill ' H W ll- came in handy, as she did acrobatics throughout the lesson arvey a banger, the student who always manages to have a music lesson when a test is announced, was played by Mr. Nelson. Smiling Jack was played by Mr. Hay, Steve Boss, the one with the literary talent, by Mr. Freight, Fred Blooper by Mr. Koning and Nick Greyman, the school vice-president, by Mr. Tottenham. One wonders what happened to Kathie. Mr. and Mrs. Howard Hughes, the parents of six pros- pective students were the people upon whom the class was supposed to make a d ' sion Mrs Hughes emerged wearing an extraordinary costume like goo impres . . something the tubes might dredge up. It included enormous fishnet platforms and a short mink coat as well as an extremely long cigarette holder. Mrs. Hughes was played by Mrs. Desrochers and Mr. Hughes by Mr. Thompson. The acoustics in the gym were so bad you may not have heard the pre-class chatter. There was loud talk about the Okotoks Winter Carnival, about the party at Shylock's the night before and also of preparations for the dance-who was taking whom. lt was all so typical of our classes it was hilarious. lt was a look at ourselves through the teachers' eyes. It managed to include every character in the school, while still being good fun. The teachers seemed to enjoy it at least as much as we did and I hope this is not the last dramatic attempt we shall see from the Staff Room Thespians. Jane McQuitty Grade 12