Stratford Central Secondary School - Collegian Yearbook (Stratford, Ontario Canada)

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COLLEGIAN, 1930 NOTES AND COMMENTS The little talks that Mr. Adamson gives on Home-ibaking are very helpful and instructive and it is a safe bet that none of us will forget the baking powderior yeast in our future attempts at that art. THE PERPLEXITY COLUMN Ernie asks: For some time l have been going with a young lady friend, taking her to church, dances and what not. l should like to know if it would be all right for me to take her to the theatre alone? Ans.:-Certainly not. We sug- gest that you take your father along. Bridges asks:-Can you tell me a new excuse to give Mr. Cameron? K Ans.:-No. We have a hard enough time thinking up our own excuses. COMMENTS A few dozen ear trumpets are Wanted for use in second form dur- ing French Period. Stan Frazer is so well up in his languages that he speaks French in- stead of English when he means Latin. Doesn't Ken. look well in that rugby helmet of Will's? Battersby needs only l79 to pass in Latin. Did you ever hear Andy lVl.cln- tosh play a trumpet? Why was ZD beaten by 2C in bas- ketball? Was it the absence of Han- lon? We wonder. NEW BOOKS 'iThe Undone Homework -By Cyril Gilliland. How to Use a French Diction- ary -by P. D. Smith. uOratory Simplified -by Morris Hay. Cookery Hints -By M. Neth- ercott. An Oasis in the Desert -By Robert lVlee. WANTED A detective to capture a ghost who shoots paper wads at noon and occasionally during Latin period. Apply ZC. MEMORIES l sometimes wonder as older we grow How many will l recall At the school beside the Avon Vfhere the waters gently fall? Where We worked with a will from till four, nine Teachers and scholars in tune. Then blundered out six hundred and more Like bumblebees in June. ln memory we'll see the boys at play, Under those shady trees, Rugby or baseball 'twas always the same- jolly fellows? Yesg were we. As through this World our way we make With courage, its knocks and blows to take. Shame on those whose thoughts ne- ver Hy Back to the days at the S. C. l. Yes, those days we must surely re- member As the years roll swiftly by, And the boys we hope to meet again The boys of the S. C. l. There was a nice boy named Vic In the gym capered agile and quick His chums to his woe Filled his boots up with snow Now he really thought this was too thick fpoor Vicj . LOST A thoroughbred terrier by an el- derly gentleman, with black feet and black patch over right eye. Answers to name of Jiggs. ....4Im

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COLLEGIAN, 1930 THE CAREFUL VS. CARELESS DRIVERS One afternoon a well-known fourth former, in a vain effort to vindicate himself before the eyes of the school, spent a fruitless half hour arguing with himself on the sub- ject of the careless driver. The speaker in a well-planned, well-de- livered speech, thundered before the tribunal in a manner worthy of a great orator or debater. The fast- er a man travels, the more careful he becomes, he said. Well the man who has recently made a record 260 miles per hour, or thereabouts, must indeed be a careful driver. This cannot be doubted. For the man who can travel at that rate of speed and get off without a broken neck has to be a careful driver. ln true legal form the honourable speaker reasoned thus, mln court most witnesses swear they were go- ing 34.999 miles per hour. CA while ago it used to be 25 miles per hourl Therefore, since so very few accidents occur at the greater speeds are they not safer speeds? A man in the road should not waver between two decisions. If he wants to pass a car ahead of him let him do it. lt's when he changes his mind that his own car gets familiar with another one. The speaker did not make mention of the popular back- seat driving, because he himself drives a coupe, and possibly hasn't had any experience. Words, words! Idle words! If you want a practical example of a corn- er on two wheels, the Little Lakes in 53 seconds, or 20 times round on a slippery pavement, go for a ride with Paul Jones, but f'-1I'St of all take out a life insurance policy, or take a parachute with you. . There was a young man named Scott Who didn't do just as he ought, One day it was said, if you don't use your head Of a certainty you'll come to nought. COMING EVENTS fAttention joke-Lovers, Rumour has it that 3A's wise- crackers, Al Robb and Stan Byers will embark on their stage career in the near future. They will be play- ing at the Majestic Theatre from March the 32nd to the 37th under the name of Nit and Wit. One of their best jokes will be: Nit: Ah hea' yo' wife done had her nose broke in three places. Wit: Sho', sho', but dat will teach her to keep 'way f'om dem places. fTheir private life will be given on requestj Miss lVlcQueen has announced her intention of giving a Vocabu- lary Social for the students who failed to come up to the mark in a recent test. A large attendance is expected from 3rd form. Dave Eastwood, alias Clara Bow, has been urged by prominent mem- bers of the class to try his luck in Hollywood. It is widely expected that, with his golden hair and rug- ged physique, he will make a big hit with the directors and actresses in that well-known city. It seems quite in order to mention That now-a-days we have no deten- tion, When students come late, they are given no date To sit half-an-hour in detention. , ln Fifth we have one Gordon Wright, Who sits up to study each night, By morning we think his grey mat- ter's pink, This remarkable student called Wright. , Miss McQueen: Give me an ex- ample of a paradox. lVlcCaffery: A man walking a mile and only moving two feet. -4 0..

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COLLEGIAN, I930 LOST Latin homework in a Latin text- book. Book valuable as keepsake and the homework is very useful. Apply Fox, ZD. SCHOOL NOTES Want Ads l. Widow wants washing. 2. A horse to do the work of a country minister. 3. Mr. Bare, furrier, begs to an- nounce that he will make furs, coats, etc., for ladies out of their own skins. 4. Bird Cage and parrot offered by a refined lady, having green fea- thers and a yellow beak with a black ring around neck. IN A NUTSHELL Once upon a time, dear children, there lived a king in the land of ldontknowwhere and he was not happy and his kingdom prospered not. And calling together all the wise men of that land he said unto them: O savants, tell me what is wrong that my country does not prosper even as the kingdom of Droftats: tell me the truth or l shall cut off your heads. Whereat the wise men were sore dismayed and would have liked to vanish had not Keeko left his ma- gic wand at home. And all eyes fell on Manna who slipped to the king and bowing low and long he said: HO king, may you live forever. And the king replied: 'ilt is for you to see to it that l do! Proceed! And the Wise man spake on, O king, you shall live forever but your kingdom does not prosper because the royal bookkeeping system is old- fashioned and cumbersome. And the king was exceeding angry and straightway besought him his chief executioner and gave orders that he might cut off the head of the in- solent wise man. These things having been Clone and his anger having been some- what appeased, he asked what was the best thing in the respect to the doing. Since it was replied him nothing, it befell that the king thought that perhaps the old man had right and he fain would have dropped a tear, had it not been for the fact that he wore spectacles. Nevertheless it was permitted the wise men to speak as they would. And each in his turn gave much advice and theories on the delicate art of bookkeeping. And after much waste of words, after which the king grew restless, and seemed as if he would order a few executions, the bold Aferod approached the king: and having respectfully scraped he spake: O king, you shall live for- ever but if you want your kingdom to do the same with you, you must telephone the Loochighhs fpro- nounced hi-skooll for a graduate of Special Commercial to take over the Royal Accounts and lo! in a twinkl- ing, at a blow, your sick system will be well again and your kingdom will prosper forever and a day. And the king did as he was bid and he lived happily ever after. The End. Margaret Lowe: What are you vi doing to-night, Lawrence? Scobbie: 'Tm taking up at the Y. M. C. A. Margaret Lowe Csimpering sweet- lyl: Oh are you going to be a farmer, too? fencing l , Miss Stuart: Clive the pres. in- die. of the verb 'to sleep,' Kaufman. Dave fdreamilylz Hfennuie, tu clozes, il snooze, nous snorons, vous disturbez, ils awakentf' T Stranger at S. C. I.: How do you do! l've heard so much about you! Alma Richards: But you will have a hard time proving it. 142-