Stratford Central Secondary School - Collegian Yearbook (Stratford, Ontario Canada)

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COLLEGIAN, l930 Limerick ln Form 5A you may sometimes see, Two gossips with initials M and V, At whom with a frown Mr. Fuller shouts down, All you need is a cup of tea. In Memoriam It is with deep regret that we speak of the recent death of Brock Monteith who passed away after a most severe attack of the dread disease algebrosis. Brock was every- one's friend and our deepest sym- pathies are extended to his confed- erates. There is a young fellow named Baker, Whose feet occupy just one acre, Wherever he goes he's ashamed of his nose, This funny young fellow named Baker. WELL-KNOWN SAYINGS Far be it from me to disturb you. Surely I don't hear any talking at the back of the room, do I? Mccully, will you please take the front seat? We're almost certain that no one would mind in the least if Squeak Monteith could just find a few more peanut clusters in her desk and pass them around. If gum is useful as fuel, Mr. Beadle ought to be exceedingly grateful to Special for the daily waste-paper basket supply. Miss Easson's daily lamentation- Too late, too late, ye shall not enter here. Miss Simpson: Put your papers on my desk and Hpass out. Harry Hayhow is afraid to think hard in school, it might prove fatal. C. Heinbuch reads only the ads now! The doctors give a favourable re- port as to the condition of Bob Mc- Cully. Bob was confined to his bed for a period of three weeks. This was the outcome of the Easter ex- aminations. He was watched very carefully during the period of ex- amination preparation, but to no avail. He was determined to stand at the head of Special. The other members of his class think that this heroic sacrince of his health should be brought to the eye of the great mass of students all over the pro- vince as an example. ON HER BRIGHTNESS There is a certain girl, So Very, very clever, We all wonder, possibly If she's run by a lever. She sits right at the back Of good old Form 5A, And during all the maths, Her brilliant mind holds sway. However l can dare, To sit next to this star Must puzzle all the teachers, And give them quite a jar. One day into her secret, I tried quite hard to pry, When asked how it was done, Replied she, This is why. So l sat down prepared To get from this young sage A new and learned dictum, That would surprise this age. l thought that it would be, A very deep laid scheme, fperhaps she was a robot As told by Miss lVlcQueen.J So then I held my breath, And took out a new sheet To copy down the words Of the young maid so sweet. When what to my surprise, The few words that she said Were, lt's because l always Go early to my bed. Questionnaire-When did that happen, Marion? -M. Mc. -39.-

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COLLEGIAN, 1930 THE CAREFUL VS. CARELESS DRIVERS One afternoon a well-known fourth former, in a vain effort to vindicate himself before the eyes of the school, spent a fruitless half hour arguing with himself on the sub- ject of the careless driver. The speaker in a well-planned, well-de- livered speech, thundered before the tribunal in a manner worthy of a great orator or debater. The fast- er a man travels, the more careful he becomes, he said. Well the man who has recently made a record 260 miles per hour, or thereabouts, must indeed be a careful driver. This cannot be doubted. For the man who can travel at that rate of speed and get off without a broken neck has to be a careful driver. ln true legal form the honourable speaker reasoned thus, mln court most witnesses swear they were go- ing 34.999 miles per hour. CA while ago it used to be 25 miles per hourl Therefore, since so very few accidents occur at the greater speeds are they not safer speeds? A man in the road should not waver between two decisions. If he wants to pass a car ahead of him let him do it. lt's when he changes his mind that his own car gets familiar with another one. The speaker did not make mention of the popular back- seat driving, because he himself drives a coupe, and possibly hasn't had any experience. Words, words! Idle words! If you want a practical example of a corn- er on two wheels, the Little Lakes in 53 seconds, or 20 times round on a slippery pavement, go for a ride with Paul Jones, but f'-1I'St of all take out a life insurance policy, or take a parachute with you. . There was a young man named Scott Who didn't do just as he ought, One day it was said, if you don't use your head Of a certainty you'll come to nought. COMING EVENTS fAttention joke-Lovers, Rumour has it that 3A's wise- crackers, Al Robb and Stan Byers will embark on their stage career in the near future. They will be play- ing at the Majestic Theatre from March the 32nd to the 37th under the name of Nit and Wit. One of their best jokes will be: Nit: Ah hea' yo' wife done had her nose broke in three places. Wit: Sho', sho', but dat will teach her to keep 'way f'om dem places. fTheir private life will be given on requestj Miss lVlcQueen has announced her intention of giving a Vocabu- lary Social for the students who failed to come up to the mark in a recent test. A large attendance is expected from 3rd form. Dave Eastwood, alias Clara Bow, has been urged by prominent mem- bers of the class to try his luck in Hollywood. It is widely expected that, with his golden hair and rug- ged physique, he will make a big hit with the directors and actresses in that well-known city. It seems quite in order to mention That now-a-days we have no deten- tion, When students come late, they are given no date To sit half-an-hour in detention. , ln Fifth we have one Gordon Wright, Who sits up to study each night, By morning we think his grey mat- ter's pink, This remarkable student called Wright. , Miss McQueen: Give me an ex- ample of a paradox. lVlcCaffery: A man walking a mile and only moving two feet. -4 0..