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Page 34 text:
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C ASS PRC PH ECY According to the ancient manuscript discovered by the three famous archiologists, JIM SNEDIKER, TED ROOT, and HARRIET HENRY, it is believed there was an ancient civilization called SENIORS originating in the small city-state of Stow. This document, written 400 years ago in 'l970, deals with the life and occupations of this group of people. It was probably written by a member of this group at some time during his life time and presents a small biographical sketch of each person. Here is the manuscript in its entirety. Since TRENT BUNKER has joined the Army, the Sherman tank has become obsolete. ROBERT SCHLEMMER is now president of the only factory which makes gold-plated mink batons. JOHN BURTON now sells hot cars to ridge-run- ers. CARL HOUSLEY and CARMEN FALITICO are his best customers. PAUL WUCHTER is now stage manager of the Follies Bergere in Paris, France, where SANDRA BRAUCHER is starring in Can-Can. DENNY PETERSON and ROBERT OBLAK, the world's greatest golfers, are teeing off tomorrow in the Mount ldie Open in a field of three, Denny, Bob, and Grandma Ogg. STEVE BERMAN, intending to be the owner of a chain of Sunoco Service Stations, has become a missing link. TOM HUDSON and his choir of renown are making a command performance at OTIS LUKENS' All-County Barn Dance. MIKE VAN BRUNT is now the proud possessor of a 90,000 watt transmitter and yesterday he stuck his head out of the window and got Chile. DAVE REINHART has become a monk and is now writing The Ecclesiastical History of the Amer- ican League. MARC ARNOLD has just broken the 4-minute mile, but unfortunately it will not go on record be- cause he was being chased by the police at the time. RAY DIETZ always wanted to be in business for himself so BRUCE TRIER gave him the business. JUDY WARREN and PATTI WERLING have be- come the coaches of Coventry's football team. MICKEY BATTON joined the Navy, but every- body kept yelling, Button down the hatches, so Mickey spent most of his time in the hatches. LINDA FARINACCI, VIRGINIA GAYLORD, and MARIE KIRKPATRICK are curb girls at the Stork Club. JERRY WRIGHT, WALTER HOFF, and JIM MOELLER have opened a garage and are selling souped-up cars to middle-aged school teachers. Three of Stow's great baseball players, BILL VON GUNTEN, JERRY NICKOL, and KEN SHALL- AHAMER, have turned professional, they are now selling peanuts for Berlow at Cleveland Stadium. SALLY SHUMAN and BARBARA KUSNIR have opened a branch of the Stow Queen, Custard Last Stand, in the middle of the Sahara Desert. ERNIE BIANCHI has won the English Channel swim, but of course he did have a slight advantage over the other contestants, he has webbed feet. BOB GEISTWEITE was also in the race, but he got three- fourths of the way over, decided he couldn't make it, and swam back. EVELYN GILREATH, VIVIAN WHITE, BAR- BARA WEILAND, and MAY KELLER have joined a gypsy caravan and are now touring the Belgium Congo. CAROL HAGAT and EDITH MAHLAR have joined the Rocketts. CINDY MERRELL, LORETTA DIERSING, SALLY MILLER, and SANDRA WEYRICK are in the chorus of that new musical comedy Anna, Anna Get the lpana, Grandma Just Swallowed a Wax Banana. MELBA ADAMS and CAROL MARINICS are cheerleaders in the current Olympic Games. PATTY COON has become the head pianist in Wooster's Marching Band, and RICHARD WALTERS carries her piano. LINDA ZEISIG and PAULA ZINKANN are now making Zeisig Zinkann zippers for zany zoologists . . Zounds I I The four great scientists RONALD ROGERS, BILL VENARGE, JERRY WHITWORTH, and DICK SEMLER have just succeeded in breeding a nanny goat with a hoot owl, the result, a hootin'-nanny. An- other accomplishment of this famous quartet was the discovery of a wondrous hair thinner for people with FAT hair. VIOLET GLASS, MARIE BARKMAN, and LAW- ANNA BRADY are nurses in an animal hospital spe- cializing in the treatment of dogs with claustrophobia. RICHARD WREN and BYRON ROY are disc jockeys on Radio Free Europe. FLORENCE ALLEN and NORITA CSONKA are now teaching physical education at Harvard. The great stars, ANN MACKEY, CHARLENE ANDERSON, and LAURA ROBERTS, of Junior Play fame are now starring in the hit African movie, I Remember Mau-Mau. LARRY CROSS and GARY GARRETT have joined the Harlen Globetrotters. BEVERLY RANSOM, BARBARA NANASHE, and ELIZABETH WILLIAMS are working as models in a Tall Girls' Shop. LOWELL MCKEE is doing porcupine imitations on Zoo Parade. CARL MEADOR has become an elf working for Santa Claus and hopes to work his way up. LARRY SKEENS is pursuing a dramatic career as Flub-a-dub on the Howdy Doody Show where MARTIN SUFFOLK is President of the Peanut Gallery. Four of my classmates, PAT FLAHERTY, KENNY COWLES, DALE GLASS, and TERRY OSMAN, have formed a new recording group, The Chain Gang. Their latest hit on the Sing-Sing label is Up the Lousy River. ETHEL LOVINGOODS'S new book Short Blond Hair in the Summer and Long Brown Hair in the Winter was just published. Another great success is NANCY DAWES. You know Nancy Dawes and then again she Dawsn't. JOSETTE VINCZELLER and MARCHETA MC- CRADY'S new book Care and Training of a Pony Tail, just sold a million copies. JIM SCHAFER, LEE FULTZ, and GARY RUSCO are raising palm trees on their farm in Alaska. KAREN KOSKI, PAULA ELLIS, and SANDY SNYDER have opened a beauty shop and specialize in multi-colored eyelashes.. Their chief competitor is the beauty shop run by BARBARA TREGO, DAR- LENE KELLER, and ARLENE BREHM. Their motto is We take over where nature left off. RAY BARD, realizing his high school ambition, has entered the journalism field and has replaced Pogo in the comics. ARVELLA COLLINS and JEANNE BARNES are the greatest bullfighters in all of Spain. SHELIA CAHILL, HARRIET BROWER, and MARCIA BREWSTER have invented automatic Hula Hoops for people who are lazy. JOANN FLOWER, JOANNE HOLLAWAY, and CAROL CUMMINGS have opened a nursery and are successfully raising corn smut and wheat rust. 'GORDON BARTLETT went mad.
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Page 33 text:
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VIVIAN WHITE wills her quiet manner to Carroll Sallaz. MARTIN SUFFOLK leaves all Mr. i'lolley's grasshoppers to any timid girl planning to take bio- logy. JEAN SHULTZ gives her hot rod to Carolyn Schossler, hoping that she can lead the police on the merry chase that Jean did. LOEL MC KEE wills his carto Don Barnes along with the best of luck in driving it. BEVERLY RANSOM leaves to Mr. Tyree, her roller skating ability. CARL MEADOR leaves his mass to some future member of the Varsity football squad. SANDY WEYRICK leaves her famous snicker to the lucky senior occupying the last seat in Spanish il class. JUDY WARREN wills her secret formula blonde rinses to Kert Koski. LINDA FARINACCI leaves her big smile to any grumpy underclassman. LAURA ROBERTS wills her maidenly blush to Nan Gaylord. BILL VENARGE leaves his art of completely confusing Mrs. Vonfeld in Junior English grammar class by his questions to any up-and-coming junior who wants to be irritating. KEN SHALLAHAMMER wills his experience in Student Council to Ray Bresciani. PAT WERLING gives all her bottles of frosted nail polish to Joan Keller. JIM MOELLER willsghis study hall seat in Room 205 to some unfortunate soul. BYRON ROY leaves his iob as master stagehand to Dick Myers. LARRY SKEENS leaves his happy-go-lucky disposition to Lowell Cannon. DICK SEMLER leaves his no-lock locker to any- one who can't afford to be bothered by a combination. RAY BARD leaves his ability to stay out of trouble with the teachers to Jim Pardee. JERRY WHITWORTH wills his car to Ron Ward since he can drive it so well. BRUCE TRIER wills his physics tests to the wastebasket in Room 204. JIM SCHAFER leaves his first love, talking, to that quiet soul, Jimmy White. CURTIS MOORE gives his collection' of tardy slips back to Mrs. Andresen. OTIS LUKENS leaves his wisecracks to some other troublemaker. GARY RUSCOE wills his old motor scooter to anyone interested in pursuing ioy-riding. STEVE BERMAN wills 30 pounds to Jerry Mahler in hopes that he will grow. TRENT BUNKER wills his membership in the Communist Party and his subscription to Pravda to anybody who is stupid enough to believe in it. MIKE VAN BRUNT wills his ability to get along with the Superintendent to anyone who wants it. DAVE REINHART leaves his entire wardrobe to the Goodwill Industries. KENNY COWLES wills his llama, the llama's sidesaddle, along with his gaucho pants and ability to speak Spanish to his brother, Jim. CAROL SUE MARINICS wills her ability to avoid accidents to John Nanashe who could certainly use II. SALLY SHUMAN wills her daily carrot to any long-earred Freshman. SALLY MILLER gives her tenor voice to Barb Zuppa so she will be able to sit with the men. PAT COON leaves her calorie chart to Norma Nickol. BILL VON GUNTEN wills his harem to Lyn Jackson, Mio may use it as he sees fit. PAULA ZINKANN wills to her sister, Cecilia, the ability to fail Spanish all year and pass with a 7l. SANDIE SNYDER gives her two left feet to a band member in the Freshman class. DENNY PETERSON donates his master key to the school to Mr. Barr in case he ever wants to get into the school. BARBARA NANASHE gives all her growing pills to Bill Ni,ckol hoping he has better luck than she did. HARRIET HENRY wills her ability to make an explosion which puts holes in the lab table and still stay on speaking terms with Mr. Woodworth to some up and coming chemistry student. CHARLENE ANDERSON wills her talent for Singing love songs to other girl's boyfriends to Linda eese. LORETTA DIERSING wills her 22 inch waist- line to Martin Brandon. JOSIE VINCZELLER wills her pony tail to Mr. Cooley for the purpose of switching flies in the music room. NANCY DAWES leaves her ability to be on time to Rita McAmis, who is always late. JO ANN ' FLOWER wills her tidyness to some sloppy underclassman. MELBA ADAMS wills her red hair to Barb Holden so she'lI have hair to match her temper. EVELYN GILREATH gives her ability to study in study halls to Ray Balsevicius, who could certainly use it. JO HOLLOWAY leaves her southern accent to Roy Darling. W BARBARAWEILAND wills her long hair to Brenda iI I'.
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