Stonewall High School - Confederate Yearbook (Clearbrook, VA)

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Laugh and the World Laughs With You Upon learning that a certain doctor in town charged five dollars for a first visit but only two dollars for the second, a miserly old man decided to save money by pretending he had already been to sec the doctor once before “Here 1 am again. Doc,” he breezed as he sauntered into the- office. “I’m afraid I don’t remember your face,” re¬ plied the doctor. “Hut how are you feeling?” ”1 don’t feel much better.” complained the pincy-penny. Then continue the prescription I gave you last time for a few more weeks. And that’ll be two dollars please!” Lady of the house: “Have you given the gold¬ fish fresh water today?” Maid: “No, Ma’am. They haven’t finished what I gave them vest rday.” “Those people in the apartment above won’t give me a minute’s peace. They were still up at two o’clock this morning jumping on the floor and making a terrible noise.” “Kept you awake eh?” “Well, not exactly. I was still up practicing my saxaphone.” Mrs. Kersey : “How do you feel after your ride on the horse?” John: “I didn’t know anything filled with hay could be so hard.” Mr. Winfrey: “This sentence, My father had money, is in the past tense. What you you be using if you said. My father has money?” Anna: “Pretense.” bachelor: “What an adorable baby you have, M adam.” Proud Mothejf. “Tha-nk you. Do you know, he’s only seventeen months old and has been walk¬ ing for nearly nine months now!” bachelor: “Really! He must be exhausted. Isn ' t it about time he sat down?” Young girl: “What beautiful fresh flowers you brought me! Why I believe there is a little dew- on them.” boy: “Yes. there is, but 1 promise to pay it off tomorrow.” Dot: “Why can’t a bicycle walk?” Peggy: “1 give up. Why?” Dot: “It’s two-tired.,” Mr. Demon was speeding along the highway one day when a state trooper caught up with him and made him pull over to the side of the road. “What’s the meaning of exceeding the speed limit,” asked the trooper. “Well you see,” replied the driver, “My brakes are bad, and I was in a hurry to get home before I had an accident. Man (standing in the middle of a busy street): “Officer, can you tell me how to get to the hospi- States, a carpenter was being examined in court. Policeman: “Sure, Just stand where you are.” Jean: “I’ve changed my mind.” Thomas: “Well, does it work any better now?” Dad: “Who was your mother talking to for an hour at the door?” John: “It was Mrs. Smith. She said she didn’t have time to come in.” After applying for citizenship in the United tal ?” He answered all the questions correctly as to the name of the president and capital. Then the official asked. “Could you become President of the United States ?” “No,” w r as the reply. “Why not?” persisted the official. “You please excuse,” begged the carpenter, but I am very busy right now repainting houses!” — 80 —

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Laugh and the World Laughs With You An elderly lady was asking a salesgirl about instructions for knitting a clog sweater. “And how big is your dog?” asked the girl. After the lady had struggled, unsuccessfully, to describe the dog, the salesgirl suggested, “Why don’t you bring him in?” “Oh, but 1 couldn’t do that,” the distressed lady retorted, “ 1 want it to be a surprise.” Aunt: “If you’ve lost your dog, why don’t you put an ad about him in the newspapers?” Joe: “Oh, that wouldn’t do any good, he can’t read.” Helen: “Why did the little moron fill up the gymnasium with water?” Bucky: “You tell me.” Helen: “Because he heard that the coach was going to send in a sub.” Busy: “Why did your wife save all those burnt- out light bulbs during the war?” Dizzy: “Oh, she was keeping them to use dur¬ ing black-outs.” “So you’re a salesman, George. I suppose you stand behind the products you sell?” “Not on your life. I sell mules.” In addition to his brilliant mind. President Woodrow Wilson had also a quick wit. One day while he was engaged in an animated conversation, his glasses slipped perilously near to the end of his nose. “Your glasses are almost on your mouth,” warned his companion. “Oh, that’s all right,” retorted the President. “I always like to see what Pm talking about!” John: “You mean you took your girl out and only spent three dollars on her?” Herbert: “Well, it was all she had.” Nancy: “My sister takes up English, Russian, German, Italian, French and Spanish.” Bucky: “My, she must be smart.” Nancy: “Not particularly—she runs an ele¬ vator.” Salesman (after a long wait): “I thought your mother was at home.” Boots: “She is, but I don’t live in this house.” Hilda: “Have you decided where you’re going for your vacation?” Hetty: “No, not yet. My husband wants us to take a trip around the world, but I’d rather go someplace else.” Mr. Harper: “This makes the fifth time I’ve had to ask you to stay after school this week. Now what have you to say for yourself?” Leroy: “I’m glad it’s Friday, Sir.” Mrs. Conner (giving lesson on the law of grav¬ ity): “I want you all to understand that it is the law of gravity that keeps us on earth.” Frances: “How did we stay on earth before the law was passel?” Rex: “Why is a dog hotter in the summer than in the winter?” Winnie: “Because in the winter he wears only a coat, but in the summer he wears a coat and pants.” When Doyle joined the police force, the ser¬ geant said. “You’re on the night beat—from here to that red light and back.” They didn’t hear from Doyle for two days. Finally he showed up at the station house. “Where have you been?” thundered the ser¬ geant. “I told you your beat was from here to that red light.” “You did,” said Doyle ruefully, “but that red light was on the back of a truck. 79 —

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