Stoneham High School - Wildlife Yearbook (Stoneham, MA)

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JUNE 1934 THE S. H. S. AUTHENTIC 15 pigtails on Sunday and curled during the week — you see Aunt Mamie was that contrary. Just as the air was beginning to clear a little the door opened and in came Uncle Jake and Aunt Sa- die and Cousins Jeremiah, Josephine, Anastasia, Aloysius, Gonzaga, and Amelia. Upon being in- formed as to the reason why we seemed so upset, Uncle Jake, who is a furniture mover, made his sug- gestion. “Well, now, I’ll tell you what I would do if he was my son,” he said, with an air of profound wisdom. “I’d send him to one o’ them schools where they learn them to be barbers. They’s good money in that and it’s easy work too. I wish all I had to do was stand around with a pair o’ scissors in me mit all day. That’s what I call givin’ yer kids a break — learn ’em to be somethin’ better than you are.” “Well, I should think that was the craziest idea I ever heard of. Make them think they are better than you an’ there’s no telling what will happen. If you ask me, I should say that these kids is hard enough to handle as they are without making them any worse.” All this was added very generously by Aunt Sadie. Soon the entire family was engaged in another nice, quiet, peaceful little family dispute. Still, I sat in the bleachers waiting for a foul ball to come my way. The next morning I went to school greatly puz- zled — should I be a horse doctor, a Fuller Brush man, a cop, or a barber? My teachers had told me many times that they knew everything so I deter- mined to ask their advice. Miss Bonjour, the French teacher, suggested that I take a post-graduate course, but the Principal dis- agreed, saying that he had had enough trouble with me already and didn’t want to see me around any more. In fact, he even told me that he was only graduating me to get rid of me. Prof. Test-tube, my chemistry teacher, advised me to get a job I could find which had nothing to do with chemistry. The Latin teacher, Miss Cicero, didn’t feel capable of advising me one way or anoth- er. Miss Trigy Nometry, who teaches math, told me that her father needed someone to help him dig potatoes out in Idaho. The other suggestions were: errand boy, flagpole-sitter, bus driver, teacher, doc- tor, lawyer, Indian chief, etc. That afternoon I went home greatly puzzled — should I be a horse doctor, a Fuller Brush man, a cop, a barber, a post-graduate, a potato digger, an errand boy, a flagpole-sitter, a bus driver, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, or an Indian Chief? I tried using the elimination system all that after- noon but by suppertime my list had grown from thirteen to twenty-one possibilities. That night I went to the movies and saw a picture about the Old Homestead and that gave me the grand idea which solved my problem. I am starting tomorrow to hitch-hike around the world in order to get local color for a book I am going to write entitled, “Camping in the Fells,” or “Getting Back to Nature at Spot Pond.” The Three Mutzinteers. THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF THE CLASS OF 1934 We, the Class of 1934 of the Stoneham High School, in the year of our Lord one thousand nine hundred and thirty-four, being of a sound mind and body, do hereby proclaim this masterpiece to be our last will and testament and do part with our gifts, real and otherwise, as follows, namely in fun: Item I. It is our wish and desire that the Junior Class be given the shiny, unworn athletic equipment that they may be aided in carrying on the record breaking victories of dear old S. H. S. Item II. We present to the Senior Faculty a book of gags.” After having such an intelligent class of “gaggers,” like ours, life in school is going to be dull — but a whole lot easier to swallow. Item III. It is also our most sincere desire that a pencil with a musical top be willed to S. H. S. and be given to Miss Garland; this is to relieve the monotony of the incessant tapping noise and put a little rhythm into her favorite pastime of tapping desk covers with her pencil. Item IV. For ourselves we donate one row in Room 11, so we may, at any time, come back to school and laugh at, as well as pester, the unfortu- nate, suffering detention students. We also leave these helpful hints: 1. To future students of Room 15: Remember to laugh softly at anything that might happen in class — for, if you arouse the curiosity of Mr. Davis, and do not inform him of every detail — well, you will find out for yourselves that you’d better tell him and get it over with. 2. Remember, you lucky ones who are going to Room 18, that Mr. Hoyt sees all, knows all, and doesn’t hesitate in informing you of his knowledge. 3. And remember that report cards appear only four times a year— but — that’s enough to make any- body give up. In witness whereof we hereby set our hands and seal. Class of 1934. Witnesses: Earle Thomas Thibodeau. Rose K. Coy. Fannie M. Spinney.

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14 THE S. H. S. AUTHENTIC JUNE 1934 folded and placed in a pocket in such a way that the photograph was no longer visible. All that I had learned from that one glance was that the pic- ture reminded me of some one whom I had, at one time, known. As I was leaving the station I heard someone call me by name. I glanced toward the doorway and saw, much to my surprise, the very man whose pic- ture had stared at me from a paper earlier in the day. As I walked toward him, I studied his face and again I wondered where I had seen it before. Suddenly, it came back to me like a flash! Why, that was Bob Callahan, one of my old classmates back in Stoneham High. I hastened my steps and grasped his outstretched hand. “Bob Callahan, you old reprobate! Where have you been keeping yourself? I haven’t seen you in a dog’s age. How are you?” , “I’m O. K.,” Bob replied, “I seem to be getting along. How about yourself?” “Oh, I’m all right,” I said. “Where are you going now? How about coming with me?” Sorry, Clarkie,” he said, “but I’ve got an impor- tant board meeting. I’ll have to be hurrying along.” “A board meeting?” I put in. “Say, what kind of a job have you anyway?” “Why, I’m a silent partner in one of the largest banks of the country,” Bob offered. “Besides that, I own the largest newspaper business in the whole state. I distribute more papers than all my com- petitors together. How about meeting me here to- morrow night at the same time? We can talk over those good old days spent in Stoneham High School.” “Tomorrow night it is,” I agreed, “don’t forget.” “I won’t,” he promised, “I’ll be here right on the dot.” The following evening I returned at the appoint- ed time. Callahan had not arrived so I sat down to wait. Time passed with no sign of Bob. After waiting a little longer, I decided to leave. As I headed for the door, I noticed a day-old paper lying under a bench. Again, I saw the same picture of Bob looking up at me. Being very curious, I picked the paper up to read the article. Before I had completed two lines, I was struck with amazement. Here is what I read: “Callahan Still At Large. — As yet, no trace has been found of Robert Callahan, who last night escaped from the Danvers Asylum. All authorities are notified to keep a lookout for him. He is not harmful but has a habit of pretend- ing to be a man of great importance.” This was enough. I read no further. Poor Bob! Who would have expected a thing like that to hap- pen to him? A GRADUATES DILEMMA Way down in the dim, dark, deep depths of my heart I feel a wee pain of sorrow. At precisely the point v here an imaginary line drawn from my right ear to my left eye would intersect another imagin- ary line drawn from my left ear to the part in my hair, is a small area of my brain which is full of doubt. Revealing itself in my firm lip and my tightly clenched hand is a restless wave of grim de- termination. It all started last Sunday when Aunt Mamie came in dragging little pig-tailed Cousin Carrie with her. Aunt Mamie came over to get one of my pictures. That would have been all right, only t hey arrived just as we were finishing our dinner. Being a gallant young creature, I got up and offered Aunt Mamie my chair — after being requested, coaxed, and final- ly commanded to do so by my father. That would not have been so bad, but then I had to be polite and as my mother suggested, share my strawberry shortcake with freckle-faced Cousin Carrie. After Cousin Carrie had eaten all my shortcake, there was so much on her face that she looked as though she had a bad case of the measles — we ad- journed to the front room where everyone sat around in a circle as though it was a Spiritualists’ meeting. It was no voice from the dead which we heard — it was only Aunt Mamie, who began, “Well, Oscar, what are you going to do next year?” Be- fore I had a chance to answer, she continued, “You know, your dear Uncle Elmer always said before he died that he hoped you would be a horse doctor. He first got the idea the day he saw you fixing your new hobby-horse with a hatchet. Of course, there aren’t so many horses now but that is all the better for the horses.” Just then my father boomed in, “No son of mine is going to be a horse doctor. What do you think I have worked all these years for? From now on I expect to sit back and be supported Why, he could get a job as a Fuller Brush man and make some real money as well as meet a lot of nice peo- ple.” This was just enough to encourage my mother to add her bit. So, in her best brogue she said, “Now, and by gorry, don’t be after puttin’ none of those high an’ mighty ideas into his head at all, at all. I guess if bein’ a cop was good enuf for my father, it’s good enuf for my son.” While this argument as to what I should make of myself continued, gaining more and more heat as it increased, I sat quietly on the side-line waiting for the final down. Finally, Aunt Mamie remembered that she had to put Cousin Carrie’s hair up in curl papers and made a hasty departure. Cousin Carrie wore her hair in

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16 THE S. H. S. AUTHENTIC JUNE 1934 STATISTICS OF CLASS OF 1934 Class Contractor Class Female Impersonator Class Angel Class School Teacher Class Jinx Class Gigolo Class Gigglette Class Lonesome Class Artist Class Mummy Class Spinster Class Surprise Class Wheaties Class Matron Class Caddy Class Cute Kid Class Pest Class Poetess Class Greta Garbo Class Redhead Class Redhead Class Clown Class Chauffeur Class Twin Class Twin Class Pianist Class Sleeper Class History Shark Class Circus Class Cracker Class Nuisance Class Auntie Class Stranger Class Puzzle Class Dream Class Willing Worker Class Milkman Class Disturbance Class Grind Class Dietician Class Miracle Man Class Faithful Class Bugler Class Librarian Class Enigma Class Horse Back Rider Class Manikin Class Blonde Class Kid Class Moose Class Tramp Class Basketball Star Class Beverage Salesman ... Class Errand Boy Class Individualist Esther Rounds Colin Roberts Mary Kelley Mary Donavan Arline Taylor Robert Meehan Mary Ferry Helen Combs Betty Boos Albert Bruce Jean Sullivan Virginia Haradon Earl Gross .... Elizabeth Doherty Bernard Orr Doris Bruce Margaret A. Wallace Carolyn Lewis .... Elizabeth Knudsen John Chase Shirley French John Bowen Ashton Clark Herbert Crandall Horace Crandall Shirley Estes Kathryn Elers George Grover William Gibbons Helen Doyle Margaret E. Wallace .... Adaline Newcomb Lena Abair Vesta Combs Eva Southall Earle Gould Clifford Jones Ethel Noyes Idella Wallace Phyllis Peterson Henry Roach James Smith Helen Lister Nancy Markham Marion Keating Marjorie Munn Mildred Shay Cornelia Weeks Robert Stinson Carl Weiss William White Robert Yancey Ralph Chapman Paul Cunningham Hobart Howes Class Farmer Class Farmer’s Daughter Class Musician Class Junior Class Best Looking Boy . Class Best Looking Girl .. Class Most Athletic Boy . Class Most Athletic Girl .. Class Most Popular Boy .. Class Most Popular Girl . Class Best Boy Dancer Class Best Girl Dancer .... Class Best Dressed Boy .. Class Best Dressed Girl .. Class Headline Hunter .... Class Wrestler Class Speed Merchant Class Yeast Cake Girl .... Class Cradle Snatcher Class Exotic Class Shrimp Class Good Time Gal Class Wild Man Class Heartbreaker Class Tarzan Class Frigidaire Class Ice Man Class Marathoner Class Egotist Class Gag Man Class Pigmy Class Jockey Class Sunshine Susie Class Boy Student Class Girl Student Class Mystery Woman .... Class Hermit Class Needle Class Eyeful Class Curly Class Bashful Boy Class Bashful Girl Class Grandpa Class Grandma Class Brownie Class Midgette Class Foundation Class Coastguard Class Trouper Class Trig. Shark Class Bluff Class Soprano Class Big Business Man .. Class Dearslayer Class Radio Genius Class Skyscraper Class Hoola Hoola Dancer Charles Leete Elizabeth Fama .... George Panosian Olive Lester . Donald Blanchard Kathleen White Peter Savelo Ethel Riley Edward Breagy Jane Strobel Harvey Bennett Barbara Tole Harold McDonough Claire Wells .... Robert Callahan Willard Ames Harris Marshall Cynthia Claflin ... Kenneth Prescott Jane Arnold Rita Pinciaro Kathleen Kelly William Dolan Stanley Brooks Rayford Mann Emily Dalton .... Herbert Bennett Arthur Perkins Austin Junkins Paul Davis Lucy Hynes .... George Magrath ... Margaret Barton Robert Holden Viola LaPierre Iris Kelman .. John McDonough . Edward Mahoney ... Winifred Norton Roy Palmer Edward McCarthy Helen Clark Richard Potter ... Regina Mahoney Eleanor Brown Wanda Konapacka Herbert Blinn Donald Cutter ... Natalie Fiumara Mary Anderson Edmund Blood Edward Marsh .... Douglas Connor John Coughlin Donald Grundberg Isabelle Kaulback Emil D’Entremont