St Thomas More High School - Utopian Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

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we could iinish eating while listening to the ball game on the radio. Uh-huh. Incidentally, observed Franny, dumping the few remaining minnows back into the Bay, I forgot to tell you that a soldier from Los Angeles brought Queenie to us from overseas after her father passed away on Iwo Jima. Rex was on his way back to headquarters with a note-tele- phone lines had been shot out-when a Jap sniper spotted him. Rex made it, but died a few days later of spinal injuries. Two bullets had nicked him. Golly, that's tough! You said it! It took us a long while to get over the news, but when Queenie arrived, we felt better. Come on! I bet I can beat you home! ,Sez you! retorted Bob, flinging a leg across the bright red bicycle leaning against the shanty. He hoped that the hard-packed sand beyound the pier would support him when he reached it. It didn'tl First the front wheel then the rear sank a full six inches below the surface, com- pelling him to leap off and run beside his wheel. He shouted ahead to the cleverer Frankie, who, having reached the main road, was already streaking for town. Having heard the commotion and fearing lest someone had fallen overboard, Shorty shuffled out of his shanty, peered around, and then caught sight of the retreating figures. Soon, some and dunes along the crest of the road hid the vanishing figures. All that remained was the friendly barking of a dog trailing off in the distance. PA AHA UR HIIMIHIG UITE POSSIBLY you saw and enjoyed an extraordinarily significant cartoon featured recently in the local newspapers. A young couple are seated in conference with the primary grade school teacher of their only and not-too-promising son. That their offspring's low marks are a matter of disappointment to the teacher is evidently more surprising to little Cyril's mama than to his papa. Inquires she: But Miss Scattergood, is it really important that he learn so much about reading? He's going to spend most of his life watching television! Now, if you have concluded already that this article in any way proports to defend the ancient and honorable custom of imbibing information from symbols rather than from pictures, hiero- glyphics notwithstanding, you have grievously erred. Let educators debate that issue. Instead, it is our intention to lament the embarrassing truth that our beloved American populace is THE U TOPIAN . BY DOMINIC ROBERTI, '51 highly susceptible to the wiles of modem adver- tising. That is to say, mama's insistence that her little lamb's eyes be educationally focused for television rather than for print is the conscious or unconscious result, not of having weighed the relative merits of tomes and TV, but of having subscribed to the claims of TV salesmen, warn- ing her that she ill deserves the name mother unless she provides her progeny with the chance to learn about life from a 17-inch, rectangular, flutter-proof screen. Who but the cruelest of parents would deny their children 'the whole- some and educational recreation of television, without which no little one can possibly feel loved and protected? Yes, while poor, illiterate but provident papa was out puttering about his dingy oflice, mama heard the noted psychologist on Channel 13 point out that a TV-less son or daughter is highly vulnerable to a whole brace of complexes .79

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places. Also, they often are used to locate and rescue the wounded. Were you allowed to see your dog after he was inducted? Only once, before they shipped him East. Did he know you? Surely, though he had changed a lot. The soldier responsible for him made him do some of the new tricks he had learned, such as crawling almost fiat on his stomach, as though through barbed wire entanglementsf' Queenie had finished her lunch and decided to take a nap in the warm sunlight. Occasionally she started half way up, to snap at some bother- some fiy, then relaxed once more. Frankie added: You should see how they train a dog to be a messenger. At first he travels only a few yards from one trainer to another. Gradually the distance is increased by the in- structor until the dog travels back and forth several miles. The dog always wants to get back to its master. Once, Rex had to swim a stream, climb a ten-foot fence, and run down a road amidst fire from explosives deliberately set off to frighten him. I was sure he would never pass that testg he was always so playful and timid at home. Oh-oh! Ssshl I think I have a bite! Well, scratch it! laughed Bob. I'm serious. Wait a minute! Aww! He got away! complained Frankie. From there he went on to explain how animals are taught to report accidents on the battlefields, by catching up in their mouth their brinsell, or short stick at- tached to their collar, and running with it to the stretcher bearers. They in turn follow the dog to the scene of the casualty. Gosh! That must have been fun, seeing all that! said Bob. That's not all, either. I saw the whole outfit being fed at 4 p.m. Each dog receives his own tin plate in front of his kennel. The fioor, by the way, is usually covered with cedar shavings to discourage fleas. The diet consists mostly of horsemeat mixed with some specially manufac- tured mixture of highly nutricious stuff. Builds muscle, I suppose! volunteered Bob, reaching for the second of his sandwiches. Muscle is the word, replied young Tempers. You should see those commando dogs in action! At the time, I was only eight years old, and began to fear what would happen should one of those 78. fierce beasts tangle with our Rex. The officer said that such a fighter could exert 500 pounds pres- sure with his jaws-snap a man's wrist like a match stick! And you mean real men had to train them? Yep! But that wasn't too bad, because of the reinforced suits which the trainers wore. First, they added to their regular uniforms a heavily padded outfit like a dress, and over that a heavy canvas cover-all. A wire and mesh headgear pro- tected the men's nose and eyes, yet occasionally some of the animal's 42 teeth sink through. Best padded of all were the trainers' hands. Wooden splints and adhesive tape covered the fingers in- side huge leather mitts. By the way, Bob, the next time we go down to the library, remind me to show you the book which pictures dogs at war in past ages. If you think modern methods are clever, you ought to read about the old timers, all the way back to Caesar's time. Ya know, Frankie, I've been wondering what effect all that training and actual combat has on the dogs. I don't know too much about that, admitted the authority, but I think the Marines have a fine way of disciplining their charges. Each trainer and his dog forms a unit, a team. When- ever necessary to scold a dog, the trainer does so immediately, as soon as the offense is com- mittedg otherwise, the dog will not remember what he is being reproved for. After that, the trainer praises him and speaks kindly to him, so as to retain his friendship. Queenie sat up and began to paw one ear with her right hind leg. The action recalled another point of interest to her owner. Army dogs, he went on, generally have their serial number tatooed inside their ear. Queenie rose, stretched, then padded grace- fully away in the direction of the beach. A pass- ing motorboat gave rise to a new topic of dis- cussion, and the young friends babbled on for another half hour before their weary backs and slack lines made the idea of further perseverance seem unwise. Good thing we got these minnies for nothing, commented Bob, or I'd feel gyped- Shall we go? Suits me, except that we haven't finished all the lunch, and if I take this much back . . . Tell you what! Let's ride back to our yardg . THE U TOPIAN

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produced by this ''I-ve-been-left-out-of-everthing'' neurosis. To guarantee perfect results from his salestalk Qexcuse me-lecturej, Professor Dim- bulb concluded with excerpts from scores of unsolicited letters attesting that possession of Model X63 was affording thousands the ultra- ultimate in joy and satisfaction. Television, of course, is not the first love wooed by artful advertisers. Tobacco tycoons, motor magnates, and sudsy-soap sellers have beguiled Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Citizen into buying bililons of items without which life would be unlivable. It seems that the slogan of the day is It pays to advertise. But whom does it pay? Or, more pertinently, whom does it pay to buy all that he sees and hears advertised as musts P Susceptible Susan Shopper, availing herself of the wise counsel of advertisers, soon finds herself the possessor of a number of useless adjuncts to modern living. She buys a set of guaranteed-for- life blankets, waterproof, mothproof, and bullet- proofg and also a set of blanket covers to protect them. The gleaming new sink in the kitchen is completely equipped with an electric garbage disposal unit, a sprayer dishwasher, and a Van johnson endorsementg yet Susie does the dishes in the dutiful old back-shed washtub rather than mar even for a minute the immaculate luster of her pride and joy. After all, with the wonderful new hard-working soaps like Zip, Blop, and Bam, she needs hardly use a sink at all. The dirt runs away at the very sight of these deter- mined detergents. Advertising has also brought about such wide- spread conditions as the loyaly of little tykes demanding the brand with the green horseshoe on the packageg men and women of all ages whistling and humming airs originally intended to extoll the merits of Zoom or Plooker's Plum Puddingg the increment to our dear language by the introduction of such words as desnifferized, and nutrinomical. Yet, one cannot be cynicalg for although golden throated announcers continue to dazzle us with fantastic promises, although advertising copywriters continue to insult our intelligence and appeal to our baser instincts, we cannot regard the art of selling the public as inher- ently evil. Indeed, advertising can be very help- ful, especially when it pursues its double purpose 80. of introducing desirable new products and of creating that volume of sales which is necessary to reduce prices. And advertising has accom- plished much in this regard. For instance, consider the estimate of a prominent automotive engineer that a low-priced modern car would cost over 318,000 if built on an individual basis. Hence, we can extend at least some small amount of belief to cigar-smoking Sam Sell-em when he asserts that his business is the great American constructive force, the hope for the future, and the cure-all for the nation's economic and material ills. As a matter of fact, advertising has become a very important part not only of our economic system, but also, at least to some extent, of twentieth century living. Not even we deny that. We merely object to the perversion of powers and the questionable or outright unethical methods which have become so characteristic of present day advertising. Once his fundamental purposes have been fulfilled, that is, the product has been introduced and is widely accepted, the advertiser is tempted to stray from his course of public service. Now the flame of competition surges as different man- ufacturers try to push their particular brands of the same product. Here we find the ingenious devices invented by men trying to ring their cash registers more loudly and frequently than do their competitors. New ideas are born-the free trial, double-your-money-back guarantee: the colossal give-away showsg the unsolicited testimonialsg and the countless variations of the obnoxious radio and television commercial. G. K. Chesterton once remarked that the great lighted signs of Times Square would be wonder- ful if you couldn't read. Similarly, we feel that many commercials would be at least tolerable if they were written in some unintelligible lan- guage. Under such conditions, both we and the advertiser would benefitg we could enjoy the artistry of the ad-writers without having to listen to their message, and the manufacturers could deduct the price of translators from their income tax. Of course, we realize that the majority of the public, as well as the manufacturers, would oppose this innovation. VVhat strange creatures we are! Admittedly, many people are more concerned with the nuisance value of radio or TV than with the THE UTOPIAN