St Josephs Academy - Twin Towers Yearbook (Collegeville, IN)

Page 27 text:

Headlines of 1950 Famous Anthropologist Lost In Africa Dr. Thomas J. Anthony, D. Sc., the noted anthropologist, together with his party of natives, is reported missing somewhere in the wilds of central Africa. Collier Buys Indianapolis Indians Already holding a monopoly of sev¬ eral Indianapolis business concerns, Joe Collier has added to his investments by purchasing the top-ranking Indianap¬ olis Baseball Team. Just Returns From Big Business Trip Back from South America where he spent six months visiting his numerous banana plantations, Sal Corso now has a monopoly of the banana industry in the United States. Signs Contract With St. Joseph ' s Tom Fox, owner of Fox Experi¬ mental Chemistry Laboratories, recent¬ ly signed a contract to furnish his Alma Mater with chemical supplies. New Head of National Project Recently appointed President of the W.P.A., John Gavin, who started life holding a shovel in his hand, has ex¬ changed it for a fountain pen. Hair Does The Trick Bob Greene has been pictured in the more popular magazines under the heading, Don’t let this happen to you.” Bob is a well paid model for the Greaso Hair Oil ads. Gross Accepts Position With Du Pont His theory on the fifth dimension materialized, Robert Gross has accepted a position with the Du Pont Labora¬ tories. Finally Caught Jack Henry, a racketeer boss of the notoriously powerful Calumet region political machine, was recently indicted for failure to pay his income tax. Makes Big Addition To Poultry Farm The Hoosier, John Hutchinson, has recently added 300 buildings to his small city of chicken houses, and there¬ by has become the most famous pro¬ ducer in the world.

Page 26 text:

Last Will and Testament We, the Class of 42,” presumably of unsound mind and lack of common sense, do bequeath our eccentricities and pecularities to the coming senior class for traditional purposes and also to contaminate them with the same nonsensical element that caused our mild disturbances; consequently, we hereby, individually and collectively, will these attributes which have made this class so infamous and insecure: I, Thomas Anthony, hereby bequeath my lack of funds and abundant debts to Joseph Probst. I, Joseph Collier, The Missing Link,” hereby bequeath my Neanderthal pose and appearance to Jerome Lange. I, Salvatore Corso, hereby will my banana plantations to Peter Beltemacchi. I, Thomas Fox, hereby lawfully bequeath my beautiful muscular legs to Robert Meiners. I, John Gavin, hereby leave all my brains and ingenuity (if I had any) to Ed¬ ward McElroy. I, Robert Gross, do lawfully leave my knowledge of chemistry to Richard Laten- dresse. I, Robert Greene, do in all justice leave my red marcelled hair to Edmund Joseph. I, Joseph Joseph, will my class ring to a certain fern in Peoria. I, Robert Millea, will my wolfing” ability to Gerald Leahy. I, Leo Moran, do bequeath my successful farming ability to Oscar Commandella. I, Dean Stuhlmueller, hereby do bequeath my Loud Mouth” to Red Quinlivan. I, Donald Tonner, will my musical knowledge to James McHugh. I, Julius Vincent, leave my appellative of Caesar” to my brother, Robert Vincent. I, Paul Wherle, bequeath my Dick Tracy hook nose” to John Wunderlich. I, Joseph Wolford, do leave my argumentative ability to any desirous of it. Wherefore, the undersigned have set their hands as witness to this document. (signed) Class of ’42.

Page 28 text:

Brilliant Baseball Career Ended Joe Joseph retired this year from professional baseball, after a third oper¬ ation on his pitching arm failed to al¬ leviate the muscle disorder brought on from overwork. Builds Largest Super- Service Station In control of the output of gasoline in Indiana, Bob Millea has just com¬ pleted building the largest super-service station in the United States. Moran Still Going Leo Moran holds the distinction of being the youngest General in the his¬ tory of the United States Armed Forces. He enlisted at the age of eight¬ een and advanced rapidly to his pres¬ ent position. Makes New Milk Discovery Because many of his cows have died from a recent epidemic, Bob Schmelter has developed a new method of produc¬ ing synthetic milk. Bob claims that his new milk contains more calories and more abundant forms of vitamin Z 1 than any other milk. New President of Stock Exchange Max Sc hmid, a noted cosmopolite, was last month elected president of the New York Stock Exchange. He made his first million in his native city of Chicago. Makes Big Hit At Famous Hotel Donald Tonner and his orchestra just completed a six-weeks’ engagement at the Hoosier Inn, where he was a marked success. Vincent Adds Another Store With another store added to his al¬ ready extended chain, Julius Vincent, who started with a cart, asserts that he owes his success to the thorough educa¬ tion received at St. Joseph’s. Accepts Position As Professor Dr. Paul Wehrle has just completed his own version of Webster’s dictionary, and has accepted a position as Professor of English at the University of Vienna. New Editor At Pee Wee Valley Joe Wolford has just been appointed roving reporter for the Pee Wee Valley Semi-Monthly. Joe started his career as Academy correspondent at St. Joe.