St Johnsbury Academy - Lamp Yearbook (St Johnsbury, VT)

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JUNE 1949 John Tirrell has signed a new contract to replace “Spike Jones”. John says “the same old jokes will he told”. Jane Tillotson has contributed her newest composition, “Chemistry Blues.” Miss Cramton is the author of the feature “Killing the Classics”. Courtland Goss sends a dozen rather stale eggs to the first performance along with his congratulations. Cort says, “I always try to please my customers”. David Hatch has just completed his coast to coast trip, walking on his hands. His comment to the press was that he had seen the United States from a different point of view. Sports Flash:—Ritty Hale has just broken all college basketball records recently in Madison Square Garden when he bucketed the amazing total of 263 4 points . . . Larry “Stretch” l’erry, star of the Kalamazoo Striped Socks is conducting a school of sliding and base running. Says Mr. Perry, “I owe it all to MacLeod’s rigorous training. Ronnie Crawford bas just signed a $50,000 contract with the Montreal Canadians. He is the highest paid star in the National Hockey League. Ken Robinson lately returned from Antarctica where he discovered the eleventh radio-active element. When asked how he did it, he replied “I don’t know, just lucky, I guess.” He left his colleagues, Joyce Atherton and Richard Willoughby at Glacier Manor. The former is engaged in teaching Russian to the penguins. Willoughby, noted penguin fashion designer, is introducing new look sports wear to the penguins. Pat Boylan is now residing in Reno so that she won’t have to make the trip back and forth. She just can’t seem to make up her mind. Jackie Amidon has just left for Paris to take up a position as superintendent of a knitting school. She is to teach women how to make sweaters for their poodles. She will be accompanied by Velma Urban who will give French lessons to the French. Paul Roy, the mathematician, has shocked the world by his unusual theories. He believes that higher mathematics should be forbidden. His reason, The higher you go, the less you know”. His scholarly fiancee, Margaret Emmons, has just been awarded the Nobel Prize in Science for proving that C39A (XYZ)57-|-Ca306??? Dottie Weeks has succeeded the antiquated Dotty D’Amour of the movies and is now combing her waist long tresses to match her sarong. Katheleene Cote and Joan Ronnett are employed as personal hairdresser and wardrobe mistress, respectively. Miss Irene Bullock has succeeded Mr. Victor Bixby as Driver Training teacher at St. J. A. I intend to carry out Mr. Bixby’s policies in every way”, was her first statement. Lynn Thompson is writing an “Advice to the Lovelorn” column in the Dartmouth “Jack-O-Lantern”. She and her husband are residing in a two Quonset hut on the campus. Helen Clothey and Aline Williams are nurses in lower Slobovia while Donald Wood is a mortician. They work under the slogan of “We slay them, and he takes them away”. Buzz Stearns, Marilyn Moulton, and Nan Dean, co-owners of Sloward [onsans, are slowly driving the Boston brand of Howard Johnson out of business. 23

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THE ACADEMY STUDENT in his vehicle that 1 first raced at breakneck speeds toward destinations unknown; funny thing, though, 1 always ended up in Lyndonville!”—unquote. Our international flying correspondents, Dick Miller, dashing young photographer, and his famous wife. Elaine Mooney, who has astounded the world with her sensational news stories, has brought back an amazing account of the work of Betty McClure, R. X. and Arlene Holbrook, renowned dietician. They are revolutionizing the Eskimo eating habits with their introduction of Eskimo Pies. Nurse McClure hands out pink pills to pale patients, these being manufactured by the Pink Pill Tycoon, Charles Boivin, who has made a fortune in far-off Eskimo land since he discovered the secret formula for these powerful pills. David LaMarre, Ambassador to England, has been awarded the Fleers Double Bubble Gum Award” by Albert Bubbles” St. Laurent, President of the International Bubble Gum Association, for distinguished service to the Bubble Gum Industry. President St. Laurent is proud to announce to the nation that he now has a bubble gum that is guaranteed never to leave a filling in your mouth. Mr. LaMarre's only comment was “Pop”! Miss Paula Leonard, voted best secretary of 1969, is now in the hospital with a severe case of writers cramp. When asked the cause of this distressing malady, she told the reporters that she had just completed transcribing the memoirs of Jean Learmouth, famous author. The title of the book is to be Men 1 Have Known.” Mesdames Currier, Lumbra. Mann and Bates have just announced the gala opening of their ultra swank exclusive Maison de Mode. Mine. Currier is in charge of clothes that fit the personality, Mine. Lumbra will give you a new face, while you wait. Mile. Bates is in charge of the “Reducing to Music” department. The beauteous Mine. Mann serves as hostess and model for the establishment. James Blanc is in the brig for attempting to introduce progressive jazz into the U. S. Navy Band’s rendition of Anchors Aweigh”. This occurred at a review in honor of Rear Admiral Bernard Rancour. Miss Sally Mc-Cutcheon, America's favorite drum majorette, lost control of her baton when this unseemly event took place. Her only comment was “What Happened”? Marguerite Collins and Elsie McKee are running for governor and Lt. Governor of the State of Vermont on the Woman’s Anti-Saloon Ticket. Their slogan is “Water internally, externally, and eternally”. Gerald Willey, their campaign manager, says they will have a good chance to succeed if Burton Petrie, local soda jerker. will agree to forfeit his rights to make Atomic Zombies” the night before the election. Pauline Morrison, noted woman advertising agent, has recently announced the hiring of Glendon Moffett and Gordon Page, famous male models. Mr. Page will be seen as the scrawny 98 pound weakling and Glen as a satisfied muscle-bound patron of Atlas, Inc. Marnel Harran is in charge of the complaint department. Miss Lillian Nutter’s perceptive abilities won her the 1969 screaming man contest. The chief prize was a perpetual pass to the Los Angeles Fire Department where she can hear the siren blow any time she wants to. The screaming man was non-other than that well known forty-niner. Robert Dumas. For his work he was awarded a box of Greenwood s Gastronomical Cough Drops. The proceeds went to bail out the class of '49 from its financial difficulties. Says Dumas— It was a worthy cause.’

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THE ACADEMY STUDENT Jean Gorham and Kay Hubbard have graduated from L. I. for the third time. They like the atmosphere. Miss Gorham is contemplating retirement because of the extraordinarily long hill. Kay will still carry on. Jo Chamberlain is proprietress of a Gentleman's boarding house in New York. The gentlemen must be between the ages of 16 and 36. Carolyn Wood and Janice Courtney are known as “Chamberlain’s Chambermaids.” Jayne Simpson and Beatrice Camire have just completed a long run on Broadway, and are now running for cover. Mike Whitaker, prominent political leader, has founded a “Society for the Prevention of Socialism.” Jean Colby and Ellen Powers were charter members. Miss Beverly Stone and her “Violent Violinists” are touring Transylvania with a new selection of Be-Bop. Miss Patty Fitzpatrick is soloist for the group. Accompanying them is Miss Ernestine Turner, who is financing the trip. Doris Spiller, that personality plus girl, is the inventor of the new No-stick lollipop”. Mothers all over the country are sending congratulations. We add ours. Pat Desrochers, Leo Pillion and Lorraine Gosselin have pooled their funds to inaugurate a chain of fruit stores in Siberia. The hope to clean out scurvy and vitamin deficiencies there by this move. Richard Cutting, the chemist, has discovered a new process for making paper out of old pine cones. For this the state of Maine has awarded him $5.000—and a gold medal. His Secretary, Peggy Pellerin, is being kept busy picking pitch from pine cones. Janet Bailey and Rachel Schoppe are the two highest paid tobacco auctioneers in the South. Their efforts have been rewarded by a southern accent and fourteen carat gold cigarette. No comment. World-famous Virginia Cassidy and her two colleagues, Rhoda White-hill and Ruth Parsons, have just returned from South Africa where they were hunting for a species of shmoo now feared extinct. Peewee Christman is the only woman in the world ever to win every single award at the Olympic Games held this year in Higher Slobovia. When the reporters asked her how she accomplished this amazing feat she stammered “Shucks, it was easy; I was the only contestant.” Bravo, Miss Christman. Nancy Dean Lillian Stearns Rachel Schoppe Dorothy Weeks John Tirrell Glendon Moffett 24