St Johnsbury Academy - Lamp Yearbook (St Johnsbury, VT)

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CLASS PROPHECY JUNE 1949 Introduction—We are deeply indebted to the United Federation of World Scientists for lending us their newest, extraordinary, stupendous, collossal invention, The Radar Futur-scope”. This amazing invention enables us to peer into the mysterious future to perceive the brilliant achievements of the illustrious class of ’49. When Miss Caroline Bailey, famous child psychiatrist, was asked recently to what she owes her tremendous success, she answered simply, “My success lies in the fact that I was once a child myself”. Peg Bosworth known to her exclusive clientele as “Pegine” has just announced the opening of her million dollar fashion salon, featuring her new creation. This beautiful serene blond from Peru has revolutionized the fashion world with her fringed jeans that can be converted into glamorous evenings gowns by the simple process of draping forty yards of gold lame material around the wearer, not forgetting, of course, to let the fringe show. Bob Sargent, head of the advertising firm with the famous slogan, “It you want advertising with a zest, come to Sargent’s and we’ll give you our best”, is slowly driving his competitors to ruin with his new and now famous “advertising-less-advertising”. His competitors say he is unfair, but the general public loves him. Mr. Sargent says his next step will be to start “commercial-less commercials” on the radio. Mary Hart, famous linguist, has recently returned from Egypt where she deciphered some private letters of King Tutti-Fruitti III, whose tomb was opened last May in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and sixty-nine. One of the first letters Miss Hart translated had to do with subscriptions. The letter was a request from a certain individual named Elwin Twombly to buy advertising space in a publication called “The Commencement Issue of the Academy Student”. It seems this Mr. Twombly needed some money to get this publication printed. Lorna Stone, famous tennis star of Garden City, L. I., has recently completed her world tournament. Miss Stone has managed to walk away with every tennis honor known. All sports writers agree that her fast, accurate serve and technique of making her opponents run all over the court, rendering them breathless, is the secret of her fabulous success. Bette Wheelock, wife of a chain-store king, has recently invested a small fortune in an independent newspaper in which she plans to tell the world about the private lives of private people. Keith Spaulding, famous television technician and inventor of the twelve dimensioned colored television screen, recently told reporters that he still strives to build “bigger and better ones . At the moment he is working on problem 123472-30-4BF which he hopes will bring, in flesh and blood reality, the famous stars of radio, screen, and television, into American homes. Mr. Spaulding states that the training he received from a certain Mr. Ranger has helped him in his discovery of distributing human cells, thus making it possible for television stars to be in every home at the same time, (haii-tastic, isn’t it?) Roland (Sib) Dumas, racer and daredevil driver, recently told the members of the Daring. Dashing, Dauntless Drivers Club”—quote—“I owe my success to a Mr. . Bixby, who in my youth loaned me his car. It was 21

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THE ACADEMY STUDENT 62. Rachel Schoppe wills her sweet disposition to Elaine Metevier. 63. Jayne Simpson leaves her ability to be tardy and get away with it to Doris Cain ire. 64. Keith Spaulding leaves his picture to “the girls”. 65. Doris SpiHer gives up her place in Janet Lesnick’s car to Gloria Loungeway. 66. Lillian Stearns wills her devilish tricks at Brantview” to Ellen Boyd. 6 . Lorna Stone leaves Rodney to some lucky Senior next year. 68. Marilyn Thompson bequeaths her college week-ends to Patty Wilson. 69. Jane Tillotson grants her outstanding talent in music to Jackie Leveritt. 70. John 1 irrell has decided to leave his height to Charlie Pepin in case Charlie dates any more tall girls. 71. Ernestine Turner wills her reserved manner to Jackie Pollock hoping she will consider it seriously. 72. Velma Urban bestows her ability to make friends on some bashful freshman. 73. Dorothy Weeks leaves her beautiful tan to Natalie Cutting who could use a little color. 74. Elizabeth Wheelock donates her many pairs of shoes to Virginia Benoit. 75. Rhoda Whitehill leaves her wavy hair to Nancy Oppenheimer. 76. Gerald Willey leaves his seat among the girls in English 4 to Roly Warren. 77. Richard Willoughby forfeits his corny jokes to Albert Robillard as Al- bert’s supply must be diminishing. 78. Aline Williams wills all her Barre men for Mr. Bixby to pass on to some other lucky gal. 79. To anyone who has sufficient ambition to make use of them, Carolyn Wood leaves her long walks to St. Johnsbury Center. 80. Donald Wood wills his 8 cylinder car to-any casanova who does not own such a vehicle. 81. Michael Whitaker leaves his English accent to Jimmy King. 82. Beverly Stone leaves behind her book on “HOW TO STUDY IN TEN LESSONS” by Miss Bailey to all the future seniors. 83. Bob Greenwood leaves his position in the Key Club Orchestra to some talented piano player. 84. Carolyn Cramton leaves her ability to study and like it to any in-coming freshman. 85. Janice Courtney leaves her long walks to Don Harran for reducing purposes. 86. Patty Fitzpatrick leaves her pleasing personality to Joyce Stanhope. In witness whereof, we hereunto set our hand and seal, and publish and declare this to be the last will and testament of the class of 1949 of St. Johnsbury Academy, St. Johnsbury, Vermont. Class of 1949 Witnesses: Marilyn Thompson Margaret Bosworth Beatrice Camire Gordon Page Keith Spaulding 20

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THE ACADEMY STUDENT in his vehicle that 1 first raced at breakneck speeds toward destinations unknown; funny thing, though, 1 always ended up in Lyndonville!”—unquote. Our international flying correspondents, Dick Miller, dashing young photographer, and his famous wife. Elaine Mooney, who has astounded the world with her sensational news stories, has brought back an amazing account of the work of Betty McClure, R. X. and Arlene Holbrook, renowned dietician. They are revolutionizing the Eskimo eating habits with their introduction of Eskimo Pies. Nurse McClure hands out pink pills to pale patients, these being manufactured by the Pink Pill Tycoon, Charles Boivin, who has made a fortune in far-off Eskimo land since he discovered the secret formula for these powerful pills. David LaMarre, Ambassador to England, has been awarded the Fleers Double Bubble Gum Award” by Albert Bubbles” St. Laurent, President of the International Bubble Gum Association, for distinguished service to the Bubble Gum Industry. President St. Laurent is proud to announce to the nation that he now has a bubble gum that is guaranteed never to leave a filling in your mouth. Mr. LaMarre's only comment was “Pop”! Miss Paula Leonard, voted best secretary of 1969, is now in the hospital with a severe case of writers cramp. When asked the cause of this distressing malady, she told the reporters that she had just completed transcribing the memoirs of Jean Learmouth, famous author. The title of the book is to be Men 1 Have Known.” Mesdames Currier, Lumbra. Mann and Bates have just announced the gala opening of their ultra swank exclusive Maison de Mode. Mine. Currier is in charge of clothes that fit the personality, Mine. Lumbra will give you a new face, while you wait. Mile. Bates is in charge of the “Reducing to Music” department. The beauteous Mine. Mann serves as hostess and model for the establishment. James Blanc is in the brig for attempting to introduce progressive jazz into the U. S. Navy Band’s rendition of Anchors Aweigh”. This occurred at a review in honor of Rear Admiral Bernard Rancour. Miss Sally Mc-Cutcheon, America's favorite drum majorette, lost control of her baton when this unseemly event took place. Her only comment was “What Happened”? Marguerite Collins and Elsie McKee are running for governor and Lt. Governor of the State of Vermont on the Woman’s Anti-Saloon Ticket. Their slogan is “Water internally, externally, and eternally”. Gerald Willey, their campaign manager, says they will have a good chance to succeed if Burton Petrie, local soda jerker. will agree to forfeit his rights to make Atomic Zombies” the night before the election. Pauline Morrison, noted woman advertising agent, has recently announced the hiring of Glendon Moffett and Gordon Page, famous male models. Mr. Page will be seen as the scrawny 98 pound weakling and Glen as a satisfied muscle-bound patron of Atlas, Inc. Marnel Harran is in charge of the complaint department. Miss Lillian Nutter’s perceptive abilities won her the 1969 screaming man contest. The chief prize was a perpetual pass to the Los Angeles Fire Department where she can hear the siren blow any time she wants to. The screaming man was non-other than that well known forty-niner. Robert Dumas. For his work he was awarded a box of Greenwood s Gastronomical Cough Drops. The proceeds went to bail out the class of '49 from its financial difficulties. Says Dumas— It was a worthy cause.’