St Johns College - Yearbook (Annapolis, MD)

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x .:11: small' T1 SIT I I 1 I I I I I I I I 'T- I 1 I I I I I I I I I I 'I I I .1 I I I I I 1. I If .1 5 'I L I I A I As We Know Them at . JAMES IVV. CAIN. To this remarkable individual belongs the distinction of bearing the name of the elder brother of the human race, his ancestors have carried this name for generations. The string of Cains is unbroken. The original Cain was not his great C?j grandfather, but the brother of Abel, as is well known. But there is another fact which had escaped the authorities, or some of the author- ities, until the present Rat Tat board was created. Through almost unheard of labor we have been able to establish the fact conclusively, that after Cain had killed Abel, the latter decided to name his eldest son in honor of his brother to show that he QAbelj could forgive, and so the great family of Cains was originated. The present representative was born somewhere in the great State of Connecticut. After going through Yale, where he distinguished himself by his moral and tem- perate qualities, he made his appearance as a member of our Faculty at the head of the English Department. Lately he has contributed largely to the field of liter- ature, his chief works being A defence of the use of slang incompositionf' IGI-TN L. CHEXN' was born in the verdant depths of old Ireland., In his early youth, his mathematical qualities distinguished him. At the age of three, he solved to his great delight, the cubical contents of a cylindrical ar of jam. Soon after, it was his privilege to have the opportunity to calculate the acceleration of a slipper in the hand of an irate mother towards a small boy-the original speed being given. In the shadowy past he becameudisgusted with Ireland, because a green surface resisted his efforts to calculate its thickness. He came to America with the inten- tion of making pins g but being unable to calculate the number of molecules on the point of a No. 4 pin, he accepted a professorship in this venerable college. His mathematics are his own delight, the pride of the faculty and the dread of us-the plebians. We close this sketch with an earnest wish that it may never enter into his head to solve the exast number of lives in this edition of the Rat Tat. We are sure he would fail, and then we might lose him. B. V. CTSSEL has the distinction of being not only the most energetic man in the faculty, but in the whole city of Annapolis, where the speed of the inhabi- tants is remarkable. It may seem improbable when we assert that on January 2, IQO2, at 8.16 A. M., in the physical laboratory, he thrust his hand into his pocket, on the left side of his coat, and drew forth a key in exactly six minutes, thirteen and three-fifths seconds. Now we would not ask you to accept this fact about a 161

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1 -s s . ..1.,,1,,, . . 1 ,.-.,,,..,.,, . . -.-M . ,. ...-,-.,....-...1..,.-....,..4.-.1... .. .. .... ....-.. .lx Fortune favoied l11111 a11d l1e la11ded on tl1e coast of Xf 1rg1111a VV1th a11 undis puted title to 1111n1ortal1ty t1111e was of no consequence to 111111 a11d l1e began to 1 , . , . 1 f 1 . 1 1 1 1 . 7. . . . 4 A v - . - 1 1 l D - . O I 0 4 I -+1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 N . 1 I . 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 , 1 1 1 1 1 , . 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 I I . 1 1 Ax 1 fo1111ulate 1118 great treatise on tl1e 111ost helpful books fo1 111a11 For SU.11Cl1'y reasons l1e threw out of consideration tl1e Bible. After countless years of toil l1e evolved tl1e wonderful conclusion tl1at a ba11k-book was pre-eminently tl1e book of books. His forn1er course at Oxford fitted l1i111 for the presidency of St. j'ohn's, which position l1e l1as been holding for some time-we ca11't say just l1ow long-1 MARKOS ARISTOGFITFN SOHO-was bor11 11C9.1' tl1e ancient capital of Greece. His early CClLlC3.lllO1'l was received witl1 jason, at tl1e feet, or ratl1er hoofs, of the Centaur. After graduating fro111 tl1e Syra Gy111nasiun1, l1e e111barked witl1 jason on l1is quest for tl1e golden fleece. Orpheus' 1TlLlSlC was distasteful to him, l1owever, as l1e preferred a Lyon Sz Healy flute, a11d so l1e deserted sl1ip at Baltimore and took his Ph. D. at the Hopkins. A Blind fortune at last n1ade him l1ead of the Greek department of St. john's. His latest contributio11 to literature is a suppo- sition that if Mercury l1ad thrown l1is sl1avi11g water from Olympus LlpO11 Homer, would it have altered tl1e 1111111DCT of feet i11 verse 603 of the seco11d book of the Iliad? His conclusion is tl1at tl1e water would have l1ad this effect. We do not judge, we only relate. PROF. VON. SCHWFRDTNER-We tl1i11k that is the way to spell it-is of doubtful 11atio11ality. In l1is ow11 words, l1is fatl1er was a German, and l1is mother a French lady. After receivi11g a liberal educatio11 i11 tl1e universities of Europe, he served with distinctio11 in tl1e Franco-Germa11 war. His life from tl1at period l1as been devoted to turning tl1e ends of l1is Kaiser'Willia1n moustache through an arc of ISO degrees. He l1as succeeded up to this time in getting tl1em just half way, or go degrees. We despair of l1is furtl1er success, for it is only the French elen1ent that has come downg we cannot expect the German to yield. He has been with us only a few mo11tl1s, but we HCl1T1l1'C tl1e tenacity of his purpose and hope that some day he may succeed. PROF. FUSEY-is in all probability of Dutch extractio11. At least, tl1is is tl1e only way in which the Freshman can account for l1is extraordinary command of the German language. But we, wl1en 111ade editors of tl1e Rat Tat, acquired also a11 intuitive knowledge, whicl1 is foreign to FI'6Sl1lT1C11,iH11Cl we ca11 accou11t for this in anotl1er and 111LlCl1 more plausible way. Mr. Pusey, after graduati11g from St. Iohn's with an excellent record, especially i11 football, went to Germany to per- fect himself in the language. But l1e was aln1ost despairing of becoming a true Dutchman when an idea occurred to him. He l1ad one of l1is vei11s ope11ed, a11d witl1 the aid of a bicycle pun1p l1e transferred tl1e blood of a German laborer, VVl'101T1 he l1ad bribed, to l1is own veins, a11d l1is ow11 gore to tl1ose of tl1e Dutcl1man. 167,