St Johns College - Ozanam Yearbook (Toledo, OH)

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58 THE OZANAM big brass cuspidors, standard saloon architec- ture. A dense smoke which proceeds from the fuming incense burners fills the room. How many Joe? Just three. Conversation slumped again while Joe Benson, the prosperous cattle-owner, slowly and clumsily gathered the paste boards. just opposite him complacently massaging his hands sat Pety Carmichael, the saloon proprietor and town boss. The other five were composed of a Mexican and four range riders. J oe laboriously dealt out live cards to each man and then, on the admonition of the Mexican, expectorated into a nearby spittoon with much gusto, so that one of the range riders who had been interested in his needle for an aperture. work looked to the ceiling The two rangers, who were lirst in the order of opening, passed. The third man, the Mexican, opened. Raise once, called out Carmichael, de- The two other positing two chips in the pot. rangers threw their cards away and took up their needlework leaving only Joe, the Mexi- can and Carmichael in the pot. The Mexican without hesitation called for two cards. Pety and Joe took one each. The Mexican then checked. Ha, said Carmichael, tossing in his chips, I'll just bet the limit, and a smile spread over his face like the wave on a bucket of methyl ethyl isomeric butane. And I'1l just raise that, said Joe, toss- ing in his chips. The Mexican dropped out. A card accidentally fell from Pety's hand. l'll throw that card away and raise you once more. Well, alright Smarty, replied Joe, 'f if you're only playing with four cards I'lI throw these two away and play with three. Raise once more. Several raises followed: at last Pety called. I hated to take any more of your money with these four queens, says Pety. Your hand is second best, here is a straight flush, says Joe, depositing the eight. nine and ten of diamonds on the table. John H. Wulfhorst, '24, very kindly con- tributes the following reflections on an im- portant subject. The Graduates Once more the graduates. The crop, like that of wild oats, spinach and carrots, never fails us. When June, the month of roses, valedictories, heat prostrations and last year's straw hats, rolls 'round, there's always a supply of graduates ready to harvest, despite all efforts on the part of the faculty before- hand, with its ils ne passcronl pas attitude. It really seems as though the Seniors are never caught cribbing, are never flunked: so that when commencement night arrives there are always enough occupants of rented tuxedos on hand to make the fight for caps and gowns interesting. The class of baccalaureate candidates this year, as you will agree when you see their pictorial representations in another part of this magazine, is an exceptional one. All gradu- ating classes areg even the members themselves are agreed on this to a man, if they never agreed on another thing during the past four years. But these young men-we might even go so far as to call them gentlemen-look al- most intelligent. You can see it by the casts in their eyes. Honesty, straight-forwardness, ability to think, laziness, good-for-nothing- ness-all these virtues are stamped all over them-smeared on them, we might say. In fact, when the president of the class-let his name be withheld from the public-showed the pictureto the police department, the chief casually remarked that the new jail should be in readiness before fall. according to re- ports received at Central headquarters early that day.

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hSES?Ef655422625655GESE5GESSES4E5?5S4ES?5S6E2?55GEf4ES?ESGE56E2GEf4EEiE3GEE?E26EEGES6E2GEQE , . vt ' Promlscuous Paragraphs 5EE5S29525iE552552552552532iE22525SE5iE5i2SS2232525E255E5525325SE532525322IE25E5S25F25Z2ha vaudeville You oughta buy it on the instalment These notables on a vaudeville tour whose work is all play, to the clamorous applause of the farmers in the boxes, should be dis- cussed with our foot on the soft pedal and our hand on a belaying pin. We discover that these world-famous individuals are really greater than we imagined. They tell us con- fidently that they feel very nervous standing up there all alone with hundreds of admirers looking up at them: their achievements are not so great considering the source, they say: they are not so sure whether or not their ap- pearance is pleasing to us but will judge from the applause which we will render at the end of their little speech. That is what they get paid for, they sayg if no applause is forth- coming they get docked flaughter from the audiencel. They leave us with the words, Remember our salary depends on you fgreat applause from the housel. This brings them back and we hear this one, I thank you very much for your kind applause, maybe I'll get a raise now. flVlore laughter, curtain, next act.J 'Mid the melodious notes of some classical air the curtain rises slowly and reveals on the semi-darkened stage the Bimbos, Josef and Maria, the aesthetes. They will go through several beautiful poses for us, a few too many. At the end of their act you can hear a pin drop until some bozo in back of us an- nounces in a stage whisper, Bring on the next act. Eddie Watson and Helen Selwick, ex- ponents of mirth and jocularity. tell us what's become of Sally and give their own interpre- tation of the ballad. They give a clever lit- tle dialogue through the medium of automo- biles that goes like this fthe dialogue, not the automobilel. I didn't buy an Overland because I couldn't afFord it. plan and Dodge the payments. Did you see how much ham that Jew-ett? No, but I saw him drinking a toast to lVlack's swell looking cousin. This act goes over big and the principals bow themselves in and out as long as their trained ears can distinguish the last echo of half-hearted hand-clap. The finale is given to a magician whose mystic powers are taxed to the utmost to keep the audience spell- bound enough to remain seated till the end of the act. This gentleman has nothing up his sleeve, but is very deft at producing rab- bits from a seemingly empty hat. Indeed we would have been mystilied had we not seen one of the ears protruding from under his coat There is also a movie thrown in to stall for time and we behold the heroic Tom Fix overcome six bandits single handed and ride over the desert sands on a stormy night to save the girl from disgrace at the hands of Ricardo Fortez, king of the train robbers. We leave and try to forget until the next day when some one asks us, Did you see Keefe's this week? we answer, Yeah, pretty good bill. A True Story Scene: Room of western hotel, second floor. Time: Eleven fifteen P. M. Eastern Standard time. Stand by for some descrip- tion. Table occupies center of room surrounded by seven men. Directly over the table hangs a chandelier, American style, consisting of a brass pipe from the end of which forks out two electric lamps uncovered by any shade. The other furniture of the room comprises an ancient rocking-horse, a kiddy-car and four

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THE .OZANAM 59 Yes, graduates, like the proverbial poor, we have always with us. And like the poor, they have become a problem with which so- ciety has to cope. i While sociologists for the most part have been spending their time on the subject of the eternal poor, devising a modus operandi whereby equal or at least proportionate dis- tribution of wealth can be brought about without even a local anesthetic, the writer of these paragraphs has been burning the mid- night kilowatts on a book regarding our grad- uates: what to do with them now that prohi- bition, the panacea for all crime, has made our penal institutions hang out the S. R. O. sign. A few excerpts from the book are here- with reprinted through the courtesy of the Hurst-us Publishing Company. They should serve as an excellent guide for the young bachelors about to enter upon a career in the world. The Erst thing, my dear graduates, a chapter begins, which will enter upon your consciousness, once that faculty is regained after graduation, is the necessity of getting a lucrative means of employment. In some few cases known to pathological science, this fact has occurred to students several weeks prior to exams: however, the instances of this phe- nomenon are so rare as to render them negli- gible. ln most cases the sad realization is brought about by some well-worded sugges- tion from the paternal member of the family. as: 'Boy, after next Saturday your weekly allowance will be completely discontinued. Now digl' In other cases Cupid has some- thing to do with the decision. But these latter instances, together with their causes and effects, will be treated at greater length in another chapter. Let us suppose that the decision, in some way or other, has been made. The book continues: The graduate has now reached the stage at which he will condescend to accept a posi- tion. He feels that the Standard Oil Com- pany, the American Steel Corporation, and a few other possibly less important mercantile organizations must certainly have been watch- ing his scholastic work during the last four years-especially in athletics-and every time the telephone rings he is possessed with the idea that it is one of these institutions of the business world attempting to get into touch with him in regard to the position of president, secretary or financial advisor. This stage of the game lasts sometimes a month or more, after which time the second phase comes into existence under which the erstwhile candidate for mercantile supremacy decides he really wants the position. He even has spells, from time to time, when he is tempted to put in his application for one of the offices referred to above, although he fully appreciates that such a procedure is decidedly beneath the dignity of a college graduate who, perchance, has even been captain of the track team. For some reason or other, possibly the flood of social engagements that comes upon a young man at that point in his career and prevents his participation in the less important duties in life, the applications are either not formulated or, if they are, they remain un- posted in some out-of-the-way pigeon hole of his desk. After a while-the length of which de- pends greatly upon the personal equasion of the youth himself, and the frugality with which he has used the final paternal allow- ance-he reaches the third stage, in which he looks for a job. This again, according to the book, is di- vided into its sub-eras, starting with the ap- plication to some influential friend and ending with the answering of blind ads in the daily newspapers with the result of a situa- tion as office-boy in a retail grocery store. But we sha'n't go into intricate and scientific detail. In fact, the writer is extremely loathe to