St John High School - Blue Gold Yearbook (Maria Stein, OH)

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Our Sports Parade brought to you by Bill Easy. Take lt away, Blll The nations' ears are eager for news of Miss Virginia Bruggeman, swimmer extraordinary, who yesterday, 1n the grey soup of an English dawn, began her attempt to cross the channel Braving the treacherous current more than half way across, Mrs Bruggeman was forced to turn back she forgot her bath1ng suit Eugene Heltkamp has just completed the 100 yard race at Arlington, in the record speed of only two days From Gum Beach, Florlda, news reaches us that Alton Hemmelgarn won the gold cup ln the annual Greyhound race Alton beat the favorite, Beetle Bom by a nose Breathless after his victory, thoroughbred Alton had thxs to say, I eat Crunchy arf ' Dog Food arf all the time Keeps m t lm Why don't you arf try it? Next year he hopes to win the saucer to his cup Leon Vondrell, the fastest thing on wheels, or off, too, for that matter, who was expected to cap ture the title m the Indianapolis 500 mlle race, disappointed his fans when xn his tenth lap, he had a flat txre and ran out of gas Leon claims sabotage Donald Huber IS playing football for the Southern Confederate Football Team He IS right guard for the water bucket We hope he wxll live long after this hect1c program That IS all for now from Our Sports Parade V1o1a Eyink Viola Eyink the All Bohemian Girl, brought to you by Crunchles the breakfast of weaklmgs Unlxke most cereals Crunchies do not snap, crackle, or pop they just lie there And now for our story Viola IS m a desperate pl1ght in a deserted ranch house in Dead Gulch, Wyoming The vlllaxn, 'Dangerous Bened1ct , does not know that the All Bohemzan Girl is in the ranch house As she comes around the corner, Benedict sees her and fires h1s gun Will he kill her? Can she save herself and the people of Dead Gulch? Will the horses be ln the corral at dawn? Will the cows come home? W1ll the dog catch the mouse? Tune ln tomorrow at the same tune to Viola Eylnk The All Bohemian Glrl The following ommercial is brought to you on electrical transcription from abroad by the Imported Parfum Company de stinc tive smells created by Ernie Heltkamp of Paris, guaranteed to lntoxlcate For those who l1ke to l1ve dangerously Ernie recommends his new blend, Sin It comes in two convenient slzes Mortal and Ven1al For stay at home everungs try T V , or We now brmg you news from mtellectual circles Leonard Clune was awarded his P H D Cpretty hard drinkerl in mathematlcs at the University of Oxblood, England Professor Clune noted authority on percentage, was quoted making the following statement I prefer 61, to 3 2 Even ln hlgh school, Leonard showed great promise of become a P H D The spiritual life of the nation IS on the increase since the ordination of Reverend Donald E Rindler Crowds are flocking to the little church around the corner, where Reverend Rindler guides hrs flock He is scheduled to deliver a sermon next Sunday on the subyect, ' You can't take it with you or 'If I can t take it, then I won't go ' Jerome Will has Just returned from the Trapp1st Monastery at Gethsemanl, Ky Father Monkly, in charge of vocauons released this statement. Jerry had the trap but he just couldn't keep it shut ' And now it is time for a pleasant commercial Are you tired?, run down?, sputtering your last sputter? Don't walt till the last moment Order your casket now Richard Bruggeman, the friendly undertaker at your service His slogan, Why walk around half dead, when we can bury you for S37 50 33 I - u - r -, . --u n,, . e r' U --ll ll-- . . 0 ' n u 1 , . . . 1 I . 1 - . S - - . Channel No. 5 . For girls who play hard to get, Forbidden Onion is the thing. ' 9 . . U . K I I Y - , . . 1 . I . 3 2 ' '

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Senior Class Prophecy A DAY IN RADIO, OR, SO THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLASS OF '52l This is Station B O I N G, your unfrxendly neighbor, hoping you will start the day as grumpy as ever To help you we will play the national anthem, OUG,H' or, I've Got You Under My Skin,' played by the VOODOO BEE BOP ALL BUM Or ches ter, under the direction of Mr Passion DEW DRIPPER And now, news for Home Bodxes Donald Bertke has made wonderful progress on his farm Beaverdarn His farm is for cats who have broken claws, and horses wxth short talls Also, he has an abundant crop of fleas for dogs who are lonesome Ralph Vehorn has a great love for birds He IS helping in every way possible He makes showers for blrdbaths, wzgs for bald eagles, and knits red underwear for birds who are staying north for the winter He also has prepared a book that tells birds and bees all about people Station B O I N G is proud to present the Oscar this year to Alvin Speed Giere, who has been vo ed a nationwide poll, TOP HILLBILLY SINGER of the Year His hit song this year was, ' Put In Your False Teeth, Mother, And Leave Us With A Smile ' That will be all for Home Bodies this morning Thls program was brought to you by the home permanent, Dickie ' Ellen and Helen Pleiman testnfy to nts loveliness Can you tell which twin has the Richard '? If you know send a coupon from the Dxck1e ' box and we will send you a copy of our booklet entltled Hair today, and gone tomorrow The temperature at the present moment IS 10 below zero And now for our daytime serial We congratulate Miss Shirley Fleck ln her tenth year of playing Portia Perkins m Life Can Be Nauseating ' At present, she is on trial for her tenth time ln five years, this time for shooting her fiance In court the district attorney asked her a very important question which may save her life, 'Did you, Portia Perkins, sweep the floor at f1ve or at six o'clock?' What will Portia Perkins answer be? Will she be freed to marry John? Will John divorce his pre sent wife, Martha? Will grandpa brush his teeth? W1ll the garbage collector be around this morning? For the answers to these important questions be sure to hsten tomorrow to, L1fe Can Be Nauseat ing' , brought to you by Live Elsie Mescher ls the local distributor of ' Live' LIVE contains We now bring you Louella Parsley's gossip column of the alr Martha Gast has recently exchanged marrxage vows with the MaharaJah of Sagador, Ah ben sick. This is princess Martha s ninth time at the altar the Maharajah s forty second We wish to extend our congratulations to the Newly weds On the national scene results of the recent election have been tabulated, and the new occupant in the Whlte House is none other than Paul Leo Bills Mr Bills has been running for the last sixteen years, the must be out of breath by nowj His alm on taking office ls to give a bonus to the clean up men in the country We know the G C U KGarbage Collectors Union will appreciate this From another quarter word reaches us that Elleen Feltz fs the first woman to be elected presl dent of the Y M C A , that is We hope she has lots of luck in her new office Millionaire Eugene Imwalle has retired from business after making his tenth million He IS now going to Rest Haven to be a Janitor Rest Haven is a high class old ladies home Leo, alias Moe'1 I-Iartings is home on a short visit from Swing Swing, where he plans to make his home for the next twenty years He belongs to the Crook of the Month Club In h1s off moments ffiff in the head, that isl Leo has taken to poetry His favorite 'Stone walls do not a prison mak Nor iron bars a cage I Edgar Applecrambe chief of the F B I , has also wntten a poem about Moe ' 'When you hear the clang of the pollce pat , You'll know that Leo is out on parolL This is Louella Parsley signing off Tootle Loo 32 . , - - - - 7 I - ' . . ln t V - 5 - - ' . ' 0, ' . D ' , . . . , . . , .DD , 1 . l , . c ' - I . I i. - all the vitamins from Z to A. Remember-- Live spelled backwards is Evll . a I u - - . , , - a - . - H- . ' I ' e, . , . . . ' ' : ' ' ' rol

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Now for the Lonely Hearts Hour Has love and romance passed you by, and left you blue and lonely? And If you think youtll never meet that certain one and only Why then, before it is too late, write the Paul Thobe Matrimonial Bureau' for a perfect mate We ve got them tall, we've got them small we've got them fat and skinny 've go them smart, we ve got them dumb, talented and witty ' Here is a letter our bureau received from a lovely young lady the perfect mate for some lucky young man ' Dear Matrimonial Bure u, wants a tall, dark handsome man, wif plenty on de ball Ah hopes a lot of fem applies, cuz ah ll consider all And if I don't quite suit 'em, well, here's the way I figgah Ah 11 gradly make some changes, an ah m sure quick on de triggah Come up and see me some time, Shotgun Sadie' Write to the Paul Thobe Matrimonial Bureau Lovers Lane, Cupid New York The time is now two isotopes past plutonium atomlc standard time Jockeys all over the country rate Marilyn Me1er's latest hit, Pm dancing with tears 1n my eyes 'cause the boy in my arms is a g1rl,l' the top tune of the year Of course you all remember Miss Me1er's hit of last year When Banana Skins Are Falling, I 11 Come Sliding Back To You After er recent success Marily had this to say I owe everything to my mother, she was scared by Thobe's Orchestra Back to our studio, for late news bf the day That playboy about town, Lester Bruns, has opened a new nite club the Gilded Crumb , servations only Durlng lntermission, Lester runs across the street to Mother s Slipper, where he performs the duty of bouncer We interrupt this program to bring you a special announcement Radio station B O I N G is forced to discontinue broadcasting due to popular demand We wish to congratulate the Class of '52 for the wonderful progress they have made in making the world stop going around The End 34 ll I L . . , We t ' , ' . ' I .. u a Ah , ' , . . . . , , . . Your Flop Parade , brought to you by the You Steal It, We Print It Music Corporation. Disc 6 . . . C h , , - , - I , If - - 72 . 1 re . v . . . , . ,,