St Ignatius High School - Ignatian Yearbook (Cleveland, OH)

Page 23 text:

Hot Dog Man 19

Page 22 text:

The American Dream is topped with sauerkraut and stadium mustard. ff Right: Even Dmitrius has little clue as to the real ingredients of his 100% pure Vienna Beef franks. Nonetheless. Jim Lavin. eyeing cautiously his next and maybe final meal, orders two chilli dogs. The daily hot dog mecca drew students from all gustatory faiths away from cafeteria and Wendy's blahs. he American Constitution. People recognize it as one of the most important documents in the history of the world. But what they don't notice is that small stain, dear reader. No. it's not the tea or a rich hollendaise sauce. It's a blemish which scientists have identified as the product of a dog. a hot dog. Dammit, an American hot dog! And now ten scores later, as gala celebrations and annoying early-morning assemblies abound across this great land of ours, the hot dog vendor has been recognized as the most honorable of professions. Here, back at the ranch, our link to history is the Hot Dog Man. A man named Dmitrius. This veritable Santa Claus of Weiners has been hailed by critics as a contemporary master. This American Original is brought fresh daily to our campus. He not only brings hot dogs, but also a whole lot of lovin', carin', and free condiments. (We're adults now; we can say condiments.) Another facet of his contribution to the community is his gift of gab. One can always overhear his sharp wit and sparkling conversation when crossing the mall. Frequent phrases flow around the silver cart: Cold isn't it? ; More onions, por favor. ; and No more chilli. I have Phys. Ed. next period. But his life involves more than his little cart on Carroll. When not on the mall, he is off somewhere else wreaking havoc. Dmitrius. a man of many twists and turns, has a rigorous schedule of speaking engagements and frequent appearances on A.M. Cleveland. So as you lift your stout to toast the blessing of Liberty, remember those brave souls working in the hot dog industry. whose sweat has watered the flower of democracy. The American Dream is topped with sauerkraut and stadium mustard. ADDENDA: Since the writing of this article, Dmitrius has been awarded the highest honor a civilian hot dog vendor and condiment user can attain. In a recent ceremony held during the intermission of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions, our hot dog man was knighted with a Polish Boy. Now he is to be addressed as Reverend Mister Franks. In attendance were such weiner luminaries as Oscar Meyer, various members of the Eckrich family, and Mike Love of the Beach Boys. After this proud moment, we caught up with Rev. Mr. Franks. I'd like to thank all the little people. It is only because I have stood on the shoulders of giants that I have seen so much. Ringo Starr, however, would not stop bothering us; he kept asking if we would interview him next. As the night faded into the small hours of the morning, the remnants of last night's carnage littered the room. And slumped over in the corner was the Reverend Mister himself, arm in arm with Ringo. both singing With a Little Help from My Friends for the umteenth time. Here we took our cue and left. 18 A Day in the Life

Page 24 text:

MY LIFE AS A HARE Okay, so I had buck teeth, big ears, and more hair than most. Right Joe Vavpetic, Matt Seeley, and John Beeker philosophize about life. man. and the American rabbit. s I finished my speech and looked out into the audience for approval. I just saw a man rubbing his face in his hands, and gently weeping. Mr. Joe Ondus, S.J. looked up at me. and in a low. guttural tone, said Let's do it ONE MORE TIME. All right. I said irritatedly. Indeed, practice was getting to us. Yes. we were one day away from opening night, but when Mr. Ondus started yelling at me for not being serious enough onstage. I knew it had gone a little too far. What did he want from me. anyway? As I moved backstage with Joe Vavpetic. I asked him if he’d like to go out and get some ruffage. He didn't even look at me. Good actor, but I think he must be partially deaf. He probably wanted to get home before dawn, anyway. and he had to leave now. The scary thing about him. though, is that he's just about as naive and good-natured as his character. Whoa. Nellie! I said as Mark Haas nearly ran me down trying to get onstage, but he didn't even turn around and smile at me. Then again, what should I expect? He had treated me like dirt for the entire production. But that didn't make me feel any better. First he had beaten me out for that ballboy job. and now this. I saw John Beeker trying to entertain Roseanne Mucklo and Denise Klein in the corner. Hmmm. One guy. Two girls. Good ratio. I thought. Now's the time to make my move. So I sauntered over to them and said my opening line coolly. They just sat there and smiled. Biph put his arm around my shoulder. At the moment. I thought they were simply awed by my presence, but when they picked up the conversation with Biph again. I just left. So I went downstairs to talk with the old reliable, the stage crew. They had always accepted me. but then again, they weren't sober most of the time I visited with them. But it was somewhere. Well. I tried. I tried to be friends with the cast, but they just didn't seem to care. Okay, so I had buck teeth, big ears, and more hair than most, but I was the star of the play, afterall. 20 A Day In the Life