St Ignatius High School - Ignatian Yearbook (Cleveland, OH)

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Lower Left: Feverishly working on what appears to be his homework, this freshman composes his ticket to passing the spelling quiz. Unfortunately, he is booked on a one way trip to Deficiency City. Below: Condensing a semester's worth of history notes into a pen. this sophomore prepares for an exam. Good eyesight is often a prerequisite for success. Left: It's not up his sleeve, but this crafty senior has a thing or two on his tie. Items of apparel afforded students many discreet locations for study aids.

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STUDY HELPS u Creative Cheating, of course. od. I wish I studied last night! Well. I had to finish up that graph for Algebra. Or was it for Chemistry? I could ... cheat. NO! • Yes! C'mon, it's not like I'm taking the whole test. All I need is that one vocabulary word, and the sentence is mine! But it’s wrong! Grow up. face reality! Well ... okay, but just this one word! STOP RIGHT THERE! screams the teacher, jabbing a three-foot pointer under the student's neck, lifting him off his seat. Words spew from his sadistic smile like Regan McNeil's in The Exorcist. I'm going to bite your eyeballs out and immerse them in saline! He swallows a breath and calms. For now. just sit down and think about what you've done.” The student shrinks back into his seat, trembling, a fraction of the man he was. Just for wanting to know what quotienscumque means. He thought about what he had done, and found that it would have been easier if he had prepared for the test. No. not studying! Creative cheating, of course! Time is the most important factor here. For the more creative hobbyist with time to burn, the possibilities are literally endless. Be warned, however, for even the most carefully crafted plan is not infallible. Your hard hours of shrewd scheming may be minutes of small talk in the teachers' lounge the next day. One of Mr. Knittel's favorite stories recounts the tale of a Greek student who asked if he could use his calculator during the test. Okay. Then again, why! Nevertheless, the kid punched those buttons with a passion. Purely out of curiosity. Mr. Knittel checked it out. Coincidently. the buttons on the calculator corresponded to Greek vocabulary. You figure it out. Another pioneer in the area of electronics is the guy who sacrificed his timepiece in the line of duty. The night before the test, he wrote a few hints on a few sheets of paper, then scrolled them up to needle-width for storage in his watch. The best feature about this plan was that is was re usable. And. of course, the fact that it worked perfectly. The award for Best Teacher Participation unanimously goes to Mr. Watson. This story, which is more myth than fact, had some say in the vote: Before Mr. Watson came to class, a student who happened to have the answers written out on a sheet decided to share his knowledge with the rest of the class, so he taped the sheet to the back of Mr. Watson's coat. Unwittingly. Mr. Watson put the jacket on. and all of the class passed. How Mr. Watson never found out I couldn’t tell you. Yes. all this goes on. Sure, we knew it. But there are a few who don’t. Mr. Toman reports that outside of a little writing on the desk, the students here rarely cheat. To what end do we have to go? 16 A Day in the Life

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The American Dream is topped with sauerkraut and stadium mustard. ff Right: Even Dmitrius has little clue as to the real ingredients of his 100% pure Vienna Beef franks. Nonetheless. Jim Lavin. eyeing cautiously his next and maybe final meal, orders two chilli dogs. The daily hot dog mecca drew students from all gustatory faiths away from cafeteria and Wendy's blahs. he American Constitution. People recognize it as one of the most important documents in the history of the world. But what they don't notice is that small stain, dear reader. No. it's not the tea or a rich hollendaise sauce. It's a blemish which scientists have identified as the product of a dog. a hot dog. Dammit, an American hot dog! And now ten scores later, as gala celebrations and annoying early-morning assemblies abound across this great land of ours, the hot dog vendor has been recognized as the most honorable of professions. Here, back at the ranch, our link to history is the Hot Dog Man. A man named Dmitrius. This veritable Santa Claus of Weiners has been hailed by critics as a contemporary master. This American Original is brought fresh daily to our campus. He not only brings hot dogs, but also a whole lot of lovin', carin', and free condiments. (We're adults now; we can say condiments.) Another facet of his contribution to the community is his gift of gab. One can always overhear his sharp wit and sparkling conversation when crossing the mall. Frequent phrases flow around the silver cart: Cold isn't it? ; More onions, por favor. ; and No more chilli. I have Phys. Ed. next period. But his life involves more than his little cart on Carroll. When not on the mall, he is off somewhere else wreaking havoc. Dmitrius. a man of many twists and turns, has a rigorous schedule of speaking engagements and frequent appearances on A.M. Cleveland. So as you lift your stout to toast the blessing of Liberty, remember those brave souls working in the hot dog industry. whose sweat has watered the flower of democracy. The American Dream is topped with sauerkraut and stadium mustard. ADDENDA: Since the writing of this article, Dmitrius has been awarded the highest honor a civilian hot dog vendor and condiment user can attain. In a recent ceremony held during the intermission of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions, our hot dog man was knighted with a Polish Boy. Now he is to be addressed as Reverend Mister Franks. In attendance were such weiner luminaries as Oscar Meyer, various members of the Eckrich family, and Mike Love of the Beach Boys. After this proud moment, we caught up with Rev. Mr. Franks. I'd like to thank all the little people. It is only because I have stood on the shoulders of giants that I have seen so much. Ringo Starr, however, would not stop bothering us; he kept asking if we would interview him next. As the night faded into the small hours of the morning, the remnants of last night's carnage littered the room. And slumped over in the corner was the Reverend Mister himself, arm in arm with Ringo. both singing With a Little Help from My Friends for the umteenth time. Here we took our cue and left. 18 A Day in the Life