St Ignatius College - Ignatian Yearbook (San Francisco, CA)

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mes af- was ious aus- l to ling, lf. e to unds il to .week i up and liout iewly lla! man F half re of midity fht a She 'OWIL door. i the most JUST GOSSIP 23 prized jelly and tapped lightly on Mrs. Smith's doors. The knock was answered, rather tardily, by Mrs. Smith herself. Glancing sharply at her dishevelled hair and eyes that showed traces of recent weeping, Mrs. Jones murmered sweetly, Good morning, dear. How well you look. With a further glance in the hope of finding signs of more strenuous chas- tisement, Mrs. jones continued, I brought some of my latest preserves, dear. I am sure Mr. Smith would like them? The last remark had the desired effect, for at the mention of her better half's name an ominous scowl passed over Mrs. Smith's tear-stained countenance. This was not lost on Mrs. Jones who stored it away for future elaboration. How kind of you to think of me, and so early in the morning. Won't you come in P said Mrs. Smith in a half-hearted, formal manner. Mrs. jones was not the least disturbed at the cold- ness of her reception. She, on the contrary, was determined not to be deprived of the pleasure of that most delightful of all woman's occupations, getting news. With curiosity at fever height she entered the parlor. VV hat followed will ever live in her memory. It took the experienced Mrs. Jones two hours to conclude her cross examination. At the end of that time she had learned-nothing. Mrs. Smith had parried with ready wit the deft strokes of her wily neighbor. De- spairing at last of drawing out Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Jones art- fully inquired about mother-in-law. Again she was balked. Mother-in-law was indisposed and sent her regrets. This and the evident signs of weeping were all that Mrs. Jones carried away with her. To say she was disappointed is putting it lightly. Balked of her coup d'etat just as she was gloating over her triumph and picturing her recital to the wide-eyed Mrs. Brown down the block, was gall and wormwood to her. FK Pk PIC all Pk 214 elf if The purpose of this narrative is to tell what really hap- pened on those two nights at Mrs. Smith's house. Not to

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311151 Gnaaip CA Storyettel By JOSEPH MCINERNEY NK xu EH! ONLY wish you could have seen Mrs. Jones -f v -f Q as she sat at breakfast table the morning af- Q5 ter the pitched battle next door. john was V M hardly out of the house before that anxious V v soul was Hitting about her housework, paus- EK C , : ing at intervals of two minutes to run to the window and peer intently at the silent, almost forbidding, door of the residence of Mrs. Smith, her nearest neighbor. Across the stillness of the night there had been borne to Mrs. Jones the sounds of marital conflict. These sounds had emanated from the house next door, and to add to Mrs. Jones's curiosity, they resembled noises of the week previous coming from the same source. I For the rest of the night Mrs. Jones had given herself up to the pleasant task of deducing inntunerable happenings and conjuring gruesome tales. Her major premise was, without deviation, the fact that the people next door were newly marriedg her minor premise,-that their mother-in-law was paying them a visit. What a fertile Held of speculative thought for a woman! Mrs. jones made the most of it. As she lay there half awake, conclusion after conclusion followed in the wake of the previously mentioned premises with the lightning rapidity only a woman's mind is capable of. The dawn brought a compromise in the nature of an a posteriori method. She would see! she would experience! and then Mrs. Brown, seven doors down the street, would listen in awe. The hour passed and no sign of life appeared next door. After mature deliberation and with some misgiving at the sacrifice, Mrs. jones sauntered forth with a jar of her most

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24 THE IGNATIAN Mrs. jones, however, belongs the glory but to Mr. Jones. It all came out at the club about two weeks later when Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith sat smoking a quiet cigar. Mellowed by the influence of some fine old silk-velvet Bourbon, Mr. Smith grew reminiscent. Jack, he began, did you folks hear the racket at my house the other night P Jack, being in at least a tolerant mood himself, replied that he remembered it very well though truth to tell, when once Orpheus wound his coils around him nothing short of a Chinese symphony could wake him. A thing of beauty is a joy forever unless it has a mother-in-law, continued Mr. Smith. Mr. Jones could hardly see how this feeble, unfounded, insidious false- hood was, in any way, connected with the previous remark, yet he listened patiently as Mr. Smith continued to say: My mother-in-law was paying us a visit. One night coming from the club, feeling a little lighthearted- you remember that night, Jack, I stumbled over the first step on my way upstairs. In a twinkling, dear mother-in-law was vigorously landing into me with a broom aided and abetted by her daughter. Be- tween the two of them they instilled in me a wholesome re- spect for amendments numbers I and II. I was in a rather. helpless condition and made no resistance. That was the iirst night. From that time on I pondered over some method that without hurting her feelings would convince Deborah's mother that our climate is not well suited to her. The other night-when you heard that infernal racket-saw the success of a little plan of mine. As I entered the house, I stumbled on the first step. I lay there playing 'possum. It worked to perfection. I could ,hear the itwo of them, awakened by the noise, debating ways and means. Their talk ended when my mother-in-law declared in that soft musical tone so character- istic of mother-in-laws, when speaking of their daughter's husband, that she would drive temperance into my soul. In 21 twitlkling they were on me, my mother-in-law carelessly Swinging a rolling pin and my wife brandishing a broom.