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Page 24 text:
“
CLASS PRCDPI-IECY UR scene opens in a richly-Turnished oTTice aTop The RCA Building in New York. The Time is iusT aTTer The greaT Tinancial crisis oT l959. Slumped behind a ma- hogany desk is The bloaTed Tycoon oT Wall STreeT, William l The CluTch l Sommervell. 0TTsTage The inTermiTTenT shoTs oT dispairing suicides are heard: in one corner is a large baskeT marked For ThreaTening noTes . We Tind The CluTch in conTerence wiTh The head oT his research deparTmenT, wizened, gnome-like STanley WoodworTh. A side door opens, and a servile menial enTers, proTTering The morning mail. IT These are your l-l-l-l-leTTers, They're yours, or are They noT? says Flunkey Johnson, as scraping and bowing he makes his way ouT. The TronT door opens and in shambles a dirTy Tigure clad in TaTTered dungarees, who slouches under The waTer-cooler and apparenTly Talls asleep. Good morning, Jesse, mumbles The CluTch, Tossing him his cusTomary cigar buTT and Turning To his mail. Opening a posT-Tree leTTer, The CluTch reads, VoTe Tor John 'Up-From-The-Ranks' Wason Tor Recorder oT Wills, Dead End, lndiana. WoodworTh, wiTh a gleam in his eye, reads a noTice To The eTTecT ThaT Dehn Welch, invenTor aT large, has devised a meThod Tor reversing The ocean currenTs. ThaT's noThingl Tom AshTon's ioined Torces wiTh FaTher Divine, who handles The harps while Tom cleans up The TourTeen karaT halos: and whaT's more, Bob Browne has won The asylum award wiTh his CisTern Madonna. Suddenly The conversaTion is inTerrupTed by a piercing scream, and The body oT George Buckner, indicTed presidenT oT The BeTh- lehem STeel Co., hurTles by The open window, Tollowed by miscellaneous blondes, Tol- lowed in Turn by E. Venom Ragland, oTherwise known as poison in The parlor . The gnome indiTTerenTly reTurns To his paper and reads a leTTer Trom Bill Reade's Pen Pal Column oT The llliTeraTes, in which Bill Clarke, now a sToker on a Chinese Junk, would like To know how To geT along wiTh Chinese women. ln an adiacenT column he reads oT The arresT oT George The Shroud Dunning, publiciTy agenT Tor The secreT police. Yeah, buT Take a look aT This, says The CluTch chuckling. FaTs Harrison has run l-larry KeproiTe ouT oT his hamburger business, has MiddleTown monopolized, and is running a branch sTore in Odessa: and here's an ad Trom The Garden, TeaTuring Jones The Jaw and his unbreakable Indiana cobra deaThlock, aT IZ6 pounds. l-lardly has The CluTch read a pleading leTTer Trom Fred Moor, SuperinTendenT oT Sunday School Picnics in SouThwesT TrenTon when The scraping menial enTers announc- ing, Glamor Boy No. I, The MaTinee Idol oT The EasT, Allan Norris. BursTing in, suTTering Trom a Tashionable hangover, Allan subsides inTo an easy chair and exclaims, Have you heard abouT Jake Menzies? I-le's had a nervous breakdown Trom his job oT crossing The T's and doTTing The i's on The Crosse and Blackwell labels. From Allan They also learn ThaT Frank Williams and Ken Ervin have been conTracTed by MGM To sTar in The currenT producTion, MuTT and JeTF . ln The calm ThaT Tollows This announce- menT The ravings oT The sTreeT-corner oraTor, Comrade AusTin, are heard, declaiming againsT The bourgeois, proleTariaT, CommunisTs, and leTT-wing reacTionaries. 20
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Page 23 text:
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CLASS VCDTE Mosl likely To succeed . . . . . . . Buckner Mosl inrelligenl member of '38 . . Everybody volred for himself Done mos+ for S+. Andrew's. . . . . . Jones Done S+. Anolrew's for Hwe mos? . . Sommervell Besl fealure around school . . . Sixrli Form Briglwresr ....... . Wooclworrli Greasy Grind . . . .Wason Pleasanresr . . . Moor Mosr Asinine . . Dunninq l-lardesl Worker . . . Clarke Besl Dancer . . Williams Biggesf Blurfer . . . . Browne Pride of ine Faculiy . . . .Wason Scourge of Jrhe Faculry . . Sommervell Laziesi ...... Nalle lproresfsl Dopiesr . . . . Ragland l-landsomeslr. . . . . Ervin Girl Crazy . . Woodworflw Ladies' Man . . Menzies lllwinks he isl . . . . . Auslin Class Woman l-larer . . . Welcln Besr A+l1le+e of '39 . . . Menzies lflwinks he isl .... . Williams Beslr All-around Fellow . . Johnson Bes+ Dressed . . . . . Jones Wi++ies+ . . . . Browne lllwinks he isl . . Nalle lpro+es+sl Class Baby . . . . Reade Mos? Serious . . Browne College . Yale or nolhing Orclieslra . . . Arlrie Slwaw Tune . . . Varie+y Is Jrlwe Spice of Life Aim in Life . . . . I9 . . Graduaie
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