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Page 136 text:
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Cgiartomcz war 5 cc WOULD LIKE TO SEE all the boys dress with discretion. Fm not against individual attire, but in the immortal words of Miss Madeira: 'Letis finish the year in style., Most of the boys do dress suitably, but it is the lunatic fringe of purple shirts, motorcycle boots, orange ties, and puce hush puppies which has brought forth this comment. In order to give special recognition to those, who by their constant display of quaint clothing have maliciously disregarded Miss Madeirais words, a series of awards will be given by the Features Department. Class I: This group represents the St. Albans version of the British Teddy Boy. At the beginning of the year it seemed obvious that this class was destined for the Arts and Languages department. Mr. Savin, Mr. Davis and Mr. Stambaugh, all winners in the previous years, were eagerly trying for first spot. This yearis award, The Soho Cup, will come as a shock to all the previous winners and to the keeper of the closet, Mr. Hogan, because one of his regulars, Kirk Cheyfitz, has won the class-one trophy. Class H: This division is for the person who best typihes the man about town, circa 1943. The Neshalom Tintillion Memorial Trophyn goes this year to Pete Rosenbaum for his remarkably preserved collection of ties. Class IH: This division is dedicated to the late Amboy Dukes. It goes to the School member whose apparel best carries on the Dukes' tradition. The Skin-tight Trousersw Award was given this year to Rob Harding who was also the winner of the Golden Shoehorn for the most split seams. Class IV: This division exemplifies the mania of Peter Prep to be Q'-Ioe Collegef, The award for the 'QMaclras Maniacv of '63 goes to Jamaica Jim Symington, the only StA boy to wear a madras outfit complete with socks. Dave Ogilvy was a close second, but neglected to wear madras footwear. Class V: By tradition, the T. Cholmondley Grubb division has always had the most competition. This year, the QD. C. Sanitation Award goes to BO Polak for having worn the same clothes for 179 consecutive days, only having his clothes peeled oiic at last to change for graduation. FEATURES 1963
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Page 135 text:
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door by his trainer 'Legs' Goodman. 'Wings' was prevented from setting a new world's record in the 30-mile sprint by the backwash of Thomas Cooper's commuter helicopter. This mode of transportation is necessary because 'Bugsf' as his lab assistants call him, lives 121 miles from his office in the lapinology department of N.I.H. Dr. Cooper is interrupted by the hysterical sob- bing of Buzzy Borda, mendicant ornithologist, bent over the body of a triple-breasted Thrush- wing killed by the rotors of Bugs's helicopter. A tragedy is avoided by the timely arrival of Father Grace McGehee in one of his air-condi- tioned hearses. Father Grace,s eight uniformed attendants transport the remains to his indoor cemetery. Back inside, Nature Boy Polak and W. Swinton Steele are arguing with Mrs. Smith over whose products she should order for the School,s lunches. Nature Boyv is a living ex- ample of the results of a diet on his health food pills consisting of hops and barley malt, but it is the forceful, businesslike appearance of Steele that wins the contract for the Pickled Pig's Feet Division of Armour Ltd. Over by the bookcase Harry Hobart and Malcolm Simmons are talking shop. Harry holds the chair in Phys- ics at Northwestern, while Mac has returned to St. Albans as a C Form master. The two are reminiscing about their school days when cor- poral punishment was allowed. From the loud speaker atop the Gloria in Ex- celsis tower of the Cathedral blares an ad for Continental Clothes, Inc. Commander james Whitehead, the owner of the company, is argu- ing with C. S. White over the latter's demands of a wage increase for the striking members of Local 403 of the Teamster's Union. Jay has had difficulty arranging for the advertising, but he settled it with the Clerk of the Works, John Lacey, and was allowed to run his ads between the hourly selections on the Tower's carillon bells. Commander Whiteheadis impeccable dress is far outshadowed by the ceremonial robes of His Most Righteous and Reverend Eminence Ken- dall Wilson, Presiding Bishop and Curate Emeritus of Lower Ruanda Urundi. His Emi- nence is amazed to find another person who speaks the language of his Diocese. That person is Peter Young, USN, Ret. Petey learned the language when he was sent ashore to put down native uprisings in Maboobi. There is a quarrel out on the terrace between Nicky Sol Hearne and Tomas Muller. Senor Muller recently raised the price of the nitrates supplied to Nicky Sol's Texas fertilizer plants from his Chilean mines. It is Peter Dove's ex- perience in marriage counseling and mediation which prevents the argument from coming to blows. The growing crowd in the Common Room is treated to some amusing stories by Reg- gie the Rugged Raconteur Reynolds. After this the crowd files into the Refectory for lunch. When everyone is seated, Mark Haller sends his copyboys to the switchboard to get copies of the Hannibal Star-Gazette for all. Instead of saying grace, the class sings the Doxology ac- companied by Shades Ronhovde's Rock and Roll combo, The Fabulous Finks. After lunch and a talk by Anthony Rubino on the evils of Sex, the Class of '63 goes to the Cathedral for the dedication of the recently fin- ished west end of the Nave. TI-IE ALBANIAN 129
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