St Albans School - Albanian Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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door by his trainer 'Legs' Goodman. 'Wings' was prevented from setting a new world's record in the 30-mile sprint by the backwash of Thomas Cooper's commuter helicopter. This mode of transportation is necessary because 'Bugsf' as his lab assistants call him, lives 121 miles from his office in the lapinology department of N.I.H. Dr. Cooper is interrupted by the hysterical sob- bing of Buzzy Borda, mendicant ornithologist, bent over the body of a triple-breasted Thrush- wing killed by the rotors of Bugs's helicopter. A tragedy is avoided by the timely arrival of Father Grace McGehee in one of his air-condi- tioned hearses. Father Grace,s eight uniformed attendants transport the remains to his indoor cemetery. Back inside, Nature Boy Polak and W. Swinton Steele are arguing with Mrs. Smith over whose products she should order for the School,s lunches. Nature Boyv is a living ex- ample of the results of a diet on his health food pills consisting of hops and barley malt, but it is the forceful, businesslike appearance of Steele that wins the contract for the Pickled Pig's Feet Division of Armour Ltd. Over by the bookcase Harry Hobart and Malcolm Simmons are talking shop. Harry holds the chair in Phys- ics at Northwestern, while Mac has returned to St. Albans as a C Form master. The two are reminiscing about their school days when cor- poral punishment was allowed. From the loud speaker atop the Gloria in Ex- celsis tower of the Cathedral blares an ad for Continental Clothes, Inc. Commander james Whitehead, the owner of the company, is argu- ing with C. S. White over the latter's demands of a wage increase for the striking members of Local 403 of the Teamster's Union. Jay has had difficulty arranging for the advertising, but he settled it with the Clerk of the Works, John Lacey, and was allowed to run his ads between the hourly selections on the Tower's carillon bells. Commander Whiteheadis impeccable dress is far outshadowed by the ceremonial robes of His Most Righteous and Reverend Eminence Ken- dall Wilson, Presiding Bishop and Curate Emeritus of Lower Ruanda Urundi. His Emi- nence is amazed to find another person who speaks the language of his Diocese. That person is Peter Young, USN, Ret. Petey learned the language when he was sent ashore to put down native uprisings in Maboobi. There is a quarrel out on the terrace between Nicky Sol Hearne and Tomas Muller. Senor Muller recently raised the price of the nitrates supplied to Nicky Sol's Texas fertilizer plants from his Chilean mines. It is Peter Dove's ex- perience in marriage counseling and mediation which prevents the argument from coming to blows. The growing crowd in the Common Room is treated to some amusing stories by Reg- gie the Rugged Raconteur Reynolds. After this the crowd files into the Refectory for lunch. When everyone is seated, Mark Haller sends his copyboys to the switchboard to get copies of the Hannibal Star-Gazette for all. Instead of saying grace, the class sings the Doxology ac- companied by Shades Ronhovde's Rock and Roll combo, The Fabulous Finks. After lunch and a talk by Anthony Rubino on the evils of Sex, the Class of '63 goes to the Cathedral for the dedication of the recently fin- ished west end of the Nave. TI-IE ALBANIAN 129

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CLASS REUNICN 1993 CC UP! What's your name, sonny? MBlackwelder, Sir. Class of '63.H 'QOf course, of course, it must have slipped my mind. just go on into the Common Room, the others will be along presentlyf' A heavy cane is followed through the door by a tall thin man. Excuse me, sir. I was just wondering what that shamrock on your coat signihesf' t'That,s my Irish Republican Army insignia. I was second in command of our forces at the Dublin victory over the British in ,78. The earliest arrivals were drawn to the front door by the roar of '1Synchronizerv Schoell- kopf's latest supercharged dragster. Shelly has misjudged the size of the circle, and his pit crew -the boys from the Bob and Booty Gas Sta- tion-are trying to pull the 1200 horsepower special out of Mrs. Tilley's Hower beds. They are interrupted by the arrival of Anthony Kitz- inger's caravan procession of Numidian slaves and camel drivers. Kensington Fatsu Rogers parks his rolling pool cable on the Pilgrim Road, and comes over to help the pit crew. Unfortunately, he turns around too suddenly and catches Karl von Lewinski's Mickey Mouse hat with the ivory pool cue strapped to his back. Karl persuades the group to leave the car and go on into the luncheon. Miss Brown has mean- while caught G. Rogers Howard slipping the contents of a large clear bottle into the punch- bowl, but it is only a bottle of his patented vodka from fermented copies of Iwestia. Q'Gym Kreuttner's rather loud description of his coaching at the Sleepy Hollow Institute of Technology attracts the attention of Dave Ogil- vy, for Gym's,' record of 29 straight wins is well-known to the newest member of the Ameri- can University Basketball Hall of Fame. An- other noteworthy sporting member of the Class of '63 is Q'Dynamic Don Symington, who is finally persuaded by Mi.ss Brown to put down his clubs, but not before breaking a chandelier as he demonstrates his driving form. The next arrival is the Reverend R. T. Martin, trying to dissuade Nicholas Friendly from estab- lishing a new local branch of the Atheists Asso- ciation. Upon the arrival of Desert Billv Bible, owner of The Sands since breaking the bank six months ago, Doctor Martin falls into a dead faint. Luckily, Ben Wilcox appears from out of the crowd to revive him. His appearance, however, causes a riot among the chorus girls that Q'Desert Bill has brought along from his traveling floor show. Dr. Wilcox is rescued by Pu1verizin' Pete Rosenbaum and the two friends retire to a corner to have a toe-wrestling match. The championship is won by John Mr. America Paulson, who won that title especially for his world-renowned calves. The crowd has become rather noisy, and even Anthony Day, Speaker of the House, cannot quiet them despite his many years of practice with unruly Congressmen. Even W. Tapley Bennett, III, professor of Forensic Arts at Cala- veras Institute, is unsuccessful. Norrie Dale comes to the rescue with his transistorized pocket loudspeaker, the blast from this instrument si- lencing the crowd in time to see Wings Ar- terton sprint through the tape set up at the 128 FEATURES 1963

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Cgiartomcz war 5 cc WOULD LIKE TO SEE all the boys dress with discretion. Fm not against individual attire, but in the immortal words of Miss Madeira: 'Letis finish the year in style., Most of the boys do dress suitably, but it is the lunatic fringe of purple shirts, motorcycle boots, orange ties, and puce hush puppies which has brought forth this comment. In order to give special recognition to those, who by their constant display of quaint clothing have maliciously disregarded Miss Madeirais words, a series of awards will be given by the Features Department. Class I: This group represents the St. Albans version of the British Teddy Boy. At the beginning of the year it seemed obvious that this class was destined for the Arts and Languages department. Mr. Savin, Mr. Davis and Mr. Stambaugh, all winners in the previous years, were eagerly trying for first spot. This yearis award, The Soho Cup, will come as a shock to all the previous winners and to the keeper of the closet, Mr. Hogan, because one of his regulars, Kirk Cheyfitz, has won the class-one trophy. Class H: This division is for the person who best typihes the man about town, circa 1943. The Neshalom Tintillion Memorial Trophyn goes this year to Pete Rosenbaum for his remarkably preserved collection of ties. Class IH: This division is dedicated to the late Amboy Dukes. It goes to the School member whose apparel best carries on the Dukes' tradition. The Skin-tight Trousersw Award was given this year to Rob Harding who was also the winner of the Golden Shoehorn for the most split seams. Class IV: This division exemplifies the mania of Peter Prep to be Q'-Ioe Collegef, The award for the 'QMaclras Maniacv of '63 goes to Jamaica Jim Symington, the only StA boy to wear a madras outfit complete with socks. Dave Ogilvy was a close second, but neglected to wear madras footwear. Class V: By tradition, the T. Cholmondley Grubb division has always had the most competition. This year, the QD. C. Sanitation Award goes to BO Polak for having worn the same clothes for 179 consecutive days, only having his clothes peeled oiic at last to change for graduation. FEATURES 1963