St Albans School - Albanian Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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JOHN JIGGLESWORTH FERNDOCK Born: circa 1941, Murleyville, Ohio Entered St. Albans: lbecause of a secretarial errorj Activities: Bullfghting, V, VI f1V1anagerQg Bullsling- ing, C through VI inclusive, Humane Society for Dogs, St. Albans Chapter, V15 Flower Arranging, 111, VI, Sky Diving fsans parachutej, VI Awards: Bullfighting, V, VI, Blintze Making Contest fThird Placej, Silver Bulldog, VI, Porfirio Ruhrioso Award for the Ubiquitous lt, V, VI Special Interests: Collecting wild ferns, necromancy, Hepzibah College: Beauvoir Polytechnic Quo saepernus quid eramitur suntf, --Publius Vergilius jones COMBINATION OF personality and a body are what makes Johnnie liked by all his class- mates. On weekends he can often be seen cultivating his wild orchids down by the City Dump. Academically he has always been in the top quarter of his class, despite flunking four courses during his Upper School career. Athletically he has participated whole-heartedly in the sports program, unfortunately the Bullfighting team had a zero and sixteen record this year, and as a consequence, the Upper School enrollment has been drastically reduced, making it possible now for each boy to receive more individual attention from his teachers. This is his contribution to the School life, for he was manager of the team. All in all, Pinky Poo has done St. Albans credit: his wife is said to have commented: POopsy always a hard worker, yepf, Now as he leaves for BP., St. Albans will feel a tremendous loss. And as the boat sinks slowly in the West, and the sun pulls away from the shore, we the Class of 1963 wish him the best of luck at B.P., and we know that his common sense, perseverence, afliability, good nature, inordinate zeal, schizophrenic tendencies, popularity, fern, likableness, stick-to-it-ive-ness, and character will make him a rowsing success in life and the thereafter. fEd in C: this is too much of a true character studyg throw this in the boneyard. and write over.j SEN1ORS1963 127

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SAMSS BAR 10:52--Thirteen seconds after the third-period bell, the earth begins to shake and tremble, and the riot squad is brought out as the daily charge of famished students throngs down the stairs to Samis Bar. Mrs. Maynard takes one look at those gleaming eyes approaching her, starts to run, but realizing that she is too late,,is duly trampled. The Seniors crowd around the side door of the Bar, while the lower formers fight a survival of the httest for a place in the line. Harding: fopening up the Bari Awright, you guys, no sandwiches, no cokes, no pretzels, and no squeegies. Pathetic Third Former: Three squeegies, please. Symington: Now, just move along, kid, this last shipment of a hun- dred boxes is reserved for the Seniors. Goodman: Three cokes, two boxes of pretzels, a turkey sandwich . . . oh, and make that five squeegies. just put that on my bill. White: Let's see, that makes it 55072. With or without on the sandwich? Pathetic Third Former: Well, gee, sir, how about an orange popsicle? Kreuttner: fbetween mouthfulsl Look, no sandwiches, no cokes, no nothings, besides, the last hundred boxes are reserved for the- Pathetic Third Former: A grape popsicle ...... maybe? Harding: All right, take it and go away! Don't forget your change. Pathetic Third Former: ftrying to count his change while desperately attempting to escape with his grape popsiclel Three yen, a peso, and a muti- lated kopec? fl-Ie walks away in a daze., Doc Graham: fslipping on a squashed squeegiej Gosh, now-hey? Someone's stolen my 48-size bathing suits-the black ones, donatcha know. QA scampering bulldog weaves his way through the confusion with a wet bundle clamped in his jaws, the riot squad in hot pursuit., Asher: ffrom under a pile of peanut crackers, cookies, and loose change in front of the vending machinej I think I've hit the jackpot! This declaration brings 200 wild-eyed students over to the far corner of the room to grab for the growing pile of peanuts, bagels, and assorted jelly beans. The Cathedral Vigilante Commission, summoned by Doc, finally arrives in time to break up the disorder. While public attention is thus focused, Kotch Rogers slips into Sam's Bar to fill his pockets and briefcase with assorted goodies. . . . Finally, with normalcy restored, the bodies are tastefully removed, leaving the floor littered with trash. The last to leave is Kotch on his way to the ALBANIAN Room, munching on a chocolate covered marshmallow. FEATURES 1963

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CLASS REUNICN 1993 CC UP! What's your name, sonny? MBlackwelder, Sir. Class of '63.H 'QOf course, of course, it must have slipped my mind. just go on into the Common Room, the others will be along presentlyf' A heavy cane is followed through the door by a tall thin man. Excuse me, sir. I was just wondering what that shamrock on your coat signihesf' t'That,s my Irish Republican Army insignia. I was second in command of our forces at the Dublin victory over the British in ,78. The earliest arrivals were drawn to the front door by the roar of '1Synchronizerv Schoell- kopf's latest supercharged dragster. Shelly has misjudged the size of the circle, and his pit crew -the boys from the Bob and Booty Gas Sta- tion-are trying to pull the 1200 horsepower special out of Mrs. Tilley's Hower beds. They are interrupted by the arrival of Anthony Kitz- inger's caravan procession of Numidian slaves and camel drivers. Kensington Fatsu Rogers parks his rolling pool cable on the Pilgrim Road, and comes over to help the pit crew. Unfortunately, he turns around too suddenly and catches Karl von Lewinski's Mickey Mouse hat with the ivory pool cue strapped to his back. Karl persuades the group to leave the car and go on into the luncheon. Miss Brown has mean- while caught G. Rogers Howard slipping the contents of a large clear bottle into the punch- bowl, but it is only a bottle of his patented vodka from fermented copies of Iwestia. Q'Gym Kreuttner's rather loud description of his coaching at the Sleepy Hollow Institute of Technology attracts the attention of Dave Ogil- vy, for Gym's,' record of 29 straight wins is well-known to the newest member of the Ameri- can University Basketball Hall of Fame. An- other noteworthy sporting member of the Class of '63 is Q'Dynamic Don Symington, who is finally persuaded by Mi.ss Brown to put down his clubs, but not before breaking a chandelier as he demonstrates his driving form. The next arrival is the Reverend R. T. Martin, trying to dissuade Nicholas Friendly from estab- lishing a new local branch of the Atheists Asso- ciation. Upon the arrival of Desert Billv Bible, owner of The Sands since breaking the bank six months ago, Doctor Martin falls into a dead faint. Luckily, Ben Wilcox appears from out of the crowd to revive him. His appearance, however, causes a riot among the chorus girls that Q'Desert Bill has brought along from his traveling floor show. Dr. Wilcox is rescued by Pu1verizin' Pete Rosenbaum and the two friends retire to a corner to have a toe-wrestling match. The championship is won by John Mr. America Paulson, who won that title especially for his world-renowned calves. The crowd has become rather noisy, and even Anthony Day, Speaker of the House, cannot quiet them despite his many years of practice with unruly Congressmen. Even W. Tapley Bennett, III, professor of Forensic Arts at Cala- veras Institute, is unsuccessful. Norrie Dale comes to the rescue with his transistorized pocket loudspeaker, the blast from this instrument si- lencing the crowd in time to see Wings Ar- terton sprint through the tape set up at the 128 FEATURES 1963