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Page 11 text:
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“But I’m scared. In a few months I’m going to have to do something . . . what? Grad school, a job, the draft, get married? My whole future seems like an empty void.” Strong. Impulsive, Clashing words. Of talent, intelligence. Of surging activity. Words of the depth-seekers caught in an establishment. Not independent. Yet not at home. Not doing what they want. Yet learning how to do it. Not an enduring, stable world. Yet running from a childhood one and not yet there to live in dreams. Words of man in limbo. And it can be great! Life, good. I, young. Mud puddles, picnics, handsome boys, pretty girls, black coffee, strong talk. A wonder sense in living. The time to see. The imagination to create. Openness to feel. Flexibility to adapt. Desire to experience. Freedom from years. Address me Fascination. Joy. Mystic. Magnificent. Winner of hall fights, wooer of women, spring, wind, schemer of schemes, Pied Piper pro tem. PMOC - ME. The college man. Who learns. Who knows. Who under- stands. When the scattered bits fly together and coalesce, I am propelled illimitably up. Yet in the next day, the next hour, I am overwhelmed - stumbling, tumbling, pressed down. Learning is beautiful. Studying is not. Burning eyes, humped shoulders, numb feet, and cramped hand. Incomplete notes. Unattainable book. Cup empty. Light dim. Procrastination. Despair. Dependence is warm security. Indepen- dence isn’t. It’s a precious me dying. A coat too heavy and as yet too big. A ba- lance between need and stoicism too pre- cise. And in the shadow the always Why- Who-am-I? hiding. If I am not what I was and not what I am going to be, who am | now in this undefined day? Does it even matter? Loneliness, ambiguity, the weight of im- portance. Weariness, pressure, tears, pain. Sure! But excitement. Birth. Teleological joy. a —— as
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Page 13 text:
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For I am Man newly formed. In the process of becoming. The shelteredness, other-directedness of childhood falls behind me. Worlds of my own creation lie hidden before. Caught between two worlds, I am Man in Limbo.
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