South Side High School - Optimist Yearbook (Newark, NJ)

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THE OPTIMIST Class Prophecy Bv Frank I. Burstein and Isadorc H. Plain Jan. I. 1970. Dear Sylvester: Gee! since you moved out to Jersey City, Newark has become duller than an oyster s hind teeth, and because of the lack of anything else to do. I'm going to grant your re- quest to tell you about our former classmates. Well, here goes. You remember that nice, little fellow, Teddy Hare, who used to be so good at figures, don't you? Well, he is putting his knowledge to a good use, since he became Ziegfcld's assistant. Teddy picks the stage hands. Our old friend, Saul Weinert, is al.-o in the theatrical game. He stands outside Miner’s Theatre and watches the autos of the patrons. I saw him the other day. when I went to see Selma Schwarz play the leading role in The Shop Girl’s Revenge, writ- ten by Charlotte Manshel. Recently I read an article in the Newark Nui- sance, that Bob Whitehouse has discovered a use to which the North Pole can be put. He proposes that the pole be cut down and used for the making of clothes-pins; but that pro- posal is insignificant when you compare it to Harold Hantman's discovery that fish don't per- spire Harry Aronowitz, the authority on chick- ens and other animals, disagrees with Hantman. ronowitz, in disproving Hantman's theory, says that if fish did perspire the ocean would over- flow. Personally. I think Hantman's discovery will revolutionize the fur industry. Another of onr classmates whose name will ring down thru the ages a-, a benefactor of mankind is Isadorc Hodes, who, after fifteen years of hard work, discovered a wrinkle eradicator for prunes. I always said that boy would amount to some- thing. Gee! I guess if I write any more, they will harge extra postage for thi:. letter. Rabidlv yours. ALPHA. P. S. I Just got a postal card from Ben Cohen saying, Enclosed find the five dollars I owe you. Can you beat it? He is a soda clerk in Petty’s, and the girls just flock around his end of the counter. Talking about drug stores, it might interest you to know that Norma Green- field won the prize offered by the Sam Wein- traub Peroxide Corp., given to the most perfect blonde in Essex County. Ruth Brown, another classmate, came in second. A. Feb. 12. 1970. Dear Sy: Since 1 last wrote you I had my two teeth pulled. No other than Dr. Howard Fischer pulled them, and oh! how he pulled. That husky six-footer put his knee on my chest and his hand in my mouth and out came the teeth. I didn't mind it. for his nurse, Beatrice Hilfman, was murmuring soothing words to ntc—say that baby blonde makes tooth pulling a pleasure. When I got out of hischer’s office, 1 was so weak that I took a taxi home. Felix Walker was driving it, and what a short change artist he turned out to be! Just ran across Seymour Emmerglick the other day. He told me that Tom Winerman and he have taken over the control of the “Star-Eagle. Emmerglick appointed himself editor and made inerman his assistant. They are going to hire Everett Bauman to run the Advice to the Love- lorn column and Helen Walter and Mildred I-uthy to conduct the Household page. Another former South Sider on the staff is Philip Sabel. who was appointed elevator operator. I told you that boy would rise in the world, didn't I? Oh! how I envy Louis Mcnk! He is teaching physical education at Vassar and he writes me that three-quarters of the girls in his classes arc waiting eagerly for Leap Year so they can pro- pose to him. He has the cutest little mustache imaginable—regular Beau Brummel. with sky blue neckties and eyes. I think, however, his success is due to his tailor. David Goldman, who shakes a wicked thimble. Sara Rosewater, teacher of psychology at the same institution, says that Menk’s hair reminds her of that famous classic. All Over Nothing at All. Today s mail brought me some very pleasant news, the announcement of the engagement of Jeanette Goldfinc and Frank Burstcin. I think they are ideally matched. Frank was a regular stage-door Johnnie until Janette tamed him. The chorus girls are losing their Santa Claus. Now. since my pen needs some ink—which I haven't got—I'm closing with a request that you send me ten dollars, as Joseph Harrison, my banker, is threatening to foreclose on my flivver if I don't pay the interest on the mortgage. Financially yours, ALPHA. 27

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Clans of J iint 1924

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THE OPTIMIST | Feb. 22, 1970. ly Dear Sylver: I have so much news that if I don't put it right down I'll forget it. I sup- pose you know that two great Broadway stars arc suing their husbands for divorce. Sure you guessed it. They’re South Siders. Thelma Fried- fc-ld is suing her husband, George Friedman, who i«. president of the Barber Union and Mabel Cohen is suing Dr. Norman Levy. Some scan- dal. eh? Red Grabclsky and Jupe Goldberg have just ojwncd a big drug store, and have as soda clerks Minnie Ball, Helen Gottlieb and Lillian Zimetbaum. Irv Binctsky, jockeying a Ford, came in first in a 44« handicap race with a handi- cap of 420 yards. After puncturing four tires, breaking the steering gear and burning out the bearings, he won. Isador H. Plain, the former chemistry shark, has discovered a way of making banana oil cheap. He says he got the idea while watching his wife, formerly Helen Grecnblat, giving a lecture on Why Girls I.eave Home. Charlie Spitz and Red Stern are coaching the ping-pong team at Scatter ville, Barber s Col- lege. while Nick Brescia is teaching the under- graduate barbers how to cut a | erson without disfiguring him. George Chidnofsky and Sam Kinhorn have started a firm of butchers. Yes. they’re doctors. Jacqueline Dolph is still asking foolish questions, but this time at college. If you remember, she got her practise in the Vergil class. After years of ambitious work. Harold Hey- man and Elwood Smith are managers of delica- tessen stores in the firms of Barth and Fried- man. Gosh! I hear footsteps. That must be Joseph Korany, my tough landlord, coming to collect my rent—which I haven’t got—so I better close this letter and door. Hastily yours. ALPHA. P. S. The suit I am now wearing I purchased in the second-hand store run by the two Franks, Grammar and Fink. The saleslady that stuck me on the suit was Dot Gann. She can still talk faster than an adding machine. Now the light is growing low and my pen is running dry ; so whether I like it or not. 1 must close. A. July 4. 1970. Dear Sylvester: In order to celebrate the holi- day which comes this week. I took a trip to that summer resort. Sing-Sing on the Hudson. The first thing I saw when I reached Sing- Sing was Eugene Buck and John McDonald in stripes, but the warden. Morris Barr, wouldn’t let me speak to them, because they were in for squeezing juice out of a rock. But I did speak to one of the guards. Arthur Durvage. who told me Buck and McDonald were mild compared to some of the women prisoners; Lea Loebel, Irene Krajewski and Mabel Olphin, for instance. At the station I met four of the train crew. Milton Haase, the fireman; Warren Wilson, the engineer; Eddie Iversen, the brakeman, and Morris Lubin, the conductor. After the train started, I went into the smoking car and there I met Gertrude Tarchis, Pearl Cohen, Emily Schmuker, Gladys Easton and Mildred Schroe- dcr—a regular rouge gallery—all smoking pipes. When I got home. I found a letter notifying me that Esther Van Moppes had formed a jazz band with Carl Kress. Keada Sicgler is busi- ness manager. Reada, you know, could always talk. Herbert Knitter and Herbert Rcch, after their years of experience in the lunch room, have just opened their own ice cream emporium. William Cackle, the radio shark, has invented a coilless wireless set. Chute a feat, chr You re- member Jimmie Pappas, don’t you? Well, the poor fellow is all thru as a runner. He tried to run the home with Gertrude Sala, and when he gets out of the hospital maybe he’ll realize it. The other day I went down to Asburv Park, for a day. for the simple reason that I found a ticket good for one day only, in front of the station. While I was sitting on the sand. I saw a fellow in a scarlet bathing suit come along. He had embroidered over it the following in- scription. “Handsome Hahn, the working girl’s friend. Sure enough, it was Elvin Hahn. After a while I felt hungry, so I walked over to Newell Coe’s Incandescent Hot Dog Ranch, where I had a bite. Say, when I saw that Helen Munt- rick and Norma Ayres were waitresses, my stomach leaped with joy, for I thought I would get away without paying, but nothing doing, for Yetta Feiman, the cashier, called George Geng, the bouncer, and I had to part with fifty cents. That put a dent in my wallet, so 1 stepped into the first hock shop I saw and proceeded to pawn my watch. I thought the pawn shop guy’s voice sounded familiar, and when he pulled his beard out of the way, sure enough, it was Meyer Kravitz. He was so glad to see me that he called out his two apprentices, I. Kuskin and Will Abramson. Did you know that Benj. Levy is a train con- ductor? I didn’t know it until he tried to get my ticket from me. When the train pulled out a fellow came thru shouting. Ice cream cones! Get ’em while they’re hot. You guessed it! It was Arthur Burkhardt. Mary Inglin and Anita Rowe were on the train, so when Art saw them