South Side High School - Optimist Yearbook (Newark, NJ)

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Clans of J iint 1924

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THE OPTIMIST The Art of Early Rising By Harold Hey man It was not so many years ago that I took all proverbs in good faith, but gradually, as I be- came more worldly wise, I cast aside some as being grossly untrue. The latest one to be branded with this stigma is, “Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” And here’s the reason : Since the new term started, I’ve been getting up at 6:45, which necessitates my going to bed at 9:30. I am just comfortably settled, when I remember that I have forgotten to set the alarm. After walking across the cold floor to remedy this. I get back to bed. after stubbing my toe. I am just dozing off when I wonder if the alarm is on or off ; get out of bed again, only to discover that it is properly set. Back to bed, swearing at my stupidity, and then lie awake the better part of an hour, wondering where I have picked up all those swear words. I am so wide awake by this time that I decide the only way to get to sleep is by counting sheep jumping a fence; have a hard time remembering what a sheep looks like, but am ready to begin ten minutes later; get up to sheep number 1326. when a number go over together, and I lose count. All this excitement has made me more wide awake than ever. Wonder what time it is: after guessing for a «inarter of an hour. I get out of bed to look. It is two minutes past twelve. The thought comes that twelve hours hence I’ll be in chem. and in a flash, I re- member that I’ve absolutely neglected to study this subject. Wonder what we had—cannot re- call, so up again to see! Remember that we have lab. and consequently, no home work. Back again—when will tests begin? Recollect we’ve been threatened with a history test to- morrow. What will it cover? Hope it is the Missouri Compromise. What were its terms? Quite forgotten, so must get up once more to investigate. Finally get to sleep, only to have the alarm ring five minutes later (or so it seems). It is pitch black outside, and I cannot see what I’m doing; get into my trousers back to front. Think I should have turned on the light—do so. Finally get dressed and go down stairs to make my breakfast. After burning the toast, and permitting the coffee to boil over, I discover it is quarter of eight, and so must be eff without a mouthful of food. Get to school at two minutes of eight; didn’t study last night because I thought I’d do it before school began. Swear at myself. Re- member I’ve got a study | criod. Bat myself on the back for fixing up so fine a schedule. Suddenly recall that the study period comes the sixth. Swear at the--------fool in the office that made out the schedules. Now: this proverb states clearly that if you go to bed early and get up early, you will be “healthy, wealthy, and wise, and I have demon- strated that altho I retire and arise early, I am neither healthy, since I do not have sufficient food or sleep, nor wise despite the many noc- turnal hours devoted to thoughts of study. Ah. yes, but you are wealthy, says some advocate of this ingenious plan. But such is not the case. If you recollect. I leave my home without any breakfast, so when lunch period arrives, I am compelled to buy an added quantity of food to make up what I missed at breakfast. And there goes wealth! No, I am certainly not Croe- sus, Jr. And there you have it. I followed the direc- tions carefully, but obtained not the slightest sign of the desired results, and can you blame me if I invoke the gods to again place South Side on a sane basis? Caught “Cutting” By Selma Schwarz (Thomas Hood’s apologies are accepted) One more unfortunate. Weary of breath. Rashly importunate. Gone to her death. Look her up tenderly Teacher, so rare. Fashioned so slenderly. Young and so fair. Give her detention. Why the attention When they do mention Her name on the list? For she was caught After having “cut A class where they taught The uses of but.” Make no deep scrutiny She was undutiful. It was mere mutiny But. wasn’t it beautiful? 25

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THE OPTIMIST Class Prophecy Bv Frank I. Burstein and Isadorc H. Plain Jan. I. 1970. Dear Sylvester: Gee! since you moved out to Jersey City, Newark has become duller than an oyster s hind teeth, and because of the lack of anything else to do. I'm going to grant your re- quest to tell you about our former classmates. Well, here goes. You remember that nice, little fellow, Teddy Hare, who used to be so good at figures, don't you? Well, he is putting his knowledge to a good use, since he became Ziegfcld's assistant. Teddy picks the stage hands. Our old friend, Saul Weinert, is al.-o in the theatrical game. He stands outside Miner’s Theatre and watches the autos of the patrons. I saw him the other day. when I went to see Selma Schwarz play the leading role in The Shop Girl’s Revenge, writ- ten by Charlotte Manshel. Recently I read an article in the Newark Nui- sance, that Bob Whitehouse has discovered a use to which the North Pole can be put. He proposes that the pole be cut down and used for the making of clothes-pins; but that pro- posal is insignificant when you compare it to Harold Hantman's discovery that fish don't per- spire Harry Aronowitz, the authority on chick- ens and other animals, disagrees with Hantman. ronowitz, in disproving Hantman's theory, says that if fish did perspire the ocean would over- flow. Personally. I think Hantman's discovery will revolutionize the fur industry. Another of onr classmates whose name will ring down thru the ages a-, a benefactor of mankind is Isadorc Hodes, who, after fifteen years of hard work, discovered a wrinkle eradicator for prunes. I always said that boy would amount to some- thing. Gee! I guess if I write any more, they will harge extra postage for thi:. letter. Rabidlv yours. ALPHA. P. S. I Just got a postal card from Ben Cohen saying, Enclosed find the five dollars I owe you. Can you beat it? He is a soda clerk in Petty’s, and the girls just flock around his end of the counter. Talking about drug stores, it might interest you to know that Norma Green- field won the prize offered by the Sam Wein- traub Peroxide Corp., given to the most perfect blonde in Essex County. Ruth Brown, another classmate, came in second. A. Feb. 12. 1970. Dear Sy: Since 1 last wrote you I had my two teeth pulled. No other than Dr. Howard Fischer pulled them, and oh! how he pulled. That husky six-footer put his knee on my chest and his hand in my mouth and out came the teeth. I didn't mind it. for his nurse, Beatrice Hilfman, was murmuring soothing words to ntc—say that baby blonde makes tooth pulling a pleasure. When I got out of hischer’s office, 1 was so weak that I took a taxi home. Felix Walker was driving it, and what a short change artist he turned out to be! Just ran across Seymour Emmerglick the other day. He told me that Tom Winerman and he have taken over the control of the “Star-Eagle. Emmerglick appointed himself editor and made inerman his assistant. They are going to hire Everett Bauman to run the Advice to the Love- lorn column and Helen Walter and Mildred I-uthy to conduct the Household page. Another former South Sider on the staff is Philip Sabel. who was appointed elevator operator. I told you that boy would rise in the world, didn't I? Oh! how I envy Louis Mcnk! He is teaching physical education at Vassar and he writes me that three-quarters of the girls in his classes arc waiting eagerly for Leap Year so they can pro- pose to him. He has the cutest little mustache imaginable—regular Beau Brummel. with sky blue neckties and eyes. I think, however, his success is due to his tailor. David Goldman, who shakes a wicked thimble. Sara Rosewater, teacher of psychology at the same institution, says that Menk’s hair reminds her of that famous classic. All Over Nothing at All. Today s mail brought me some very pleasant news, the announcement of the engagement of Jeanette Goldfinc and Frank Burstcin. I think they are ideally matched. Frank was a regular stage-door Johnnie until Janette tamed him. The chorus girls are losing their Santa Claus. Now. since my pen needs some ink—which I haven't got—I'm closing with a request that you send me ten dollars, as Joseph Harrison, my banker, is threatening to foreclose on my flivver if I don't pay the interest on the mortgage. Financially yours, ALPHA. 27