South Side High School - Optimist Yearbook (Newark, NJ)

Text from Pages 1 - 224 of the 1924 volume:

THE OPTIMIST MAY, NINETEEN TWENTY-FOUR That load becomes light which is cheerfully home. —Ovid. South Side High School Newark, New Jersey 'JZ 1 THE O P TIMIST SAVE A dollar a week and watch it grow Endowment Insurance has started many a young man and young woman on the road to happiness Prosperity comes a little at a time, and if every young person waited until he or she could save a lot at once, there would he very little saving. The Endowment policy provides a combined plan of saving and life insurance. The Prudential Endowment policy is guaranteed. A $1JXX) 20 year Endowment policy at age 20. costs only $44.40 a year, or a saving of less than a $1 a week. If you will write a letter now to this company, we shall he glad to send a specimen Endowment policy, without costs, which you can talk over with your parents. State age. Make the start now and you will never regret it. Ask anyone who knows. There are few things which will bring you more genuine HAPPINESS. Mention this book when filling out the coupon or writing. The Prudential Insurance Company of America EDWARD D. DUFF1ELD. President Home Office, Newark, New Jersey Name ..... Alt � . - - Without committing myself to any action I shall be glad to receive free, particulars and rates of an Endowment Policy. For__________________________ Adflh-wi THE OPTIMIST SOUTH SIDE HIGH SCHOOL NEWARK, NEW JERSEY Dr. Thomas F. Kennedy, Principal Published monthly, except July. August an1 September, by representathrs of the student body. Single copies, 20c. Special numbers, 25c. Senior number, 25c. Subscriptions for the year. $1.90 by mail; $1.75 delivered in the School. All members aiul friends of the school are invited to contribute to the school paper. Articles must be in the hands of the Editor at least two weeks before publication. .Advertising copy due the first day of each month. Entered as second-class matter at the Newark Post Office. December 21. 1913. VOLUME XL NUMBER 8 SENIOR OPTIMIST BOARD Editor-in-Cliief 1 usiness Manager Assistant William Abramson Norma Ayres Everkt O. Bauman Nicholas Brescia Eugene Buck Frank Burstein Nathan Cholodenko George Ciiidnofsky Mabel Coiien Frank Fink Thelma Frieufelh George Friedm an D. Dorothy Gann Helen Gottlieb Frank Grammek Helen Greeniii.at Haroui Hantman Joseph Harrison Harold Hey man n Eleanor Hi ring Bertha Knobloch Luis Menk Helen Muntrick Isidore Plain Selma Schwarz Saul Weinekt Thomas Winkrman Editor-in-Chief Staff Associate Editor................................... Pearl Finkelstein I acuity Adviser ............................. Dr. Ciiari.es R. Austin Circulation Manager Business Manager James Ozias Nathan Butman Assistant Circulation Manager Assistant Business Manager Milton Lindeman Anita Krueger •'acuity Adviser— Dr. Thomas K. Smith Literature Jeanette Goldfinf., Chair. Martin Bross Hei.ga Feddersen I). Dorothy Gann Hulda Goeller Austin W. Henry Joseph Marzel Personals Luis Menk, Chairman Josephine Baum (•EORGE CHIDNOFSKY Marcus M. Harris F.dward Hu berm an Harry Lowe Lawrence Rosenbaum Jerome Silverman Assistants—Helen C. Hfj School News David Sobo, Chairman Evelyn Ahrendt Lotta Emmergi.ick Jack Feldmann Ruth Fleischer Gabriel Rich Pearl Solomon Athletics Hyman Cioi.urerc Jerome Goldstein Stanley McIntyre Howard New mark Samuel Wilder Mr. Walter White an. Anna Silidker. Leah Art Ira Kaiin, Chairman Melvin Bach Bernard Grad Norman Greenfield Bertha Knobloch Dorothy Kraft Sidney Mittler Miss Caroline A. Sheldon Alumni Notes and Exchanges Gordon Davidson. Chairman George Friedman Lenore Ha?in Sylvia S. Strauss Mr. John S. Burley Farrstkin, Frank Rosenthal THE OPTIMIST 1 Pimples Are No Joke To The Owner Neither are they necessary.. The Phen-zo treatment of salve for the face and medicine for internal use dries them up in no time. Phen-zo is for sale only by: SCHWARZ DRUGGISTS, Inc. 887 Broad St., Newark, N. J. SCHWARZ DRUG STORES, Inc. 457 Clinton Ave., Newark, N. J. SCHWARZ DRUG CO. 69 Fourth Ave., East Orange, N. J. Price and quality always right at Schwarz’s Drug Stores. “We have it.” NO FEAR OF TEACHER SENDING HER HOME Because KIL-VE is Used on Her Head KIL-VE is ■ vermin destroyer. KIL-VE kills the live vermin and positively destroys the eggs or nits that clinf to the hair. KIL-VE is not oily or sticky and is easily applied. KIL-VE does not interfere with the color or growth of tho hair. KIL-VE is a household necessity. Don’t be ashamed to ask for it. Sold at All Drug Stores, 35c, 65c and $1.25. SCHWARZrS DESTROYS VERMIN ON CHILDREN S HEADS A S8 | THE O P T I M I S T CONTENTS The Sea, by Helen Greenblat..................................... 9 Grit, by Leonard i slander...................................... 9 The Scrub, by Joseph Harrison.................................. 14 Worse Than That, by Thomas IVinerman........................... 15 Calf Love, by Norma lyres.................................... 18 May Temptations, by Dorothy Kraft ............................ 19 Ming Sing, by Bertha Knobloch.................................. 20 A Tale, by Jeanette Gold fine.................................. 22 Editorial, by Seymour A. Emmerglick........................... 23 Class History................................................. 2 The Art of Early Rising, by Harold Heyman..................... 25 Class of June 1924............................................. 26 Class Prophecy................................................. 27 When Nighthood Was the Hour.................................... 30 Athletics .................................................... 35 Class Officers................................................ 37 School News................................................... 38 Senior Optimist Board................. ...................... 41 Senior Directory............................................... 43 The Yellow Press............................................... 85 5 THE OPTIMIST NEW JERSEY LAW SCHOOL N KUAKIv, . J. : 7“I Fffi t - rrrn: 1 fhSS I g KTiSinZ rrrrr s: psiiiuj A � taudard three year course lcadiii to the degree of LL. It. open to Craduate of South Side 11i«'ll School jjW|T LA W SCHOOL IH 'II.DING Showing the Lecture llalls anti Office ns occupietl since 1021, icilh the new Ixiw Library completed September. 1023. For catalog, addn The Secretary New Jersey Law School .Newark. N. J. Telephone Bigelow 3040 I ntrl SUmrra RESTAURANT Also Best Equipped for Weddings, Banquets, Parties, Etc. CLINTON AVE. AND HIGH ST. Newark, N. J. G. E. Schweyer, Manager Telephone Terrace 0385 EHRICH Hardware Co. Inc. Nails R. S. Paper Roofing Asphalt Shingles Ladders Wheelbarrows Rope Sash Weights Sash Cord Paints and Oils Hardware 1057-59 BERGEN ST.. NEWARK. N. J. 55 1 T H E OPT IMIS T COMPLIMENTS OF L. ACHTEL STETTER 842 BROAD ST. Upon our busy Market Street There is a specialist. Oh! so neat; His work now no one can defeat. His bob and curl none can compete. That permanent hair wave can’t he beat. This Parisienne Beauty Parlor on Market Street. FRANK DU BATO 128 MARKET STREET, (Room 307) Newark, N. J. Phone: Mulberry 2015 GREENWOOD’S DRUG STORE 907 BERGEN STREET, Cor. Hawthorne PI. Phone: Wav. 0811 NATIONAL CLOTHING CO. “Nifty Clothes’ We Cater to the High School Students 215 SPRINGFIELD AVE., Cor. Charlton St Compliments of LAW OFFICES GOLDSTEIN GOLDSTEIN GUSTAVE L. GOLDSTEIN, June ’17 DAVID GOLDSTEIN, Feb. ’19 THE OPTIMIST THE SVET MUSIC STUDIOS VIOLIN, PIANO, COMPOSITION and ENSEMBLE PLAYING 708 HIGH STREET NEWARK, N. J. Telephone Mitchell 2858 8 £5 1 THE OPTIMIST [ □I di In Jb Jeanette Goldpine, Chairman Martin Rross I). Dorothy Gann Editors HELGA FeDDERSEN Hulda Goki.i.ek Austin V. Henry Joseph Marzki, The Sea By Helen Grccnhlat Wild and free, wild and free. This is the song of the sea. Hissing and churning. Fantastic twirling, Thunderous pounding. Hysterical hounding. This is a storm at the sea. Jet and silver, jet and silver. This is the moon and the sea. Swaying and shim'ring, Exotic glim'ring. Soft silken glowing, Black oily flowing, This is a night at the sea. Blue and gold, blue and gold. This is the sun and the sea. Brilliant and blinding. Wantonly winding, Superbly sweeping. Laughing and leaping, This is a day at the sea. Cool and strong, cool and strong, This is the touch of the sea. Rushing and pressing. Coolly caressing Buoyantly lifting Peacefully drifting. This is the feel of the sea. Grit By Leonard Uslandcr Civilization is the country of man; the wilder- ness, that country which has not been polluted by him, which has not come under his powerful control, is the country of God and God's crea- tures. Here is His temple of tall columns sup- porting a leafy roof sprinkled with blue heaven and fleecy clouds. Nature is His priestess and caretaker of His domains ami her parishioners arc four-footed or winged creatures who roam o’er the land living upon His bounty and good- ness. Here, every night, the restless, roving wolf packs might be heard howling their praises to their liountcous Giver who shows His smiling face to them from the silvery moon. On this particular moonlit night could be heard the terrible soul-racking howl of a lone wolf, an outcast from his fellows and a hater of the civilization where he was reared. Long before him his ancestors had roamed these very forests, leaders every one of them. His Rrandfathcr, Greywolf. was king of all the packs. Wherever they went he was in the lead. When they attacked some lone deer or stag he was the first to pounce upon the rearing, butting crea- ture and close his mighty jaws upon the throat of the unlucky victim. He was an immense fel- low standing every bit of 5 inches higher than any others of the pack. No other could approach him for strength, agility and endurance and lie reigned with heartless fangs. Running along with that easy, tireless, loping movement char- acteristic of the canine family he would keep 9 tegfl TTTe optimist well ahead of the rest and run them until their tongues lolled. Then he would give them a short respite and he off again looking and smelling all the time for the trail of some ani- mal they might attack. For a mate he took the pick of the females. A sturdy, ferocious slut who followed at his herls and fought at his side. When Crcywolf became too old ami weak to control the j ack one of his sons, as big and tall as Ik , stepped into his place. He was called Huskic. He had to whip about half the pack before his supremacy was hammered into the heads of a few of the ambitious to rule. After that he settled into the same routine as his father. Huskic. also, picked his mate from imong the lx st ami things went on smoothly until one particularly hard win- ter the half-starved pack drifted nearer and nearer to the ever advancing Ixmn- daries of civilization. The smell of food to their sharjK-ned appe- ti t c s overpowered their sense of danger. That terrible man- smell was not strong enough to keep them away from a possible meal. The rest of that winter they lived as best they could and when the first signs of spring came they found the picking so easy from the traps of the hunters that they hung al out. always careful to kc.’p just so far from detection yet near enough to rob the traps. They never could quite understand just how these steel jaws worked but they knew that they were very dangerous to the unwary. Hut as cautious as he was Huskic was destined to feel the powerful grip of those jaws. While silently stalking some prey he put his foot into one of the hidden traps. The jaws came to- gether with terrific force and broke the bone of his foot. He let out a blood curdling yell of pain and jumped straight into the air but he was jerked to the ground in the middle of his leap by the anchor on the trap. He tore, and snapped, and hit, and chewed, but all in vain. His fore paw. caught squarely in the trap felt like a lump of dead flesh yet only physical exhaus- tion made him stop lunging forward and he had already torn up half of the staple. His mate came looking for him and trotting at her heels was a chubby little fellow not yet old enough to chew a piece of meat. He paced his wabbly way along, head cocked on one side looking askance through wide, wondering eyes upon all this sunny world entirely oblivious of the shady side and all the pains and troubles that go with it. He saw his mother fall to biting and scratching at the thing which held his father and sensing that this was some new heartless enemy he growled ami bit and chewed also. Suddenly all three stopped ami sniffed the air. The young fellow smelled some- thing entirely new to him. He did not know, like his par- ents. that this was the dreaded man-smell. He did realize it was a new and greater danger when his par- ents l egan to work harder and faster than Iscfore. Then hap- pened something that changed the life of the pup entirely. A twig snapped and be- fore any could turn, a terrible bang split the silence and the she-wolf fell dead. A man stepped into the sunlight and Huskic turned handicapped as he was to meet his new foe; but again that flash and bang and he was beyond the reach of further pains. The little fellow stood there a moment irreso- lute. then he bared his tiny fangs and growled as deep a growl as his little body could master. The big burly man chuckled, stepped forward and caught up the pup which bit and kicked and fought as hard as he could. The man handled him easily and started with him toward his cabin. The little beast was by turns frightened, amazed and angered at the treatment and hand- 10 THE OPTIMIST 1 5 ling of iliis huge upright being who carried him in his arms. This was his first experience with man and he did not like it. Arrived at a low log cabin in the center of a large clearing the man tied one end of a rope around the neck of the wolf and the other around a stake driven in the ground. The man tried to pet him but the wolf bristled and growled and showed his fangs for all the world as if he could chew up this mountain of flesh in front of him. The man chuckled and admiring his nerve decided to call him Grit. It took Grit a few days of starvation and longing to realize that he had 1 letter take what the man gave him. Somehow even tho this man did not harm him he did not like him. He sensed that his mother and father were no more and that this man with his lightning stick was mainly rcs| onsible for it. He grew larger and stronger with that same feeling in his mind and he grew to dislike the civilized smell of every thing around him. He had the pure wolf blood in him and at night when he heard the distant pack howling lie longed to rush off and join them, to l e free! to go and come as lie pleased! But always lie was kept in leash and as he got bigger and stronger the rope was made bigger and stronger until the man discarded it for a chain. Grit saw very little of his master. Sometimes he would not come home for days and in such cases Grit was locked inside the cabin with enough food to eat and water to drink. And always his master would come sneaking back in the dead of the morning with many pelts and furs. There was this sneakiness about the man that made Grit dislike him all the more and then again the man would never treat him over kind- ly. Grit knew that his fangs and his strength were all that saved him from a beating many times. Grit grew even taller and more lithe than his father or grandfather. His coat was a silvery grey contrasted by a black spot over each eye and another on the end of his magnificiently bushy tail. Then came a day of restless waiting and a night with a big full moon. Grit could con- tain himself no longer, he had to get away from this stuffy place out into the open freedom. The climax came when lie heard, far off. the first bay- ing of the jack, the call of the wild! With one long leap h e crashed through the cabin window carry- ing frame, glass and all with him. What cared he if he was cut around the head and shoulders, he w a s free! Free at last! With incredible speed he made straight for the place where he had heard the sound of the wolves come from. Then wit’ll startling suddenness lie came into a large clearing and there on the other side loomed the black outlines of the pack. They stood there glaring at the in- truder with eyes like saucers of fire. Grit Imundcd forward to greet them but an ominous growl warned him to stop. He was to them a thing of civilization, an outcast of the pack and they would not greet him as a friend. When Grit realized this h. was angry and a deep-throated growl was the signal for the leader to step forward and do combat. Then there was a glorious l attlc! Flangs flashed. . . . at night ... he heard the distant pack howling 11 Wl THE OPTIMIST fur ficw and blood ran. The pack sat in a cir- cle about the fighters and eagerly watched. Over and over the combatants rolled, now one on top, now the other, now apart, now a quick dart in, a tlash of fangs and rip of skin and a bound lack again. Grit let out all his pent up feelings in that fight. He towered over the other like a leviathan. It was all over in less time than it takes to tell it. Grit got a fatal hold upon the throat of his opponent and cut off the breath of life from his body. Then he was ready for the next but after that display they left him severely alone. This is why the lone wolf howled at the moon. He howled and howled until dawn and then lonesome a n 1 hungry h e started l� ack for civilization. Hut l eforc reaching the cabin he ran across a new scent. It was the scent of man but there was something different about it which made him curious to in- vestigate. Tom Norton, age thirty, came north to escape the evils of civilization. An inno- cent victim of circum- stances, he Ixrcamc an outcast of society, and made himself an out- cast of civilization. He came to God’s country liecause he loved it and he knew he would be free and away from the nar- row-minded influences of man. He built his cabin on the farthest boundary of civiliza- tion and began to trap and hunt to distract his mind rather than for pleasure or material gain. This morning he was absently inspecting his traps, thinking of the great wrong done him at home when he came face to face with an im- mense silvery wolf. His gun went to his shoul- der while Grit crouchtd ready to spring. For a moment they eyed each other and then Tom noticed the collar around the wolf's neck. It was a sign of civilization on a wild beast and the only thing that stopped Tom from shooting. Had it not been there my story would have been different. Here were two outcasts, two who had the same dislike for civilization. Why should they not be thrown together? Why should they not help each other by their companionship? How did the wolf know of the man’s likes and dis- likes?” you ask. That is not for me to say. That is a question which only the Watcher over such creatures can answer. I will but attempt to say that they were attracted to each other; that they did find companion- ship in each other and I can only tell you of how it ended. One evening some time later, in his cheery little cabin sat Tom in a large ami comfortable armchair and at his feet lay Grit perfectly con- tented because h i s second taste of man was so much more pleasing than the first. Tom had given him the first bit of real kindness that he had ever known and the heart of the great wolf went out to him. Tom got up and walked leisurely to the door. Grit fol- lowed him only with his eyes. Just to watch Tom was enough for him and Tom found in the wolf the one redeeming thing of the world. He opened the door and looked up at the ominous clouds hanging over the landscape. On the edge of the clearing could be seen the tall dark shapes of the trees standing out as black objects against a black setting. The food and other things were stored in a cache not far from the cabin. Tom walked over there to sec if everything was secure for the 12 Then there was a glorius battle . . . the pack sat and watched THE OPTIMIST | night and the coming storm. Grit waited a few minutes then decided to follow his master. He got up. stretched contentedly and saunt- ered out. As soon as he reached the open he scented something that was familiar to him. It was the man- smell again hut this time the old one. He stopped and waited. Suddenly he heard sounds of a sc u flic coming from the cache. He hounded forward and reached there just in time to sec Tom get knocked over with the butt end of a revolver. Imme- diately his blood N iled within h i m. His old animal in- stinct rose in him. He turned upon his foe— his foe because he He turned upon hi foe was his master’s foe— and recognized the man who had taken away his father and mother. But strangely that did not anger him as much as the fact that this l eing had dared to harm his best friend. He saw red. He made a great bound for the throat of the man and reached it. The man desperately drove his long hunting knife into the wolf's l ack but Grit held on. He was living up to his name: Grit. The end came soon. This man who had harmed his friend and who had come to steal his friend’s food and furs would strike no more. Tom saw the whole thing. He was power- (Cont on Page 78) Fond Recollections of a Graduating Senior By William Abramson We entered here some years ago As Frcshics very green. This place was very large and new We just had to l c keen. Some time for work we always found, And Physics we did tame. When we were lA's very proud. The Freshies we did scorn. The school we thought belonged to us Kach day from morn to morn. As 2B’s we did find our faults, And studied in a rage. As Caesar and his Gallic wars Were covered page by page. We took an active part in sports When we were made 2A’s; Each game we learned with zest and zeal. We had our special plays. As jovial jolly juniors gay We loved to fool and joke; Eraser fights we often had, A glass or so we broke. Our jokes and fun were still retained As 3A’s we became. Alas! Now see the seniors go. Their chests thrown out in full. As 4B’s we did think ourselves Privileged with a pull. The lookcd-for time arrived at last When senior A’s were made. Can we forget the times we’ve had And pranks that we have played? O, South Side High, it is the time When we forever part. We leave thee with a smiling cheer. And with an aching heart. The times we’ve had we’ll ne’er forget Thy knowledge we’ll employ. At any time or place at all Thee, we'll praise with joy. Farewell, farewell, farewell to th:c Dear old South Side High. Cherished shall thy mcm'ries be And thou praised to the sky. IKfl THE OPTIMI ST The Scrub By Joseph Harrison It was the beginning of the football season at Cliffsidc High School. All the boys had returned from their vacations, browned and hardy. In a few days practise would begin. They were all preparing for the coming season. While walking aliout the campus, all 1 could hear was the buz-buz of the football team. The veterans were contemplating higher honors, while the scrubs were in high hopes of making the varsity. Scrub, did I say? What a harsh belittling word for one who does so much! My attention had been attracted last season by a lad who was known as Randolph. Tho only a scrub, and small of stature, pale and lean, he seemed to possess a fighting spirit that was unconquer- able. It had been his first year out, and natur- ally new to the game he had received harsh treatment in the scrimmages. But lie never quit. He was coming out this season. Thursday I went down to watch the first prac- tise. Few vacancies had been left on the var- sity, so I recognized most of them, but many changes had appeared in the scrub line-up. There were new faces that would probably dis- appear after a few days of strenuous work. Randolph was in the scrub line-up, still as un- tiring as ever. The next day, as I went down to the field I noticed that the scrubs had greatly reduced in number. Only eighteen remained, Randolph among them. He was playing left end with ap- parently much difficulty. Time after time he had to bear the brunt of the varsity's attack, but he met it with his never say die spirit. I saw no more of Randolph until the week be- fore the Prescott game. Prescott was the tradi- tional enemy of Cliff side. A victory over Pres- cott was a sign of a successful season, therefore the team was being drilled strenuously. The Cliffsidc coach was working his team on a play attacking the left wing of the opponents' line. Play after play. Randolph had to stem the rush of the varsity backficld. What recuperative pow- ers lie possessed! If he faltered once the coach would growl, but when his work was of good order he received no praise. At the final work- out the coach was satisfied that there were no flaws in his offensive. His main threat, the at- tack on the left wing, had been perfected by con- stant drilling. His backficld had received their experience by buffeting Randolph around the gridiron. The scrub's unceasing efforts had per- fectly drilled the varsity how to attack the end. Confident, the team awaited the day of the game. One would have thought the gods were inter- ested in the game, for a more perfect day for football could not be desired. The cheer leaders were performing their antics, exacting deafening cheers from the throngs in the stand. Both teams came out to practise amidst roaring cheers. The captains met and selected their re- spective goals. The teams lined up. A shrill whistle announced the beginning of the game. Prescott’s punter got off a good one. I ut Cliffside's right-half returned it ten yards before he was downed. For the first period the trams marched back and forth, each feeling out the other. With the start of the second quarter, Prescott began to unmask a strong aerial at- tack, but Cliffsidc managed to hold its own, and the half ended with neither team scoring. The second half began with Prescott again forcing the issue. Cliffsidc was evidently tiring but was capable of holding Prescott School scoreless. The fourth period started with Cliffsidc hav- ing possession of the ball on its forty-yard line. Then came the surprise! Instead of just using a straight formation, the Cliffsidc backficld lined up for the attack on the left wing. The Prescott warriors, unprepared for this, were caught nap- ping. and Cliffsidc, marched down the field until it reached Prescott’s ten-yard line. Randolph was watching this performance from the bench. There was an ironic smile on his lips. He had made this march possible, but what reward did he get ? N’o one cheered for him, did they? But Randolph did not seek praise, for he knew in his own heart that he was just as im- portant as any of the eleven men in the game. Two more rushes and Cliffsidc would cross tbr goal-line and the game would l� e won, but who would l c happier than Randolph? He had done his share. No one will know it. but that docs not matter. The scrub never gets any credit, and why should he receive any? He never gets in a game! 14 fogTl THE OPTIMIST Doom By Harold Hantman Dark and dreary is the hour Heaviness prevails The sweat is rolling down my brow And I do bite my nails. Terribly my heart docs pound. And my four limbs do tremble. I cannot see. I cannot think. My wits 1 can’t assemble. Frightfully my eyes do bulge. And I am in a swoon. My head feds faint, my blood is cold As I await my doom. This no doubt to some of you Seems not a state of rest But the trouble is I tell you all. I'm taking a I.atin test. Worse Than That By Thomas Winerman Gee, how can a guy write a story without inspiration?” The speaker was P. Aloysius Van Litt. His homely freckled face was clouded with vexation. Percy was a poor overworked student at the Off Side High School, and had, that day, been ur- gently requested by his Knglish teacher, to write a short story for the Pessimist, the school paper. After school was over, he had hurried home to try to get an idea as to what it would be. To make matters worse it had started to rain, and he had almost ruined his brand new clothes. “I know what! I’ll look in some old maga- zine! Maybe I’ll find some good ideas. They won’t know the difference anyhow. He began to glance thru the pages of an old year book. Perce-e-y! Percy, where are you?” “Right here mom. I aint doin’ nothin'.” You come right down here, and take your wet hat off the coffee grinder, replied his moth- er indignantly, you left your rubbers on the piano and tracked the house all up with those old magazines of yours, and I've just finished my spring cleaning, too. “Aw gee, can’t a fellow rest in peace without dying? “Pcrcival! Such language! If your Knglish teacher heard you now, she’d surely flunk you. cried his mother indignantly. Well I’m not in Knglish class now,” answered Percy grievously. You come right down here this instant, and do what I told you. Percy descended. A half hour later, he was again busied thinking up some ideas. In a few minutes he had concentrated and was heading for a solution of his troubles. Just then the doorbell rang. Again his moth- er's voice called out, Percy, see who is at the door.” Oh shucks,” exclaimed Percy, I wonder who’s visiting us at this hour. Again he descended, skipping four steps at a time—needless to say. this particular stunt had become a science to him (he had used this meth- od, trying to rush down an Up Stairway before some teacher could stop him.) Kxactly one hour later, he was once more seated in his den, puzzling over the problem of writing an acceptable story. With him how- ever. was his cousin and pal, Rcggy Marmclade Ruff. He, like Percy, had the misfortune of having parents who believed in advertising their taste for Knglish things. However the real bur- den fell upon the two boys who were guyed unceasingly by their classmates, because of their names. Rcggy, at least, did not quite live up to his middle name, for far from being sour in disposition, he was quite good-natured and witty. Here's an old magazine, full of western stor- ies. vintage of ’59,” said Percy, without looking up from the magazine. How do they start?” demanded Reggy, who had. in the short time that he had been here, taken up the responsibility of advising Percy as to a beginning for a good story. He for- tunately had not been called upon to write a story, being in a different class. “Most of them start about the same way: 'Bang! And another redskin bit the dust’,’’ Percy stated reading an extract from the magazine. That’s no good.” Rcggy replied, everyone knows that beginning. Why not start in where they are burying him.” 15 Wl THE OPTIMIST C'mon quit chcr kiddcn.” Percy said impa- tiently, you're enough to make a home-sick chinaman shave off his pig-tail.” “I've struck an idea,” cried Reggy suddenly. Is it seriously hurt?” asked Percy in a voice which was far from anxious. Write a story on the subject of Not pre- pared, offered Reggy. ignoring the other's sar- casm, you know a lot on that subject, don't you? Percy’s face showed his disgust. “That's stale. he said, we hear that in class every day. and I don't like those Hoy Scout stories any- how.” This is different.” interrupted Reggy. “my plan for the story is this. Thereupon he out- lined the whole plan of the story to his friend. Percy’s face began to clear a little. But what about the teacher. he protested, what will she say to me-------- “She won’t say anything, for you will have written a story, and besides you'll have all your classmates looking up to you for doing it. The next day Percy arrived in school quite early. He excited much curiosity, because of a bundle that he carried under his arm. Percy waited until all the other pupils had handed in their stories. Then he walked up to the desk and handed the bundle to the teacher. What is this? she demanded. Percy winked at the rest of the pupils, and then replied, That’s my story. The teacher began to get suspicious. You sit down. she said to Percy, I think I will read this story to the rest of the class. Then she began to read. Once upon a time there was a large class of Japanese boys, who all studied under the same teacher. These hoys were very smart, but among them was one boy who was smarter than all the rest. Naturally he was regarded as the leader. His name was Chop Sucy. One day all the boys ’played hookey' and went to sec a Mah Jong Game. When they returned to school the next day. the angry teach- er asked Chop Sucy what his excuse was for being absent. The hoy replied. 'Most esteemed teacher, honorable sir. my excuse for being ab- sent is very brief. As I was walking to school. 1 met an ant. This ant excited my curiosity so much that I followed it. This ant met another ant. which in turn met another ant. which in turn met another ant. which in turn met another 16 THE OPTIMIST ]W ant, which---- “ ‘That will do’, sai l the very angry teacher and turned to the next boy, whose handle was See Oh. ‘Most kind hearted guardian, as I was crank- ing my tin jinriksha, in order that I might take my daily lesson with you. I saw Chop Sucy walk- ing with his eyes on the ground I was very curious and thinking my most esteemed play- mate was afflicted with the heat, followed Him. fearing for his safety. I—’ “ ‘Tluit will do’,” stuttered the now very, very angry teacher. ‘What is your excuse?’ A third boy, who answered to Just Hung, replied, ‘Most respected upholder of learning, as I was trying to impart to my pig-tail a Chinese Pompadour. I glanced out the window and saw my most esteemed classmate Chop Suev, walking with his eyes on the ground, followed by my most es- teemer! classmate Sec Oh. who also had his eyes on the ground. Thinking both of them were batty, I followed them and—’ The teach- er again interrupted and demanded of a fourth boy named Pirn Pul. what his excuse was. ‘Most beloved teacher, as I was walking to school. 1 saw my esteemed playmate Chop Sucy, followed by my also most esteemed playhiatcs Sec Oh and Just Hung, walking with their eyes upon the ground. Thinking they were all off their base, I followed—' ’’ The Knglish teacher stopped reading and hur- riedly glanced thru the remaining seventy-nine pages. Her face became very red. That is a very good story, said she, only I hope the other stories have a little more variety than this one. However I will give the class a study period because of it. And she left the room. However Percy’s elation was short-lived. The teacher showed how pleased she was with his story by giving him a five on hir report card at the end of the month instead of a four. Farewell to you. ye chosen few. Ye blest of us who go; Ye who feel a tinge of joy And grief of parting know. A Farewell By D. Kraft The hope that time will write your names Upon the wall of fame. And that your good will ne’er be stained By aught of evil shame. We pray the powers of right to guide You all along the way. And give you peaceful happiness Unto the Judgment Day. 17 £5 1 THE OPTIMIST 1 Thoughts of Graduation By I). Dorothy Gann How would you like to graduate. the teacher asked May, Oh! 1 get pretty things to wear on graduation day.” I don't have to go school; I'm free from that time on, 1 can have a lovely time and lots of fun, said John. “I, laughed Jane, gets lots of gifts, oh just a load of things! Books and lockets and candy and cake and flow’rs and several rings. It also means a lot to me 'cause I will make a speech. My subject is on freedom. said Lucille with a screech. 1 think it’s fine to graduate 'cause I am really done It took me more than five years before I finally won!” Oh Gee! I am so glad too, now I'll get a job. I'll make a dandy plumber,” cried the tall and laughing Rob. And I am glad to graduate, smiled pretty little Dot, Because I really know now, that I have learned a lot. Calf Love By Norma Ayres John’s mother was standing in the hall inspect- ing him carefully with eyes ready to detect any glaring deficiencies in his apparel. He was ready at last, after two hours’ strugg'c, to go to the masquerade that had been talked about ami looked forward to, for weeks. He had locked his liedroom door as he dressed, to keep out marauders ii the form of mothers or sisters who teased him and called him Sonny. (Sonny, of all things, when he was sixteen going on seventeen al- icady!) His preparations had been many, and varied. He had even gone so far as to cold cream his face with one of the said sisters' bcautifiers. All the time tho his thoughts had been straying to Betty, the belle of the younger set. John thought her the most beauteous creature who walked the earth. She was to l e there and he wanted to make the best kind of an impression on her. A.fter the tie over which he had pondered for ten minutes was finally arranged, he reluctantly opened his door to undergo the scrutiny of his mother's eyes. After several changes had been made, Mrs. Scott put a camclia in her son's lapel and sent him off with a motherly kiss. The minute he arrived at the house where the masquerade was being held he looked around for Tom, his best friend, an imp if there ever was one. However, he could find him nowhere. That was queer, since Tom had told him dis- tinctly that he would be there and bad said with a mischievous twinkle in his Irish blue eyes that he intended to have a pack of fun. At that piece of information John had felt a shiver run down his spine because many, many times he had been the unwitting butt of Tom's joke. Accordingly he walked carelessly, oh so care- lessly! in the general direction of Betty, whom he had spotted at once, hoping that he was not attracting any attention. He hated to be kidded, and if any of his friends were to recognize him, his life would be anything but peaceful for days to come. As he reached her side, the music started and John was able to get a dance with the adored one. The look in his eyes as he danced with her was unutterably silly, but lie thought it languish- ing and hoped she did too. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear; all about her beautiful blue eyes, and her hair, and how terrifically good looking she was. Betty looked up at him then with an undeniable twinkle in the eyes he had just been eulogizing. When the music stopjied, he steered her awk- wardly to a quiet corner and ensconced her in a big chair. Then he flew off for a glass of punch, which she had said in a husky whisper she wanted. Of course, he spilled a little on her gown and received a murderous look in return. He talked on and on in a never-ending stream about nothing at all for two straight dances. At last, unable to stand it any longer. Betty danced away with a swain who had been hovering near for some time. As John sat there alone he no- ticed dangling from her rather bony wrist a fan exactly like the one that Tom’s older sister, Louise, sported—supposed to be the only one of 18 S5 I THE OPTIMIST its kind in Middletown. His eyes lighted up at the chance to tease Louise, who had never lost an opportunity to make fun of him. He got up then and dashed madly Juto the crowd to snatch the prize from his rivar4 TJii accomplished, he finished the dance with her, not neglecting to say how downcast he had been when she had been carried away from him. He raved on in a mad sort of way about how sweet and true he thought she was. He told her that she appealed to the best that was in him. that he was considering stopping swearing ami smok- ing. (This last was really very brave since he had smoked all of two cigarettes in his life and the habit was upon him I) In fact during the evening he managed to give himself away completely and was thankful that none of his chums had been neat to hear the things he had been saying. His heart almost stopped beating when he considered the awful things that would Ik said of him if they ever heard all he had said to Betty. He’d have to run away. That’d be all. Finally the word came around that at eleven o’clock everybody was to unmask. John sud- denly got cold feet. Suppose she was thinking that it was Fdgar, the new boy in town, who was rushing her! She would be sadly disillu- sioned then at eleven and consequently disagree- able until time to go home. He felt an almost uncontrollable desire to leave then and there; but lie stuck and at eleven o'clock—oh my I When the hour struck it happened that John and Betty were sitting with five or six others in one corner of the room. He was surreptitiously holding her hand which she allowed him to do with a demure glance. Then she pulled her hand away and raised it slowly, slowly to the mask. Be still, my heart!” said John to himself in the anticipatory joy of seeing her face. He pulled his mask off with a snap as the elastic caught around his car. never once taking his eyes from her. Why, why—what was happening? Good Heavens above, wasn’t that beautiful hair hers? For the fair curls seemed to be slightly awry and became more so as he watched. He glanced agonizcdly around the little circH: and saw the delighted eyes of the others. Ye Gods and Little Fishes! What could he do to save her from shame? Then before his tortured gaze the curls fell to the floor. The mask followed in its train and before him grinned Tom's impudent face. The next day his mother caught him in the front hall with his suitcase all packed, ready to leave home! May Temptations By Dorothy Kraft Oh, come with me, 'Tis the month of May. Come, let us up Away and away. All nature's free, You need not fear. Come, follow me, Can you hear, can you hear? On silv’ry leaf We’ll float down stream And when we’re tired. We’ll lie and dream In the arms of buttercup Yellow and green. We’ll race with the breeze O’er hill, o’er dale. I iugh as we kiss The daisies pale. And tumble the hair Of the maidens fair. We’ll hark to the music In the evening song Of robin redbreast As he flics along. We’ll dance with the moonbeams As pale they leap A vigil ’til morn. With the crickets keep. And all will be joy As we tarry there. Come, let us away From toil and care. 19 THE OPTIMIS Ming Sing By Bertha Knobloch Ming Sing from the balcony of her father's house, watched dusk gather in the west, and hide the sky in its great dark cloak. The street lamps blinked like the eyes of night birds just awakening. As it grew darker, narrow open doors flung slanted yellow rays upon the pavement stones. The dim streets of Chinatown and the narrow alleyways were full of mystery and fascination for pretty Ming Sing. In her dainty jacket and yellow silk trousers she was like a daffa- dil in the dusk. She sighed faintly, a little for loneliness; a little for the wonder of this mysterious world she lived in. Then suddenly she w a s aware that she was l cing watched. Slowly she turned her head toward the nearby balcony and met the «yes of a man, a young man. When their eyes met he smiled. Something stirred in Ming Sing's heart. She liad never before been gazed upon by so strange a man. Her lips parted, words would not come—she flushed and turned her head away. “Be not afraid, gentle one. he said softly. We are neighbors and my father owns the store of antiques Iteneath us. You arc the daughter of the honorable Hop Sing are you not? She knew that she should be silent, but after a moment's hesitation she spoke, with down- cast eyes. Yes. I am Ming Sing, daughter of Hop Sing. He came to the edge of the balcony and said, So, little flower, you arc Ming Sing and I am Hai Lee. Ming Sing raised her eyes—eyes of a dark wondrous beauty. A smile played about her lips. She forgot to be shy and soon they be- came friends. They were both lonely; and soon m the odorous dusk, while mingled sounds fro the streets came up to them, he told her of his life. His father, being rich, had sent him to col- lege where he had progressed rapidly. All dur- ing his tale she had listened eagerly and he had enjoyed watching her. It is wonderful, she sighed when he had finished. Thus for many nights they sat, enjoying each other’s c o m p a n y, lovers from the first meeting and yet no such w o r d s ever passeri between them. They spoke only of life, of school, o f Chinatown. Then one evening as they were sitting on the dimly lighted bal- cony. the stars twink- ling aliovc. he said. Ming Sing, you find me not unpleasant to look upon? I have asked my father to ask your most esteemed father for your hand. Hai Lee leaned across the balcony and slowly took the hand of Ming Sing into his. She raised her eyes, shining with happi- ness. Was it possi- ble? It was not a dream? Hai Lee wanted her. Ming Sing for his wife. Yes Hai Lee. she replied, if my reverend father permits it.” Something seemed to whisper to Ming Sing. Oh it could never be for had not her father al- ready promised her to the wealthy I-cc Lung. Ug! She hated that fat Lee Lung—but what could she do. Her father was in debt and to none other than Lee Lung. This she told to Hai Lee who told her not to worry. He would 20 'fogfl THE OPTIMI ST find a way out and they would be happy. Happiness came to her but not for Ion . The following day as she sat making her bridal jacket she was interrupted by the sneering voice of Lee Lung. “Ah hah. my pretty flower, you prepare your- self. You arc the Betrothed of Hai I«ee? No, no. not yet.—not while I. I.ce Lung, live will you become the wife of Hai Lee. You forget the debt of your father. If he does not pay, you be- come my wife. Ming Sing said not a word, but sewed on. with fingers num and cold, with pain in her 21 heart. Hop Sing entered the room A gleam of hate entered his eyes, it was but for an instant. He too hated Lee Lung but he could do noth- ing. Ixrc Lung had him in his power. The two men passed into the next room. Still Ming Sing sat. She prayed that her father would have the money to pay; but it seemed from their voices as the sounds came from the next room that she would be sacrificed. “Hai Lee,” she cried to herself, “the Gods arc against us. Lee Lung and Hop Sing reentered the room where Ming Sing had been sewing Remember Hop Sing, if you pay not your debt—I shall hold you to your bargain. With these words Lee Lung left the house. Ming Sing. her father said, worry not. dear child. I shall find a way. Hai Lee is worth many times Lee Lung. Lee Lung is a thief, a murderer—and some day he shall get what he deserves. Little knew Ming Sing how soon Lee Lung would get what he deserved. That same evening, one that was never for- gotten. Hai Lee and Ming Sing sat on the dimly lighted balcony. With many tears she told Hai Lee what had happened during the day. Cour- age my beloved. he said, do not despair. The light from the corner street lamp flickered for an instant. The great Lee Lung, hated by all Chinatown for his evil ways, passed by the lamp, paused for a moment and looked up at the house of Hop Sing. A shadow quickly came out of a house, and a shot rang out—another, like a word of death. Lee Lung staggered, clutched his jacket and then fell to the pavement beyond all mortal help. Ming Sing uttered no word, but moved closer to Hai Lee. Both had seen alt—yet who had committed this, was the question. The police came and carried the dead body of Lee Lung away. His death war- not mourned by anyone for I-ce Lung had no friends. Who was guilty? No one knew. The people eared not to know who had dealt this blow, for China- town was rid of its meanest man. one who had been cruel to all and who had cared only to benefit himself. The great day arrived and all were gay. Ming Sing, loved by all, was to marry Hai Lee. What happiness there was! The whole town came to the wedding. It was a gay one. yet the two lov- ers thought of the horrible scene that they had witnessed. One evening as Ming Sing sat beside her (Commut'd on Page 79) THE OPTIMIST W| A Tale By Jeanette Gold fine That was home—a dirty, smelly hole—a rut, where sunlight knew no welcome, where dark- ness reigned supreme, where deeds were done under the sheltering wings of night, where in- genious plots were designed, where brains were busy—always scheming, plotting to withhold at any cost that tiny, precious something—lifel Vet. what was that life?—risks, escapes, sharp spying eyes, paralyzing fears, deaths, sorrows, short eager breaths of gladness, for these were creatures hated, scorned, hunted by the warmed, bright world. Here, as in all places, was the eternal mother, and again that mother-love which considers not at all self, but burns in an unquenchable (lame of tender anxiety for helpless young ones. When little egoists know only that they must cat, mothers know only that they must seek. Thus, in profound blackness, while the good world slumbered peacefully, one of these hunted un- happy creatures ran forth, driven on by the power of her love. Kyes, so black, so weary; ever watched lest upright men appear, knowing well their utter mercilessness. A quick run! Stop! The sound of footsteps! No! What nonsense! Hungry mouths were waiting! A faint whimper reached her ears and she darted forth with new resolve and newly gathered strength. Onward, onward, ever onward she rushed, but barren and futile was her search—not one morsel was in sight! The thought came steadily in a regular lieating-beating “They arc young. They arc helpless. They arc hungry! Blacker grew the night and heavier grew her heart. What was she to do now? She cast half-mad, furtive glances about her. Love, hate, love, hate—the alternating emotions ruled her. There, there in that home slept untroubled, at ease, on soft downy pillows, one of those good men, those men of renown, of wealth, of pres- tige. There, children knew no want and mothers suffered not the sight of babies’ hunger. She shivered, she waited; then she made her mad way into the house. There, by the side of a bed, she watched a soft, warm little body, a sleeping, tired, little boy. Gently, gently up and down rose and fell the chest of the child, his rounded check flushed with slumber. With sudden vi- ciousness, she bit into the plump little leg over- hanging the crib. His baby cries awoke the household, but she waS gone. Swift and agile was her flight. Running, running, ever running— suddenly she stopped! There—food! Her little ones will be fed. Quiveringly she snatched the piece and—snap! Well, at last they succeeded, those men from above. They got her this time. She struggled—she pulled—she pushed! The frenzy and fear of her littles ones’ welfare gave her a supreme bravery. With unlielicvablc force she tugged and pulled herself away, dragging her severed limb behind. Tightly she held on to that remnant of food and pulled her weakened body along the door. Soon, soon will the hungry mouths be fed. With this thought she still crept along, leaving a trail of blood behind. Faint and fainter she became—but her mother’s heart would not give in. Sapped of all strength at last, she fell into the hole of a home. The tiny ones quickly devoured the bit of nourishment. But the conscientious men had done their work, and well, and the brave little mother at last fell, her limb torn and bloody, her body tortured, but her soul appeased. At that moment, in the great house of upright men, a little baby boy gave a last tortured whim- per. This—another strange talc in a world of mice and men. Twenty Yeara After This Number With Apologies to R. Southey By Helen Grecnblat It was a summer evening, Old Kaspar’s work was done, And he lwsidc the trolley tracks Was tuning in for fun. And by him playing at casino His little grandchild. VVilhclmino. She saw her brother Peterkin Roll something large and round. Which he beside his trolley tracks In playing there had found, He came to ask what he had found. That was so large and smooth and round. “O that,” said Kaspar with a sigh. “ Tis some South Sider’s skull; The Seniors murdered The Optimist staff In a slaughter terrible. But what they fought each other for Was in the Senior Optimist—May, 1924. 22 THE Q P T I M I S T Seymour A. Kmmrrcuck In graduation issues of High School maga- zines, the editorial generally tells about the feel- ings of the departing class. In fact, this proce- dure is so prevalent that the exact emotions and feelings of joy and sorrow are familiar to every reader in the minutest detail. Hence there is no need for me to repeat these same ideas and thoughts. Very soon after graduation most of us will go into an entirely different sphere of life. Some will continue in higher schools and the rest will undoubtedly go into business. No matter what you do or where you go after graduation you will be judged by the same standard. No mat- ter where and how you start, this standard will never vary. And upon the result of this con- sideration. will rest your success in life. In considering the qualities of a man, the first questions that arise in a person’s mind arc: How does he carry himself toward other men ? Will he use his acquaintances as stepping stones to pecuniary success or will he be a true friend? Is he a male or is he a MAN? It is very obvious that when such questions can be satisfactorily answered about a person, no obstacles or impediments such as racial differ- ences. lack of exceptional ability etc., can stand in the way of his success. Do not think, how- ever, that success means great riches. A multi- tude of friends and a clear conscience super- abundantly supplant any deficiency or absence of money. This idea is not modern, for Solomon in all his glory knew that. “Clean hands and a pure heart Arc more to be desired than gold: Yea. than much fine gold.” With a clear conscience money is easily earned but never can a man gain the real friendship of his neighbors if he is sullied by dishonesty. And after all, a man’s success lies first in him- self. and second, in his friends. He must have certain qualities to entitle him to a successful career. Then his friends will help bring these qualities to the view of the world. He may be called a self-made or a college-made man. but any one, who knows the fundamentals of a successful life, knows he is a friend-made man. Sincerity will make and hold friends. Hypocrisy will lose them. But do not think that honesty and sincerity alone will make friends. A man’s own character makes them. He must have certain requisites which make up his character. He must not take advantage of his opponent's weaknesses. He must not make excuses for his. He must not be a prig or a snob or a cad. He must fight cour- ageously and openly. Fie must have honor. He must be a MAN and that in itself is success. IN MEMORY OF ROLAND C. HALLGRING ABRAHAM MANKOFSKY Oct. 9, 1907—Nov. 24, 1923 April 8, 1907—Sept. 10, 1923 23 THE OPTIMIST SSI Class History The latter part of September, 1920. is a mem- orable date in the history of South Side, for on that day. the best class that Sooth Side has ever known, the class of June. 1924. entered these halls of knowledge. Since we were IB’s we were, of course, treated in a manner that hardly suited our pride. Some of us were thrown into waste baskets, and others were kicked so hard in the place where it hurts the most, that they were unable to sit down for a week. But despite these extra curricula activities, our academic work was not neglected, and in our studies we learned all about puellae pulchrae, apollo. bac- teria and xy. Thus matters stood until we be- came lA’s and we certainly looked down with benign superiority on the incoming youngsters. About this time Jimmy Pappas made his first appearance on the cinder path, and Red Stern scooped them up on the diamond. Those who were not so athletically inclined joined the dif- ferent clubs and tried for positions on The Optimist. Finally we emerged from our state of verdant Freshmanism into the glory of the haughty Sophomore. Here we became acquainted with Julius Caesar. Shakespeare, and other such af- flictions. The Sophomore year was not marked by any unusual incidents, except that we were supremely happy that we were at last an integral part of the school and no longer Freshmen. Very naturally we did to the IB’s what had been done to us in similar circumstances. Our second year ended and we became staid Juniors. At this stage of the game we struggled over Physics, trotted thru Cicero and dragged our weary brains thru Intermediate Algebra. The Junior year is generally the hardest of the four, so that it was not at all remarkable that the collective back of the class bent under the daily load of books. Finally, after three years of toil, we reached cur goal. We were at last Seniors. In 4B we learned how to conduct ourselves at a Senior dance and planned the wonderful things to be accomplished in 4A. In that exalted grade we had the best time of our four years. Class of- ficers were elected, dances were run off, The Senior Optimist kept us busy, class treasurers came to torment us. and last but not least, there was a slight matter of examinations to be passed before we could hope to be numbered among South Side’s alumni. All in all. our four years at South Side have been well spent and happy. It is now at the completion of our course, when we are on the threshold of greater things, that we can realize what South Side and South Side s teachers have done to prepare us tor the future. And I need only say that the class of June. 1924, will always endeavor to fulfil the high ideals, inspired in it by four years happily and wisely spent at South Side. It might here be well to give a short summary of what certain Seniors have done in school activities. Beginning with the language clubs. ‘Lc Ccrclc Framjais” has on its rolls four mcm- Inrrs of our illustrious class. Sara Rosewater, Helen Grccnblat, Nathan Cholodenko and Jaque- line Dolph. Nat was the French club's efficient Sergeant-at-Arms, while Sara and Helen have held the office of president and vice-president respectively. Jaquelinc was in the cast of one of the French plays. The German club lays claim to but one important member of the class of June, 1924. Kmmerglick is the enterprising young fellow who was elected president of the Dutchmen” when the German club was reor- ganized for the first time since the war. And as further proof of his ability, he was re-elected. Our only prominent member in dramatics was the class baby. Tom Winerman was quite a success in “Twelfth Night. for all he did was to sit on a stool and keep mum. Of course, there was no room for criticism of his acting. Everett O. Bauman, vice-president of the Chess and Checker Club, is this class’s representative in that organization. As to our musicians. Esther Van Moppes and Harold Hantman are generally recognized as the leaders of this class in musical circles. The Debating club has also claimed a few members from our ranks. Among the most famous are Helen Grecnblat and Seymour Emmerglick. Helen is this term’s vice-president, while Emmer- glick was on the '23 debating team. As to the Optimist, Emmerglick, the Senior Editor, was also the head of the regular periodi- cal. He was aided in his efforts by Bauman. Menk, Chidnofsky, Kahn. Knobloch, and Fried- man. This concludes the sketch of Senior A’s and tho some of the students never received any of- ficial recognition for what they have done, still it is students who have school spirit such as these who keep the wheels of the various or- ganizations going. 24 THE OPTIMIST The Art of Early Rising By Harold Hey man It was not so many years ago that I took all proverbs in good faith, but gradually, as I be- came more worldly wise, I cast aside some as being grossly untrue. The latest one to be branded with this stigma is, “Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” And here’s the reason : Since the new term started, I’ve been getting up at 6:45, which necessitates my going to bed at 9:30. I am just comfortably settled, when I remember that I have forgotten to set the alarm. After walking across the cold floor to remedy this. I get back to bed. after stubbing my toe. I am just dozing off when I wonder if the alarm is on or off ; get out of bed again, only to discover that it is properly set. Back to bed, swearing at my stupidity, and then lie awake the better part of an hour, wondering where I have picked up all those swear words. I am so wide awake by this time that I decide the only way to get to sleep is by counting sheep jumping a fence; have a hard time remembering what a sheep looks like, but am ready to begin ten minutes later; get up to sheep number 1326. when a number go over together, and I lose count. All this excitement has made me more wide awake than ever. Wonder what time it is: after guessing for a «inarter of an hour. I get out of bed to look. It is two minutes past twelve. The thought comes that twelve hours hence I’ll be in chem. and in a flash, I re- member that I’ve absolutely neglected to study this subject. Wonder what we had—cannot re- call, so up again to see! Remember that we have lab. and consequently, no home work. Back again—when will tests begin? Recollect we’ve been threatened with a history test to- morrow. What will it cover? Hope it is the Missouri Compromise. What were its terms? Quite forgotten, so must get up once more to investigate. Finally get to sleep, only to have the alarm ring five minutes later (or so it seems). It is pitch black outside, and I cannot see what I’m doing; get into my trousers back to front. Think I should have turned on the light—do so. Finally get dressed and go down stairs to make my breakfast. After burning the toast, and permitting the coffee to boil over, I discover it is quarter of eight, and so must be eff without a mouthful of food. Get to school at two minutes of eight; didn’t study last night because I thought I’d do it before school began. Swear at myself. Re- member I’ve got a study | criod. Bat myself on the back for fixing up so fine a schedule. Suddenly recall that the study period comes the sixth. Swear at the--------fool in the office that made out the schedules. Now: this proverb states clearly that if you go to bed early and get up early, you will be “healthy, wealthy, and wise, and I have demon- strated that altho I retire and arise early, I am neither healthy, since I do not have sufficient food or sleep, nor wise despite the many noc- turnal hours devoted to thoughts of study. Ah. yes, but you are wealthy, says some advocate of this ingenious plan. But such is not the case. If you recollect. I leave my home without any breakfast, so when lunch period arrives, I am compelled to buy an added quantity of food to make up what I missed at breakfast. And there goes wealth! No, I am certainly not Croe- sus, Jr. And there you have it. I followed the direc- tions carefully, but obtained not the slightest sign of the desired results, and can you blame me if I invoke the gods to again place South Side on a sane basis? Caught “Cutting” By Selma Schwarz (Thomas Hood’s apologies are accepted) One more unfortunate. Weary of breath. Rashly importunate. Gone to her death. Look her up tenderly Teacher, so rare. Fashioned so slenderly. Young and so fair. Give her detention. Why the attention When they do mention Her name on the list? For she was caught After having “cut A class where they taught The uses of but.” Make no deep scrutiny She was undutiful. It was mere mutiny But. wasn’t it beautiful? 25 Clans of J iint 1924 THE OPTIMIST Class Prophecy Bv Frank I. Burstein and Isadorc H. Plain Jan. I. 1970. Dear Sylvester: Gee! since you moved out to Jersey City, Newark has become duller than an oyster s hind teeth, and because of the lack of anything else to do. I'm going to grant your re- quest to tell you about our former classmates. Well, here goes. You remember that nice, little fellow, Teddy Hare, who used to be so good at figures, don't you? Well, he is putting his knowledge to a good use, since he became Ziegfcld's assistant. Teddy picks the stage hands. Our old friend, Saul Weinert, is al.-o in the theatrical game. He stands outside Miner’s Theatre and watches the autos of the patrons. I saw him the other day. when I went to see Selma Schwarz play the leading role in The Shop Girl’s Revenge, writ- ten by Charlotte Manshel. Recently I read an article in the Newark Nui- sance, that Bob Whitehouse has discovered a use to which the North Pole can be put. He proposes that the pole be cut down and used for the making of clothes-pins; but that pro- posal is insignificant when you compare it to Harold Hantman's discovery that fish don't per- spire Harry Aronowitz, the authority on chick- ens and other animals, disagrees with Hantman. ronowitz, in disproving Hantman's theory, says that if fish did perspire the ocean would over- flow. Personally. I think Hantman's discovery will revolutionize the fur industry. Another of onr classmates whose name will ring down thru the ages a-, a benefactor of mankind is Isadorc Hodes, who, after fifteen years of hard work, discovered a wrinkle eradicator for prunes. I always said that boy would amount to some- thing. Gee! I guess if I write any more, they will harge extra postage for thi:. letter. Rabidlv yours. ALPHA. P. S. I Just got a postal card from Ben Cohen saying, Enclosed find the five dollars I owe you. Can you beat it? He is a soda clerk in Petty’s, and the girls just flock around his end of the counter. Talking about drug stores, it might interest you to know that Norma Green- field won the prize offered by the Sam Wein- traub Peroxide Corp., given to the most perfect blonde in Essex County. Ruth Brown, another classmate, came in second. A. Feb. 12. 1970. Dear Sy: Since 1 last wrote you I had my two teeth pulled. No other than Dr. Howard Fischer pulled them, and oh! how he pulled. That husky six-footer put his knee on my chest and his hand in my mouth and out came the teeth. I didn't mind it. for his nurse, Beatrice Hilfman, was murmuring soothing words to ntc—say that baby blonde makes tooth pulling a pleasure. When I got out of hischer’s office, 1 was so weak that I took a taxi home. Felix Walker was driving it, and what a short change artist he turned out to be! Just ran across Seymour Emmerglick the other day. He told me that Tom Winerman and he have taken over the control of the “Star-Eagle. Emmerglick appointed himself editor and made inerman his assistant. They are going to hire Everett Bauman to run the Advice to the Love- lorn column and Helen Walter and Mildred I-uthy to conduct the Household page. Another former South Sider on the staff is Philip Sabel. who was appointed elevator operator. I told you that boy would rise in the world, didn't I? Oh! how I envy Louis Mcnk! He is teaching physical education at Vassar and he writes me that three-quarters of the girls in his classes arc waiting eagerly for Leap Year so they can pro- pose to him. He has the cutest little mustache imaginable—regular Beau Brummel. with sky blue neckties and eyes. I think, however, his success is due to his tailor. David Goldman, who shakes a wicked thimble. Sara Rosewater, teacher of psychology at the same institution, says that Menk’s hair reminds her of that famous classic. All Over Nothing at All. Today s mail brought me some very pleasant news, the announcement of the engagement of Jeanette Goldfinc and Frank Burstcin. I think they are ideally matched. Frank was a regular stage-door Johnnie until Janette tamed him. The chorus girls are losing their Santa Claus. Now. since my pen needs some ink—which I haven't got—I'm closing with a request that you send me ten dollars, as Joseph Harrison, my banker, is threatening to foreclose on my flivver if I don't pay the interest on the mortgage. Financially yours, ALPHA. 27 THE OPTIMIST | Feb. 22, 1970. ly Dear Sylver: I have so much news that if I don't put it right down I'll forget it. I sup- pose you know that two great Broadway stars arc suing their husbands for divorce. Sure you guessed it. They’re South Siders. Thelma Fried- fc-ld is suing her husband, George Friedman, who i«. president of the Barber Union and Mabel Cohen is suing Dr. Norman Levy. Some scan- dal. eh? Red Grabclsky and Jupe Goldberg have just ojwncd a big drug store, and have as soda clerks Minnie Ball, Helen Gottlieb and Lillian Zimetbaum. Irv Binctsky, jockeying a Ford, came in first in a 44« handicap race with a handi- cap of 420 yards. After puncturing four tires, breaking the steering gear and burning out the bearings, he won. Isador H. Plain, the former chemistry shark, has discovered a way of making banana oil cheap. He says he got the idea while watching his wife, formerly Helen Grecnblat, giving a lecture on Why Girls I.eave Home. Charlie Spitz and Red Stern are coaching the ping-pong team at Scatter ville, Barber s Col- lege. while Nick Brescia is teaching the under- graduate barbers how to cut a | erson without disfiguring him. George Chidnofsky and Sam Kinhorn have started a firm of butchers. Yes. they’re doctors. Jacqueline Dolph is still asking foolish questions, but this time at college. If you remember, she got her practise in the Vergil class. After years of ambitious work. Harold Hey- man and Elwood Smith are managers of delica- tessen stores in the firms of Barth and Fried- man. Gosh! I hear footsteps. That must be Joseph Korany, my tough landlord, coming to collect my rent—which I haven’t got—so I better close this letter and door. Hastily yours. ALPHA. P. S. The suit I am now wearing I purchased in the second-hand store run by the two Franks, Grammar and Fink. The saleslady that stuck me on the suit was Dot Gann. She can still talk faster than an adding machine. Now the light is growing low and my pen is running dry ; so whether I like it or not. 1 must close. A. July 4. 1970. Dear Sylvester: In order to celebrate the holi- day which comes this week. I took a trip to that summer resort. Sing-Sing on the Hudson. The first thing I saw when I reached Sing- Sing was Eugene Buck and John McDonald in stripes, but the warden. Morris Barr, wouldn’t let me speak to them, because they were in for squeezing juice out of a rock. But I did speak to one of the guards. Arthur Durvage. who told me Buck and McDonald were mild compared to some of the women prisoners; Lea Loebel, Irene Krajewski and Mabel Olphin, for instance. At the station I met four of the train crew. Milton Haase, the fireman; Warren Wilson, the engineer; Eddie Iversen, the brakeman, and Morris Lubin, the conductor. After the train started, I went into the smoking car and there I met Gertrude Tarchis, Pearl Cohen, Emily Schmuker, Gladys Easton and Mildred Schroe- dcr—a regular rouge gallery—all smoking pipes. When I got home. I found a letter notifying me that Esther Van Moppes had formed a jazz band with Carl Kress. Keada Sicgler is busi- ness manager. Reada, you know, could always talk. Herbert Knitter and Herbert Rcch, after their years of experience in the lunch room, have just opened their own ice cream emporium. William Cackle, the radio shark, has invented a coilless wireless set. Chute a feat, chr You re- member Jimmie Pappas, don’t you? Well, the poor fellow is all thru as a runner. He tried to run the home with Gertrude Sala, and when he gets out of the hospital maybe he’ll realize it. The other day I went down to Asburv Park, for a day. for the simple reason that I found a ticket good for one day only, in front of the station. While I was sitting on the sand. I saw a fellow in a scarlet bathing suit come along. He had embroidered over it the following in- scription. “Handsome Hahn, the working girl’s friend. Sure enough, it was Elvin Hahn. After a while I felt hungry, so I walked over to Newell Coe’s Incandescent Hot Dog Ranch, where I had a bite. Say, when I saw that Helen Munt- rick and Norma Ayres were waitresses, my stomach leaped with joy, for I thought I would get away without paying, but nothing doing, for Yetta Feiman, the cashier, called George Geng, the bouncer, and I had to part with fifty cents. That put a dent in my wallet, so 1 stepped into the first hock shop I saw and proceeded to pawn my watch. I thought the pawn shop guy’s voice sounded familiar, and when he pulled his beard out of the way, sure enough, it was Meyer Kravitz. He was so glad to see me that he called out his two apprentices, I. Kuskin and Will Abramson. Did you know that Benj. Levy is a train con- ductor? I didn’t know it until he tried to get my ticket from me. When the train pulled out a fellow came thru shouting. Ice cream cones! Get ’em while they’re hot. You guessed it! It was Arthur Burkhardt. Mary Inglin and Anita Rowe were on the train, so when Art saw them THE OPTIMIST he stopped to talk and in the meanwhile his wares melted away. Y hen we pulled into Newark, I hoarded a trolley manned by Jacob Schocnholz and Arthur Collani. It may. by the way, interest you to know that Sophie Hutt, president of the Teachers’ Union, and ice-President Eleanor Hubing are calling a strike. Among their supporters arc Dorothy Honda and Ruth Edge. But. talking about schools. Eleanor Kennedy has just received a prize for punctuality at Vassar. Not surprising when you come to think of how early she used to come to South Side. Last night as Richard Nuffort and I were re- turning from the Prohibition Officers’ Ball (we were rather tipsy from partaking of too many nut sundaes), it seems we were making quite a bit of noise, for all of a sudden up rush Police- women Gussie Rauchbach and Mildred Werner and haul us in. So what do we do but engage Evelyn Tcpperman as our counsel. Talking about trouble. Leah ManhofT was around the other day soliciting subscriptions to the “Police Gazette.” To get rid of her I told her to call next door, where Madeline Ehrich and Jennie Rabinowitz are living. Ow! my wife. Bertha Knobloch. just asked me for money. I’m so upset I can’t continue. So I remain, as May Maine, the economics teacher, would say. badly bent—your friend ALPHA. All Except Me D. Dorothy Gann Our Senior Prom comes off next week My friends were asked, e’en Janet Beak, all except me. Our Senior Class went up the State On a nice long trip to every lake—all except me. Ncbody knew their French today. She called on no one. I must say—all except me. This month my girl friends all have passed They might graduate at last—all except me. Everybody’s bobbed their hair Their parents didn't even care—all except me. The girls all have such stunning clothes Such hats and shoes and pretty hose—all ex- cept me. The whole Senior Class is really bright— They can go out now. every night—all except me. Just what is the matter here. Arc all the girls so very dear—all except me? Yet Bob tells tne 'most every time That all the girls aren’t worth a dime—all ex- cept me. He says the girls all rouge and paint. And look at you—so you can faint—all except me. He said that he docs like girls small. The girls these days seem very tall—all ex- cept me. He told me girls should have long hair. And all their necks look very bare—all except me. Cause girls always fret and pout. Hob never takes young girls out—all except me. He says be doesn’t know' one girl Who doesn’t smile and flirt and twirl—all ex- cept me. So 1 won’t really worry, then. And I won’t have to say again—“all except me.’’ The Radio Bug By Harold Mantman I light the bulbs. And turn the dial. I listen close. And wait awhile. I watch the loop. And fix the ground. I twirl the knobs And catch a sound Just a minute. What do I hear? Harrison. China. Or Salamandcrc? Sh! It’s coming. Too soft and weak. Something’s the matter. With my grid leak. I test the batteries. Both A and B. To find out where The trouble may be. At last I hear it. A symphonic band It must be playing In some distant land. Ah! Now he's announcing The voice from afar. This is station W O R 29 63 1 THE OPTIMIST When Nighthood Was the Hour An Uproar in Four Acts. Herr Thomaso von Winnermann. UPROARIOUS PERSONAE The Count of No Account—ten oar Sir Buckle. Knight of the Garter Milady, his wife—soaprano Knights of the Pool Table—all tones Sir Loin, a tough guy—anytonc Sir Saturday, Knight of the Bath—bury tone Friday, his devoted varlet and a poor fish—bass Chorus: maids, pages, men-at-arms, servants, lords, and what not. Accompanied by the Orchestra ACT I, SCENE I (Knights of the Pool Table arc seated in full regalia. Their leader, Sir Loin, is standing cue in hand.) Sir Loin: Knightics! We have not gathered here Just to drink up all the beer. Oh, no! It is quite far from that We would discuss that loafer Sat. The daily jousts will soon begin I'll knock him for a hunk of tin Now what I want you all to do Is tell me what he did to you Of course I have nought to complain But sight of him gives me a pain. Begin to tell ntc all your woes Anything we say surely goes. I-et liars begin to say their pray'rs They will be blasted in their chairs. Sir Tax: Last week my wife collected his rent The next day my poor nose was bent. He is a wicked wretch you sec For he took it all out on me. I move we get a husky rail And make this wise guy takr the trail. (He sits down amid great applause.) Sir Loin : Before we proceed in this affair Why doesn’t Sir Rene sit in his chair? Sir Rene: Chief! An awful curse has come my way So I must stand up foi a year and a day Sir Sat at shooting craps last night I beat For revenge he put a tack on my scat, Altho he is a hunk o’ leather I move we give him tar and feather. (As Sir Rene finishes his memory gem, he is greeted with a shower of glycerin tears. Sir Rum arises and speaks.) Sir Rum : What Sir Rene said took all my vim I move we all stand up with him. Sir Loin: The words you say arc surely just But it would ruin the Table Trust. (To the rest) We’ll have Sir Rum begin his talc I wonder why he looks so pale. Sir Rum: That runt he surely did me dirt He put a flea in my knight shirt. We were matched together in Seattle one night I was too busy and lost the fight. I move we take none of his sass On him we can use lethal gas. (He sits down and is also applauded: Sir Plus, the Poet Knight, is asked to speak and docs so, accompanied by a lyre.) Sir Plus: He gave me a crooked deal And made me sick one night Now when I eat a good meal I lose my appetite. N tl me .j rooJltxf Jr I 'I nd mi r � • wif 0nr nti,ht A'cvt l a n « I my arfirftfc 30 'THE OPTIMIST Dark things appear in future dint We surely must get rid of him. (As he finishes. Sir Saturday, the innocent cause of all the trouble, enters with a number of his followers. Clouds appear on the horizon and for a time it looks like rain.) Sir Saturday: I listened awhile to that sissy While he said what he thought of me He knows not that he plays with fire By the way! Which one was the lyre? Sur Plus: Sir! Wouldst thou insult me thus? And me the noble son of Plus. I’d challenge thee to a duel But I fight not with a mule Tomorrow we will knock you dizzy As sure as I own a Tin Lizzie So take the hint and skip away Before we change it for today. If Countic will not let you hike I think we'll all go out on strike. Chorus of Knights: Tho one like you is brave as ten We do not want non-union men. We’ll fight you till we all do drop For we must stand for a closed shop As Plus just said you'd best be gone A train will leave at early morn. Sir Saturday: You’re all a bunch of green Hay- seeds I could even sell you a stock of beads. If Sir Plus is afraid to fight His champion will make it right So let him name that worthy one That justice might quickly be done Besides just making him repent I’ll practise for the tournament. ACT I, SCENE II (Two hours later, Eastern Standard Time. Courtyard of the Castle. Regulation ring is laid out in preparation for the bout between Sir Sat- urday and the champion of Sir Plus. The con- testants climb into the ring from opposite direc- tions, and the referee announces to an audience made up entirely of knights.) Referee: Friends! Romans! Upholders of the right I wish to announce a fierce grudge fight Between Sir Sat, the Prince St. Tartar. 31 And Sir Buckle, knight ot the Garter. The latter chosen champion To Plus the fighting Irishman. The rules they be not hard to read But wo be he who fails to heed That kicking, biting, hitting in a clinch Makes one a candidate for a grand lynch. The bout will go till one that wins Is found left standing on his pins. It will start when bells are rung The loser never will be hung. (At this the two contestants advance to meet each other, but arc stopped by the appearance of the Count of No Account, their master, who is very indignant over their contemplated fight. The other Knights disappear to give the count plenty of room, as the stage is now over- crowded.) The Count: War Dogs! Arc ye about to do Something that ye would always rue? If ye will have your fight right now The winner shall regret I vow. Tomorrow’s tickets arc all sold out We'll make this fight the leading bout And when the gate receipts arc in A goodly share for one to win. The winner will get all the loot The loser a big wooden suit. So save your pep for the next joust While I go get the show a boost. (Exit the Count with Sir Saturday. Enter the knights of the Pool Table.) Sir Buckle: Altho I’m but a visitor I think I have been treated raw. In trying to settle a gentleman’s quarrel They mistook me for a professional I think I’ll give that Sat some rights Then I'll join the Arabian Knights. Chorus of Knights : Sir. we sympathize with you With Countic also we arc thru His life’s not worth a broken plate He's nothing but an old cheap skate If you will give that Sat a smack. We’ll make you the Royal Hat rack. We’ll fight no more in this old grotto Live and let live will be our motto. (Exit the knights with Sir Buckle in their midst.) SSr I THE OPTIMIST ACT II. SCENE I (Enter the Count, followed by his wife and the rest of the royal Cake Eaters, who after taking one good look at the sympathetic audience, go out by most convenient exit, leaving Count all by his lonesome.) The Count: Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! T’was a merry day I think to my cellar I will away And there surrounded by my private stock This beastly prohibition I will mock That pest Sir Buckle is gone for good Six feet underground encased in wood. (Exit the Count; Sir Saturday steps out from behind curtain.) Sir Saturday: Twas jolly news I just did hear Like the midnight ride of Paul Revere I know a means to profit by it If Countie did hear he’d take a fit. (To his Variet Friday) Ho Varlet! Hie thee for a can opener. H va«i£t. Hie THfi ron a ca O PEHtn. This Annon rmi l%hc a «oat Or run This armor feels like a coat of fur. Also take this awful sword While I spy on the old count’s hoard. (Exit Sir Saturday and his Varlet. Enter Chorus.) Chorus: The jousts today were not so good The knights fell down like blocks of wood Before the sword of that noble freak Who by the way is quite some sheik Which is proved by the glances fair Bestowed ’pon him by maidens there. But none outdid the old count's wife Who presented the knight with a rusty fife. (Chorus slyly moves towards its respective exits still singing.) All this smellcth of a plot What about we knoweth not. Now to our tasks we must away Or the Count will give us the Grand Good Day. (After singing their piece, the Chorus flits away.) END OF ACT II (Note—Orchestra should flare up at this mo- ment to keep the audience bewildered as to what the thing is about. They can play anything at all if they wish, even the Polish National An- them. This will also increase the importance of the Orchestra.) ACT III. SCENE I (One of the ante-rooms of the castle. Two exits arc all that arc necessary in this scene, but one more will come in handy. Note—Ante-room is a place where they play Sky Limit Poker.) (Enter the Count's wife, followed by Sir Sat- urday.) Milady: Sir. you certainly have a crust: I think you in the eye I’ll bust. Don’t you see I’m the old Count’s wife? If he got wise he'd take vour life. Sir Saturday: But. my dear, if I have you right. Twas a case of love at first sight. Fly with me away to Spain With the old guy's hoard we’ll there remain. Its riches will make me the king And to you I'll give a celluloid ring. Milady: Sat. I swear by my little shoe I think you are a bit cuckoo But just to prove I’m not a vamp Vour spirits I will try to damp. If you would win my tender regard You must do a task real hard. 32 ISMfl THE OPTIMI S T 'Io the Holy Land you must go (Where it is 1 do not know) And win for me the Sultan's locket Also be sure you do not hock it. It this task you fail to do With you 1 surely will be thru. Sir Saturday : My love your wishes shall be done To return without it I should shun. But before I leave I must receive Some token of your regard for me. A brunette lock, a well worn sock Anything I in need can hock. Milady: If that's the case you must unwrap All such thoughts from thy noble map. To thee I'll give a vanity case That thou next to thy heart can place Don't lose it for it’s worth five yen Farewell my boob till we meet again. (Exit Milady. Sir Saturday commences wear- ing out the stage carpet.) (Enter Friday.) SCENE II Sir Saturday: (Perceiving him) Ho! Varlet! What do ye here ? Take from thy face that ghastly leer. Friday: Sir Knight! my fair name you have blighted t For was I not now just knighted? The count hearing of your treachery In need of an avenger hath chosen me. No more shall I clean thy rusty boots After this no metal polish shall know thy suits. So be on guard and prepare to die. No Friday ever told a lie. Sir Saturday: (Contemptuously) Hogue! I hesitate to cheat the gallows thus But when I am thru you'll be the Wreck o' th Hesperus. (Draws his stilletto and advances towards Sir Friday, who lias also drawn his and calmly stands ready for battle.) Sir Friday: I know not what you regard your tools I hope you fight by Marquis of Quecnsbury Rules. (They fight, causing great commotion; Sir Saturday jabs a wicked right with his trusty blackjack, which lands on Sir Friday’s dome and for some mysterious reason breaks in pieces. The guards and servants rush in. hearing the commotion, but the knight of the Bath escapes. Sir Friday goes out staggering.) (Sub Note—During the battle, orchestra should play something very exciting such as Lead Kindly Light, etc.) Chorus : (Duet between ten oar guardsmen and a mezzo soaprano chambermaid with Chorus.) Guardsman: As the plot hath thickened (. hamhermaid: The characters have sickened Both: Until there is very little left to say. Chorus: To our various posts we must fly And we must bid you all good-by For until the next act is over We’ll be as silent as the clover. We all have something else to do Or we would get the Grand Bazoo. So we pray you not to fall asleep Until again we make you creep. (Exit all rather hurriedly.) INTERMISSION- ACT III, SCENE I (Great dining hall of the castle. There should be a raised platform at one end. built specially for the nobility to teach their servants the gentle art of table manners. When curtain rises. Sir Friday should be sitting at the long table on the platform eating, with a host of servants waiting on him.) Sir Friday: 'Tis fifteen days since the battle royal That I haven’t heard the Counties Oil. His wife to show her face hath feared While Countic from his cellar hath not appeared. Myself fares very badly here To wear this armor costs one dear. This bally iron to me hath 33 I THE OPTIMI S T The feeling of a Turkish Bath. 1 would I had my other job Trying to comb Sir Saturday’s knob. (1) The other day 1 drank some rum (2) That had straight from the barber’s come It was bought for Milady's hair To fix it so it might look fair. Just now I had some lemonade cold That was meant for the finger bowl. (3) To sum it up I'm positive That I here much longer cannot live, if fate gives me another jab I will leave this world so drab. The Count: (Sternly) Look not a gift horse in the face. Sir Friday: (Frantically) Better men than me have died I think I'll commit suicide. (Grabs up a rubber dagger and quickly stabs himself twice between his arm and his body, then falls to the floor stone dead. Count also falls down dead—drunk. The chorus rush to the front of the stage, each trying to get ahead of the others.) CU RT AIN—G RAND FINALE Chorus: He lived and died like Joan of Ark And so we’ll bury him in a park. His funeral shall be performed right His coflin shall be nailed up tight We’ll put a statue on his frame So he cannot get up again. FINAL CURTAIN (Note—Curtain should be made of imperishable material. Efficient curtain tenders should be hired, so that actors’ costumes will not be spoiled because of slow lowering of the curtain the min- ute the uproar is over. Orchestra should play dying strains of the Chorus and then run for their lives.) (Note to the musical director—If your Orches- tra is of sturdy stock and the audience, in your opinion, is musically inclined, it would be a good idea to play Beethoven’s n'th Sympathy after the .uproar. ACT III SCENE II (Sir Friday is still sitting mournfully in the same place lie was in the last scene, only the servants have disappeared. Note—Servants like Cops arc never around when wanted.) Ten oar—Bass Solo (Enter the Count staggering, dragging his wife in by the hair.) The Count: Ha! Ha! My friend you still arc here I must reward you with something dear Behold! My wife I'd give to you If you knew what Shakc-thc-Bccr knew When he wrote “Taming o’ the Shrew. Sir Friday: (Desperately) Milord. I’d not be able to stand the pace— (Note—For benefit of IB’s.) (1) Afghanistan for Bean. (2) Bay Rum. (3) In the good old days when knights were bold This word used to rime with cold. GrOOO H ANr? f o R COLLECT- we-, H ll was rtfe (ws 34 SOU I ri O.UL THE O P T I Ml S T HLETIC5 Editors HYMAN (tOl.DIfEKC Jerome Goldstein Stanley McIntyre Howard Newmark Samuel Wilder PLEASE LINGER AWHILE Teams Will Be Broken Up Looking over the list of the graduating class, we see a number of boys inclined toward ath- letics whom we shall surely miss next year in all sports. However, we are glad to think that these same ones will distinguish themselves in schools higher up and in such a way as to re- flect glory on South Side. The first, without a doubt, is James Pappas. He has acquired a number of records that would satisfy any sport-loving boy. At the present, he holds two city records—the hundred-yard, dash and the running high jump; also the New Jersey State record for the seventy-yard dash and many outdoor records, such as the Columbia record for the hundred-yard dash and the New Jersey Central Interscholastic Meet records for the seventy and one hundred-yard dash. Out- side of these, we have yet to sec any one in New Jersey beat the South Side flash in the hundred- yard dash. Jimmie also played one season on the foot- ball team, making his letter. He was the fast- est boy in a football suit South Side had and once Jimmie got started, nobody could catch him. Due to his frail constitution however, Jim- mie’s health did not permit him to finish the season. We arc inclined to believe that if Jimmie goes to Princeton, as lie intends, he will make a name there for himself that surely will bring credit to South Side. The next is Ira Kahn, the diminutive quarter- back who has played two years ’varsity football in the clean straight-forward way that char- acterizes him. He furnishes South Side an ex- ample of grit that may be equaled but never excelled. Last year on the gridiron it was not hard to put his body out of commission, so to speak, but never the indomitable spirit of “Ike Kahn. Time and time again he would get up. tho hurt badly and lead his team to victory. It was this unconquerable spirit that showed itself in the playing of our men and in our victories against apparently unbeatable teams. The third man on the list, tho we do not place them in higher or lower standing, is Lester Red Stern. Perhaps not all of us recall the Central- South Side game the year before last when South Side was conceded as much chance, not to beat Central but even to hold them, as Center College to beat Harvard. Led by Red, our team went into that game like the tigers they were ami inspired by his fierce spirit, they accomplished the unthought of miracle of holding Central to a nothing-nothing score. The splendid tackling of “Red saved us a few times from ignominious defeat and his head work pulled us out of dan- gerous situations. Red also played baseball and he sure could step around in left field. He was very fast and a sure fielder, with a fast throw. He pitched sometimes for our team, too. Lester was a good man on the track team. In the dashes we could rely upon him to score a few points to the credit of South Side. There is Tod Harrison, a three-sport man. Tho quite new at Itascball, he made the varsity team as pitcher, his first year. He was there with the hitting when we needed it, too. On the football team Tod played end thruout the season until the East Side game when a sud- den complication set in his knee which forced him to give up football and also high-jumping in which he was our best man. Spitz played baseball and fnotlall and starred 35 THE OPTIMIST 1 in both. On the gridiron, he was a sure tackier, a good receiver on forward passes and on the offense he always got his man. On the defense, not many plays worked around his end because he always got in and smeared ’em.” He was also a good baseball player and his playing was conspicuous for the good hcadwork connected with it. On the track team, Wilson distinguished him- self not only by the points that he scored but by the perseverance that he showed. For two years he practised with the team, day in and day out. until his practise brought him results. I-ast but not least, Fischer, the football player enters. Now on the line, we know there is no chance for individual stars but we do know that no play thru Fischer’s side as tackle, went thru for a touchdown. He played a hard game, hit- ting them low. getting under the mass and even stopping the man. tho that is the backfield man's work. Fischer is the best tackle South Side has had in a long time and we arc sorry to lose him. All in all, there is a worthy group of boys leaving South Side and we sincerely hope they do as well in college or in business as they did in their Alma Mater. GAME! SET! MATCH! Tilden Inspires Sunnysiders! For the past three years a formidable tennis team has represented South Side High. In 1922 they played a long schedule of games and were successful in the majority of them. In 1923, altho very few games were played, the team was successful from South Side’s point of view for they did not bow in defeat to any school. Judging from the students who reported at the call for candidates the team this year has fine prospects. Fierstcin and Flusser are two veterans from last year. Flusser knows many ! ointcrs about the game, which he learned by playing with older experienced men and he is sure to star for South Side. Fierstcin showed his ability in 1922 when he won the junior sin- gles tournament at Fast Orange and the dou- bles tournament at Montclair. No one doubts that Philip will win many sets for South Side if he shows th? same skill on her team as he has in his previous matches. These two and Frey. Scheek, and (ioldstein will proliahly represent South Side in their first match. Mr. Strong, who himself is an experienced tennis player, will coach the team, giving it ad- vice which can be obtained only by experience. We expect more games to be scheduled but so far these are arranged: Battin High School. away on May 2; Irvington High School, away on May 28; Newark Academy, home on June 5; Fvander Childs, home; and Millburn High School, away. The tennis team hopes to avenge the defeat suffered by South Side at the hands of the Millburn baseball team. All ye Sunny- siders who enjoy hearing of another victorious South Side team, just observe the result of your tennis team. All Hillside’s to rout For it’s victory no doubt When we’re there with a clout, Strike on but—NOT OUT! The South Side nine under the able tutelage of Dean Parsons buried the Hillside ball- tossers under an avalanche of runs, the final score reading 14 to 1 with the suburbanites at the short etui in the initial contest for both schools at Hillside Thursday afternoon. April 10. Douglas Schembs. a new-comer in the South Side ranks proved to be the star of the contest, scoring three runs and slamming out two dou- bles and a single. To l Harrison, who started on the mound for the Black and Gold, proved very effective holding the Hillsidcrs to 2 hits in 6 innings. Robbins, who started at first base and who succeeded Harrison in the seventh inning was quite effective and the errorless support given him in the last three innings prevented the suburbanites from scoring. The Hillsidcrs start- ed the scoring in the first inning on a pass to Policastro, a stolen base and an error by Mc- Nickle. but there the scoring for Hillside ended. Tlie Sunnysiders broke into the scoring column in the third inning when they pushed a run across on a pass to Harrison and a triple to deep center by McNicklc. Three runs were scored in the fifth frame. Spitz beat out a hit to short and the bases were loaded when Ramaglia and Stoll got on the bags by the faulty fielding of the Hillside team. Harrison was hit by a pitched ball, forcing in Spitz. F.hrcnkranz then drove in Stoll and Ramaglia with a well placed hit past the third baseman. South Side added another run in the seventh and three more in the eighth. Robbins walked and went to third on Schembs’ double to right field. Spitz hit to the left fielder, who fumbled the ball, allowing Robbins and Schembs to score. Spitz crossed the plate a moment later on Rama- glia’s single to left. The Sunnysiders ended the scoring when six runs were pushed across the rubber in the final inning. McNicklc reached first on an error and was advanced to second when Splitty walked. THE OPTIMIS T 1W Scvrin beat out a clever bunt filling the sacks. McNicklc, Khrcnkranz and Scvrin scored on Schembs’ double to right after Robbins had fanned. Spitz walked down the first base line via the four ball route. Schembs scored on the next play when Witkowsky singled past the shortstop. Spitz and Witkowsky scored the final runs when McNickle’s hit to right field was juggled. The score: SOUTH SIDE R. H. E. McNicklc, 2b. 1 2 Khrcnkranz, c. f. 1 1 0 Scvrin, c. 1 0 Robbins, lb. and p. ... 1 0 0 Schembs, s. s. 3 0 Spitz, 1. f. I 0 Ramaglia, 3b. 1 1 0 Stoll, r. f. 0 1 Harrison, p. 1 0 0 Witkowsky, lb. 1 1 0 Cohen, r. f. 0 0 0 14 9 3 HILLSIDE R. H. K. Xanthaky, c. 0 0 0 Schnabel, 31� . 0 1 2 Policastro. r. f. 1 1 Z Zusi, s. s. 1 o Haviland, lb. 0 1 0 Tichcnor, 2b. 0 1 0 Squire, 1. f. 0 0 2 Lane, c. f. 0 0 0 Kestner, p. 0 1 0 1 7 6 South Side. 0 0 1 0 3 0 1 3 6—14 Hillside_ 1 00000000—1 Les Jours d’Ecole—or French Without a Struggle By Charlotte Manshcl Dix little schoolboys Hying o’er the turf; One missed his car tho. and then there were neuf. Ncuf little schoolboys, each hastening to his scat; One sat on a tack and then there were huit. Huit little schoolboys whom lessons cause to fret; One couldn't stand the pace and then there were sept. Sept little schoolboys whose troubles never cease; One tried to pass a note and then there were six. Six little schoolboys fooling while in rank; One caught the teacher’s eye and then there were cinq. Cinq little schoolboys starting to sc battre; One got tin worst of it and then there were quatre. Quatre little schoolboys cut a class unc fois; One met the principal and then there were trois. Trois little schoolboys feeling tres heureux; One whispered while in class and then there were deux. Deux little schoolboys who hope to go to “Brun ; One wasn’t certified and then there was un. Un little schoolboy feeling tres bicn: He did reach college and then there was rien. Helen Gottlieb: Do you know I’m a great artist? I drew a hen so natural that when I threw it into the waste liasket. it lay there. Saul Weinert: I’m learning to play the shoe horn. Melvin Bach: That’s nice, it touches the sole. Cla � Officers 37 SSTl THE OPTIMIS T Editors David Sobo, 'Chairman Evelyn Ahrendt I-otta Emmerglick Jack Feldman Ruth Fleischer Gabriel Rich Pearl Solomon AMAZONS CONQUER! Male Rule Nearly Overthrown in Deutschland Startling Proof Given of Woman’s Great Superiority Over Man Rally to the German Club! With the awaken- ing of all Nature now in the Spring, and the gradual reorganization of the other clubs, the German Club, under the supervision of Miss Waite has come right along and reorganized too. Yes sir! on April 2. And don’t think this club is not wide awake and up-to-date! It also has realized that girls arc born leaders, and has elected a girl for President, namely Leonora Gross. But. of course, the boys couldn’t give up all their power, so Werner Lcderer was elect- ed Vice-President and Samuel Gross. Secretary. The Treasurer is Ida Frank. A committee has been appointed to form a constitution and Wer- ner Lcderer is in charge of it. There is, of course, a social committee and one is assured of a good program. Anyone who studies German and is interested in it will surely come out to the German Club meetings. A second meeting of the German Club was held Wednesday, April 9. The business was quickly finished and the members enjoyed a program planned by the Social Committee in which all the members took part. The meetings are to take place every other Wednesday and the members look forward to a successful term. “Woodman Spare That Tree,” I Cried. “That’s Up to You,” Said He. Arbor Day assembly, tho one of the term’s most interesting, began in the ordinary manner without any hint of the treat to follow. The scripture was read as usual. Among the announcements which followed was the welcome news of a baseball victory over Hillside High School. The last warning of the Atlantic City-South Side debate was sounded. Donations for Arbor Day and the Jefferson Memorial at Monticello were requested. An ex- ceptionally large Honor Roll was read, the morn- ing students having a slight majority over the afternoon session. But beware, upper classmen, of the afternoon session! Arbor Day, which means so little to most of the students, because it is not a legal holiday, should mean as much and even more to them than the celebration of the birthdays of many great men, because Arbor Day is the celebra- tion of the planting of trees, upon which we depend more than we realize. Our interest was awakened to this almost ines- timable value of the trees and of the tree prod- ucts by a program in which Gladys Easton, in a sort of travel among freedom, introduced the various numbers: the first, by Isadore Hodcs was a talk on the protection of trees; the sec- ond, delivered by Ida Frank, was a talk on the Redwoods, the famous old trees of California; the third number, a few vocal selections by a well-known former South Sider. Lorraine Say- lor. offered a little variety; the concluding num- ber, given by Morris Cherncy dealt with the innumerable products which trees afford us. Considering all the points mentioned by the speakers, we now appreciate our trees to a greater extent. SOUTH SIDE KILLS TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE Two Audiences Praise Bach’s Work At the request of the Montclair High School, the Bach Concert was repeated under its aus- 38 ISSI THE OPTIMIST WZJ1 pices on the evening of May 16. The only change in the program was that the Montclair High School Glee Club performed. On April 2. the orchestra played commcndahly at the gradua- tion of the Newark Knights of Columbus. Yes, sir—the harmonica band seems to be coming into the limelight. It played on April 4 for the Colgate speaking contest. On April 11 the violin ejuartet consisting of Walter Kastncr, Leon Hammer. Rubin Ritz and Samuel Marantz played at the South Sidc-Atlantic City debate. The orchestra broadcasted at W O R on May 12. Finale from Symphony in D major by Haydn and March from a cantata by J. S. Bach. Don't you think that the orchestra is working some? But as the old adage says: Nothing can be gained without honest hard work.” The orchestra surely does work. Here's luck to them. 16 MEN HAULED IN SPEEDSTERS GET THEIR DUE April Fool's Day was not much of a bugaboo for South Side's indoor Mercuries; for on that day they received the fruits of their victories in several meets of the past season. Twelve trackstcrs stepped proudly up to the platform, and with gracious smiles thanked Dr. Kennedy for their medals. Those receiving med- als were: Warren Wilson. Hamilton Johnson. Howard Newmark. Henry Finck, Ira Kahn.' Carl Meister, John MacKeckney. Nathan Lit- wack, Hugh Allison, David GcUzeilcr, Daniel Wardell and James Pappas. The junior relay team, consisting of Frtag, Fcrcburg. Blake and Rudnowitz, won a silver loving cup. Altho there was much applauding the stud- ents had enough strength to give Minnie Klingel the applause which was due her for her an- nouncement of the South Sidc-Atlantic City debate. South Siders! Go to Brown—The College of Charms On Tuesday. April 8. Mr. Applegct. a repre- sentative of Brown University, came to visit South Side. From his interesting speech in As- sembly we judge Brown to be a haven of peace- fulness where one may retreat from the harsh world. If one looks from the top of the steep hill on which Brown is situated the aspect is most pleasing and tranquil. Its advantageous position gives command of quiet streets, shaded with elm trees on either side and large colonial houses, unchanged thru the years. Brown consists of two colleges, a men’s college and a women’s college. To the women are off- ered the same course of study as to the men. They are taught by the same faculty but they maintain separate classes and have individual laws and codes. It is a half-mile from the men's college but a real short one. at that. Its educational value cannot be too highly im- pressed upon you—just think, five secretaries of State graduated from its portals! Therefore our advice is: If you want to go to an all .rcund good college— Go To Brown. WHAT DO YOU DO SUNDAY, WHAT DO YOU DO MONDAY, SOUTH SIDE? YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT EVERY SUNDAY BUT YOU MUST MEET THE KING AND QUEEN ON MONDAY. The Knights of the greatest ability and re- nown. gathered from all over the Kingdom of South Side, await comj ctitors in the Lists of Room Fifty Nine, as Brian de Bois-Guilbcrt in the Lists of Templestone awaited a competitor, who proved to be the gallant Sir Wilfred of Ivanhoe. But at this time no chivalrous Knight of renown and unrestricted fame, is required, nor has the competitor need to fear injury or loss of life, for this tournament is nothing more or less than a chess and checker tournament, which will take place every Monday at one o'clock. Come one. come all. to the call of the kings of the chess box! Yes! We Have No Dramatic Club! Yes! We have no Dramatic Club: The outlook is gloomy today. We’ve a French Club, a Chess Club, and a Cierman Club. too. And all kinds of clubs, and say— We’ve an orchestra that plays like a dream. And an excellent debating team. But yes! etc. (Repeat Chorus.) —Old Folk Sony. Sad news for the lovers of tragedy and come- dy. and for the disciples of Aristophanes and Booth.—there will be no Dramatic Club this term. Because of the two sessions. (Alas! How many of our present discomforts can be laid at this door!), Mr. Joyce, who has charge of this organization, found that it would be practically impossible to get all the students together at one time, and hold rehearsals for a play. Cou- pled with this inconvenience, was the impossi- bility of obtaining the assembly when it was needed for these rehearsals. 55 1 THE OPTIMIST ]W Therefore, the idea of staging a play was quickly discarded. Mr. Joyce, however, attempt- ed to hold one or two meetings, hut a Dramatic Club without a play is like a fish without water —both are dead. Since the outlook for a play was far from cheerful, the meetings were cor- respondingly gloomy. After one or two at- tempts to instil some life and “pep into the organization, the meetings were adjourned for the rest of the term. But cheer up. ye dramatists! Perhaps by next term, some one will find a way to combat these deadly two sessions. so that the Drama- tit Club can produce a play of unusually high merit, and again be one of the foremost organ- izations in South Side. (Juim sabef as Firpo would say. DEBATERS “STRUT THEIR STUFF” Edmund Burke Looks to His Laurels! Speaking of going to political conventions, if one had visited South Side on Friday evening, April 11. 1924, he would have obtained the same kick out of life, for within the four walls of the auditorium were six mighty orators, deciding whether the Bok prize peace plan should be- come part of the foreign policy of the United States. Those on the negative side hailed from Atlantic City, and were Harold Wertheimer, Joseph At- las, William Huston. Those on the affirmative were Frank Fink. Minnie Klingel, William Phillipson. The main debate could hardly con- vince us as to who was right, so eloquent was the speaking on the both sides, and in the rebuttal, the argument came so hot and heavy that we w’erc at our wits' end. However, the judges, Mr. Frederick J. Hodgson. Supervising Principal of Springfield. Mr. Frederick J. Crchan. Depart- ment of Mathematics, Columbia High School. South Orange, and Mr. F. X. Xeubaur. Principal of High School. Westfield, seemed to agree that the most points of the debate were given by the negative side, and so, the honors went to At- lantic City, and indeed, the men on their team certainly were acquainted with their subject. Besides the debate, the evening was begun rather pleasantly by a violin quartet composed of Samuel Marantz. Walter Kastner, Leon Hammer, and Rubin Ritz. Introductory re- marks were made by Mr. J. Wilmer Kennedy, Assistant Superintendent of Newark Public Schools, who got the audience into an interested attitude by his humor. Other entertainers on the program were: Dorothy Cohen, soprano. who rendered Ave Maria. by Bach-Gounod very sweetly, and very gaily. “Summer, by Chaminadc; and William Kastner, violinist, who played Andante by De Bcriot and Spanish Dance by Sarasatc very well. On the same evening, the rest of our orators made their way thru the gates of Fast Orange High School to try to spread our growing fame even further, but alas and alack, and wo is us, and other words to that effect, they at- tempted but in vain, for the decision was two to one, in favor of Hast Orange. Our worthy Crus- aders were Leonard Cohn. Ruth Krauss, Rubin Poleshuck. and Samuel Wilder, alternate. They were opposed by Howard Gaidner, Walter Kir- patrick, and William Hornisch. Altho we were not victorious, the team put up a good showing. South Siders should also be grateful to Mr. Stewart who has worked unceasingly to mold a strong team. Cheer up! Remember, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again! Seniors Seniors who arc coquettish and flirt . . . seniors who study and act quite alert . . . seniors who expect to pass . . . seniors not so lucky, alas! . . . seniors who wear such flashy tics . . . seniors who have sparkling blue eyes . . . seniors frequently sent to 210 . . . seniors that know they'll flunk chem. . . . seniors who always do their homework . . . seniors who arc eager to shirk . . . seniors who have the boyish bob” . . . seniors who in June will sob . . . seniors who like to whisper and giggle . . . seniors who can’t sit still, they wiggle . . . seniors who arc so very short . . . seniors who give a sharp retort . . . seniors who often play Mah Jong . . . seniors who hesitate to pong . . . seniors who are so very jolly and gay . . . seniors whom many teachers waylay . . . seniors who are more than shy . . . seniors who forever ask “why . . . seniors who compose the class song . . . seniors who'll never Ik wrong . . . seniors who will read this . . . seniors who will not . . . some are going to scorn it . . . but others like it a lot. A green little freshman on a bright spring day Some chemicals mixed in a green little way. Now the green little grasses softly wave O’er that green little freshman's green little grave. 40 THE OPTIMIST Chemistry in Relation to Home Life (A tragedy in three acts and six scenes as pre- sented by Room 210.) Written by Harold Hcytnann. Staged by A. Eugene Buck. Costunu-s by Manger Brescia. Stage hand. John MacDonald. ORIGINAL CAST Mr. Gazook—Max Barth. Mrs. Gazook—Everett Baumann. Mary Gazook—Frank Burstcin. Johnny Gazook—Howard Fischer. School teacher—Harold Hantman. Principal—Thomas Winerman. ACT I, SCENE I—M R. GAZOOK’S BEDROOM WITH BATH Mr. Gazook arises. Washes. (As he washes he talks about manufacture of soap and soften- ing of hard water.) SCENE II—DINING ROOM OF GAZOOK HOMESTEAD Mr. Gazook reads morning newspaper (talks about manufacture of ink and chemistry of print- ing). and cats spaghetti (talks about glass blow- ers, who blow holes in the spaghetti). ACT II, SCENE I—SCHOOLROOM Johnny Gazook loses pencil. (Teacher talks about nitric acid, which cats holes in pencils to enable the lead to be inserted.) Johnny puts tack on teacher's chair (talks about manufacture of steel). Teacher sits down. (Here MacDon- ald lowers curtain on terrible scene.) SCENE II—PRINCIPALS OFFICE Johnny is sent down to principal because of event which occurred in previous scene. He is spanked so he cries. (Principal talks about tear K as.) ACT III, SCENE I—GAZOOKS FRONT PORCH Mary Gazook comes out of house and slips on ice. (As she is falling she talks about manufac- ture of artificial ice.) However, her arm is broken, so she talks about use of bones as fertil- izers. As Burstcin takes this part a derrick conics on the stage to lift him up. The derrick burns soft coal, and as Burstcin is being lifted he talks about soft coal as a fuel. SCENE II Mr. Gazook arrives home at 2 N. T. (night time) and is greeted by a volley of Crisco cans. (Mrs. G. talks about hydrogenation of oils.) As Mr. G. is being carted out. he talks about use of chemicals in medicine and First Aid. (CURTAIN) Senior Optimist Board 41 THE OPTIMIST ]W W[ Athletics in a Soda Shop No doubt you will wonder how it is that those of us who are not members of the track, base- ball. or football teams keep in condition. Here i' the answer: We frequent the soda shops. As athletics are considered to deal chiefly with the physical side of our makeup let us first dwell upon the physical exercise that is to be obtained from visiting th: shops where drinks and other more or less palatable things are sold. On entering one of the said shops it is usually necessary that one seek for a place in which to park himself. In this quest the muscles that control the movements of the eye arc exer- cised. One must then use the muscles ol the trunk of the body in order to remain perched on the stool or chair which has been selected. The muscles of the jaws and tongue are next employed in ordering that which the appetite may crave and in masticating whatever may be chosen. The forearm muscles, which play a most im- portant part in all types of eating arc then util- ized in conveying the sweet stuff from its con- tainer to the mouth. I f by chance a fudge sundae has lieon ordered it is a well known fact that the muscles of the fin- gers must be used in twisting the spoon in order to sever the taffy-like threads which stretch themselves into too often cmt arrassiug lengths. Or if a liquid refreshment has been selected the lungs arc exercised in exhausting the air from the straw in order that the difference in pressures may force the liquid up the straw and into the mouth. Last, but sad to relate we would not think least, the muscles of the forearm, upperarm. and fingers are exerted in extricating from the pock- ets the fee which is required, sometimes force- fully by tin proprietors of the afore-named shops. We have now treated the physical exercise to be experienced in frequenting the soda shops. However all ideal athletics develop the mental as well as the physical portion of our anatomy. Let us then discuss the mental exercise to be obtained from temporarily inhabiting the places where sweet things are dispensed. Most important along the line of mental exer- cise is the point of selectivity which is utilized: in choosing the shop in which we would partake of this so-called nourishment; in selecting the type, brand or breed of nourishment that we desire: and in determining which portion of it we will first devour. Much perseverance and patience is also needed i : handling and in eating the delicacies that arc served by some of the local shops. After these fore-going statements let him who doubts that we cannot thus keep in condition send his reasons for so thinking to the Holy Order of Free and Excepted Amalgamated Soda Shop Frequenters. We assure you that all cor- respondence received in regard to this matter will lie given du: consideration. Signed and scaled at Overbrook, in the county of Essex and the state of New Jersey, this 30th day of February, 1924. To a Souse Apologies to Burns, mostly apologies By T. Winerman 1. Ha! where ye gaun ye drunken burly Ye that staggers from place to place I canna say but your hiccoughs nearly Blow up your bloated face. 2. Oh ye sneakin' Johnny Barleycorn How dare ye place your evil hand That emits a scent of rye and whisky On such a specimen. 3. Bum. your nose is very red Much redder than a rose. You must have dipt it in some rouge Or crimson paint. I suppose. 4. Now your gait is unsteady And there are no lamp posts in sight By which if you were ready You could hold yourself upright. 5. 'Tis a shame that such a city Should forget citizens like you And hasn't the least bit of pity For you who goes into a stew. 6. As ye pause in your uncertainty Ye wonder why passers-by grin For surely no mirrors hang on you By which they might look in. 7. Oh would some pow’r a mirror gie us To see ourselves as others do It would from many a rummy free us Who wouldn't die from stale home brew. Heard in the Chess and Checkers Club Mr. Chairman. I wish to decline my resigna- tion. 42 SENIOR DIRECTORY Helen Greenblat. Chairman Mabel Cohen Eucenf. Buck Georcp. Friedman Helen Muntrick Abramson, William (Zl 2 Year Student) 80 Rose St. And panting time toiled after him in rain. Fife and Drum Corps '21. '22; Class Baseball '21, '22. Senior Optimist. Classical Undecided Aronowitz, Harry 203 Howard St. I'm armed with more than complete steel.— The justice of my quarrel. Classical Columbia Cohen, Benjamin 21 Osborne Ter. Even a hair may cast its shad me. General French Business 43 Denotes 20 or more times on the Honor Roll. 789 So. 12th St. Ayres, Norma E. To those ivho know thee not. no words ean point; rind those who know thee, know oil words ore faint. Secretary 4A Class; Senior Classical Pratt Ball, Minnie 74 Millington Ave. And o very nice girl you will find her. Volley Ball ’23. General French Normal Barr, Morris A. 523 So. 11th St. My own thoughts ore my companions. IB Pennant; Class Baseball '22. ‘23; Class Football '22: President Civics Club '22. Classical Fordham Barth. Max 329 Hillside Ave. shall ne’er he wore of my o-wn 7vit till 1 break my shins against it. Class Baseball ‘23; Class Football '22. ‘23. Classical Columbia Bauman, Everett O. 30 Wilbur Ave. Hod 7 been present at the creation. I would hare given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe. Class Baseball 22. 23; Optimist 22. '23, ‘24; Executive Committee. Senior Optimist; Varsity Chess Team '23. Classical Columbia 44 Binetsky, Irving 757 Hunterdon St. A happy heart is better than a full purse. Class Baseball '21 ; Class Football '22. Classical N y y Bonda. Dorothy 11 Hillside Ave. Thy modesty is a candle to thy merit. Volley Ball ’23. '24. General French Normal Brescia, Nicholas 259 Sherman Ave. Comb dozen his hair, Look, look! It stands upright. Class Baseball 22, 23; Class Football '23; Senior Optimist. Classical Undecided Brown, Ruth 431 Badger Ave. She teas active, stirring, all aglow. Hockey '20, '21, '22, '23; Basketball '20, '21, '22; Track '20. General Spanish Normal Buck. Eugene 356 Chadwick Ave. His hat held all he knezv. Leland Stanford Jr. Senior Optimist. Classical 45 Burkhardt, Arthur A. 80 Wcequahic Avc. As proper a man as one shall see in a summer s day. Class Baseball 21, ’23. Classical Rutgers Burstein, Frank 191 Barclay St. Laugh and grow fat. Class Basketball ’20: Class Baseball '21 ; Orchestra ’23. ’24; Senior Optimist. Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy Chidnofsky. George (Zl 2 Year Student) 484 JellifT Ave. is as meat and drink to me. Class Baseball ‘21. ’23; IB Pennant; Optimist ’24; Senior Optimist. Classical N. Y. U. Coe, Newell W. 73 Pomona Ave. High ereeted thoughts seated in the heart of courtesy. Class Baseball ’21. '22. General Spanish Undecided Cohen, Mabel 784 High St. If hearts were trumps. Oh, what a hand you'd hold! Midsummer Night’s Dream ’21; Senior Optimist: Volley Ball ’24; Color and Motto Committee 4A Class. Classical Columbia 46 Cohen, Pearl C. 308 Chadwick Ave. She speaks, behaves ami aets just as she ought. Hockey ’23; 4A Social Committee. Classical Undecided Collani, Arthur F. 392 Seymour Ave. And a jolly good fellow was he. Football '22. General French Undecided Dolph, Jacqueline 78 Court St. Faithfulness and sincerity first of all. Volley Ball 23; Track '23. Classical U. of Michigan Durvage, Arthur 19 Chadwick Ave. All I ask is to be let alone. Class Football '23. General French Business Easton. Gladys M. 299 Clinton Ave. Affectionate, loving, siccet and kind. Another just like her is hard to find. Basketball '21. '22: Twelfth Night; Chairman Color and Motto Committee 4A Class. General French National Park Seminary 47 Edge, Ruth 793 So. 11th St. For her men breakfast, she’ll project a scheme, Nor take her tea without a stratagem. Arts Pratt Ehrich, Madeline M. 30 Pomona Ave. The hand that hath made you fair, hath made you good. General German Institute of Musical Art Einhorn. Samuel (3l 2 Year Student) 105 Peshine Ave. Great thoughts like great deeds. Need no trumpet. Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy Emmerglick, Seymour A. 21 Girard PI. The hand that follows intellect easily achieves. Varsity Debating Team '23: President German Club '23, ’24: Associate Editor Optimist ’23: Editor-in-Chief Opti- mist '23; President 4A Class; Editor Senior Optimist. Classical N. J. Law Feiman, Yetta 17 Wolcott Ter. Never elated when one man's oppressed. Never dejected while another’s blessed. Classical Columbia 48 Fink, Frank 228 Charlton St. There is no wisdom like Frankness; 7 he secret of success is a constancy to purpose. Mock 1 rial. Debating Club '21, '22, ’23; Secretary Debat- ing Club '23; Vice-President Debating Club ’23; President Debating Club '24; Ass't Manager Football '23; Senior Optimist; Debating Team '23, '24. Classical N. J. Law Fischer, Howard 305 Hunterdon St. Nothing was ever achieved without enthusiasm. Varsity Football 22. '23; Treasurer 4A Class; Varsity Track ’20; Class Baseball '20, '21; Class Basketball '20, '21. General French U. of Pennsylvania Friedfeld, Thelma 62 Baldwin Ave. IVhere the stream runneth smoothest, The water is deepest. Midsummer Night’s Dream; Senior Optimist. Classical Cornell Friedman, George 286 Peshine Ave. Praise from a friend or censure from a foe, Are lost on hearers that his merits know. Optimist ’23. ’24; Senior Optimist; Social Committee French Club '23. Classical N y u. Friedman, Oscar 162 Scheerer Ave. His hair was not more sunny that his heart. Class Baseball '21; Football '22, '23 ; Track '22, '23. Classical N. Y U 49 259 Avon Ave. Gann. D. Dorothy have no oilier hut a woman’s reason, I think him so because— think him so. Basket hall 22: Volley Ball 23; Hockey '23; Glee Club '22. '23. '24; Twelfth Night; Bach Concert '24; Optimist '24; Senior Optimist. General French N. J. College for Women Gaeckle. William 391 Chadwick Ave. go my men way silently and bother no one. Class Football '23: Class Baseball '22; Varsity Track ’24. General French National Radio Institute Geng, George 24 Sussex Ave. Conscientiousness and silence are but two of his virtues. Class Baseball '23. Classical Undecided Goldfine. Jeanette 333 Peshine Ave. They are truly great Who arc truly good. Senior Optimist: Optimist '23. '24; Chairman Literary Board '24; Bach Concert ’24; Glee Club 23. '24. Classical N. Y. U. Goldberg. Jacob 144 Peshine Ave. He is a student and a rife good one. Baseball '21. 50 Classical N. J. Law Goldman. David (3 £ Year Student) 401 Peshine Ave. On their men merits, modest men are dumb. Classical C. C. N. Y. Gottlieb. Helen (3Year Student) 443 So. Belmont Ave. A modern maid is she. in talk and teay and style. With just a touch of quaintness and an irresistible smile. Volley Ball '23; Hockey '23; Optimist '24: Senior Optimist; Color and Motto Committee 4A Class. Arts Columbia Grabelsky. Moe 87 Stratford PI. Red-haired old bachelors are unknown. Here's luck! Class Basketball '20; Class Baseball '21. Classical U. of Michigan Grammer, Frank 147 Johnson Ave. Handsome is as handsome does. Chairman Social Committee 4A Class; Senior Optimist. Classical Columbia Dental College Greenblat, Helen 275 So. Orange Ave. Vor if she will, she will, you may depend out, Rut if she won't, she loon’ , so there's an end on’t. IB Pennant; Prize Essay Courtesy Contest '22: 4B Social Committee; Honor Roll Medal; Vice-President French Club; Executive Committee Senior Optimist: Vice-Presi- dent 4A Class; Vice-President Debating Club '24. Classical N. J. College for Women Denotes 20 or more times on the Honor Roll. 51 Greenfield, Norma L. 16 Randolph PI. Her ways are ways of pleasantness. Hockey '23. Classical Undecided Haase, Milton 307 Chadwick Ave. And when a lady’s in the case, You know' all other things give place. Class Baseball ’23; Class Football '23; Track '22; G. O. Representative '22. Classical Cornell Hahn, Elvin H. 16 Johnson Ave. Life is not so short blit that there is always time for courtesy. Classical N. Y. U. Hantman, Harold 49 Farley Ave. The characteristic of every noble person is sincerity. Class Basketball 23: Class Baseball '23; Orchestra '22, '23, ’24; Senior Optimist. Classical Columbia Hare, Theodore 803 So. 12th St. A little folly is desirable in him that zvould not be guilty of stupidity. Class Baseball '21, '22; Class Basketball '21. '22. General French Rutgers 52 Harrison, Joseph 63 Baldwin Ave. A lion among ladies is a dreadful thing. rY2?-� 23.1 Varsity Base, al1 22- '«I Varsity I ooth.ili 23; Asst Business Manager Dramatic Club: Ass’t Busmess Manager Optimist ’22: Business Manager Opti- mist 23; Senior Optimist. 1 General Spanish Brown Heyman, Harold 162 Clinton Ave. A man of honor, noble and true. F'-BaseW' '22: Class Football '22, '22; Class Basket- ImiII 23; Senior Optimist. General Latin Undecided Hilfman, Beatrice She teas a maiden witty. bright Volley Ball ’23: 1 Jockey ’24. General French 125 Leslie St. and free. Normal Hinton, Ethel M. no Chadwick Ave. A mind at peace with all below. General French Undecided Hodes. Isadore 83 Baldwin St. I'll warrant him heart-whole. General U. of Michigan 53 Hubing, Eleanor A. 26 Leslie St. She is sweet of disposition. She is loving, wise and kind. Senior Optimist. Arts Pratt Hutt, Sofia 186 Ridgewood Ave. Her every tone is music's own. General Spanish Normal Inglin, Mary 80 Renner Ave. Thoughtless of beauty, she is beauty's self. 1A Representative G. O. Classical Undecided Iversen. Edward J. 865 Bergen St. A clear conscience is a sure card. Classical Mass. Institute of Tech. Kennedy. Eleanor 255 Grafton Ave. She’s modest as any. and blithe as she’s bonnie. Baseball 20. '22: Swimming '22: Track '20. '22. '24 • Hockey 22, 24. General 54 Undecided Knitter, Herbert 83 Scheerer Ave. Oh! This learning, what a thing it is. Swimming 20. 21, '22: Class Football 21; Class Baseball 21. '22. General Latin Cornell Knobloch, Bertha 34 Runyon St. Good sense and good nature are never separated. Twelfth Night; Optimist '24: Senior Optimist. Arts Columbia Korany, Joseph 539 Hunterdon St. An honest man is the noblest work of God. Class Baseball 23. Classical Lehigh Krajewski, Irene 572 So. 13th St. Goes about her men affairs. Day by day; Speaks, when spoken to. In her men sweet way. Arts Newark Normal for Physical Education Kravitz, Meyer 146 Charlton St. Until he gains his heart's desire, This plugging fellow will not tire. Class Baseball 21. Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy 35 Kress, Carl 901 So. 19tn St. Carl is always smiling, Carl is always gay, It must be his motto, to laugh the live-long day. General German Rutgers Krieger, Gertrude 1090 Broad St. You've f leasant ways about you. The kind that wins a friend. G. O. Representative 21. Arts Undecided Kuskin, Isadore 128 Hedden Ter. He lived at peace with all mankind In friendship he was true. Class Baseball 21. Classical Columbia Levy, Benjamin 309 W. Kinney St. You may trust him in the dark. General French Undecided Levy, Norman 66 Baldwin Ave. With too much quickness ever to be taught With too much thinking to have common thought. IB Pennant: Ass’t Business Manager Optimist '22: Busi- ness Manager Optimist 23. Classical Princeton •Denotes 20 or more times on the Honor Roll. 56 Loebcl, Lea 174 Osborne Ter. She giggled in French, hi Latin, too. There was no mischief She didn't do. IB Pennant; Hockey '23. Classical Barnard Lubin, Morris 103 Lillie St. His talents were of the more silent kind. Classical Columbia Luthy, Mildred 9 Laurel Ave. Modesty is a grace of the soul. General Spanish Normal MacDonald. John 95 Renner Ave. The most enviable of all titles: An honest man. Class Baseball 22, ’23 ; Class Football ’23 ; Track ’24. Classical Cornell Maine. May 11 Eckert Ave. Her heart is as light as her eyes are bright. General Undecided 57 Manhoff. Leah 714 So. 10th St. I’ll be merry ami free I’ll be sad for nobody. General Columbia Manshel, Charlotte R. 37 Milford Ave. Fashioned so slenderly, Yount and so fair. Ill Class President; Track ’20; (� . O. Secretary '24; Enter- tainment Committee, Debating Club 23; Volley Ball '24; Senior Optimist. Classical Wellesley ::Menk, Louis (31 2 Year Student) 186 Hillside Ave. And icliat he greatly thought, He nobly dared. IB Pennant: Optimist ‘23. ’24; Chairman Personal Board ]24; Chairman Senior Personal Board ( )ptiniist: Ass’t Treasurer 4A Class; Executive Committee Senior Optimist; Director of “El Capitan Veneno”; “Don Quijotc.” Classical Harvard ::‘Muntrick, Helen 862 So. 13th St. Ahvays willing, full of fun, Best of students, likes every one. Senior Optimist; Honor Roll Medal. Classical Pine Manor Nuffort, Richard W. 900 So. 16th St. IVhat should a man do but be merry? Classical Undecided • Denotes- 20 or more times on the Honor Roll. 58 Olphin, Mabel E. 18 Mulberry PI. 77. education forms the common mind. Just as the twig is bent, the tree's inclined. General Spanish Normal Pappas, James 15 Pomona Ave. Popularity is power. (i. O. President 23; Track '21. '22: Captain Track Team '22. ’23: Varsity Footlmll '22; Class Baseball '21, 22: Class Basketball '21. '22. Classical Princeton Plain, I. H. 427 Lyons Ave. He filled the air with thundering dissonance. Senior Optimist. Classical U. of Pennsylvania Rabinowitz, Jennie 150 Somerset St. She has two eyes so soft and brown. General Normal Rauchbach, Gussie 76 Millington Ave. For she 7cas jes’ the quiet kind IVhose natur s never vary. 4B Social Committee. General French Normal 59 Rech, Herbert 95 Winans Ave. In finest tones the youth could speak. Classical Undecided Rosewater, Sara 40 Milford Ave. Of all the girls that are so smart. There's none like pretty Sallie. IB Pennant; President French Club ‘23; 4B, 4A Social Committee. Classical Smith Rowe. Anita 616 So. Belmont Ave. Arts In faith lady, you hare a merry heart. Undecided Sabel, Philip 154 Charlton St. Never trouble trouble, till trouble troubles you. Classical Y. U. Sala. Gertrude 134 Osborne Ter. The perfection of art is to conceal art. Volley Ball 23; Hockey ’23; Glee Club '24. Classical 60 Montclair Normal Schmucker, Emily 225 Meeker Ave. A sweet attractive kind of grace. Volley Ball '23; Twelfth Night. General French Virginia Schroeder, Mildred 23 Longworth St. 7 he best sport a class ever knew. Basketball '21. '22, '23 ; Track '20. '23; Volley Ball '22; Punch Ball 22: Hockey '21, '22. '23. Classical Normal Schwarz, Selma S. 42 Osborne Ter. Jest and youthful jollity. Optimist '23; Senior Optimist. Arts Pratt Shoenholz, Jacob 206 Littleton Ave. livery why hath a wherefore. Class Baseball ’22; Class Football ‘21. Classical N j Law Siegler, Reada 198 Hawthorne Ave. Come not within the measure of my wrath. Hockey ’23. Classical N. J. College for Women 61 Smith, Elwood H. 104 Milford Avc. Pate tried to conceal him by naming him Smith. Classical Business Spitz, Charles 2 Stratford PI. Swift of foot, swift of mind. Vice-President G. O. '24; Chairman Social Committee 4B Class; Track '22; Football 22, '23; Baseball '23. '24. General French Yale Stern, Lester 07 13th Ave. Little by little the end is obtained. Football '20. '21. '22: Track '20. '22 ; Baseball '21. '22; G. O. Representative 4B; Class Baseball ‘20; Class Basket- ball '20: Swimming '20. Classical Undecided Tarchis, Gertrude B. 206 Belmont Ave. A blithe heart makes many friends. Midsummer Night's Dream; Volley Ball '23; Glee Club, '23; Color and Motto Committee. General Spanish Normal Tepperman, Evelyn 132 Ridgewood Ave. Wise to resolve—patient to perform. Clarence; Twelfth Night. General French Simmons 62 Van Moppes. Esther 120 Clinton Ave. A low voice, a sweet one, too, A kind word here and there. IB Pennant; Orchestra Medal; Basketball ’20; Midsummer Night's Dream; Glee Club ’20, ’22. Classical Columbia Walker, Felix 142 Livingston St. Of manners gentle, of affections mild; In wit a man, in simplicity a child. Classical C. C. N. Y. Walzer, Helen 896 So. 20th St. Courteous tho coy and gentle tho retired. Classical Normal Weinert, Saul 122 Rose Ter. Let the world slide, let the tworld go, A fig for care, and a fig for wo. Optimist ’22. ’23; Senior Optimist; Class Baseball '20. ‘21, '22; Class Football 20. General Spanish N. Y. U. Weintraub, Samuel 599 Bergen St. Nothing is impossible to a willing heart. Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy 63 Werner, Mildred 25 Parker Ave. She moves a goddess, she looks a queen. Arts N. J. School of Fine and Applied Arts Whitehouse, Robert F. 889 So. 15th St. Full of pep, happy, gay— That’s our Bobby, night and day. Ass’t Circulation Manager Optimist '21 : Swimming ’21 ; Circulation Manager Optimist ’22; Ass’t Football Manager ’21; Football Manager ’22. Classical Dartmouth Wilson, Warren 20 Elm St. Silence reigns supreme. Hearken to the stillness. Track 22, ’23, ’24. Classical Lehigh Winerman, Thomas H. 347 Hillside Ave. He had a head to contrive, a tongue to persuade, and a hand to execute any mischief. Glee Club ’21, ’22; Twelfth Night; Class Baseball ’22; Senior Optimist. General French Columbia Zimetbaum, Lillian 51 Ingraham PI. Cheerful, pretty, pert, and young. IVith an unremitting wiggle to her tongue. General French Undecided 64 H I m o TJ H W H 04841263 THE O PTIMIST L'C4 'SB Joseph ink Balm ( '.KORCE CIIIDNOPSK V Marcus M. Harris Editors Louis Mknk, Chairman Jerome Silverman Edward Hubermax Harry Low Lawrence Rosenbaum Helen: I shall live by my wits alone Frankie: Why die so young? Teacher (in English class) : What weapons did Watt Tyler use to inspire the people to revolt against the king? “Umby Hanson (just waking up): Bows and arrows! History Teacher: Cameras were first used at the inauguration of Martin Van Buren and------ “Bob” Whitehousc: Then how did they get the pictures of the presidents preceding Van Buren ?—Guess ’em ? Teacher: I once tried an experiment and per- mitted the students to take their books to the examination to use as a reference. Even then the exam, was a failure and------ Voice from the rear: Please try it on us. Linger Awhile (Words of cheer to mournful seniors—sheer- est apologies to author.) Your four years arc ended But linger awhile. Xow don’t be offended Just linger awhile. Your I atin was forty-two In French you’re not nearly thru And since you’re not twenty-two. Well, linger awhile. Teacher (to noisy class): If any one were to pass here and hear all this noise he would think we were crazy. R. Whitehousc: Why say we? For what do p, nip and pp stand? P—pep- mp—more pep. pp—please pound. The Height of Dumbness The student who says that the only reason he goes to class is to hear the teacher call the roll so that he doesn’t forget his name. Teacher (calling the roll): Jones, Jones—(no answer)—Jones, (interval)—John Smythe Jones! (pause) evidently Mr. Jones has no friends here. Syncopation Temptation All night. Examination Xo preparation What a plight! Probation Desolation What then! Expulsion Propulsion Amen! There was a sweet young thing called Pearl Who decided to marry an earl She took great pains To further her aims That’s just what they all do, my girl! 66 THE OPTIMIST ESI Teacher (in Roman History): Just think, every Roman soldier is killed and just one of the consuls flees. Charlotte Manshel: Yes. flees on a horse. Teacher: Take the Battle of Bull Run for to- morrow's homework. Brilliant Stude: Don’t you mean Sitting Bull? She thinks of dropping Latin, And all her friends concur. For, knowing her, they quite agree, One tongue’s enough for her. 1st English Studc: If Ivanhoc costs sixty cents in a bookstore what is Kenilworth? 2nd English Stude: Great Scott! What a novel question. Dot Gann: What hook holds the interest of most people today? Lillian Zimmetbaum: The hank lxx� k, that is, at least four per cent, of it anyway. Teddy Hare: 1 had an awful close shave this morning. Julian Levy: Mercy, what happened? T. H.: I needed it. At the Prom Saul Wcincrt: She dances like a miser. Gussie Rauchbach: How’s that? S. W.: Awfully close. Little skeeter on my nose. Here you is and there you goes. Let's play tag. If I tag you, Jimminy Chrismus you’ll feel blue. Little hairs upon my head. Where arc you was or is you dead? What for have you gone to roam? O please come back to papa's dome. Benny Cohen: Would you wear a rented bathing suit? Tod Harrison : It depends on where the rent was. One day a fellow named Coc Decided to imitate Poe He wrote quite a book Said people please look But this didn’t bring any dough. Now we sing of a girl named Thelma The fellows they'd all overwhelm.’a She was peppy and sweet Quite pretty and neat I don’t blame the fellows! Ahem A! There was a young fellow named Cholo Who desired to give us a solo He proceeded to sing'o But we said by jingo Please Cholo turn on the Victrolo. Famous Sayings of Famous Seniors Emmerglick : Where’s that stuff?” Durvagc: — ----------------—• Menk: Dues please! Wanna ticket? Toots F.: “I’m passing out! M. Cohen: I'm dyin------ N. Levy: Hey Mabel.” Helen G.: “Oh my gosh! Naaa Leah L.: He He He------Etc. Wcinert: And then I took the 50,000. Chidnofsky: See? Well! VM5 FfHn HCROlE fccH 5 Till tfEf imo Ttffc CO Nf- 67 1 Ml THE OPTIMIST 1 aiof' 1 Senior Nursery Rimes Philosophy of a Senior Hey, diddle, diddle, who'll answer this riddle 1. An ounce of study is worth a pound of Why do the seniors run to lunch ? bluff. The faculty laugh to sec such speed 2. Under classmen—they toil not neither do For the freshmen get stuck in the hunch. they spin. — 3. There is always plenty of room at the head There was a crooked youth Who walked a crooked mile of the class. To a crooked recitation. Comedy in Four Acts At which he couldn't smile. Presented by Doctor Kennedy For his mark he waited Act One— Wishing for a ten Freshman Year. Some children enter dressed When he took one look. in short dresses, and short trousers. Enter on It made him wish again. kiddv-kars, baby carriages, etc. They are im- — mediately given a list of don'ts: Mary had a powder box 1. Don't forget grammar school diplomas. In it was a treasure bold. 2. Don't talk back. And everywhere that Mary went 3. Don’t park roller skates in gym. lockers. She took the box to hold Exit—wide-eyed with wonder and fright. She took it out in school one day Act Two— Which was against the rule. Sophomore Year. Youths and maidens stroll With it she made a big display in nonchalantly. Youths begin to tease some And acted like a fool. freshmen who have just entered. This is their — sophomore year. A dillar a dollar an eight o'clock scholar. Exit—haughtily. You used to come at nine. Act Three— But now that the new schedule is here, Junior Year. Boys and girls enter carrying We’ll have to say it's fine. from 8 to 10 books. They look all worn out as — they slouch along. These arc the joys of the Higgledy piggledy, my son John, junior year. Went to bed with no lessons done. Act Four— One page started and one begun, Senior. Seniors! real seniors! One can hardly To finish he’d have to rise with the sun. recognize, in these highly dignified scholars, the — giggling frcshics of four years ago. Hub a dub dub They talk about the wonderful Senior Optimist. Three youths in a tub And who do you think they be? Commencement. Curtain The Hunker, the crammer, the poor translator I. Out. Knaves, all of you three! Little Freshmen, green as grass. — I love to watch you as you pass Rock-a-by senior, in the last class. With timid footsteps thru the school When the marks come, you hope that you pass. And heeding every little rule. When the cards come, your hopes they do fall. 11. For there are some 6’s. zeros, and all. Haughty Soph as proud as Punch” — How you scramble down to lunch, Jim be nimble Pushing halting frosh aside Jim be quick As you their youthful looks deride. And Jim jump over the hurdle stick. III. —v Jolly Junior, free as air Little one bee. has lost her locker key Merry, glad without a care (?). And can’t tell where to find it. I love to watch you at your play Better get busy and hunt it up Raising Cain the livelong day. Or they’ll fine you a quarter—now mind it. IV. — Sober (?) Senior, stern and grand Jack and Jill went up the hill You act as if you own the land; To South Side for some knowledge. Much valued time your studies claim Jack stayed there to play baseball But. oh. you frolic just the same. While Jill went off to college. (g THE OPTIMIST 1 Heard in History Teacher: “March to the Sea please, Pappas! Voice in the Rear: “Better begin now, J innny. With due apology to Coleridge. Alone, alone, all. all alone. In detention sat I sadly. And never Mr. Myers took pity on My soul in agony. Day after day, day after day We stuck on some translation. As idle as an empty track Beside a railroad station. Homework, homework everywhere With all the books around. Homework, homework everywhere While no one dared to frown. The very books did rot. Oh my That this should ever l� c! Yea. awful things entered my mind About the work, my one bogy. And to Goldsmith. Sweet South Side! the loveliest school we have known. Where health and learning cheered the laboring bone. • Where smiling frosh their earliest visits paid. And parting seniors lingering looks delayed: Dear lovely hours of work and of play. Seats of my youth—where I spent the long day How often have I loitered thru thy halls Where humble happiness endeared thy walls. Latin Teacher: What was the name of Vir- gil's work on the lower world? Very Intelligent Student: Wasn't it “Dante’s Inferno”? French teacher explains that the derivation of tete. head, is the Latin word testa, meaning brick. Janitor: A little piece of paper goes a long way. Kinhorn: Yes. it does—if the ruhlier band is stretched hard enough. In Physics Room Teacher: Say. young fellow, don't stand near that wire! You arc liable to get a shock. Bauman: That’s all right. I wear “O’Sulli- van’s Heels.” 69 A Few Easy Subjects Doing 1 B Latin Is such jolly work. For there among the lines Such terrible pitfalls lurk. Sophomores find geometry An awful bore, ’til done. Oh. those cruel problems. Angles and “axiom one.” History worries Juniors. Kings and Queens and dates. What does Johnny learn To know of all their fates? Then Seniors quite indifferent. Going on their way; Find that 4 A Latin Makes their hair turn gray. THE ORATORS IN THiSClAS!) WE7?t mwennvs VVtTHAVfc OVU own ’SS'l THE OPTIMIST BEFORE THEY HEARD OP sm 1TH SIRE______ 70 THE OPTIMIST PEERLESS EIGHT SIX 7’Passenger Touring Phaeton J. W. Mason Sons 982 BROAD STREET NEWARK, NEW JERSEY Phone Mitchell 4410 71 X YC KNIGUT MCETC TU YC PAYQC MAVDC, AMBITION, UHO DOTHC INSPIRE MVIi TO DO AGRETE DEEDE. ox acted noun YCAacse OT UANDCDYIMG IN TLIC UILDEDNE5SC OP KNOWLEDGE, VE PD.OUDC KNIGHT. BEDI HT UITU BOKES, CONQUCRETTll ye grisly dragonines. nr crtc omD uytu victory; YP KNIGHT RIDCTW WOMELJA D ON HYS NEUELY UONNE 5TEE0E, WIGHT DIPLOMA. SENIOR PLAY THE MIRACLE PANTOMIME in tuqcc acts THE OPT I M I S T Wf THE OPT I M I S T 1W CAMP OXFORD CAMP GUILFORD � r BOYS FOURTH YEAR for GIRLS IDEAL BROTHER AND SISTER CAMPS Between the Catskills and the Adirondacks, at Guilford, New York Director ALFRED R. JAYSON, B. S., M. S. 42 Goodwin Avenue Newark, New Jersey Bigelow 1753 ( Mr. Jayson has lived in Newark thirty-one years and has been connected with the Newark High Schools for more than ten years.) Elevation 17(H) feet No mosquitoes Age limits: 6 to 18 years MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS NOW. Guest House of fifteen rooms permits of the accommodation of parents visiting their children. Phone or write for appointment. Endorsed by THE UNITED SYNAGOGUE OF AMERICA 73 gjfl THE OPTIMIST If You Think That All Ice Cream Tastes Alike Therefs a Surprise Awaiting You When You Taste NEWARK SFAMOUS CREAftl EVERY ONE, children and grownups, loves Puritan Ice Cream. Every one eats it. As a dessert it is unexcelled. As a food it ranks among the best. Have you tried some today? Everywhere people are saying, “Better ice cream can’t be made.’’ Teacher: Germany started the war because of her desire to find a place for her surplus popu- lation. Voice from nowhere : She succeeded. Teacher: Is that right? Chidnofsky: Right. Teacher: What's right? Chid.: I don't know. Pearl Cohen : I have a friend, a milliner, who works in a dairy. Minna Ball: What docs she do? Pearl Cohen : She makes caps for bottles. David Sobo: What two things arc helping mankind to get up in the world? Eleanor Kennedy: The alarm clock and the step-ladder. Movie poktkait of sf nio« on pay of his recevi- N6 RF Po ?T CARD TSACtief? announced Tv)AT C Ai?PS Ai?E- TO0e6 V£N OUT. G, ETS NERVOUS T t r MU-Y TEACHtl C.AUA COUT YAMC-S. I THE OPTIMIST I HEADQUARTERS for SMART SPRING COLLEGIATE SUITS $ 30 Including Extra pair of Trousers to match, long or knickers. Absolutely the best value at this price in Newark. Cut in the typical “English” style, with wide trouser bottoms. Specially tailored for youthful figures. Big variety of fetching patterns. Let us show them to you. The LARKEY CO. Cor. MARKET HALSEY STREETS “Largest Chain Store Clothing Institution in New Jersey STORES Newark Elizabeth Passaic Paterson Howard Fischer: What was there about Margaret you didn't like? Saul Wcinert: Another fellow’s arm. Teacher: Suppose I went around this class and distributed five cents to everyone. Would you just look at it? Smith: O no! I'd be surprised. Alibi Ike we may call Sabcl, Haase can be surnamed Sheik; M. Inglin is the Flaming Youth, B. Cohen looks like a Shriek. Burstcin is Sancho Panza, Plain? He's just Plain B. T.; B. Levy's our Radio Man, But I’m elevah, you see. Frank Burstcin is eating yeast for his health. That boy is bound to rise in this world. Who put the work in homework? The Seasons In summer balmy breezes blow. While autumn winds foretell the snow. In winter, winds do warm us less, What spring stands for, I cannot guess. ?i)T PokS A‘r 7 look AT IT O Mic S|X-SU E FMiUcI? LOOKANPSEr=S CMP is op-Sip£- down c 3 J THE OPTIMIST Meet Me at the Fountain Special Lunches from 11.30 A.M. to 1.30 P.M. Quick Drug Service Auto Delivery CALL TERRACE 1011 SCHWIEG’S PHARMACY CLINTON AVENUE and BERGEN STREET 'Tis true that rabbits multiply rapidly but they’re poor at algebra. Some seniors get foolish. One ran down to the lunch room, changed a half dollar into pen- nies, went up to the chcm. lab. and quicksilvered his pennies. Teacher: Herman, how does the fish move? Tillis (just getting up) : Oh, he shakes his paws up and down. Class treasurer take notice. Dues arc being collected in Room 210 without any trouble or back talk. Fischer is the treasurer. 2 B: I’ve been expelled from school. IB: What for? 2 B : For good. Wincrman: I studied about Burns today. O. Friedman: Really! Do you still take First Aid ? 5ptscflt?pAni-Y' Amo smiili? 5 ihRifix! OVER FACE Evi!RVTH(NC FEELS' C-OOPflNP Fi|KTlN 7 with 76 THE OPTIMIST Accessories for your Car GOODYEAR—GOODRICH TIRES and TUBES Peerless Auto Service INCORPORATED 71 EIJZABETH AVENUE NEWARK, N. J. Eat Newark Co-operative Bread Healthy, Sanitary, Cheap From the People, to the People 194-96 PRINCE STREET Newark Preparatory School Complete Hifth School Course in Tiro Years Accountancy Secretarial Course 1 Year A Typical Case Sessions are held days and evenings. School is open through- out the year. Ernest Maslni. 221 No. Ninth Street. Newark. N. J.. entered October. 1921. In November. 1922. he completed the four- year High School course earning 2 counts (four years of High School work) In 13 months. You can do It. too! Secretarial Training and Accountancy courses are conducted day and eve- nings. These may be completed In one year. Students accomplish re- sults In this department through individual atten- tion and expert instruc- tion. Write for Catalog C N. 1030 Broad Street, Newark, N. J. Ladies’ and Children’s Hair Bobbing Expert Boyish Hair-Bobbing MODEL BARBER SHOP Prop.: Emil Ciasca 662 BERGEN ST., NEWARK. N. J. PRESCRIPTIONS CORRECTLY COMPOUNDED BY P. COCUZZA, PH. G. Pharmacist 296 MULBERRY STREET. Opp. Beach St., Newark, N. J. Phone 3313 Market 77 £5 1 THE OPTIM I S T Founded 1888 (Day Dept., Dwight School, 1880) NEW YORK PREPARATORY NE o°?Ka SCHOOL BROOKLYN SCHOOL O. 72,j?frk A e e. . Hi If 11 Cor. Franklin and Jeff r.on Avti Between 38th and 3� th Street� OV- I 1V 1 I i 2 Blocks from Fulton Prepares Specially for COLLEGE and REGENTS EXAMINATIONS ENROLL NOW 27,000 GRADUATES MODERN METHODS Special Summer Session, Evening Department, Opens June 25; Day Department, July 1 Chartered by the Board of Regents KMiblithcd 1824 TROY. N. Y. RENSSELAER POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE Engineering and Science Four-year Courses in Civil Engineering (C. E.), Mechanical Engineering (M. E.), Electrical Engineering (E. E.). Chemical En- gineering (Ch. E.). and General Science B. S.). Graduate Courses leading to Master and Doctor Degrees. Modern and fully equipped Chemical. Phy- sical. Electrical, Mechanical and Materials Testing laboratories. For catalogue and illustrated pamphlets showing work of graduates and views of buildings and campus, apply to Registrar, Pittsburgh Building. Troy. N. Y. Grit (Continued from Page 12) less to move, powerless to interfere hut he managed to retain his conciousncss. When he could he reached the side of the man and felt his heart. He was dead. Then he knelt before the wolf and gently raised his head upon his lap. Grit looked up into his master’s eyes with a for- lorn yet contented, look. He knew he had done his job and done it well and he saw in the face of Tom only sympathy and love. Upon Grit’s face there was a look akin to a smile as he closed his eyes and breathed his last. Tom's shoulders heaved as a great sob escaped from his throat. Outside the heavens opened with a great crash and poured down rain upon the earth. Even they wept for the loss of so great and loyal a friend. Playing at America’s Foremost Theaters “Meet the Wife,” with Todd Harrison. Mildred Werner in “Poppy . Helen Walzer Jacqueline Dolph V in The Music Box Revue Gertrude Walsh Little Jessie James.” starring James Pappas. Rust. featuring Red Inglin. “Runnin’ Wild” with Bob Whitehousc. Helen Muntrick in Sweet Seventeen.” Song and Dance Man —Milton A. V. Haase. Sensational Teddy Hare in “The Lady Killer.” Everett Bauman— The Show-off.’’ Howard Fisher— Beggar on Horseback. The Gem. Carl Kress, in Moonlight. “Welded”—Seymour Emmcrglick and The Op- timist. Ruth Edge in Rain. Laugh, Clown, Laugh” featuring Nathan Cho- lodcnko. Charlotte Manshcl in her own creation, Char- iot’s Revue of 1924.” The Outsider”—Newell Coe. El wood Smith triumphs in The Swan.” Kid Boots — Peanuts” Wincrman. Norma Ayres in the musical comedy hit, “The Chiffon Girl.” Gladys Easton in Lollipop.” Zicgfcld Follies, featuring—Sara Rosewater, Mabel Cohen and Leah Manhoff. “The Nervous Wreck —Our Teachers. Outward Bound —Senior Class. 78 THE OPTIMIST Leading Largest Best BUSINESS and SECRETARIAL COLLEGES and SCHOOLS of New York and New Jersey Day and Evening All the Year COURSES: Secretarial, Stenographic, Commercial, Higher Accountancy and Business Administration Write, Call or Telephone for Catalogue DRAKE COLLEGE 155 Market St. Newark, N. J. Ming Sing (Continued from Page 21) father’s bedside she heard him say. Ming Sing, call your husband. Hai Lee Qamc directly. Something seemed to stir the air, to tell of something evil. My children. Hop Sing said, “the time has come —a pause, tears came to his eyes as he saw his daughter cry. “I am no longer young and before I pass into the land of my ancestors I must tell you. —it seemed he could no longer speak, but panting for breath he said, “I killed I.ce Lung. A moan and all was over. From a IB Exam The place was taken by storm and thunder. A wife is the upset of her husband. When the form of the verb is changed it is called congregation. Saul Wcincrt: You musn’t be so excitable. Learn to take things cool. Leah Manhoff: All right. I’ll take an ice cream soda—to begin with. Melvin Bach: All is not gold that glitters. David Sobo: Yes, class pins for instance. Telephone Terrace 4323 Established 1914 Baker Bros. Honest Electrical and Radio Service 454 CLINTON AVENUE NEWARK. N. J. Charlotte Manshel discovered a new barber • to cut her hair, who has his shop in an apart- ment house. Selma Schwarz asked her what his name was and Charlotte told her she wasn’t sure but she thought it was Mr. Apts. Office Clerk: That’s the fifth time this week you're late. Saul Wcincrt: I know it. O. C.: But why does it happen ? The last time you were late you told me that you set the alarm at 7 o’clock. Is that true? S. W.: Yes, ma’m. O. C.: But don’t you hear the alarm? S. W.: That’s the trouble, the alarm goes off while I'm asleep. Gussic Rauchbach: Why do girls leave their home ? Minna Ball: Because they can’t take it along. Geometry Teacher: I'm sorry, but I'll have to flunk you. Do you know why? Red Stern: I haven't an idea. G. T.: That's the reason. £5 1 THE OPTIMI S T GIFTS That Last It is hardly necessary to say that GRADUATION is always welcome to everyone. JEWELRY is a very appropriate gift, because of its lasting remembrance. You will find in Bertl’s Jewelry Shop, a splendid selection of gifts for every size pocketbook. Prices most reasonable. Quality high. 46 Springfield Avenue Newark, N. J. CASTLE’S ICE CREAM PURER because HEATHIZEI) Senior Songs I Love Me—Norman Levy. Gee But I Hate to Go Home Alone—Jean- nette Goldfinc. Don’t Waste Your Tears Over Me—Examina- tions. I'm Thru—Class of June ‘24. When We’re Gone We Won’t Forget You— South Side. You Tell Her, I Stutter—Benjamin Cohen. Lonesome Hours—Study Periods. If I Knew You Then as I Know You Now- Board of Education. Fate—How we reached graduation. Vamp Me—Seymour Emmerglick. I Wanna Be loved—Helen Grccnblat. I Wonder—Before Graduation. Dumbbell—Frank Burstcin. Barney Google—Harry Aronowitz. Deadshot Steve—Milton Haase. Mama Loves Papa—Selma Schwarz and Jimmy Pappas. Baby Blue Eyes—Beatrice Hilfman. The Twinkle in Your Eye—Teddy Hare. Whoa Bobby Take Your Time—Bobby White- house. Sitting in a Corner—Jacqueline Dolph. She Gave Me the Air—Mary Inglin. How Beautiful I am—Pearl Cohn. Handsome Phil—Philip Sahel. Who Did You Fool After All—Cutting Classes. Linger Awhile—Mabel Cohen and Norman Levy. Seven or Eleven—Indoor Sports. Who Loves You Most After All—Toots Fricd- feld. Dreamy Melody—Every song in assembly period. Cutie—Gladys Easton. Minding My Own Business (?)—Everett Baumann. Old Gang of Mine—Jacob Goldberg, Isadorc Kuskin, Morris Lubin, Isidore Hodcs. Every Day—Same Old Routine. Dreaming of You—Diploma. I Love You—Sally Rosewater (looking in a mirror). Tomorrow—South Side’s Promises. Mr. Radio Man—William Gaecklc. Gasoway Ben—Irving Binctsky. The Sheik—? Crinoline Days—Way back in '20. Teacher (during observation of the fish’s brain): Everett, have you examined these brains? Bauman: No, I didn’t get mine yet. 80 THE OPTIMIST What Is the difference between an OPTOMETRIST and an OPTIMIST? None—They both make things brighter DR. JOSEPH H. SALOV OPTOMETRIST and OPTICIAN Suite 107 to 110. the Albert Building 494 Clinton Avenue Newark, N. J. Between Bergen St. and Chadwick Ave. Eyee examined and glasses fitted exclusively alov’s ibight Service Satisfied THE ELKAY COMPANY 235 MARKET ST. Newark. N. J. Newark’s School Supply House for GRADUATION RINGS and PINS MEDALS and TROPHIES Souvenirs of All Kinds for BANQUETS, PROMS and GAMES Clubs and Fraternities may secure our circular by request Teacher (after Hantman has given a perfect recitation on the external appearance of the fish): That's perfect. You haven't given me such a recitation in a long time. Did anyone help you? Hantman : O no! 1 was looking at Tillis all the while. 81 The College of Engineering of The Newark Technical School A local institution of college grade giving regular 4-year professional en- gineering courses leading to the degree of Bachelor of Science in Chemical, Electrical and Mechanical Engineering. The certificate of a first-class 4-year high school or equivalent work is re- quired for entrance. The College of Engineering offers to the young men of Newark and vicinity an opportunity to get a sound technical education at home at a reasonable cost. A certain number of scholarships are available to young men of promise who have not the necessary funds. Inquiries should be directed to the Registrar. THE NEWARK TECHNICAL SCHOOL 367 High Street, Newark, N. J. Phone Mulberry 162 High-Grade Positions require high-grade Training. That’s why you should attend Coleman—the school that has specialized in high-grade courses for sixty-two years. New students accepted any Monday Catalog on request. Market 7907 C-O-L-E-M-A-N BUSINESS COLLEGE ACADEMY and HALSEY STREETS Newark, N. J. One School — One Policy — One Standard TH E OPTIMIST ]W ARTHUR KLEIN Eminent Pianist and Teacher Pupil of Carl Friedberg, Stojowski Hughes, in New York Arthur Schnabel in Berlin IS NOW PERMANENTLY LOCATED IN NEWARK Mr. Klein Will Teach All Summer at His Residence Studio 746 South Tenth Street NEWARK Telephone Waverly 9463 Special Master Classes All Summer for Artists and Teachers 82 MTMfpWMt 3(1I1IS 8E10U E.KENNED D.GANN H.CR[[MMTl t.HAHN m u s.fnnfiitiitii f.KRAJtU Bill T.FRIEDF£LD . IIODf S AS UESAU Ol RSELVFS ON OUR CLASS PICTURES XSS I THE OPTIMIST Assets Over $750,000 Building and Loan Association (Short Term Association) Maturing in 78 Months Most of us need incentive, need pressure to make us save syste- matically ; one of the best ways to induce us to save, is to start an ac- count with the Gem Building and Loan Ass'n: $10.00 monthly for 78 months—means $1,000.00 $20.00 monthly for 78 months—means $2,000.00 Start NOW subscribe thru our Director Win. Hatch, at South Side High School. OFFICERS LOUIS H. HARE, President AL. W. WOLFF, Vice-President SAMUEL GREEN, Treasurer H. KRANZLER, Secretary I. H. COLTON, Solicitor Chamber of Commerce Building TRUSTEES 15 BELMONT AVE NEWARK, NEW JERSEY Ignatius Kasse M. Colton S. Gross R. Bloomfield Carl Flink B. Sternrich Geo. Siegel Dr. J. B. Marino R. Glickman William Hatch Joseph Lassner AUDITORS M. Geiger William Kelly 84 Alt THC WfWS OTHER PAPfUj wtwt Me ir iTt to print ro: (r.w.) i: (r t ) MOST SCANDAL, P . r : i 7 h s t,iti,ooo mark? EMPTY D TWILIGHT FOR LEAST MONEY Tr RMS: WhpflborrouloAot AterMro —-ir.mii ■� � e; scandal NOW BEFORE ENTIRE COUNTRY SENATE COMMITTEE WILL BE APPOINTED TO INVESTIGATE WHY BUTTER MILK LEASES SHOULD NOT BE CANCELLED—SECRETARY DROP MAY BE ASKED TO RESIGN — ADMINISTRATION THREAT- ENED. Just Returned From China, Tells of His Experiences Harrison, N. J. H. Aronowitz, who has just returned from Bon Ton, China, where he was a representative of the Hop Som Yang Chow Chow Co., says that the country is more in need of good bootleg hop since prohibition than anything else. Does Six Months, But Is Afraid to Go Home When Sentence Expires Sing Sing, N. Y. I. C. Plain, an inmate of Sing Sing Peniten- tiary, begged that he might be allowed to con- tinue his stay here indefinitely. He stated that he was afraid to go home, because of the recep- tion his wife, formerly Helen Grccnblat, promi- nent suffraget, promised him. Altho his wife is a suffraget, Izzy claims she made him a suffer- yet. He believes in the saying, Iron bars do not a prison make.” and altho iron is much harder than wood, he much more prefers the bars to her rolling pins. Perhaps he is right. The authorities will consider the case after con- ferring with the wife, who seems to have quite a pull with them. Plain may lie transferred to Overbrook. Millionaire Philanthropist Gives Entire Business to Employees Hamsandwich, Ariz. Irving Binctsky. manufacturer and inventor of the Celluloid Frying Pan for Native Hindoos, formally gave his plant over to his employees at a meeting in the town emporium today. He says he will retire on the meager amount he has managed to save, as he docs not wish to monopo- (Conlinurd on Column 11 The Boil Is Now Coming to a Head—Both Parties Agree as to the Guilt of the Present Cabinet—The Sour Grapes Party Makes Excuses. Hoboken. D. C. May 32 (BVD). The senate has decided to appoint a commit- tee to investigate Buttermilk Leases. The prob- able members will be Speaker Kmmerglick. Ayres, Gottlieb and Spitz. Others may be chosen if these die, as the Limberger interests will have to be investigated. Secretary Drop denies interest in this scandal, in spite of the fact that his wife, formerly Miss Brown, has a million dollar set of duds. He claims his salary as Secretary of the Exterior is responsible for this. President Kahn will be questioned as to the source of the funds he gave for the foundation of an Old Ladies' Home for Retired Quarter- backs. Chccscy. N. D.. May 32 (SOL). George Friedman, the head of the Limberger interests, was questioned as to the amount he paid to Drop and other members of the cabinet. He refused to say a thing about the matter. After a couple of hours of discussion, the re- porters left without learning a thing. The con- troversy ought to be called the Nobody Home Controversy, since no one seems to know much when questioned. Harrison-on-the-Passaic. Oscar Friedman, the horse radish king, enter- tained his friend Engene Buck, inventor of the (Continued on Column 2) ESI THE OPTIMIST 1 (Continued front Column 1) lizc all the money the country possesses. Inci- dentally Binctsky is down to his last forty mil- lion. Last year he gave ten hundred thousand dollars for the education of ignorant Scandina- vians in the gentle art of African Golf. Mr. Goldberg, fifth waste basket remover to the thirty-sixth assistant janitor, presented Mr. Bin- ctsky with a platinum lee Pick in token of the regard shown by the employees. Lubin Stops MacDonald in the First Kid Monkey MacDonald, paperweight champ of Overbrook. N. J., heard the birdies sing at the Hoboken Docks, when a terrific right, di- rected by Moisch Lubin, pin weight champ of Prince street, connected with Kid Monk s map. The fight lasted exactly seconds. Referee Callahan Holzman. ex-pug. said that if the Kid had pulled his face out of the way. the fight might have gone the limit. As a result Moisch is now the undisputed champion rag picker of Hoboken. SOCIETY NOTES Miss Ruth Edge. president of the Mugwump L; dies’ Uplift Society, and head librarian of the town, states that only fifty-two out of the fifty- three books the town library possesses have not been returned in the past year. She thinks this is a good record. The title of the remaining book is How to Make Mud Pics in Three I-cs- sons. written by El wood Smith. Mrs. Levy (formerly Miss Mabel Cohen) was found in her kitchen as-salt-ing a herring. She claims that she is sure she did not hurt it. as it was dead when she got it. Nevertheless having been found with a dead fish (?) in her house and having heen seen as-salt-ing it she will be held with bail on a charge of assault. Mr. Isadore Plain and his wife, (we won’t say who she is), have changed their residence. The wife claims that the children of the street would throw snow-balls and it would be dangerous to take her daily strolls. The husband claims that he was reading his paper when some one tried to hit him with a snow-ball. The wife says that the worst part of the situation is that the snow- ball hit the window instead and after the snow had melted, it left a mark on the window. She claims that she overworked herself after having cleaned one window and made her husband s supper all in one day. Mr. Winerman has made a mark for himself. He has gone into business in Germany. Yes. it is true; he works in a mint. (Continued on Column 1) (Continued from Column 2) non ski l mouth wash for the lockjawed, at his estate at Harrison-on-the-Passaic. Among the notables present were Norman Levy, the Gold Brick King. Louis Menk. editor of the Daily Wow. and Norma Greenfield, well known cam- era contortionist. Her recent picture was the BLONDE VAMP, a three recler. World’s Champion Beaten Jack Dempsey the heavyweight champ of the world, was decisively beaten by T. Winerman. Editor of the Punkdalc Daily Screech, in an ex- citing game of Mali Jong. Morris Lubin, the celebrated pin weight, refereed the contest. Runners Stage a Spectacular Race Jimmie Pappas, holder of the phonograph record for the standing still jump, ran a race with his shadow, at Hand-me-down. N. J. He lost by a hair when the sun was hidden by a cloud, and the shadow disappeared. MUSICAL NOTES (By T. VV, W.) The inmates of the Old Ladies' Home gave a musicate at Grammar Arcade in honor of Ger- trude Tarchis, the new head. The leading event on the program was the Swan Song by Al M’Gluck. Among those present was Mr. T. Winer- man, Editor of the Punkdalc Daily Screech, and a firm backer of musical activities. The musi- cale was concluded by a series of three-hour speeches by Charlotte Manshcl, Mabel Cohen. Thelma Fricdfelt. Sara Rosewater, Sophia Hutt and Pearl Cohen, all members of the home. Dorothy Gann, celebrated Ink Slingcr and poet laureate of Kalamazoo, announces the com- pletion of a revised libretto for Wagner's “Tris- ti an and Isolde.” Critics say that in spite of the fact that it is too mushy, it is, with the excep- tion of the title, style, and nine hundred and ninety-nine of the thousand pages, very good. I.cah Locbcl. of the Rube's Royal Midgets, en- tertained the Newark Chapter of the Royal Or- der of the Sacred Tooth Picks last night. She introduced a new instrument called the Insccto- phone, invented by her. She claims that it imi- tates the insects, some of which are too small to be seen by ordinary men. Science will have to investigate her claims. If what she says is true, music will take its place among the useful sci- ences of mankind. Miss Locbel narrowly missed being crushed to death during her investiga- (Continued on Column 2) 86 THE OP T I M I S T SSI (Continurd from Column 1) h The famous Miss I). Dorothy Gann has gone to Europe to have her voice cultivated. She claims that it does not know how to behave it- self as it is too loud and rough for such a petite damsel. Miss Bertha Knobloch, now Mrs. Louis Menk, won the Beauty Prize at the Hotel Mack-Alpine, New York. The prize was award- ed after she had been chosen Queen of Beauties. She was picked while she still had her mask on and it is said that she never looked so beautiful as she did then. The well-known artist Mile. Helen Gottlieb has established a beauty parlor for exterior dec- orating. She will paint for the feminine type of girl only. The well-known actress, Madame Thelma Friedfeld is now playing in Cut and Get Away With It. It is said that she had much exper- ience in such a role when she was still a student at South Side High School. The city of Newark welcomes the new traffic cop. Mr. Nathan Cholodenko. He has experienced such a position in some country town and is now working in the city. As he docs not like to be mean, by having traffic from one direction wait- ing for the other, he compromises and puts the signal post on a diagonal thus giving the driv- ers an opportunity to go both ways at once. Fat Men!! Tall Men!! Skinny Men!! Small Men!! Be strong! Able to defend yourself! What if your wife is an Amazon! We'll make a Hercules of you in two weeks. Insurance policy given with diploma. Iverson Cackle, Inc. (Continin'd from Column 2) tions among the insects, when she was listening to the call of the ants and a fly fell on her. The Indigo Chasers, led by F. Burstcin, Fa, La, Do, announce a complete reorganization of their band. Reasonable rates to cash customers. Guarantee to chase away those blues. Funerals a specialty. A little about the leader: F. Burstcin, born in Smallncck, N. J., prepared for college at South Side High School and re- ceived his degree at Chromatic University. In South Side, he played under the leadership of the late Mr. Gordon. He was also the concert master of the One B Harmonica Band in his senior year. With all that experience, you might imagine what an accomplished player he must be. I can’t. According to the Unmusical America, the casualty list for virtuoso opera singers this year has been very great, probably due, says the editor, to the unsympathetic audiences being ex- cited by the Ku Klux Klan and the Herring riots. In one case, Harold Hantman. tenor, sang so low that the audience thought he was giving a three minute pre-war preparedness speech, and applauded violently. The Girls Gloom Club of South Side High gave a musicalc in the auditorium of that school. The most noteworthy feature of the concert was the |uict bearing of the audience, who were all asleep. Only one thing disturbed the concert. One of the girls, namely Miss Kauchbach. climbed up to the top of the scale and then fell off, breaking her neck. ------------------------------------------------------- Avoid delays when death overtakes you—don’t leave your family all the responsibilities. Make your funeral arrangements now. If not now. eventually, so why not now? Have your burial prompt and get a good scat on the golden stair. Remember! The early bird gets the worn. Sabcl Stern, local undertakers. 87 THE OPTIMIST SCHWARZS KIL ME Prevent Mumps Asthma Neuralgia Cure Lumbago Boils Dandruff T real Corns Pyhorrca Dyspepsia Don't let your little girl miss a day from school because of one of the above. Try a bottle your- self. you only die once. Money cheerlessly re- funded without question. Try ours and you’ll never use any other. Selma Schwarz Prepara- tion. Young man. Sing Sing graduate, desires posi- tion as cashier in Pork and Beanery. Has had experience in lunch room. Will guarantee to hand in at least one-half of the day's profits. Herbert Knitter. Ill Beefsteak Road. Passaic. N. J. Miss Norma Greenfield, famous Screen Pest, says that Brescia’s Elixir Tonic is a great human benefit. She puts all the credit for the hair- raising stunts, that she performs on the screen, to this wonderful tonic. Send for a trial size. You may be able to duplicate the screen pest’s stunts and l ecomc one yourself. Van Moppcs Ball Bitter Pill Co., Chicago. N. Y. M. T. Bottle, retired bartender, desires a posi- tion as a milkman. Will put the necessary kick in the route. Get that school girl complexion in five sec- onds! Use Reada’s Rough Red Rouge. Good substitute for Ox Blood Shoe Polish. Siegler Werner Beauty Emporium. Stop!! Look !! Listen!! All ye shy bache- lors!! Wc teach you how to love in six lessons— Actual experience guaranteed. Hinton Zimct- haum. Reno, Ncv. THE OPTIMIST species) alleged to be a horse. Age unknown (but owner will guarantee him foaled some time during present century). 15.3 feet high when standing (which is not often) and inclined to be angular. (Harness will hang on him anywhere and at any angle.) Condition fair (far from overfed). Has nine ribs on each side (which can be seen without recourse to X-ray). Four legs (one of which is in fairly good shape). Two eyes, which are normal for a horse of his age. Teeth need some repairing and some replace- ments. Very docile and well trained. (Any lady with plenty of time and patience and an imper- ishable whip can manage him.) Can stand with- out hitching (which is about the best thing he docs). Has not got mange. (Had it.) This offer should ! • taken up by a doctor, who would have no trouble in studying anatomy of said horse. Apply Whitchouse Haase. 9 Plum Point Lane, near Dog Pond. Speedo Pills Guaranteed to put more speed in your auto. Put them in your radiator and they cither knock it off. or give you more speed. Hodes Abram- son, Newark Agents. Telephone Terrace 2054 HAVE YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS Work Called for and Delivered CADILLAC FILLED AT Cleaners Dyers THE FAIRMOUNT AL MOORE R. BUD1SH PROPS. PHARMACY Cleaning, Pressing. Repairing and 268 SO. ORANGE AVE., Dyeing in All Its Branches At Fairmount 450 CLINTON AVE., NEWARK. N. J. Phone Bigelow 4017 Diamonds, Watches, and Fraternity Pins For Johns and Marys and hubbie’s Mins. LOUIS CALOMERIS Tokens of friendship for all your kins— For all these things ’tis Burns that wins. Manufacturer of Ice Cream Ices in Season and Confectionery WjCJJi tnj I SctM 1 1027 BERGEN ST., NEWARK, N. J. “QUALITY JEWELERS Next to the Weequahic Theatre 205 Market St., Cor. Beaver St. 641 Broad St., Loew’s Theatre Bldg. 89 Sg | THE OPTIMIST CRESCENT STUDIO 839 BROAD ST. Phones: Mkt. 5287 Opposite Central Station Mkt. 6965 S. OK1N, Proprietor Photographs of Distinction by Modern Methods Discount of 33 Per Cent, to South Side Students 90 Wl--- THE OPTIMIST —IW Your Grandmother —came to our store when she was young and bought her furniture. And it was so attractive, so durably made, and gave such excellent service, and cost so moderately that when Your Mother arrived at the happy hour when she too selected the furniture for her home she followed her mother’s wise way and bought equally as durable, good looking, and as fairly priced furniture here. and You —the charming budding daughters, in a few short years, will be ready to own your home. YVe expect to have the pleasure of furn- ishing it just as we did for your parents. Come in some time and see how beautifully we can outfit a house. Newark’s Best Home Furnishers Why? by Nathan Cholodcnko We arc pleased to announce that this is the original of a popular song Why did she send for me? Why, Oh why, Oh why? Why did I cut that class? I could almost cry! I'm sorry, so sorry, and sorry and blue, And if her note did that, what would her ac- tions do? Ma says that I’m a wreck I'll admit she’s right. Pa says he’ll break my neck He can’t sleep at night. And we’re all upset and it’s because I ain't like I used to was. Why did I cut that class? Why, Oh why. Oh why? First Student: Why did you sit in the peanut gallery when you saw Shakespeare’s Macbeth?” Second Stude: So my English teacher would sec me. The fellow who invented the name Glee Club never knew what glee was like. Countless Hostesses have achieved a Reputation with the Co-operation of DAY CATERER 899 BROAD STREET, NEWARK 91 W[ THE OPTIMIST Compliments of the Senior A Home Rooms ROOM 210, MR. MYERS ROOM 60, MR. HALLOCK ROOM 209, MISS HOWE ROOM 214, MR. JAYSON Sayings of Famous Poets And still they gaz'd and still the wonder grew. That one small head could carry all she knew. Mahct Cohen. Good things come in small packages. Dot Gann. Kinhorn alone of all my nuts is he. Who stands confirmed in full stupidity. In arguing, too. young Sabel owned his skill. For even tho vanquished he could argue still. Hcautics in vain their pretty eyes may roll, Toots strikes the sight, hut Helen wins the soul. Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? I. Plain. When Norman speaks what virgin could with- stand. If gentle Hare did not squeeze her hand. A six years' darling of a pigmy size. Tom Wincrman. I have spring fever twelve months each year. Frank (.rammer. Laugh and grow fat. Frank Burstcin. When you forget your lessons, just whistle. Frank Fink. Many fives, sixes ami sevens there lay, But loads of zeros almost choked the way. Our Cards. Chcm. class discussing plating metals. Teacher : Anybody suggest something to plate? Some Stude : luff's gold tooth. A SCMIODS ruTUDt: 92 J. J. CURLEY 367 SOUTH ORANGE AVE., CITY I Specialize in Class Rings and Pins Waltham and Elgin Watches WATCH AND JEWELRY REPAIRING 20 Per Cent. Discount to Graduates THE OPTIMIST I E4] HOUSE of P. De PAOLA Ready to Wear and Made-to-Order Clothing Our entire third floor is used for Manufacturing our Merchandise only. The Plant is under the personal supervision of Mr. P. De Paola who cordially invites your inspection and patronage. Our second floor is our show room and Custom Department. Managed by Mr. Ralph Rich P. De PAOLA Men’s Nifty and Up-to-Date Clothier 188 SPRINGFIELD AVENUE Corner Prince St. Phone Market 1188 Newark, N. J. Student: How did the History exams turn out? Teacher: Fin?; 88% of the students flunked. A chemistry student was searching thru the chemistry bottles so despairingly that the teach- ci decided to offer his assistance. Something you can't find?” I can't find this Hydrant Water that's men- tioned in the instructions. We draw the line at smoking. Said the teacher with accents fine. But they were football players And so they crossed the line. Richard Nuffort: 1 want a dog that looks like a greyhound, only his tail is a little shorter and his body fatter and his nose flatter. Do you keep such dogs? Dog Dealer: No. we drown ’em. We know a teacher who is so absent-minded that one day in class he took out his watch to see if he had time to go home and get his watch which he left on his dresser. Nearest Neighborhood BARBER SHOP Prop.: HARRY TRESKER Up-to-Date Place Best Boyish Bobbing Done Here 127 RUNYON ST.. NEWARK, N. J. Phone Terrac 3910 W. T. JENNINGS Real Estate WEEQUAHIC SECTION BERGEN ST. AND LYONS AVE. Newark. N. J. 94 THE OPTIMIST Phones Mulberry 6140-6141 FUNK FLINK General Insurance Specialists 163 SPRINGFIELD AVE., NEWARK. Life Automobile Plate Glass Burglary Fire Liability Accident Health BONDS Tel. Market 0144 If you now use any other tires you have never tried a BRUNSWICK SIDLEY MORAN 289 HALSEY ST. NEWARK frjTl THE OPTIMIST Compliments of STAEHLE’S Prescription Pharmacy AVON AVE., COR. SO. 12TH ST. 96 frO ! THE OPTIMIST |W In the Year 1855 We startc l to serve our patrons and our reputation has been building ever since—conic and view our display of Art Goods — Lenox China — Silver Watches—Jewelry—Clocks—Fine Pictures and Good Framing The Gift Center of Newark KEER’S GALLERIES BROAD STREET, OPPOSITE CITY HALL Teacher (to won bee): Willie close the win- “I’ve got to cram for my history exam to- dow. Don't you know it's cold outside? night. Willie: What! Will it make it any warmer • Why don't you get H. G. Wells’ Outline of outside if I close the window? History and get the whole thing in a nut-shell? Monk (in English class): O she gets married in the next stanza, liantman: I wonder if the Ancient’s Mariner. A well known professor says that the length of one’s feet denotes intelligence. If so Bauman is a prodigy? Teacher (in chemistry): I just finished tell- ing you the process and now you repeat alto- gether differently. Bauman: You must have made a mistake. Mcnk (giving a definition of metallurgy): Metallurgy is the process of urging a metal from its ore. Teacher : Where arc Einhorn and Hahn? Studc: In the Zoo Room. Teacher: So they were caught, weren’t they? Hantman: What did she call me? J. Korany: Nothing. Heard in Assembly: And 'twas from Aunt Jemima’s pancake party I was seeing Nellie home. When? (Senior’s Cry) Words by Nat Cholodenko, G. Chidnofsky Apologies to Composers When will the teachers pass me thru? School life’s a blunder. Oftimes I wonder When will I make my adieux And graduate right straight thru, tell me. do? Why must I work when other students play? I'd love to get outside some day I’m going to work this term and then I'll know— When will the teachers pass me thru? French Teacher: Please continue your trans- lation. Fair Miss: Is that next word sweetness ? Teacher: Yes, sweetness, go on. To the Personal Board Gather your personals while you may Old Time is still a-flying And the jokes that make us laugh today Tomorrow may set us crying. 97 THE OPTIMIST A shoe that helps you hustle You feel like going at top speed; you feel like hitting it up all day long; you get things done—when you wear the Arch Preserver Shoe. It puts spring in your step; gives you the old hustle thrill. It takes a real ‘‘go-getter about five seconds to buy this shoe when he secs it. Conte in. THE ARCH PRESERVER SHOE Funk Sutphin 893 BROAD ST., NEWARK Near City Hall WOLFINGER Florist 883 BROAD STREET Newark, N. J. Phone 3404 Mulberry Saved by the Bell By Harold Hantmau I'iu sitting in my Latin room Watching the bright red sun. School work doesn't bother me So I haven’t any done. Somehow today I don't feel well. The period's kind o’ long. And I know if I recite 1 know I'll get it wrong. Eight minutes more. Wow! I'm surely laying low. In order that the prof don’t find How little 1 do know. Six minutes more. I’m sick. My throat is gulping hard. If I recite today I'll get A six on my next card. Some suspense I'll tell the world Awaiting the fatal sign. At last the teacher looks at me. Smith start at line--- Just then he stopped and closed his book. And the reason I will tell. For at that time loud rings were heard. I was saved by the bell!!!! sample of senior AMBITION 98 THE OPTIMIST |W The Fashion Men’s Shop 188 MARKET ST. We Cater to the High School Students Specialists in Collegiate Suits 2 PANTS SUITS You’ll Buy a Home Some Day Certainly You Will See And Old Established Firm of Sound Integrity! Or Get INSURED Auto Liability—Home Fire Insur- ance—Accident and Health or Life Insurance. EUGENE GEISER CO. 776 BROAD STREET Mul. 3426-3427 Compliment� of Compliments of M. TARCHIS M. COPLAND COHEN Compliments of Compliments of SPANJER BROS., METROPOLITAN WINDOW SHADE CO. HILLSIDE. N. J. 29-31 BROOME STREET 99 Sffl THE OPTIMIST IW We are equipped to give you the best and most dependable optical service ob- tainable. “A trial will convince you' F. H. ROEVER, Jr. OPTOMETRIST, OPTICIAN Hayes Circle CLINTON AT ELIZABETH AVE. Newark, N. J. Phone: Waverly 0745 Open evenings except Wednesday Exams (Apology to Poc) By Selma Schwarz Thank Heaven! the crisis The danger is past. And the lingering “illness” Tis over at last— The fever called Exams’ Tis conquered at last. Sadly I know, I an� shorn of my strength. No muscle I move As I ponder at length Of mistakes which I made As I wrote with such strength! And I rest compos’dly, Xow, in my seat. That any beholder Here in the heat Might take me for dead For those French verbs, of course Had gone to my head ! The moaning and groaning The sighing and sobbing With pupils bemoaning The mind that keeps bobbing Such muddled up thoughts. SCHULTZ’S Real Bakery (SUCCESSOR TO HOWELL'S) S. S. H. S’s. Popular Lunch Room 110 ELIZABETH AVENUE And Oh! of all tortures That torture the worst, The thirsting for knowledge Until your minds burst, And then to forget it! But my heart ’tis brighter Than the hearts of some students For I held knowledge tighter Which was due to my prudence And now I have passed. Teacher (after a student’s brilliant recitation): Now I want you to remember that when I ask you next term. Helen swears that she was never kissed by any man. That’s enough to make any girl swear. Saul Wcincrt: Your overcoat is so short. Howard Fischer: Can I help it if I grow an inch a day? Heard in Latin The blue waves rolled over the broad shores of entire Italy. He pushed back his raven locks from his shaved scalp. 100 I i i r— r—� -r i Z a i o T 1 _ MODERN BALL ROOM DANCING Instruction—Private and Class M. C. RICHARDS Studios: 653 Broad St., over Eisele Shoe Store Tel.: Market 9950 Open All Summer CHAS. LUTHY Florist 347 BERGEN ST., Newark, N. J. Compliments of GILMAN CLOTHING HOUSE Collegiate Clothing That Is Second to None CANARY BIRDS AND BIRD FOOD Tel.: Wav. 5242 ASK— HOFFMAN GIFT SHOPPE 1 ry Greeting Cards for Every Occasion Easton’s Circulating Library m if • 4S3 CLINTON AVE., NEWARK N. J. Mayonnaise w or Easton’s CHARLES E. MORRIS Vegonnaise Hardware and House Furnishings 455 CLINTON AVENUE 101 THE O P T I M I S T Care and Precision You Must Exercise Both If You Would Become Proficient In Your Studies Care and Precision Is Our Rule In The Making of All Engravings It Is The Secret of Our Success DAY and NIGHT SERVICE 7be ESSEX ENGRAVING CO. Photo Engravers 44 BRANFOKI) PLACE, NEWARK ERWIN GLASER Choice Meats HOTELS AND RESTAURANTS SUPPLIED 13S CENTRE MARKET. NEWARK, N. J. Tel. 0S32 Market A FRIEND Telephone Market 1974 STEVENS CO. 741-43 Broad St., Newark, N. J. Women’ and Mittes' Wearing Apparel COMPLIMENTS OF A FRIEND 102 tjZ� j T H E OPTIMIST s. cucco Expert Custom Tailor Compliments of Cleaning, Dyeing, Pressing and Remodeling Good Dependable Work A PARENT 216 HAWTHORNE AVE., nr. Bergen St. NEWARK, N. J. Compliments of Compliments of CHARLES LOEBEL HERBERT KNITTER ______ Compliments of COMPLIMENTS OF ISADCRE H. COLTON CHARLES MANSHEL Class of Feb. 15 103 THE OPTIMIST BEHRENDT KRUEGER KNITTER DONALD Mktsky ER I CM (©VENDO W INANT STOLL VAN VOLKENBURG drake KOPP FREY SHAW SCHROEDER EASTON 1 ¥ I ' you like the way this Year 1 Book is printed, you may note the fact that we can do the same for you. COLBY McGOWAN, Inc. Specialists in School Printing 1201 Chestnut St. Elizabeth, N. J. Compliments from MR. MRS. A. BARTH Compliments of A FRIEND 104 Elect E xtures Brim Dspital HILL’S HOME CRAFT BREAD Knows No Equal Has No Superior HILL BREAD CO. 620 Market Street Newark, N. J. Phone Mulberry 1643 e Segnior IXuTnloc r December 19229 DI- ELECTRIC Heaters T oarers Irons Percolators Wiring Supplies of All Kinds The Best Makes Only For Everthing ELECTRICAL Go To New Jersey’s Oldest and Largest Electrical House .. i Newark Electrical Supply Co. 223 MARKET STREET NEWARK, N. J. — THE OPTIMIST DECEMBER, NINETEEN TWENTY-FOUR If when for life’s prizes You’re running, you trip, Get up, start again— “Keep a stiff upper lip! ” —Cary. South Side High School Newark, New Jersey THE OPTIMIST The College of Engineering of The Newark Technical School A local institution of college grade giving regular 4-year professional en- gineering courses leading to the degree of Bachelor of Science in Chemical, Electrical and Mechanical Engineering. The certificate of a first-class 4-ycar high school or equivalent work is re- quired for entrance. The College of Engineering offers to the young men of Newark and vicinity an opportunity to get a sound technical education at home at a reasonable cost. A certain number of scholarships are available to young men of promise who have not the necessary funds. Inquiries should be directed to the Registrar. THE NEWARK TECHNICAL SCHOOL 367 High Street, Newark, N. J. Phone Mulberry 162 Leading Largest Beat BUSINESS and SECRETARIAL COLLEGES and SCHOOLS of New York and New Jersey Day and Evening All the Year COURSES: Secretarial, Stenographic, Commercial, Higher Accountancy and Business Administration Write, Call or Telephone for Catalogue DRAKE COLLEGE 155 Market St. Newark, N. J. Applications Now Accepted for 25th Term High School in Two Years, Secretarial Training, Accountancy, Intensive Training, Supervised Study, Special Recreation, Ath- letic and Social Features, Co-Educational, Non-Sectarian. Full Day Sessions, 9 A. M. to 3 P. M. Evening Sessions, 7 to 10 P. M. Certification Privileges, 415 Graduates Entered 82 Colleges! Newark Preparatory School 1030 Broad Street, at Lincoln Park, Newark, N. J. 2 THE OPTIMIST SOUTH SIDE HIGH SCHOOL NEWARK, NEW JERSEY Dr. Thomas F. Kennedy, Principal Published monthly, except July. August an September, by representatives of the student body. Single copies, 20c. Special numbers, 25c. Senior number, 25c. Subscriptions for the year. $i.90 by mail; $1.75 delivered in the school. All members ami friends of the school are invited to contribute to the school paper. Articles must be in the hands of the Editor at least two weeks before publication. Entered as second-class matter at the Newark Post Office, December 2 , 1913. VOLUME XII. NUMBER 3 Editor-in-Chief Business Manager ... Assistant _______ Evelyn Aiirf.ndt Ruth Govier Anna Reynolds Willard Bleick Norman Greenfield Lilian Rittenband Belle Cohen Leonora Gross Laurence Rosenbaum Leah Farbstfjn Sidney Kabel Dorothy Sachs Jack Feldmann Mildred Kingsland George Schenkel Estelle Fischer Sylvia Landau Anna Sissman Hulda Goeller Sam Lomachinsky Pearl Solomon Jerome Goldstein Frank Martin Henrietta Stern Joseph Gorewitz Gottfried Moskowitz Lucille S. Strauss Jacob Govendo Nea Norton Mollie Wenger William Phillipson Samuel Wilder Stuff Edilor-in-Chicf.................................Pearl Finkf.lstein Associate Editor .---_-----—------— --------------- Ruth Krauss 'acuity Adviser _________________........... Dr. Charles R. Austin Circulation Manager Business Manager Milton Lindeman Nathan Butman Assistant Circulation Manager Assistant Business Manager Anita Krueger Herbert Buecher Publicity—Morris Milstein, Chairman. Edward Diamond Faculty Adviser—I)r. Thomas K. Smith Literature School News Personals Hulda Goeller. Chairman Chrendt ,a,r,,,an Laurence Rosenbaum, Martin G. Dross lXZZeZZSSXZk , R Chairman Isadore Cohen lick Finger Josephine Baum Helga Feddersen RUTh Fleischer Y,ctor OivsntMC Austin W. Henry Florence Levy Sidney G. x ldb� g Edmond Taylor Gabriel Rich Marcus M. Harris . Jean Rosewater Edward Huberman Art Pearl Solomon Dorothy Sachs Norman Greenfield, Chair. Head-Writers Jerome Silverman Bernard Grad ': Farrston Luc,uj! S. Strauss Rorkrt Jonas I' kk AM Ain Sidney Mittler Alumni Notes and Exchanges Marion Morris Gokdon Davidson,Chairman Samuel Wilder, Chairman Elinor Oldenburc David Geltzeiler Jack Belfer iy- Samuel Lomachinsky Jerome Goldstein Douglas Schemes Syitia S. Strauss Alfred Margol.es Raymond Swain Edna Zauber Howard Newmark Miss Caroline A. Sheldon Mr. John S. Burley Mr. Walter White Assistants—Heles C. Herman, Anna Silidker THE OPTIMIST W( TYPEWRITERS RENTED SPECIAL RATES TO STUDENTS FREE DELIVERY PROMPT SERVICE BEST MACHINES AUTHORIZED American 34 CLINTON ST. 449 CENTRAL AVE. DEALERS REMINGTON PORTABLE Writing Machine Company MULBERRY 6224 BRANCH BROOK 5400 Compliments ... of ... STAEHLE’S PRESCRIPTION PHARMACY AVON AVENUE Corner South Twelfth St. Optometrist Optician Wc arc equipped to give you the best and most dependable Optical Service ob- tainable. Wc arc offering at special prices, during the holidays, oxfords in Sterling Silver— Solid Gold—and Tortoise Shell—to the readers of this advertisement. F. H. ROEVER, Jr. (Hayes Circle) 237 CLINTON AVE. NEWARK, N. J. Oculists’ Prescriptions Filled 4 5 1 THE OPTIMIST CONTENTS Broken Vows, By Ruth Govicr................................. 7 The Wall, By Henrietta Stern................................ 7 The School of Sighs, By Leonora Gross....................... 8 Past, Present, and Future, By Pearl Solomon................. 9 Snooze’s Graduation, By R. Govier and H. Gocller........... 10 Every Senior, By Frank Martin............................ 12 False Wishes, By Ruth Govier............................... 13 A Tale of the Hills, By Mildred Kingsland.................. 14 My Dear, By Henrietta Stern_____________________________ 15 What Not to Write, By Hulda Gocller....................... 16 Sonnet on Graduation, By Ruth Govier....................... 17 Cogitations of a Cuckoo, By Joseph Gorevritz............... 17 The Granted Wish, By Henrietta Stern....................... 18 The Rime of An Ancient Senior, By Leonora Gross............ 19 A Football Story, By Gottfried Moskowitz................... 20 Apologies To------—, By Henrietta Stern. 21 A Thrill, By Jacob Govendo................................. 21 Class of January 1925...................................... 22 Editorial, By R. Werner Lederer.......................... 23 Newark In 1950............................................. 24 Class Will................................................. 27 Well, Why Not? By Joseph Gorcivitz......................... 28 Senior Directory........................................... 29 Class Officers ...................... ................... 53 School News ............................................... 54 Senior Optimist Board..................................... 55 Senior Slams ......................................... 64 Personals.................................................. 68 Cross Word Puzzle.......................................... 70 5 THE OP T IMIST Wl The Svet Music Studios 708 High Street Newark, N. J. TELEPHONE MITCHELL 28S8 The Svet Studios were originated in Newark, X. J., in 1904 by Mr. and Mrs. Mandcll Svet, graduates of the Warsaw Royal Conservatory of Music in Russia. The policy of the Studios is to give individual and personal instruction to their pupils. The piano is taught by Mrs. Svet and the violin, harmony, compo- sition and ensemble playing by Mr. Svet. The success of the Svcts may be shown by the large numbers of their pupils who arc now in the public eye, and whose work has on innumerable occasions won the recognition of the press. 6 THE OPTIMIST ¥14 Editors Hui.da GoKLJ.BR, Senior Chairman Martin G. Bross Austin W. Henry Hf.lga Feddersen Edmond Taylor Isadore Y. Cohen Broken Vows By Ruth Govier The vanquish’d sun his bleeding hosts withdrew, Tho leaving yet a dying sunset ray; And sombcr-claddcd night o’erspread the blue, While night birds breathed a pray’r for parting day. The lovely moon that haunts the summer night And summons lovers to their rendezvous, I greeted with a lover’s fond delight, For in her wake came happiness and you. But now she lights you to another tryst, And other lovers wait your coming now. By others have your rosy lips been kiss’d. And others hear you breathe your traitor’s vow. But tho I know your love was mockery, And vanity was all your proud heart bore, I would the moon could bring you back to me As once she brought you in the days of yore. Your lips their pretty promises would give, And tho they were as false as Fortune’s smile. As purest pledges in my heart would live As free as any flow’rct is from guile. The words that break a heart can heal it, too. It matters not how false the vow may be. The anxious car of love will make it true, And Nature sweeten it with memory. The Wall By Henrietta Stern Judson and Nancy were together after a long separation during which Judson, in helping Lin- coln in the war for equality, had lost his right arm. Nancy was in awe of the empty sleeve. He was fearful lest the loss of his arm should hinder her acceptance of his oft-repeated pro- posal. “Let’s go over to the pond where the bench is.” “All right, Nancy, but let's not go all the way around tho. You still can go over the wall, can’t you? Or have these hard times taken even your youth away? It has aged so many of the young folks.” “Well, Judson, I’ll try it but I haven’t gone over it since you’ve been away and it seemed so long.” When they got to the wall Judson clambered up first, not so youthfully as he had done before he had been aged by the sight of man fighting man with deadly intent. When he reached the top he stretched over, offering her his hand. She hesitated in taking the hand for fear of pulling him off the wall. He saw her hesitation and was hurt by it. Then she took his hand to show that she had not meant him any slight. She was sur- prized at his strength. O Judson, you’re so strong! I don’t have to make any effort at all; you pull me up so easily 1” ♦ There lives an old lady all alone now for her 'fcjgTl THE OPTIMIST husband is dead these many years, and her chil- dren arc married and live with their own fam- ilies. She is lonely for all that she has many friends for there was never any like Judson. Nancy is dying tho she doesn’t know it She is dying not only of old age but also, and mostly, of the want of her one-armed man. They had had a few quarrels in their married life, but the making-up had brought them only closer together. As Nancy lies on her bed she lives over again her life before she was married. She remembers Judson’s homecoming and the moment they were going over to the pond when their only obstacle was the wall. She feels again the strong, com- forting clasp of his hard hand. Again she sees the wall but here it is higher and there is no helping hand to supplement her slender strength. The dim old eyes peer thru the wall and there she sees all her heart is longing for—peace and comfort—and Judson. But the wall is impassable and the soft, wrinkled hands stretch forth in mute appeal. No response. The flame of hope almost dies out in the lonely breast and the grey head sinks in despair. Then a help- ing hand stretches forth, she feels once more the strong, warm clasp of the work-hardened fingers. Judson. . . and no longer docs she doubt his strength. The School of Sighs (With Apologies to Thomas Hood) By Leonora Gross L One more Unfortunate Left of a class, She did not graduate, She did not pass. II. Look at her subjects all Who would not for them fall? Latin and History, And Trigonometry, Last, but not least, of them, Spanish and Chem. III. Scorn her not thoughtlessly For small mistake, No one acts faultlessly, Errors all make. IV. Blame her not strongly, For what she did wrongly, Little she realized How work is prized. V. Slight were the tasks she did Carelessly heeded. Loudly the teachers chid: “Scoldings you needed 1” VL She was too kind of heart When evening came, And she her work did start, Ann called her name. VII. “Won’t you come down,” said Ann. “See a good show? For instance, Peter Pen? She couldn’t say “No.” VIII. Alas I for the rarity Of loving charity When tests were near. Oh! it was sad to see! So many chums had she But no friend dear! IX. Look at her teacher, too, Pitied they her, think you? To her more cruel the fates Than to her dear classmates. Not one did offer her, Not one would proffer her. Sevens and eights. X. Judge her not blindly And think of her kindly, With sweet understanding Kind judgment commanding. XI. Owning her weakness, Her witless offense, And leaving, with meekness. Her sins to her conscience 1 8 THE OPTIMIST W[ PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE or THERE’S NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN A Super-Malagorgeous Photoplay In Five Parts By Pearl Solomon PART I Scene I—Time: The Primitive Age. View of side of a mountain, showing a cave near the top. The cave is Stonage High School, attended by Tommy Caveman, a senior. Close-up shows Tommy coming out of school. It is Friday afternoon; thus he has nothing to do. He walks over to his dinosaurus which is parked nearby. He mounts, and rides at a slow pace. Enter upon scene, Clarice Cavcdwellcr, a sturdy young miss, attired in a leopard skin. Upon catching sight of her, Tommy draws up to her, and attempts harmless flirtation. He asks Clarice to hop on behind him, and after a few minutes of deliberation, she ac- cepts. Scene II—A jungle. Clarice, being a sturdy young miss, is walking home. PART II Scene I—Time: 1898. Discloses a little red schoolhousc in a fenced-in schoolyard. Exit, Willie Slowpoke, a senior. It is Friday afternoon; thus he has nothing to do. He walks over to his tan- dem bicycle, which is propped against the side of the schoolhouse, and starts to ride toward home. Enter upon scene. Mary Mixup, a frolicsome young miss, attired in a bustle-sleeved coat, with leopard skin muff and scarf. Beholding her, Willie draws nigh, invites her to help him pedal, and after a few minutes of deliberation, she accepts. Scene II—A country dirt road. Mary, being a frolicsome young miss, has detached her part of the tandem and is pedaling her way home. PART III Scene I—Time: 1924. Opens upon a red brick high school situated on a large, green lawn. Closeup of Harry Cakcatcr, a senior, departing from school in the direction of his roadster. It is Friday afternoon; thus he has nothing to do. He gets into his car, and is about to “step on the gas” when Peggy Gimme enters upon scene, car- rying a queer bundle. She is a versatile young miss, and is wearing a leopard skin jacket. She has already accepted Harry’s invitation, after a few minutes of deliberation. Scene II—A macadam road. Peggy, being a versatile young miss, with a roadmap in one hand, and a lantern in tlie other, is skating home. PART IV Scene I—Time: Early June, 1925. Shows a fashionable high school at a summer resort. Dick Dumbcll, a senior, is leaving the side entrance. It is Friday afternoon; thus he has nothing to do. He walks in the direction of the landing, where his two-seater motor boat awaits him. On the landing he meets Jackie Jazzbo, an athletic young miss, attired in a yellow bathing suit, edged with leopard skin. After a few minutes of delibera- tion, she accepts Dick's invitation to go for a spin. Scene II—A part of the bay. Close-up discloses Jackie in it. Being an athletic young miss, she is swimming home. PART V Scene I—Time: 1960. Scene shows a fifteen- story high school. Close-up of a skylight on the roof, from which emerges Felice Phlyhic, a senior. It is Friday afternoon; thus; she has nothing to do. She walks in the direction of her aeroplane, which is parked at the other end of the roof. On her way she meets Percy Prude, who is sunning himself. He is a nice young gentleman, attired in a long leopard skin coat, and is carrying a queer-looking cane. Felice gives him the high sign,” and after a few minutes of deliberation, he climbs into the double-seatcr. Scene II—Shows a speck in the air. Being a nice young gentleman, Percy is on his way home, suspended from a parachute. Author’s Afterward And so, dear friends, having read this master- piece, if you have any objections, voice them now, or forever after hold your peace. THE OLD MAN By Henrietta Stern I saw a man all bent and grey Think of his life now passed away. His eyes were bright, his breath came fast, He sat there thinking life’s now past. The cold recalls him now to life To toil, to moil, to daily strife; He secs thru hardened cynic’s eyes A world that lies and lies and lies. 9 THE OPTIMIST Wf Snooze’s Graduation (Dickens, Apologize!) By Rum Govier and Hulda Gokller STAVE ONE The Principal's Ghost Oh! But he was a nuisance in the study-room, Snooze! a whispering, cutting, copying, noisy, impudent young sinner! Foolish and stupid as a goose, from whom no teacher had ever plucked a feather of intelligence. No teacher ever stopped him in the hall, with gladsome looks, to say, My dear Snooze, how are you? When arc you going to give another speech in Assembly? It is always a pleasure to listen to you.” No friend implored him to lend a book, no IB asked him what it was o’clock, no visitor ever once in all his life inquired the way to such and such a room, of Snooze. But what did Snooze care? It was the very thing he liked. To rush along thru life, warning all knowledge to keep its distance, was what the knowing ones would call pic to Snooze. Once upon a time—of all the good months of the year, a month before Commencement—Snooze sat reading at his desk. It was very late, and he soon l cgan to f;cl drowsy, and started to leaf listlessly thru his novel, when he came upon a picture of his Best Girl. Now, it is a fact, that there was nothing at all particular about that picture, except that it was very pretty. It is also a fact, that Snooze Itad seen its impersona- tion night and morning during his whole ten terms at school. And then let any man explain to me, if he can. how it happened that Snooze, consid- ering its loveliness, suddenly observed that a bristling pair of whiskers had made its appear- ance on the dimpled chin, and the wavy tresses had melted away from the top of the head, leav- ing a suspicious bald spot; no longer his Best Girl’s picture, but his Principal’s face. It was not angry or ferocious, but looked at Snooze as the Principal used to look: with ghostly spectacles turned up on its ghostly forehead. The hair was curiously stirred, as if by breath or hot air; and tho the eyes were wide open, they were perfectly motionless. That, and its livid color, made it horrible; but its horror seemed to be in spite of the face and beyond its control, rather than a part of its own expression. Humbug! said Snooze; and walked across the room. His color changed tho, when, without a pause, it stepped from the picture, and passed into the room before his eyes. The body was transparent, so that Snooze, observing it, and looking thru its waistcoat, could sec the two buttons on the coat behind. How now!” said Snooze, dull and insipid as ever. What do you want with me?” I have much to say,” the Ghost replied, but time and space arc limited me, and that of which I would warn you, will be imparted by others than myself. You will be haunted by Three Spirits. In these visits lies your hope of Graduation.” The apparition walked backwards from him, growing dimmer with every step it took, so that by the time it entered its former frame it had once more donned the wavy tresses and dimpled chin of Isabel. STAVE TWO The Pirst of the Three Spirits Scarcely had the vision passed, when the window opened and Snooze was aware of a queer appari- tion. It was a strange figure—like a child, with short, wide skirts of pink organdy, garnished with a wide blue sash. And the strangest thing aliout it was, that its head was encircled by a bright halo, by which all was visible, and which was doubtless the occasion of its using, in its duller moments, a great dunce-cap for an extinguisher, which it now held under its arm. Who, and what arc you? Snooze demanded. I am the Spirit of Past Schooldays. Rise! and walk with me!” As the words were spoken, they passed thru the wall, and stood in the corridor of a high school, with doors on either hand. Great Heaven!” said Snooze, clasping his hands together as he looked about him, “I was a IB in this place.” They went, the Spirit and Snooze, across the hall to the door of a classroom. It opened before them, and disclosed Snooze’s first home room. At one of the desks a boy was studying. His face shone with the light of intelligence, and the effect of Ivory Soap. His thin legs were encased in woolen sox, and his short, straight trousers ended sharply above his knees. He wore a spotless white waist, surmounted by a stiff white collar, from which bloomed forth a green Windsor tie. He had about his head a halo, much like that of the Spirit’s. The boy rose, and taking his brand-new brief case, which squeaked at every motion, floated 10 THE OP TIMI S T W[ ]W out of the room, and onward to his next class. Snooze sat down upon a desk, and wept to see his poor little self as he used to Ik . The Spirit smiled thought fully, and waved its hand, saying as it did so, “Let us sec another term.” Snooze’s former self grew larger at the words, and the halo disappeared. The Spirit and Snooze caught the hoy in the very act of inserting a pollywog in his favorite teacher’s inkwell. Soon afterward Snooze’s former self was ushered by urgent hands into the office. “Spirit!” said Snooze in a broken voice, “re- move me from this place. He seized the dunce- cap and by a sudden action pressed it down upon the Spirit’s head. He dropped lieneath it, and disappeared from view. Snooze had barely time to reel to his desk, before he sank into a heavy slumber. STAVE THREE The Second of the Three Spirits Snooze was awakened by an uncomfortable feeling of coldness. He roused himself, stretched, and looked around the room. Suddenly he heard a faint knock at the door. Come in!” said Snooze. The figure which entered was even stranger than his earlier visitor. It was clad in a gor- geous frock of satin-faced canton, elaborately beaded in gold. The skirt was arranged so that it swung whenever a step was takcR, revealing a pair of plump, rouged knees. Its hair was shorn like a boy’s, and the shell-pink cars, which were entirely revealed, rendered themselves still pinker by the use of Pompeian Bloom. In one hand it bore a nicklc-silver mesh-bag containing a near- gold compact with an indcscriltahle design upon the cover. “You have never seen the like of me before!” exclaimed the Spirit. “Never!” Snooze made answer to it. “Touch my robe! Snooze did as he was told and held it fast. Perhaps it was the pleasure the good Spirit had in showing off this power of hers, or else it was her own kind nature, and her sympathy with all scholars, that led her straight to the same school where Snooze had been before. Once again he saw himself, taller now, and thin- ner. He was wearing long, bell-bottomed trousers, and his hair and sideburns were superlatively brill- iantined. In lieu of the spotless white waist of former days, he wore now a collegiate sweater of powder blue. He stood in a room garnished with divers maps and charts, arguing with the History teacher on the rights of “men. “Come!” said the Spirit, and led the way to a group of teachers who were discussing the deeds of some miserable student. His marks, said one, arc preposterous! He has three 5's and a 6!” His conduct, said another, “is distressing! “His attitude. said a third, is disgusting! This,” said a fourth, holding up a horrible, bescril)blcd. ink-spattered manuscript, crowned with a cipher, is an example of his work.” And who. asked Snooze, is this unhappy wretch ? The Spirit pointed to the paper. Snooze crept towards it. trembling as he went, and following the finger, read upon the sheet, his own name, EBENEZER SNOOZE. He started back appalled. Spirit! is that mine? He could say no more. The clock struck twelve. Snooze looked al out him for the Ghost, but saw it not. As the last stroke ceased to vibrate, he rcmcml)cred the prediction of the Principal, and lifting up his eyes, lwlicld a solemn Fantom, clad in cap and gown, coming, like a mist, along the ground towards him. STAVE FOUR The Last of the Spirits The Fantom slowly, gravely, silently, approached. ’ When it came near him. Snooze bent down upon his knee, for in the very air thru which this Spirit moved, it seemed to scatter gloom and mystery. “Am I in the presence of the Ghost of Future Schooldays? said Snooze. The Spirit answered not, but pointed downward with its hand. Will you not speak to me? he asked. It gave him no reply. The hand was pointed straight before him. “I.ead on! said Snooze. The night is waning, and it is precious time to me. I know. I.cad on, Spirit! The Fantom moved away as it had come towards him. Snooze followed in the shadow of its dress, which bore him up. and carried him along. For a third time he was conducted to the high school, but now to the Assembly Hall. He looked alxnit in that very place for his own image; but he saw no likeness of himself among the throng which had gathered there. He noticed that each student was clad in cap and gown, re- sembling that of his Guide. “Spirit!” he cried, “is there no hope? Without speaking the Spirit held up before him four scrolls, which slowly unrolled. As they unrolled, at the top of each was seen—the Mark of Failure. 11 SSfT THE OPTIMIST The Spirit’s finger pointed from the scrolls to him and back again. “No, Spirit! Oh, no, no! The finger was still there. “Spirit! he cried, tightly clutching at its robe, “hear me! I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this inter- course. Why show me this, if I am past all hope! The kind Spirit’s hand trembled. “Oh, tell me, cried Snooze, that I may sponge away the marks upon those scrolls! Holding up his hands in one last prayer to have his fate reversed, he saw an alteration in the Fantom's cap and gown. It shrank, collapsed, and dwindled down into a bedpost. STAVE FIVE The End of It Yes! the bedpost was his own. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the Time before him was his own, to make amends in! I will study in the Present and in the Future! he repeated. “The Spirit of the Future shall strive within me. I don’t know what to do!” cried Snooze, laughing and crying in the same breath. “I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as giddy as a drunken man. Hallo there! Whoop! Hallo! He frisked over to his desk, and caught his books in a fond embrace. Snooze was better than his word. He did his lessons, and infinitely more. He became as good a student, as good a friend, and as good a man, as the good old school had ever known, or any other good old school, in the good old world. Messenger Principal Graduation Friends Goods Every Senior By Frank Martin Apology to Everyman. Dramatis Personae. Hard Work Knowledge Beauty Five Wits Memory Messenger Doctor My dear audience, I have come to tell you of the great morality play called Every Senior. We all know we must graduate, sooner or later, and that we must give a reckoning by taking exams. Therefore I will try to prove that Friends, Beauty, Five W’its, Goods and Memory will not help you on your exam. day. Hard Work and Knowledge alone can save you. Principal I see that there arc many Seniors who arc wasting time, and forgetting that they have to take exams. They do not fear graduation, but the day of exams, has come unawares. Go, O Graduation, and summon Every Senior to go on his journey of reckoning. Graduation I will, my Principal. (He departs.) Every Senior Alas! Graduation has arrived. Graduation Every Senior, your day has come, the Prin- cipal has ordered you to start your exams, and give your reckoning to Graduation. Every Senior Can’t you wait till I have made up my work? Graduation. No respite can be given, I wait for no one, depart! Every Senior I am indeed in a deplorable condition, I shall never pass the exams., but I will try to collect some Friends to help me. (He starts on jour- ney.) Friends Bon vivant. Every Senior, how arc you? Every Senior. I am in a terrible fix, will you help me? Friends Yes, we will stick to you. thru thick and thin. Every Senior I have been called to take an exam., will you help me study? Friends We would like to help you study, but we arc having a party tonight. We’re sorry, we :an't help. 12 THE OPTIMI S T ]W Every Senior Thus it is, my friends desert me now. I will call my Goods and ask their help. Goods We arc at your service. Every Senior I will sell some of you, and buy a box of candy for my teacher. Goods We cannot resist you. Every Senior (Tries to sell Goods, but fails.) Alas, even my Goods cannot help me. Every Senior. I am indeed in a bad position, but I shall try to get Hard Work to help me. Hard Work I am very weak, for you have neglected me, but I will do my best to help you pass your exams. I advise you to get Knowledge, Beauty, Five Wits and Memory to help you. Every Senior I will do as you tell me and collect these char- acteristics. Knowledge I will attend you. Beauty I will also go with you on this journey. Five Wits Rest assured, I will do my best Memory I will also help you to the best of my ability. Every Senior I have at least some aid in taking my exams. I will now start on my journey with my good friends. We have arrived at the threshold of the examination room, and with the aid of my good qualities, I think I shall pass. Beauty I fear I cannot be of much help in that room where brows are knit and countenances are stern. Farewell 1 Five Wits I cannot enter a room where there is so little humor and action. Every Senior Will you also desert me? Memory I cannot help you, for you are too excited. I will leave. Hard Work I will enter and help you, even tho I am a little weak. Knowledge I will also serve you to the best of my ability. Every Senior Now, I sec my true friends, Hard Work and Knowledge. I am sorry that I did not work harder to attain more Knowledge, and thus strengthen those friends who would help me when I need them. I have learned my lesson and will no longer loaf or waste time, but work hard and long, and be faithful to those who arc my true Friends. Doctor So you see, my dear audience, that Friends, Goods, Beauty, Five Wits and Memory cannot help you pass the exams on your way to Grad- uation, but Hard Work and Knowledge alone will save you. Finis. FALSE WISHES By Ruth Govier I heard a Senior once declare Before his graduation, “I hate to leave the schoolhouse where I got my education. I’ll miss the lessons and the books That often have distressed me. I'll miss the prof whose solemn looks Have more than once impressed me. I'm sorry that my marks were low And I was such a bother. I used to make my teachers go And have it out with father. I’d like to live those days again. I’m sure I'd make them better. I wouldn’t think that study then Was like an iron fetter. Ah me! My heart is full of wo Whene’er I think about it. ’Twill be a most tremendous blow To have to do without it.” But Fate was kind, the Senior failed And thus his wish was granted. The one who had his lot bewailed, I thought to find enchanted. Instead I found him in despair, Bemoaning I.uck’s desertion. He gnashed his teeth and tore his hair With most profound exertion. Thus oft we voice, in false display, Desires we never wanted. Then stand and curse the fateful day We see our wishes granted. 13 W[ THE OPTIMIST 1 A Tale of the Hills By Mii.drko Kincsi.ano Faith and her aged grandfather were squatting on the clearing before their log cabin. Tho the slender, dark-complexioned girl seemed absorbed in her knitting, and the stooped, kindly old man's fingers were awkwardly cobbling his heavy moun- tain boots, still neither was wholly oblivious of the tranquil beauty of the surrounding country. Now and then they looked up from their work to drink in the beauty of the rippling waters of the Shrewsbury, dotted with skiffs, which flowed swiftly out to meet the sea. On the other side of the river the glistening sands of Sandy Hook stretched far out into the ocean, and sail boats, with huge masts that shone in the sun, tossed about upon the blue horizon. Yet neither sus- pected what terror was being harlwrcd by the elements. The only messenger of the coming storm was a distant, menacing cloud. I.ate that afternoon, long after Grandfather had left for his post as gateman, miles up the railroad track, and Faith was in the midst of the tedious task of feather-pillow making, the storm broke, unheralded. With one stride came the dark. Distant muffled rumbling grew rapidly into heavy deafening thunder, and the driving rain fell, first with a shock upon the dry. baked earth, and then with ceaseless unal ating fury. Stalwart, towering pines rocked and moaned as the Storm King flung hail with unreserved force upon the trembling earth, and unsheathed his gleaming sil- ver sword of electricity to brandish it across the dark heavens. There was terror in many a heart as the wrath of the storm broke loose, but Faith had no fear. Even when the log cabin quivered under the mighty force of the raging tempest, her prayers were ever for the little old man whose only refuge was a tiny shack beside the railroad trail. In turn, the old man, even as the sharp hail stung his wrinkled face, was praying for Faith. Could he but have known what was alxmt to take place, terror would have ruled supreme in his heart, for immediately Faith was startled by the rushing sound of shifting sands, of crashing trees, the hard grating thump of huge boulders as they hounded down the hillside. A landslide! A maddening thought swept across her mind. What if the tracks were buried? The passengers on the 8:30 Limited would be hurled to Eternity! The awfulncss of that train of people bearing down toward the landslide to meet their fate nauseated her and she reeled, but immediately the stern realization that she alone could save them fired her to action. Her nervous fingers sought her oilskins. She drew on her hipboots with quivering haste; pulled a fisherman’s hat down upon her head; seized the lighted lantern and rushed out into the mad incessant cloudburst, heedless of any personal dhnger. She reeled be- fore the terrific onslaught of the storm, but stopp:d only to steady herself and regain force to plod onward. A sharp silver streak shot out of the sky, revealing for but a moment a cavern- ous hole in the hillside. Her mind was merely a canvas for the awful picture of endangered Man- kind. Instinctively she headed for the Pirate Stairs. She actually skidded down the hundreds of rain-greased, level rocks to the foot of the hill, beside the coast. Every moment the rolling sea roared and groaned with rising anger. At times it almost seemed as tho the sea were aiming to upheave the very barrier of hills. Finally she set foot on the coast. Her worst fears were realized. Nothing could I seen but a chaotic mass of giant trees and earth. The Limited would soon be due on the other side of this newly formed hill! Her only alternative was to venture around the slide, thru the originally shallow water along the beach which was now converted into high- tossing breakers that growled fiercely as they lashed the rock-bound coast. In small things she had never vacillated. Now she plunged fearlessly into the tossing waters. The under-current plunged and veered at her none too robust body, but her implacable courage was a perfect substi- tute, and she pushed onward contending with this infuriated monster; holding her lantern barely out of reach of the mad sea’s slashing tongue. An almost unbearable pressure was weighing on every side of her steadily weakening body, but nothing could destroy her indomitable spirit. Sud- denly thru the dark heavy rain, shot the electric fire of the sky, revealing the long-sought railroad tracks. With ever-failing strength she drew her weary Ixxly up the rocky bank. There she fell upon her knees and silently prayed. But the hard- est task of all was now l cforc her. She posted herself some feet down the track with her back to the landslide. Now Faith had reached the point of hcr venture. Could she hold the post? Time began to weigh heavily upon her. and to Faith the thunder was incessant, the earth unquenchable, the sea a vol- cano of hissing foam, and the wind an over- powering drug to seep her spirit with sleep. Soon, even the welcome but faint cry of the buoys failed 14 THE OPTIMIS to pierce the bellowing strife. Suddenly Faith’s reason was utterly destroyed by her powerful imagination and she saw a gigantic Cyclops spring from the dark-enveloped earth, and as tho seeking revenge he bore down upon her. Nearer and nearer he strode and at every step he bellowed his protest until the very hills reverberated with the monstrous force of his cries. His magic- invested eye was a broiling lake of fire that seemed to be drowning the leaping tongues of so many minor demons. Desperately she clung to her lone lantern, for it was to her now a tin), flaming shield, a last means of defense against this towering monster. Yet somewhere, out of the seeming impenetrable darkness, shone Grand- father’s smiling face with inspiring approval. She groped thru the enveloping darkness seeking him, and finally she found him. Faith embraced the little old man until the smoldering embers of her fiery passion died away and she sank upon the wet earth into “the sleep that knows no waking.” • • Faith could not know that the single eye of the Cyclops was but the headlight of the Limited nor that his cry was but the long-drawn whistle of the approaching express, nor that she had saved the lives of her fellow-men by sacrificing with that last full measure of devotion.” Perhaps, I cannot say, she knows that her grandfather did embrace her in that last moment for he imme- diately followed her footsteps along the Eternal Pathway. They are sleeping now, high up on the hillside, lulled by the gentle zephyrs wafted in by the Atlantic, but they arc now immortal symbols to mankind of Love, Faith and Hope. My Dear By Henrietta Stern My dear, if you had ever seen him when I said ’No, Frank, I cannot marry you,’ you would have pitied him. for his love for me was written so plainly on his pained face. I’m afraid I hurt his feelings.’’ “Arc you sure he proposed to you, Adeline? My dear, I tell you every bit of the truth, nothing more, nothing less. Why do you ask me such a question?” Oh because, that’s all. Do you care much for Frank?” “I could never treat him other than as a big brother, my dear, but I could never marry him.” I guess you couldn’t.” My dear, what do you mean?” Nothing. My dear, why do you say things that mean nothing.” Because.” My dear, you exasperate me beyond expression. B the by. please don't mention it to Frank that I told you he had proposed to me. He might think it indelicate on my part.” Catty, in other words. I won’t say anything. When was it, did you say?” My dear, I told you explicitly that it hap- pened last night. Why do you want to know?” Oh, just because.” My dear, you frazzle my nerves by evading my questions.” Well, I’ll be going. Now you come see me. You know, I’m married now.” “My dear, why didn’t you tell me before. Who is it?” You play Sherlock Holmes. It was last week and so romantic! almost an elopement.” My dear, you know I'm fearfully stupid at detective work. Please tell me who it is?” “Well, I was with my husband every second last week up till just an hour ago. We just got lack from Niagara Falls.” “My dear, that doesn’t help me in the least. Whom did you marry?” Frank.” My dcccccer!” 15 '$5T(________THE OPTIMIST 1 What Not to Write for the Optimist By Hulda Goeller 1. The Melodrama. There is one good old-fashioned thcnic that seems never to grow old. It has been passed down the ages from the earliest times; its first publication was probably on a walrus-tooth, and its latest in some tcn-ccnt horror, where it is hailed as an original masterpiece from a new genius. In this old favorite, the only son leaves the family circle and goes to the Big City to make his fortune. After a hard struggle. Fortune smiles on him, and pours forth riches at his feet. He returns to the Old Homestead, pays the mortgage, foils the villain, marries the angelic orphan whom his family has adopted during his absence, receives the parental blessing, and is finally made Mayor of the Old Home Town. For variations refer to Horatio Alger. The relationship may be a little vague, but I will list the Moral Stories here. For these choose any vice or crime you wish, from smoking to murder; spread it on thick, and make the hero finally repent in the superlative degree. I leave the details to your more fertile imagination. Augusta Evans Wilson’s St. Elmo” is a perfect example of this kind. 2. The Dream. This type of story is especially good for be- ginners, because, as soon as ideas cease to flow, it may be finished of! neatly, and the more sud- denly the better. Its variations arc limitless. No more useless way to waste time—spare or otherwise—can be found to surpass the making of a list of possible subjects. It has cross-word puzzles beaten all hollow for sheer worthless- ness. I make no attempt to even start such a list, the following two forms being even less than a drop in the ocean. First. In which the hero makes a trip to some planet, a period of time past, or a period in the future, and meets with strange and wonderful adventures, and often with historic personages, who usually turn out to be quite as common as any lesser being. Second. In which a schoolboy—a boy, never a girl—who is not appreciated by his teachers, finally turns, like the proverbial worm, and proves how wonderful he really is. The teachers real- ize how mistaken they were, and make amends by never presenting him with anything less than a nine. Needless to say—but still I say it for the bene- fit of the ignorant minority—the alarm-clock goes off, or a bell rings, or some one rudely awakens the dreamer by more violent measures. Under this classification come also the trick ending” stories. In these the conclusion is slightly different, for, instead of the dream end- ing, the idiot is led away by the warder, or one finds out that the story is not about that which it appears to be. Care must be taken that the tale creates a strong feeling of disgust in the reader, or your literary efforts arc worthless. 3. The Young Violinist This story always begins with the Italian equivalent for John Smith selling cither oranges or newspapers in a small Italian village. He finds a violin in the attic of his home, and tries to play on it. The old fiddler next door offers to give him lessons, and the pupil practises so diligently that within three weeks he outstrips his master. One night, while he is playing one of his own improvisations, the great musician from Rome, who is stopping at the village for rest and quiet, hears him, hails him as a genius, and takes him to the city. In a week or so he makes his debut, and a rich American theatrical manager promises that if he will come with him to New York, his fortune will be made. That is done, and the young genius is famous and rich. From that point the talc branches out. John Smith, because he is a good boy, may send for his family, his sweetheart and all her relatives, and all live happily together ever after. Or again, being a bad boy, having stolen the old fiddler's pet hen, he may be captured and im- prisoned for life, thus having his career ruined and his life wrecked. This story has great possibilities that have never l cen used. The following variations arc worthy of notice. First. In which he is successful. Dwell upon the effect his incessant practising has on the neighbors, and give a detailed description of the fete held celebrating his departure on a world tour, and their prospective peace. Second. In which he is also successful, altho in a different line. No great artist discovers him, but the neighbors, to show their disapproval of his nightly performances, throw whatever is hand- iest in his general direction. Realizing that his playing has started him on the high-road to wealth, John collects the donations and opens a second- hand store. As the new stock which he receives every night is gratis, the business is clear profit, and as the former owners quite frequently come for their departed goods, he does not lack cus- tomers. As a pleasant change from the usual ending, one might have him die from the after- effects of too sudden prosperity. 16 THE O PTI M I S T Sonnet on Graduation (Apologies to Mr. Milton) By Ruth Govier When I consider how my days were spent Full fifteen terms in this great school and wide. And that one brain cell, which is death to hide Lodged with me useless, tho my mind more bent To go to every party and present My new dress suit, lest She my failing, chide. “Do teachers ask day-labor, brains denied? I fondly ask, but teacher to prevent That murmur soon replies, We do not need Either your work or marks you get. Who best Can do their work, they serve us best. Our state Is kingly, pupils at our bidding speed And post o’er hall and class room without rest. They merely flunk who only stand and wait.” Cogitations of a Cookoo or THOUGHTS OF A SENIOR ON THE OPTIMIST BOARD By Joseph Gorewitz One night I thought a thought but alas! I only thought I thought a thought. This isn’t a tongue twister but a sad fact (hor- rendum auditu, as our friend Virgil would have said). According to Helmholtz, the German physicist, thought travels at the rate of 111 feet per second. If it docs it must be traveling in the negative direction. In other words multiply 111 feet by 18,000 and the result equals the distance between myself and thought. Well, I don’t have to go to school until 8 A.M., that leaves me six hours to get some ideas.— — — — indi- cates thinking or result of thinking. Per- haps I could pass a wise crack about a teacher that would be sure to make a hit with the students, besides Doctor Austin said at the meeting since we’re getting out of school this term (I fervently hope so) we would be allowed a little more rope in using teacher’s names. But methinks that the Senior Optimist is coming out before the final exams. In other words give a man enough rope and he’ll hang himself. So I guess teachers’ names arc taboo. However, I sure would like to give a vote of thanks to the teachers who when in doubt give the pupil the l encfit of the doubt. It is rather discouraging to be marked down for having a period upside down. Well this isn’t get- ting me any nearer to my thousand words. How’s this for an idea? Reverse the first initials of a Senior's name, turn Max Cohen into Cax Mohen, etc. On the second consideration that’s not dig- nified enough for a dignified (?) paper of dig- nified (?) seniors. Well, perhaps I could have the senior A, B, C such as B stands for Blcick who sure has brains, etc. Gee: from the way I’m picking up dusty ideas my head must be a vacuum cleaner. How would this be for a story? You Never Can Tell Two fellows were working in a bank. One of them was a big, husky brute, the other was a timid, sly, shrinking fellow. The husky fellow is continually saying, This is a tiresome life. Oh, he’s going out to explore the plains of China, or he intends to enter Phassa. He won’t be sat- isfied till he stops a revolution in Mexico or has a hand to hand fight with the brigands of Albania. What’s the use of living without excitement? No sirce, not for him; as soon as he gets enough money he’s going to leave the United States. The timid fellow, of course, idolizes this husky fellow who wants to explore the plains of China and the timid fellow is continually saying, ‘T wish I were as brave as you. One day as this husky fellow who isn’t going to be satisfied till he has a hand to hand fight with the brigands of Albania and the timid fellow who idolizes him were seated on their stools when lo and behold who entered but two villainous villains looking like Rudolph. They pulled out two gats and Up with your hands. they said. Now let it be known that within reach of the big husky fellow, who intended to enter Phassa, and within the reach of the timid fellow who idolized the big, husky fellow was a button by which they could summon aid. Who would 17 IgM I THE OPTIMIST risk death to save the hard-earned money of the poor working man, this big, husky fellow who wanted to explore the plains of China, who in- tended to enter Phassa, who wouldn’t be satis- fied till he stops a revolution in Mexico or have a hand to hand fight with the brigands of Albania, or this timid fellow who idolized this big, husky fellow. Who? Work out your own conclusion. Well, the story would be unique, the eternal fem- inine would be missing. It might even l c ac- cepted by Th Optimist. You never can tell! What 1 would like to write is a play with the whole senior class in it. I'd put Sam Wilder in it l ecause you can't keep him out, and Werner Lcdcrer would lie the hero so the play would be accepted, but I think Jack Feldmann would be a more popular hero with the girls. I guess a play with my own home room in it would be bet- ter. I can't put Moskowitz in it, he'd make a solo out of it. Red’’ Cohen would shed a little light on it. Frank Martin would be the comedian. He’s a natural born comedian. I hope he doesn't think I’m referring to his features. What part would I give to Hyman Gottfried? He's a fel- low with determination; give him something to do and he’ll do it. Will Phillipson would Ik the villain (he collects class dues). Rubin Poleshuck would make a nifty hero. He's the only senior who looks like a senior (dignified, that is). I’ve forgot- ten the girls again tho. It isn’t easy to forget the girls in 210, you can’t help hearing them anyway. Who’ll Ik the heroine, Sylvia, Martha. Alice, Dot,” Nca, Myra. Ray. Who? the owl answers Who. I don’t think I’ll write a play with a heroine, I value my life too much. I know a few fellows who would underline the too heavily. Perhaps I could pun a few of the seniors' names, something like this. Still I haven’t any decent ideas yet. It must have ! ecn in these trying circumstances that Irving Berlin wrote What'll I Do?” However, in the ease of the Senior Optimist it’s Who’ll I Do?” Here’s hoping nobody roasts me. I«ct me take an inventory of what I have accomplished thus far. One story—0 Two plays—0 A novel idea—0 One old idea—0 Jokes—0 Puns—0 Grand total—0 I ought to be able to accomplish forty-three (43) times as much in two hundred and fifteen hours (215). If I don't get any more ideas than I have mm then I won't have any ideas. But wait, an idea approaches me. It falls upon me before I can ward it off. Have you ever heard of some guys by the name of Shelley and Keats, bums who wrote poetry? Apparently they wrote poetry with- out the help of a riming dictionary. Well, I’m going down to the library and get a good rhyming dictionary and I ought to beat those guys all hollow. Tomorrow night 3 A.M. Poetry (I hope nobody thinks that I’m putting down poetry so that they’ll recognize that it is poetry). One night tho it was cold (cold, gold, mold, told—ah I have it!) I decided to go to school feeling bold No matter how much the teacher would scold I, as Napoleon, my arms would fold. (Something from within warns me) Students shall gaze upon my manly brow (brow, tow, mow. endow, here it is) And ask how docs he do it—how? For I do not believe as a brainless cow A student in servitude to a teacher bow. (My intention is saying something) Seething thoughts in my brain lurk (lurk, dirk, smirk—ah, found at last) I shall not leadership shirk To throw off the yoke of unjust homework That the student shall Ik as free as the Turk. (Finis) Here is what my intuition has been radioing: Be sure to send in the poem anonymously, it’s a great deal safer; it’s too expensive to put blood- hounds on the track of every banc of humanity. THE GRANTED WISH By Henrietta Stern There were three men sat on a hill A-doing nothing but sit still, And. lo to them doth come an elf To grant a wish—each man for ’msclf. The first for wealth, for pow'r, for fame Doth wish. The second—youth, a name In court. The third arose to claim: I wish just as I am to be, For were I not I’d not Ik me. The elfin smiles a wise man's smile And scats himsclt upon a stile: I grant to you the third in line— The wish you wish, you know, is mine— To Ik yourself, yourself alone You’ll put yourself upon a throne.” 18 gss THE OPTIMIST The Rime of an Ancient Senior (With Apologies to Samuel T. Coleridge) By Leonora Gross. I. It is an ancient Senior, And he stoppeth one of eight, By thy long grey pants with baggy knees, Why stoppeth thou me at the gate? ’ II. The doors of the gym arc opened wide, And I’m invited in; The 4 B Social is going on May’st hear the merry din! III. He grasps him by his arm so fast. The poor boy must stand still, And listen like a silly child, The Senior hath his will. IV. It was a Monday morning (I can forget it not) When pretty Sal. my little pal, Asked me this class to cut. V. And so we went together. Out of the school walked we. Without a thought, ice-cream we .bought At the corner pharmacy. VI. At length the clerk, he went to work, Cream on the counter came. As if it were the finest fare, We hailed it in Jove’s name. VII. We ate the food, as if we ne’er had cat, And full and full we grew. The ice went down without a frown, Finally we were thru. VIII. I then did pay. what he did say. And merrily we went back. As carefree as a wooden train Upon a wooden track. IX. What was it in the hall we saw? At first it seemed a spot. It grew and grew until we knew Joy it foreboded not. X. With staring eye. with mouth agape, We could nor laugh nor cry, No more than if we had our mouth, Filled with delicious pie. XI. I pinched my arm. I bit my lip. Did not know what to do. I was amazed, I was so dazed, And Sally felt so, too. XII. Then said a voice with a calm poise: Yourself only, you fool.” This was our fate: Room 108 Was to hold us after school. XIII. Not for one day, not for two days, But for a weary week. Th'end of this time you may divine Found us rcmark’bly meek. XIV. What so great din comes from within! The dancing sccmcth o’er, The maidens gay. go all away. The youths, too. leave the floor. XV. To all 4 B’s and others, too, This I do wish to say, Each tell your Sal. your pretty pal, That ‘cutting’ does not pay. XVI. The ancient Senior leavcth him Who’s taught for little price; And the poor 4 B hath learnt to see The value of advice. THE AUTUMN LEAF By Henrietta Stern An autumn leaf, all yellow, green, and red. Why did God make it so gorgeous When He’s just going to put it to bed? 19 55 1 THE OPTIMIST A Football Story By Gottfried Moskowitz “That’ll be enough, first team,” cric l Coach Boswell, “everybody trot into the house.” Coach Boswell of Newton wiped his sweaty face with his shirt sleeve, and slowly followed the weary players. It was the first day of practise, and as it was an exceptionally hot day, and as the players were extremely soft, the day had been a tiring one. The sixty-four boys who had reported for practise were naturally glad, therefore, to be allowed to stop for the day. The first game, with Phillisburg, was to be played next Saturday. The team was practically picked, with the exception of right guard, for which two candidates. Blake and Johnson, were fighting. Johnson, altho having almost all the necessary qualities in skill, weight, and brains, lacked agressiveness. He was content to let his opponent do all the fighting. Consequently, Blake was finally scheduled to start the game, which was to be played at Newton’s home grounds. The team practised daily in preparation for Sat- urday’s game. The team was developing strong offensive ability, but were wofully weak on the defensive. The backfield, composed of Stanton, fullback, Jamieson and Trask, halfbacks, and An- derson, quarterback, worked well together. But the line did not play as a unit. They could not repulse the enemy’s line attacks. Therefore, Coach Boswell’s plan was to score, and score quickly, and then endeavor to hold the lead. Finally Saturday dawned, as it has a habit of doing. A large crowd was in the stand to watch the home team play its opening game. Phillisburg, however, had not come unsupported, and their followers were there cn masse,” if noise was to 1« taken as an indication of num- bers. The rival crowds each felt they could win the game for their team by cheering long and loudly, cheers thundered forth incessantly. The game started promptly at 2:30. Newton won the toss, and elected to receive the kick-off, while Phillisburg decided to defend the east goal. The visiting center kicked off to Anderson who immediately distinguished himself by running the ball back twenty yards before lie was downed. Then began one of those brilliant marches down the field which appeared as if it must surely end in a touchdown. However, with the ball down on Phillisburg’s 35-yard line, tragedy occurred. Law- son, Phillisburg left guard, playing opposite Blake, who had started the game at right guard, broke thru him, and stopped the play for a six yard loss. Blake had been playing too high, so that he was hurled aside by Lawson, and put out of the play. Blake had fallen in such a position that he had doubled his left leg underneath him- self, and had consequently twisted his ankle. He had to be carried from the field amid the groans of the Newton supporters. Of course, Johnson was rushed in to take Blake's position. Coach Boswell, looking glum and gloomy, had said nothing but “Play hard, Johnson, do your best.” He ran on the field amid cheers for Blake, and one for himself. It rather thrilled him to hear his name on the end of a Newton yell. He grinned cheerily at his opponent, settled into his place at the right of center, and listened for the signals. When the ball was passed, he lunged at his opponent, endeavoring to block him off. But his particular adversary was a wary one. He quickly thrust one arm under Johnson’s armpit, his other on the side of his neck, and pushed him aside. He then quickly ran in, and upset Ander- son in his tracks. Anderson, when he could, scrambled to his feet, set the ball down, and rushed to Johnson's side. For the love of mud, Johnson, get in there, and hold him. He clapped him encouragingly on the back, and retreated to his position. The next down Lawson was less successful in upsetting the play. But since he was not blocked off by Johnson, Stanton, carrying the ball thru right guard, was stopped short for a gain of only one yard. Newton could not hope to gain by this slow method, so they attempted to open up. A forward to left end gained seven, another to right end made it first down, and Newton was on Phillisburg’s 25-yard line. John- son’s opponent was l ccoming more savage with every down. His failure to break thru enraged him, and made him sec red. The next play was again a plunge thru right guard. Lawson, en- deavoring to hurl Johnson aside, temporarily lost his head. Under cover of the confusion, he brought up his knee, and quickly kicked Johnson in the stomach. Johnson sank to the ground in a faint. When he recovered, his fellow players were bending over him anxiously. How d’ye feel, now? queried Jamieson, “can yuh finish the game? “Yes. I guess I can. Help me up. fel- las. Say, did the ump see that foul?” No, he was too busy,” answered Trask. “Are you going to report him to the referee? You don’t want to 20 THE OPTIMIST W[ ]W play the sneak.” “No,” answered Johnson, “I’ll fix that fcllar myself. Just watch me.” There was a new light in his eyes; his face expressed grim determination. As he faced Lawson, now thoroly frightened, he said, in a low voice, “Don’t worry, I won’t squeal. Watch out for yourself.” On the first play Stanton tore thru Johnson’s po- sition for 15 yards and a first down. Phillishurg was on the run now. It seemed as if nothing could stop the Newton machine. Anderson shot thru the line for seven yards, Trask for four, and Stanton scored the touchdown. Phillishurg was thoroly demoralized now, while Newton was correspondingly encouraged. In a few minutes, they scored another touchdown. Johnson broke thru the line, blocked an attempted punt and as the ball rolled over the goal line, fell on it for a touchdown. Johnson was playing now as he had never played before. He was putting his whole spirit into his playing. Time and again, large gains were made thru his position, mainly because of his fine block- ing. It was a complete and pleasant surprize to the coach and players. The game ended in Newton’s favor, of course, 39—0, the largest score which had ever decided a game l ctwccn the two rivals. In the clubhouse. Coach Boswell said happily to Johnson, “How about it, Johnson, are you going to keep it up?” And Johnson answered quickly, You bet, coach, just watch me.” APOLOGIES TO----------------- By Hknrif.tta Stern He passeth best who worketh best All homework great and small For the dear prof who worketh us— He marks and worketh all. Twinkle, twinkle little nine! How I would that you were mine, ’Way up in the marks so high Like a tadpole in the sky. t O wad some photographs the gif tie gic us To see ourselves as ourselves see us It wad from mony a worry free us An’ foolish notion: That we should look like that, we, us— A pois’nous potion. But as he stumbled and stopped, in his halting and uncertain language Quite unprepared his lesson, and full of the work of his neighbor, Crossly the teacher smirked, and with eyes just flashing with anger Said in a most cutting voice, “Why don’t you speak for yourself, John?” Alone, alone, all, all alone Alone in one oh eight Alone, alone, all, all alone And I was only a little late. A THRILL By Jacob Coven do I. Fourth down—two yards to go— And only one minute to play; And only a touchdown will help With the goal twelve yards away. II. A sudden lull where the thousands sit As the fullback takes the ball. Then seventy thousand pulses jump As the two lines crash—and fall. III. Maybe he made it—maybe not— But the raw nerves writhe and flinch, As the linesman comes with the measuring rod Where the game may hang on an inch. IV. And the old grads peer with startled eyes As fluttering heart drums beat, Where only an inch of good-green turf Means victory or defeat. 21 CLASS OF JANUARY21925 In High School magazines the Senior edi- torial ordinarily discusses the regrets and hopes of the graduating class. This term, however, we shall deviate somewhat from the usual cus- tom. We shall endeavor to show how our four years at South Side were valuable to us for other reasons than the knowledge we derived from books. But before we continue, we wish to express our gratitude to those teachers who always tried to help us. even tho we were often stubborn and thought we knew it all. We arc especially indebted to Dr. Kennedy, our prin- cipal. and to Mr. Myers, our class adviser, who have greatly aided us to bring our school career to a successful close. Whether we go to college or not after grad- uation, we all want to succeed in life. By this time, however, we should realize that in addition to ability, integrity, and personality, we must, possess certain other qualities to achieve suc- cess. One cannot acquire these traits too soon, and we acquired, or should have acquired them, during our high school training. We shall con- sider only a few of these qualities. One of the most essential of these is constancy to purpose, or what is familiarly known as stick-to-it-tivc- ncss. This was continually impressed upon us thruout our school career, sometimes rather forcefully. Without this trait we could not have passed our subjects, and consequently could not now be Seniors. To be sure, at times many of us were discouraged and felt like giving up. However, altho most of us frequently condemned school, probably every one of us is now glad that he didn't quit. We feel certain that those who participated in athletics and other school activities will corroborate us in what we have just said. Furthermore, who always wants to do something that is easy? Another important requisite to success is co- operation. We soon learned that this was indis- pensable to support our athletic teams and other activities. Only recently the need for working in unison was emphatically demonstrated to the Seniors. For a time because of lack of co- operation on the part of some, we were not Lf.dkrkr at all sure of having a Senior Optimist, and it was not until the Seniors realized the serious- ness of the situation that the publication of this number was assured. Let us hope that this class and future classes may profit by this lesson. While at South Side, we should also have learned to take advantage of every opportunity offered. Altho many were wideawake par- ticipants in the doings of the school, a large per- centage was absolutely inert. To be successful one must always be on the alert to grasp an opportunity and we hope that our classmates, especially those who have not been active here- tofore. will remember this later. Altho it has no direct bearing on our topic, we believe that another factor should also be dis- cussed. We refer to the subject of friendship between classmates. We all know how fine but rare a true friendship is. yet how few of us ever try to cultivate friendships! Usually when a class graduates, its members scatter and the bonds of attachment arc soon broken. Take your own ease as an example. With how many of your classmates in grammar school do you still keep in contact? Probably very few. Of course, it is almost impossible even to know every one in a class of over a hundred students, but we should endeavor to be intimate with as many of our classmates as possible. We have but one thing more to say and with this we shall leave you. For years South Side has had an enviable reputation for the high standing, scholastic and otherwise, of its grad- uates. Wherever they have gone, they have distinguished themselves. We. also, shall try to be loyal to South Side traditions, and carry on. Others have blazed the trail, and. equipped with the training we have received here, we shall en- deavor to uphold the high standards which our predecessors have established, and to take our places in the world as honest and capable citi- zens, of which our Alma Mater may well be proud. With this aim, dear school and teachers, the Class of January 1925 bids you farewell. 23 THE Q P T I M I S T Newark in 1950 (Apologies to Jolly Bill Stcinke) By Jack Feldman k and Samuel Wilder Broad and Market. Wonder who that fat policeman is? The one directing traffic out there. Face and figure looks familiar. Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend “Shrinck” Holzman, run- ning things as smoothly (?) as he did on the football team in 24. How’s the boy, Sam? Here come Mr. and Mrs. Wilder. The Mrs. is Frances Bochncr. They say she was considered the cutest “kid” in the graduating class ( a quarter for that Frances). Lucky (?) boy is Sam. He must be telling a joke. He is laughing so hard. There goes a big truck. Belongs to the Blcick Chemical Works. Bleick sure did profit by his chemical experience in South Side. Discovered the commercial method of making calcium hydrobromic fluorite combine with potassium acid thiosulphate! Clever boy to figure that out. Selling it to the public under the trade name of Mummy Oil.” Of course that was Big Boy Schwartz, driving that truck. Phil got his experience in driving at South Side. Yes, he used to take out the girls in his brother’s car. Hello, girls! Evelyn Ahrendt and Pearl Solo- mon. Editors of the new paper, “The Society Scandal.” Motto of this periodical is At every line a reputation dies.” Do you say that Fred Ross, Dorothy Sachs, and Lawrence Rosenbaum, arc the vocal jazz trio of the Pair-O-Dice Or- chestra? Well, they ought to l c good. They sure can make a lot of noise. By the way, George Schcnckcl is the leader and violinist of that or- chestra. Isn’t he? Speak of the devil and he always appears. Here comes George with the rest of the Pair-O- Dicc Orchestra. How arc you, boys? Yes, the boys arc Sidney Brack, who plays the crying piccolo, Isadorc Schcchncr, the laughing bas- soon, David Wosnitzer, oboe,” and Nathan Greenberg, the wailing flute. A feature of this orchestra is Herman Spcctor’s playing of the speaking saxophone.” Spec is some boy. Can he make the old sax talk in three languages and swear in seven? Can a duck swim? Frey’s Sunnysidc Cafeteria. Art Frey, propri- etor. Of course that’s Art. Yes, the one taking in the kale. Do you think he’d trust a cashier? Didn’t he serve in that capacity in the South Side lunch room in ’24? Some joint, this. Only South Side alumnae work here. Artie’s motto here is, Let the price be unconfincd.” Here’s the waitress,—Ruth Briggs! She’d make a Dutchman order spaghetti. Hello, Ruth. Who else from our class works in here? You don’t say! So Molly Garfinkcl, Edna Mcistcr, Hen- rietta Stern, and Leah Farbstcin are also wait- resses. Just saw Beulah Van Volkcnburgh and Estelle Fischer. Yes, they arc the cooks of this hash house, ami are looking out of the kitchen window. Estelle sure bakes a mean cake. She oughta know how. Her pop owned a bakery. One day she baked a 150-pound strawberry short- cake, so her husband, Alex Permison, the piano mover says. Well, instead of taking a brace and bit and boring out the strawberries, Alex ate a piece of the cake. He wanted to stay in solid with the old lady. Yes, the more lie ate the solider he stood. Here come Andy Ramaglia, Jerome Goldstein, Art McNicklc, and Milt Muntrick in here to cat. Professional ball players on the Newark Hares.” They just got thru arguing with Sam Lomachin- sky, Frank Martin, and Gottfried Moskowitz of the Championship Ma Jongg team, about how they would have won the last South Side-Bar- ringer tussle. They talk a good game of football. I sec signs all around this joint about the coming election. Donald Wild is running for Mayor of North Newark. He ought to win if he votes for himself. Don’t fear—Donald won’t get Wilder after the election. Charlotte Schwab, the only logical candidate for chairlady of the department of Whys and Hows? That’s what her campaign manager, Allenc Crane, is trying to tell the pub- lic. Samuel Weintraub and Morris Feinberg ought to make good dog catchers. So Jack Fcldmann’s running for the Janitorial office in the City Hall. Promises to drive out corruption and graft! Sur- prizing to say the least. Remember, he used to collect the money at the auto gate at the foot- ball games. Here boy! Copy of Newark Chews. Werner laederer, editor and publisher. Sylvia Landau assistant editor. Well, I always said they would amount to something. Can I believe my eyes? Harry Kuskin writing Advice to the Lovelorn! An advertisement for a South Side Reunion! It’s at Norman Greenfield’s studio. Yes, Norman 24 Wl THE OPTIMIST is a renowned artistc-dc-luxor.” Admission free. That ought to draw a crowd. Greenfield’s studio. Some joint. There’s Nor- man. Surrounded by a flock of models. No place for a married man. Greenfield is the creator of many wonderful pictures. “Buy that school girl complexion,” “The Dying Bootleggers,” and “Why men leave home” arc a few of his greatest pro- ductions. Can you imagine? All the models were South Siders. There they arc. In the corner talking to Norman. Nca Norton, Alice Swanson, and Jeanette Welder posed for the first artistic masterpiece (?). Max Langburg, Fred Hcl- mer, Fred Manger, and Joseph Morris were the bootleggers. Not a bad choice at that. Could you blame a man for leaving his home? Not when he secs Yetta Weisman, “Dot” Murray, Belle Cohen, and Clara Dornbusch. How arc you, Sunnysiders? Quite a celebrated conglomeration of journalists over in that crowd. Got good (?) experience on The Optimist staff. Hello, Hulda. That was Hulda Gocllcr. Talking to Ruth Govier. Yes, they arc the editors of the “Sob Stuff Poetry magazine. The Mildreds arc their as- sistants. Which ones? Mildred Rcbcnfcld and Mildred Kingsland of course. Leonora Gross, chemistry wizardcss,” is talk- ing to a group of scientists. Modest girl. Just wrote a treatise on “Why is H20?” Did I men- tion scientists? Morris Willsky, Arthur Fili- canevo, Gustave Kestenbaum, and Julius Picarsky were the ones listening to Miss Gross. Scientists of no mean note. Discovered that new perfume, “Ashes of Vengeance.” Very pleasing odor. Formula has just been announced: Carbon Disul- phide and Hydrogen Sulphide (CS2 X H2S). Classy reunion. Entertainment is being given. First number is a cymbal solo. Harold Graber, world famous cymbalist performed. Accompanied on the piano by his assistants, Ray Goldberg and Freda Paster. Some harmony! Accompanied out of door by Uslandcr, Gottfried, Kimmcl, and Hymowitz. They are the attendants at the fa- mous Nut Factory” in Overbrook. Here come some more of our old friends. Disguised as bus- iness and professional men and women. Will de- liver short talks. Hello, Dore Cohen. “Louie” Bamberger’s junior partner. Some speaker and some topic. “If honesty in business is the best policy, then that policy has long expired.” Abra- ham Halprin and Sid Kabcl (frankfurters by the foot or yard—Advt.) arc speaking. Explaining the new expression, “It’s a Baloney.” Very help- ful in the sausage business, they say. Well, well, well, William Phillipson, Rubin Polcshuck, and Lenorc Hahn arc lawyers. Yes, three of New- ark’s ten thousand. Talk about Great Future for Lawyers—in Japan.” The last address. “Phil” Ficrstcin and Harold Epstein spoke about their new picture. Owners of Phoolish Philms Ink movie studios. The picture is “I’ll come to you my love, when South Side beats Barringer. “My love” will have some wait. Can water flow uphill? Will the moon ever shine green? Here’s the cast. Trooping out on the platform. South Side grads of ’25. Here’s how they line up: Hero, Herman Tillis; villain, Harold Millward; heroine, Celia Pricstcr; football hero, Louis Levy; sick mother, Myra Heller; baby, Emma Mitchell; vampire, Naomi Waldo. No more addresses. Some relief. What’s this new torture on the stage? The world famous Ncid Sympathy Or- chestra will entertain (?), Lilian Rittenband, conducting. Is it the audience or the orchestra that will need the sympathy, I wonder? What marvelous selections! The 3rd sympathy from “Pity” by Offthc Handel, and that stirring martial air To the Rear” by Back. What an orchestra! Here they arc: Victrolas—Clothilda Parker, Marylouisc Hceb, Helen Puth, Anna Reynolds. Kasoos—Anna Halprin, Martin Goldberg. Jews Harps—Edna Hirschberg, Frances Irwin. Whistle—Ben Rosinsky, Edward Schwartz, Joseph Shifman. Ukalilfy—Lucille Strauss, Molly Wenger, Lois Brown. I'ocalists—Souprano : Anna Sissman, Mildred Kaelbcrcr, Florence Schachtcr. Tenor: Julius Stark. Rot Tenor: Flora Mandelbaum. First Base: Harry Shpiner. Remember “Perp?” Yes, of course. I mean Joseph Gorewitz, the chess prodigy (?). Appeared between the songs with Hyman Gottfried. En- deavored to explain the solution of chess problem No. 19983}-$. Too bad. Had to be removed with a little violence. Orchestra responded with End of a perfect fray. That reminds me. Barringer 40—S. S. 0. More sympathy Lil.” That ended the entertainment. Gracias a Dios, as Firpo says. Well, well, if it isn’t “Jake” Go- vendo serving refreshments! Jake is following his father’s footsteps. “Cools many a fevered brow.” Here’s for home. Sorry Maxes. Come on Rob,” let’s go. That was Max Appel and Max Cohen. Can't ride in their cabs all the time. (They drive Luxors). Caspar must make a liv- ing too. (He drives a 10-ccnt-a-milcr). Fifteen minutes up—see you next term. (I hope not). 25 THE OPTIMIST W[ ]W Owe look vVeV© co n cceA that it’s ARTIE ntNICKLH Oi QMf gwe k f.wthis is miT M NTfUCH This Svve f ,p tite. ScJiool-hia’GVh � s 0tLL£ CONfM 1 , ,„? upthe tQfiesf 5canoa15 26 S8 I THE OPT i M I S T l � gf Class Will We, the class of January 1925, soon to bid fare- well to this noble institution, do hereby conceive and sign this will and solemn declaration, as an official document, to go into immediate effect upon our departure. We graciously bequeath the fol- lowing items to our successors:— Article I. We leave, with sinccrcst wishes, our Alma Mater, and our principal, Dr. Thomas F. Kennedy, who, during our four years at South Side has ever been our guide and worthy adviser. Article II. We bequeath, to our coming suc- cessors, our esteemed faculty which has striven (results?) to make us more useful and intelligent citizens. Article III. We bequeath, with great regret, our beloved faculty adviser, Mr. Myers, whose efforts for our class we do deeply appreciate. Article IV. Of keen note is our bequest of The Optimist, which has fairly won its way into fame, and is, no doubt, the best school paper in the world. It is our hope that our followers will realize this fact, and will endeavor to keep estab- lished its superiority. Article V. We do solemnly leave our thickly populated corridors, and our zigzag lunch line. Many a time will we think back to the days when we had to wend our weary way thru oncoming crowds. Article VI. Our most precious jewels, namely: excuses, that we have used these past four years (more or less) do we also leave behind us, with the hope that they will not be practised on the same teachers that heretofore have heard them. Article VII. We bestow the excellent beauties and the most fascinating mechanisms of wonder, of room 208 and room 209, to all those fortunate pupils of that rank. Article VIII. To all those who have a desire for a weighty subject we leave the scales, both minor and major, of room 216. Article IX. We gratefully bequeath the newly organized plan of our well beloved Dean, of the girls, Mrs. Poland, to be followed by the juniors and seniors, and to be profited by (we hope) the freshmen and sophomores. We hope that our suc- cessors will appreciate this idea, and that in time, our Alma Mater will rise to higher fame. Article X. We leave to our followers this sug- gestion : to patronize the school lunch room, and not to partake of “hot dogs and other “mysteries. Article XI. To all those who show preference in going up-stairs on down-stairways, we leave some very stalwart and esteemed guards. Article XII. To the eager freshmen, we leave the glorious events and the most unexpected trials, which arc in store for them. Article XIII. To the sophomores, we bequeath the joys, benefits, and horrors (mostly horrors) of the Office. Article XIV. We leave to all anxious juniors the pleasures of physics and a joyous outlook for chemistry. In regard to the aforementioned subjects, we leave to the entire third floor (and csprcially room 211) the odoriferous atmosphere that emanates from the significant gas-pipes of rooms 211 and 212 respectfully, and permeates all the surrounding area. Article XV. To the next coming seniors we diligently bequeath the prospects of graduation, examinations, together with this invaluable advice, “Be sure to enter 4A with a full purse. Article XVI. We leave to all our successors the grand and unexcelled sensation of licing called, at a most unexpected moment, to room 108. Article XVII. To any gentlemen who have ever thought of taking up careers as bachelors, or perhaps as hermits, we leave the beautiful odors that waft from room 203 in the dire hope that this will bring about, to them, a different view of life. Article XVIII. With deep regret we leave our noted orchestra ami Glee Club, with best wishes to the leader, Mr. Philip Gordon, of these im- portant factors of the school. Article XIX. To all those who, as yet, have not learned to get up in time to arrive at 8 A.M., we leave a brand new pencil, and a sheet of paper upon the office desk; with them, of course, come the after-joys. Article XX. As a final liequest to our Alma Mater, we leave our fondest expression of grat- itude. together with our records (both famous and otherwise) and our kindest regards. This, concludes the bequests of the class of Jan- uary. 1925, and we do hereby appoint Dr. Thomas F. Kennedy as our executor. In witness whereof, we do sign this our last will and testament, on the tenth day of November, in the year of our Lord, one thousand and nine hundred and twenty-four. (Signed) ANNA F. SISSMAN, Attorney-At-Law. Witnesses: MILDRF.D M. KINGSLAND. MILDRED REBENFELIX 27 � 0 1 THE OPTIMIST Well, Why Not? By Joseph Gorewitz Merrily we roll along, roll along, roll along, hummed Bill Bones (William to his mother) as he pondered ruefully over a mass of papers on his desk. If I don't find an idea, I’m going to get fired, that’s a cinch. The Ed said, if we don't get any new stuff we’ll walk the plank. I’ll list material suitable for the Senior Sunshine.” No acrostics or old jokes. I wonder what the word plagiarize means. I asked Mr. Plott, the adviser of the Sunshine” what was the matter with my jokes and he said somebody plagiarized them off me years ago and put them in some paper. Gee, it’s a good thing for me that he doesn’t read High School Jokes, after the way he spoke about originality. Well, lemme see—a dandy story would be pretty good ; I’d have my name on the top of the page. No, a poem's better. Something sad and lofty so everybody will know how idealistic and noble-minded I am. That'll make Violet sorry she cut me. I’ll cut her then. She doesn’t appreciate me. Besides, after the marks I've been getting in English, I’ll have to hustle to pass. I guess if I show him what I really can do and write a poem he’ll have to pass me. Thus spoke Bill. The next day Bill went down to the library and took home with him a riming dictionary. He had already chosen a touching topic, Oh, That I Could Stay, That I Could Stay. After a few hours of strenuous mental exertion, and after delving into the dictionary time and time again, he finally evolved this chef d’oeuvre: O, That I Could Stay, That I Could Stay My heart grows weary, my mind grows sad, To think of leaving my alma mater drives me mad. But creeping nearer and nearer is the departing day, Oh, that I could stay, that I could stay. How many times have I roamed your lofty hall The sight of which will ever my heart enthrall, But as I view the fateful day— Oh. that I could stay, that I could stay. The rending asunder of my many friends after these many years. Oh, how can I check these tears! Oh, that I could stay, that I could stay. And e'en tho I cannot stay, For the fates have willed another way. Your massive walls, your lofty spire Will be the flecks of gold in life’s stagnant mire. Little did Bill know of the working of fates as he proudly admired his masterpiece. The next day having laboriously typewritten his masterpiece by the one-finger method, he presented it to Mr. Plott. Well, we'll have to use it, I guess,” said Mr. Plott after he read it. (For this was a time which tried the soul of the Sunshine’s” ad- viser. He simply had to fill up the space and the poem wasn't so terribly bad.) Visions of himself and Bryant classified to- gether entered Bill’s mind. After all Bryant had only written a poem called Thanatopsis when lie was just a little younger than Bill and besides a poem with a name like Thanatopsis” couldn’t be as good as his poem, he figured. Therein lies the talc. Bill thought that there was no use of his doing any more English homework. Why should he waste his time reading about other poets when he himself was a full-fledged poet? The Senior “Sunshine came out finally with his poem stuck in some corner. But for Bill there was nothing else in the paper. The Eng- lish teacher, a man of culture, a critic of poetry, would probably say tomorrow, “We have in our class a budding poet I see—William Bones, and Bill would just sit there and smile modestly. But his English teacher evidently forgot to praise Bill or perhaps he had not yet read the poem. The concoctions of Bill’s day-dreams which intoxicated him were not yet split. In a few more days were the English exams and even if he didn’t pass it, the English teacher would undoubtedly pass him due to his poem. But alas! strange and devious is the working of a teacher's mind and Bill was told he was unable to graduate because he had not passed English. I’m going right down to sec him. Where docs he get off with that stuff, flunking me after the poem I wrote. Perhaps he didn't read it, angrily burst out Bill. The teacher was looking over some marks when Bill entered. Mr. Peck, said Bill, in a tremulous voice that would melt the rocky Alps, Didn't you make a mistake, you flunked me in English.” Worst exam I’ve ever seen. Didn’t I tell you not to come down about marks?” But, Mr. Peck, I thought poetical apprecia- tion was the chief thing in our course and did you read my poem published in the Senior Sun- shine? I’ll bet a lot of other fellows couldn’t write a poem like that. Mr. Peck looked up. Bones. I didn’t find time to read the poem until after the examina- tion. While I didn't want to flunk a senior, as I read the poem I thought it was my duty to keep you until you imbibe some poetical appre- ciation. Besides your plea to stay was so fer- vent that I thought, Well, Why Not?” T HE OPTIMIST 1 W $g SENIOR $ DIR cfORT SENIOR DIRECTORY Evelyn AhrEndt, Chairman Sylvia Landau Lilian Rittenband Dorothy Sachs Ahrendt, Evelyn 105 Rose Terrace Her lively looks a sprightly wind disclose. Basketball ’21; Hockey ’23; Volley Ball ’22; Vice-President German Club '22. ’23; Optimist ’23, ’24; Senior Optimist; Optimist Medal; Honor Roll Medal. General German Normal Appel, Max 291 Hillside Avenue lint still his tongue ran on, the less Of weight it bore, with greater case. General N. J. College of Pharmacy Bleick, Willard 22 Osborne Terrace He could distinguish and divide A hair ’twixt south and soutlnvest side. Permanent Industrial Exposition Essay Contest; Honor Roll Medal; Executive Committee Senior Optimist; Senior Opti- mist. Stevens Inst, of Tech. 29 Classical Bochner, Frances 558 South 18 Street Women were made before mirrors, and have been before them ever since. Volley Ball '22. General French N. J. College for Women Briggs, Ruth 68 Treacy Avenue For to admire and for to see. General Undecided Brown, Lois 902 South 18 Street Her heart is as light as her heart is bright. Glee Club ’23; Twelfth Xight; Representative G. O. General Normal Bruck, Sidney 533 South 17 Street The silence that is in the starry sky. General N. J. Law Caspar, Robert 381 Seymour Avenue Few words arc wise men's counters. General Undecided 30 ♦Cohen, Belle 234 Seymour Avenue Happy am I, from care I’m free, Why aren't they all contented like met Hockey ’22; 4A Senator; Senior Optimist. General N. J. College for Women Cohen, Dore 137 Hedden Terrace Thy modesty's a candle to thy merit. Class Baseball '21. General Spanish Business Cohen, Max 11-13 Demarest Street A red-headed bachelor was never known. Baseball ’24; Class Baseball. Classical Undecided Crane, Aliene B. 852 South 15 Street The secret of success is constancy to purpose. General Secretarial School Dornbusch, Clara 198 Ridgewood Avenue The love of learning, the sequestered nooks, And all the sweet serenity of books. Hockey ’21, ’22, ’23, ’24. Classical Normal 31 Epstein, Harold 212 Runyon Street There's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness. Classical N. J. Law Farbstein, Leah (3x t Yr. Student) 279 Ridgewood Avenue Born for success she scented. Hockey ’23; Orchestra '22, '23, '24; Optimist '24; Senior Optimist. Classical Columbia Feinberg, Morris 115 Prince Street Oh, the fetterless mind! How it wandereth free Thru the wildering maze of eternity. Classical N. J. Law ♦Feldmann, Jack 132 Osborne Terrace Self-respect, self-knowledge, self-control— These three alone lead life to sovereign power. Assistant Manager Football '23; Manager Football '24; Class Basc! all '21; Assistant Manager Baseball '24; President 4A Class; Optimist '23, '24; Chairman School News Board '24; Senior Optimist; Optimist Medal; Honor Roll Medal. General Spanish Rutgers Fierstein, Philip 476 Clinton Avenue long for usings that I might catch a star. Class Baseball '21; Varsity Tennis '23; Captain Tennis Team '24. Classical Syracuse 32 Filacanevo, Arthur 170 Bergen Street go my way silently and bother no one. AtvN. N. • Class Baseball ’23. Classical Undecided Fischer, Estelle 527 Springfield Avenue Happy as the day is long. Volley Ball '22; Vice-President Dramatic Club ’23; Treas- urer German Club ’23; Senior Optimist. General N. J. College for Women Flaz, Tobie 454 So. Belmont Avenue Every why hath a wherefore. General t Normal 1 v l l Fleischner, Nathan 127 Somerset Street A good politician, and his other habits are good. Class Baseball ’21, ’23; Colgate Tenth Annual Speaker. Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy Frey, Arthur 32 Hedden Terrace Oh, this learning; what a thing it is! Class Baseball ’21, ’22; Class Basketball ’21, '22; Tennis '24; Treasurer 4A Class. 33 Classical N. J. Law 854 South 13 Street Garfinkel, Molly Little I ask; my wants are fciu. General French Undecided Goeller, Hulda 24 Wilbur Avenue Look then into thine heart, and write. Hockey '23, '24; Optimist Board '24; Senior Optimist. General Cornell Goldberg, Marthe 354 Chadwick Avenue She was a maiden witty, bright and free. Basketball '22; Hockey 21, '22, '23; Volley Ball '22, '23. General French Columbia Goldberg, Ray 164 Hawthorne Avenue Thy rich celestial music filled the air. Glee Club '23, '24. Classical Music Goldstein, Jerome 93 Hedden Terrace Oh lead some pozucr the gif ties gic us, To see oursefs as it hers see us. Class Baseball '21; Varsity Tennis '24; Optimist '24; Senior Optimist. Classical N. Y. U. 34 ♦Gorewitz, Joseph 29 Hillside Avenue Had I been present at the creation, I would have given some useful hints for the better ordering of the universe. Class Baseball '21; Mock Trial '23; Orchestra 21. '22; Captain Chess Team '24 ; Manager Chess Team '24; Presi- dent N. J. Interscholastic Chess Team '23; President Chess Club '24, '25; 4A Class Senator. Classical Undecided Gottfried, Hyman 815-7 Hunterdon Street And make each day a critic on the last. Class Baseball ’21, ’23. Classical Columbia Govendo, Jacob 584 South Orange Avenue A working eye, a prying mind. Class Football '22; Class Baseball '22; Orchestra '22, '23; Glee Club '21; Cheer Leader ’24; Senior Optimist. Classical Syracuse Govier, Ruth 382 Belmont Avenue True ease in writing comes from art, not chance. Senior Optimist. General N. J. College for Women Graber, Harold 40 Shanley Avenue Men of fetv words arc the best men. Class Basketball ’21. General French U. of Penn. 35 302 15 Avenue Greenberg, Nathan Why worry about tomorrow When today is bright and clearf Class Baseball ’23. Classical N. J. Law Greenfield, Norman 25 Schley Street would help others, out of a friendly feeling. Track ’24; Optimist ’22, ’24; Senior Optimist. Art Undecided ♦Gross, Leonora 143J4 Milford Avenue Knowledge is, indeed, that which, next to virtue, truly and essentially raises one man above another. Hockey '21, ’22, '23, ’24; Volley Ball ’23; Vice-President German Club ’23; President German Club ’24; Senior Opti- mist; Honor Roll Medal; IB Pennant. Classical Barnard Hahn, Lenore 63 Avon Place Let the world slide, let the world go; si fig for care, and a fig for wo! Volley Ball ’22; Glee Club ’22, '23; Optimist ’23. General French Sargents Halprin, Anna General 42 Renner Avenue 36 Study to be quiet. Undecided Hccb, Mary 70 Emmet Street The sight of you is good for sore eyes. Hockey ’24; Midsummer Night’s Dream. Classical Undecided Heller, Myra 27 Goldsmith Avenue It is good to lengthen to the last a sunny wood. Classical Undecided Helmer, Fred 884 South 18 Street The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together. General French Brown Heyman, Pauline 82 Schuyler Avenue And still care not a pin IVhat they said, or may say. Track '22, ’23; Volley Ball ’23, ’24; Punch Ball ’23. Classical Undecided Hirschberg, Edna 414 Clinton Avenue Everyone excels in something in which another fails. Glee Club '22, '23, ’24. Arts—Music Music 37 Holzman, Sam 700 South 12 Street The lion is not so fierce as painted. Footfall ’21, ’22, '23, ’24; Captain Football Team ’24; Base- ball '21, '22, ’23; President of G. O. ’24. Classical Syracuse Irwin, Frances 12 Tichenor Street For she was jes’ the quiet kind Whose nature's never vary. Basketball '22; Midsummer Night’s Dream. General Normal Kabel, Sidney 365 Chadwick Avenue Night after night, lie sat and bleared his eyes with books. Senior Optimist. General French Columbia Kaelberer, Mildred E. 150 Chadwick Avenue Knowledge conics of learning well retained. Girls’ Track ’22; Glee Club ’23, '24. General German Normal Kestenbaum, Gustave 354 Clinton Avenue He was full of faith that “something would turn up.” Class Baseball ’22, '23, '24. Classical Rutgers 38 Kimmel, Charles 75 Chadwick Avenue Books! ’tis a dull and endless strife. Class Baseball ’22, '23. Classical N. Y. U. Kingsland, Mildred 30 Eckert Avenue The essence of goodness. Volley Ball ’22; Glee Club ’24; Senior Optimist. General Spanish Normal Kohn, Clarence 29 Clinton Place The day in which one does not smile, is lost. Baseball ’23, ’24; Chairman 4A Social Committee. General Undecided Kuskin, Harry 128 Hedden Terrace For all knowledge and wonder is an impression of pleasure, in itself. Class Baseball ’21, '23; Honor Roll Medal. Classical Columbia Lancit, Ruth 76 Weequahic Avenue Quality rather than quantity. Hockey ’24; Glee Club ’23. General Columbia 39 Landau, Sylvia 546 Springfield Avenue Where in nice balance, Truth with gold she weighs. Vice-President Debating Club '23; Varsity Debating Team '23; G. O. Representative 2A; Secretary 4A Class; Senior Optimist. Classical Undecided Langburg, Max 98 Belmont Avenue All things come round to him who will but wait. Football '22, '23; Class Baseball ’22. General Undecided Lederer, Werner 158 Shephard Avenue Man teas born for two things—thinking and acting. Assistant Football Manager ‘23; Vice-President German Club '24; Vice-President Chess Club '24: 4A Senator; Vice-Presi- dent 4A Class; Associate Editor of Optimist '23; Editor-in- Chief of Optimist '24; Editor-in-Chief of Senior Optimist; Executive Committee Senior Optimist; Optimist Medal '24; Honor Roll Medal; IB Pennant. Classical Undecided Lesnik, Harry 810 South 16 Street I found you an argument; I am not obliged to find you an understanding. General N. Y. U. Levy, Edna 171 Elizabeth Avenue extend to every friend in need a helping hand. General Spanish Undecided 40 Levy, Louis HO Hedden Terrace Silence is a true friend who never betrays. General Rutgers Lomachinsky, Sam 54 Montgomery Street Among them, but not of them. Class Football '21, '22; Class Baseball '21, '22, '23 ; Class Basketball '21, '22; Orchestra '21, '23, 24; Optimist 24; Senior Optimist. Classical Syracuse Lyons, Israel B. 189 Hillside Avenue Self-trust is the first secret of success. Class Baseball '20, '21. Classical N Y. U. Mandelbaum, Flora (3 Yr. Student) 95 Montgomery Street Unmindful of the crown that Virtue gives. General Normal Manger, Fred W., Jr. 133 Lehigh Avenue He makes a solitude and calls it—peace. Class Baseball '21, 22, '23. Classical Rutgers 41 Martin, Frank 174 Orchard Street I wish he would explain his explanations. Orchestra '22, ’23; Senior Optimist. General French Stevens Inst, of Tech. McNickle, Arthur 231 Nye Avenue A clear conscience is a sure card. Baseball '21, ’22, '23. General Undecided Meister, Edna 791 South 17 Street She who lives without committing any folly is not so wise as she thinks. Glee Club '24. General German Normal Millward, Harold 44 Chadwick Avenue I am the very pink of courtesy. General German Business Mitchell, Emma 745 South 18 Street More than wisdom, more than wealth, A merry heart that laughs at care. Volley Ball ’22 ; Punch Ball '23 ; Glee Club '22. General German 42 Normal LIBRARY SEW ARK, H. Js Morris, Joseph 63 Scheerer Avenue ? ever urges on, and tells us tomorrow will be better. Class Football '23; Class Baseball '22, '23; 4A Social Com- mittee. . : i dfc'fili Classical Syracuse Moskowitz, Gottfried 76 Badger Avenue A merry heart goes all the day. Class Baseball '22, '23; Senior Optimist. Classical Columbia Muntrick, Milton 862 South 13 Street His cares are now all ended. Football '23. '24; Associate Circulation Manager Optimist '22; Circulation Manager Optimist '23. Classical Undecided r n0l 171 Goldsmith Avenue The hand that hath made you fair hath made you good. Senior Optimist. Art Undecided Norton, Nea Parker, Clothilda 52 South Street A harmless flaming meteor shone for hair. Volley Ball '22, '23, '24; Hockey '23. General Normal 43 ♦Paster, Freda 237 Bigelow Street In general, those who have nothing to say Contrive to spend the longest time in saying it. Orchestra ’22, '23, '24. Arts—Music Music Perlmutter, Harry 268 Clinton Place There is no wisdom like frankness. Football ’23; Class Baseball '22, '22; Class Basketball '21, ’22; 4A Senator. Classical Rutgers Permison, Alex 201 Barclay Street Little by little the end is obtained. Captain Class Baseball ’21; Class Basketball, ’21; Track '23. Classical N. j. Law Phillipson, William 159 Chancellor Avenue Grac'd thou art with the pmeer of words. Football '23; Class Baseball '21, '23; Varsity Debating Team '24. Classical Undecided Pickarsky, Julius 56 Belmont Avenue Xo further seeks his merits to disclose. Class Basel Kill '22, '23. Classical Rutgers 44 Poleshuck, Rubin 148 Peshine Avenue Diligence is the mother of good fortune. Class Baseball '21, '22; Varsity Debating Team ’24. Classical Syracuse Priester, Cecilia 194 Seymour Avenue I am sure, care's an enemy to life. General French Normal Puth, Helen T. 35 Winans Avenue Be silent and safe—silence never betrays you. General Undecided Ramaglia, Andrew 221 Summer Avenue The sweetest hours that e’er I spent, I spent among the lasses. Football ’23, ’24; Baseball ’23, ’24. Classical Syracuse Rebenfeld, Mildred 596 So. Belmont Avenue Not stepping o'er the bounds of tnodesty. Volley Ball ’22; Glee Club ’22. ’23. ’24. General 45 Normal Reynolds, Anna 75 Shan'iey Avenue Zealous, yet modest. Volley Ball '22; Senior Optimist. General Undecided Rittenband, Lilian 148 Scheerer Avenue Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt. Volley Ball '22 ; Glee Club ’22, ’23, ’24; Orchestra ’21; Prize Permanent Industrial Exposition Essay Contest; Senior Optimist. Classical Undecided Rosenbaum, Laurence 847 South 18 Street Happy art thou, as if every day thou had’st picked up a horseshoe. Class Football ’22; Class Baseball '23; Secretary Chess and Checker Club ’24; Optimist Board ’24; Senior Optimist; Chairman Personal Board '24; 4A Social Committee. General Latin Undecided Rosinsky, Benjamin 280 18 Avenue Fie on ambition! Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy Ross, Fred 29 Harding Terrace IVhat cracker is this same that deafs our ears With this abundance of superfluous breath. Class Baseball ’21, ’22, ’23. General Spanish u. of Penn. 46 14 Wolcott Terrace Sachs, Dorothy Ladies, like variegated tulips, show ’Tis to their changes half their charms we owe. Track '23; Hockey '23, '24; Volley Ball '22; Glee Club '22, '23; Optimist '24; Senior Optimist. General French Normal Schachter, Florence 7 Hillside Avenue With volleys of eternal babble. Volley Ball '22; Glee Club '22, '23, '24. General Latin Columbia Schechner, Isadore 850 Summer Avenue Ah, how I love my sleep! Class Baseball '21, '22, '23. Classical Undecided ♦Schenkel, George 151 Johnson Avenue Genteel in personage, conduct and equipage. Class Baseball '21, '23; Senior Optimist; Honor Roll Medal; 4A Social Committee. Classical Columbia Schwab, Charlotte 265 Osborne Terrace I chatter, chatter as I go. Orchestra '22, '23, '24; Glee Club '23, '24. General Undecided 47 Schwartz, Edward 376 Hunterdon Street For solitude sometimes is best society. Classical Rutgers Schwartz, Phillip 376 Hunterdon Street My hopes arc not always realised, but I always hope. Football ’23; Track '23; Baseball ’24; Captain Class Base- ball ’23. Classical U. of Maryland Shifman, Joseph 17 Weequahic Avenue The quiet mind is richer than the crown. Classical Rutgers Shpiner, Harry 510 Hunterdon Street Above the screams was heard his laughter. Football '24; Class Baseball ’21, '22, ’23. General Brown Sissman, Anna F. 223 Sherman Avenue A cheerful temper joined with innocence. Volley Ball ’22; Hockey ’22, ’23; Glee Club ’22, ’23, ’24; Senior Optimist. General French Normal 48 Snyder, Ruth 185 Chadwick Avenue Beneath that calm exterior, a deal of deviltry lies. Track '23; Basketball '21, '22; Swimming '22, '23. General Columbia Solomon, Pearl 1 Baldwin Avenue Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of literary genius. Optimist '23, '24; Senior Optimist. General Undecided Spector, Herman 239J4 Hawthorne Avenue A little nonsense nenv and then Is relished by the wisest men. Class Baseball '21, '23. Classical Undecided Spitkove, Sara 108 Milford Avenue Very quiet and demure. Of that you may be sure. Classical Hunter’s College Stark, Julius 24 Fairview Avenue To knozu how to hide one’s ability is great skill. Classical N. Y. U. 49 Stern, Henrietta 812 South 12 Street The two noblest of things, which arc siucetncss and light4 Senior Optimist Classical Undecided Sternberger, Carolyn 393 So. Belmont Avenue Blessed with that charge, the certainty to please. Classical Undecided Strauss, Lucille 133 Shephard Avenue Such ways, such arts, such looks hast thou. Basketball ’21I; Volley Ball '22, '23; Hockey '22, '23; Opti- mist '24; Senior Optimist. General Undecided Swanson, Alice H. 22 Camp Street She was a lover of the dance. Track '24; Volley Ball '23; Hockey '21, '23, '24. General Michel Fokine’s School of Dancing Tillis, Herman 16 Tillinghast Street Begone, dull Care! Thou and I shall never agree. Class Football '22, '23; Class Baseball '22, '23. Classical U. of Penn. 50 Turkenitch. Ida 32 Demarest Street A good heart is better than all the heads in the world. Glee Club '23, '24. Arts—Music Inst. of Musical Art Uslander, Leonard 95 Ridgewood Avenue Faith, that is as well said as if I had said it myself. General N. J. Law Van Volkenburgh, Beulah 831 South 15 Street No pleasure endures unseasoned by variety. Glee Club '23, '24. General Undecided Waldo, Naomi 224 Hillside Avenue And as the bright sun glorifies the sky, So is her face illumined with her eye. Hockey '23, '24; Volley Ball '22; Optimist '23. General Columbia Wehler, Jeanette 172 Ridgewood Avenue Books are the sepulchers of thought. Hockey 21, '22, '23, '24. Classical Normal 51 Weissman, Yetta 341 Seymour Avenue Beauty is truth; truth, beauty. General Columbia Wenger, Mollie 642 High Street A blithe heart makes a blooming visage. Volley Ball '22; Glee Club '23; Senior Optimist. General Spanish Columbia Wild, Donald 884 South 17 Street If is talents arc of the more silent class. Class Baseball '23. Classical Stevens Inst, of Tech. «Wilder, Samuel 541 South 19 Street Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand, They rave, recite, and madden round the land. Assistant Manager Football '23; Class Baseball '23; Assist- ant Manager Baseball '23; Manager Baseball '24; Varsity Debating Team '24; Optimist '23, '24; Chairman Athletic Board 24; Executive Committee Senior Optimist; Senior Optimist; Honor Roll Medal; IB Pennant. Classical N. Y U Willsky, Morris 205 Prince Street Justice without wisdom is impossible. Classical N. J. College of Pharmacy 52 Wosnitzer, David 136 Fabyan Place The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. Class Baseball '21. ’22, ’23 ; Class Basketball ’21. Classical Undecided Halprin, A. William 310 Hillside Avenue I stroi'c with none, for none was worth my strife. Football ’23; Class Basketball '21. General N. Y. U. Hymowitz, Harry 221 Court Street Nothing but to learn his lessons, so studious was he. Classical Undecided Denotes student has been on Honor Roll Keenly times or more. IN MEMORIAM HARRY POLANSKY OUR LATE BELOVED CLASSMATE foefl THE OPTIMIST SCHUULflCUS Editors Jack Feldmann, Senior Chairman Evelyn Aiirendt Ruth PUlKltt LOTTA HmmEKCI.ICK FLORENCE LEVY Alice Fincer Gabriel Rich Jean Rosewater VALUE OF EDUCATION INDICATED S. S. Learns Definition of “Growth of Education” The week of November 17-21 has been set aside thruout the country as “Education Week ; and South Side, being modern and always “Johnny-on-the-spot. naturally held an assem- bly period in its honor, on Tuesday. November 18. The speaker of the day was Mr. J. Wilmcr Kennedy, Assistant Superintendent of Newark Schools. Mr. Kennedy showed us a most in- teresting fact—that what was considered as a high school education in former years, is now considered but a grammar school education. At the beginning of the period. Dr. Kennedy read the Honor Roll for October. Since this number of “The Optimist belongs to the seniors, let us mention in passing, that we no- ticed quite a long list of names which arc daily heard in a certain senior home room in the basement, on the boys’ side of the building. A cordial invitation was extended to all those who have studied French for a year or more, to attend the meeting of the French Club, by the president. Sadie Vantosh. She also put in a word of warning to the boys, about losing their power in executive positions. Altho we have never studied French, we think we under- stood as much of what she tried to tell us in that language, as those to whom she extended the invitation. Another speaker was the well-known Rubin Poleschuck who appeared on the platform with his equally well-known jazz bow. He announced the sale of the November number of “The Optimist” for the next day. Of course, his mode of announcing needs no commenting upon, for we all know (according to last month’s “Op- timist”) that the middle name of our orators is Originality! At the close of the period, the school tested its lung-power by fervently singing its football songs—and one couldn't estimate it---not much! A SHARK! WATCH OUT! See If You Can Hook Him Yes, we have a wizard! Not the kind you read altout in story ! ook$, but a real honest-to-goodness wizard—a chess wizard. Joseph Gorewitz. On Friday. Novcml er 7, at one of those enter- taining meetings of our Chess and Checker Club, the wizard beat six opponents. He says he will play as many as come his way, and it is our opinion that he means us to understand he will l eat as many as will play him. Can you stand such a blow to your pride, you chess sharks? If you have any spunk go to the next meeting of the Chess and Checker Club. Try your luck. If you lose it will mean only one more on the list of Joe’s conquests and if you win you’ll be world-famous. We are sure the next meeting of the Chess and Checker Club will have such a heavy attendance that the sergeant-at-arms (if there is one) will have an opportunity to exercise his great authority. 54 S5 | THE OPTIMIS NOT S.O.S. BUT W.O.R. On Saturday, November 22, at 9.20 P.M., our orchestra broadcast from W.O.R. Mr. Gordon spoke on Building a Musical Nation in the Pub- lic Schools.” Freda Paster rendered the Hungar- ian Fantasy by Liszt. The orchestra played thc“Fifth Hungarian Dance by Brahms, Sad Moon of Fall- ing Leaf by I.ieurancc, and “Pomp and Circum- stance by Flgar. We cannot attempt to tell you how successful we were because at the time we went to press the great event was still coming soon. But then we are sure that by now the great tidings have reached you and you have heard the program on your own little super-iodin. NOTABLES GATHER Burkes and Websters Beat the Originals Once upon a time, not so very long ago. there was a meeting of all the jM oJcrf-to-bc-brilliant people, all the way from room 58. even unto 210. Jack Feldmann, the president of this re- nowned body found it necessary to speak to them, about a pecuniary matter—namely, The importance of paying dues. Altho these ladies and gentlemen arc most agreeable and con- genial, it seems to be rather trying for them to part with their money. Mr. Feldmann's speech was as welcome as the measles. The next speaker was Dr. Smith. His message was of vital im- portance. being to encourage the getting of ads for The Senior Optimist. Then Werner Lederer told them to hurry with their Op- timist” material. Of course. Werner only has to ask once, and lo and behold—he has an abun- dance of material. Clarence Kohn was elected Chairman of the Social Committee. A motion was made and passed that the meeting be adjoined.” P. S.—The meeting was enjoyed by all. •Ed. Note—This is sarcasm. Senior Optimist Board 55 THE OPTIMIST W[ ]W BOOKWORMS ALL AWAKE! New Food Has Come South Side's Library has made great progress during this fall term. Never before have the students had the opportunity of getting so many of their outside reading books in South Side’s own Library. Since September, this place has received 194 new books, most of which arc ref- erence books, chiefly for History, Economics, and English. Many fiction books have also been added. Miss Barrow's English classes have presented the library with a beautiful illustrated edition of “Ivanhoe.” This is indeed an instance of the interest shown by Southsiders in this insti- tution. To compensate them for their most strenuous work a picnic was given by Miss Wolfs and Miss Higgins to the Library staff. Miss Wolfs took one half of the staff and Miss Higgins the other, in their machines. They went to the South Mountain Reservation for a picnic-supper. If they had as good a time as they say they had, no doubt many of us desire to join the Library staff. BEAUTY PARADE! Many Teachers Visit Atlantic City November 8. 9, 10, and 11, marked the annual meeting of the New Jersey State Teachers’ Asso- ciation. This year the convention was held at Atlantic City. On each of these days a specially interesting and educational program was enjoyed by the teachers, principals, and supervisors who attended. Several of South Side’s faculty attended on Monday, November 10. We lacked the services of a few of our teachers. (By the way, Monday was such a gorgeous day, and the air was so in- vigorating, that the teachers must have benefited by it. and we anticipate easy homework for the rest of the week.) Anyway, we missed them (?) very much. PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? If You Do—Stop, Look, and Listen The first meeting of the French Club took place on November 6 in Room 216, under the super- vision of Mr. Alden, a member of our faculty. As is the custom at first meetings, the officers of the club were chosen. Under the leadership of Sadie Vantosh, President, Jaqucline Weiss, Vice-President, and Dorothy Zapeika, Secretary, the club expects a very prosperous term. Marion Leavitt was chosen chairman of the entertainment committee and has as her helpers, Selda Lewis, Samuel Marantz, Frances Bochner, Jaqucline Weiss, and Lotta Emmergliek. Many entertaining and original programs arc being pre- pared. Of course it is necessary to have a sergeant-at- arms in every club, so this organization has chosen Howard Newmark to act as its policeman. A cordial invitation is extended to all French students who have not yet joined, to become mem- bers of this club. It will prove to be very inter- esting and beneficial. SERVICE Miss Marie Wolfs was one of the very first volunteers in the Smith College Relief Unit dur- ing the World War. She also continued as a mcml cr until it finished its work in France and is still a director of the organization. This wonderful society has presented to Smith College a memorial to the Relief Unit. The memorial is a replica of the gates of Chautcau Rabe- court at Grecourt, France. The latter place was the headquarters of the Smith Unit, which is known far and wide for the reconstruction work that it did. These gates serve as the principle entrance to the campus of Smith College. The gates, which arc wrought both in iron and in stone, were presented by the College Trustees to honor the noble work of the graduates who served in the unit. We arc indeed proud of the work done by various Southsiders during the war and we are glad to say that Miss Wolfs was one of those who “did their bit. POOR WOMAN WINS CONTEST South Side can be proud of its showing in the Community Chest Poster Contest! The only students of all the high schools to win prominent positions in the final list of contes- tants, were Southsiders. Norman Greenfield won the first prize, and Eleanor Price received honorable mention. The winning poster por- trays an old woman who silently solicits charity from the more fortunate Newarkers. Greenfield’s name is well known in South Side. He is Chairman of the Art Board and has designed the cover used in this issue of “The Optimist.” Both these students deserve much credit for placing South Side so in the lead of all the other high schools of Newark. 56 Mirry Rrlm TTcr cracK. announce, ft. he vSen ions X eLL Fi wd I he v in ALL waLKs oF 11Fcl.. FRed Helper v aKcsan eycetXenT SdleS'VNah ha dsoMcW.ua.T M.ssM.R.Kcr • _ , _ ra ox s Advocate. Pobwlar nAoVieOar 6t ft J,Ne RctisTcRiNfi- haTe Joe M orri4-Qrave T ©F RniMdL TMiNers SurroundecJ by a Ftw oF h«s fwo-Grun- jaa M� ufn LaTesT 0ob-Y aiftcA VanAxT ys a ite R� A nw(NA b r of o«r ,cmor Girls P� T SOMC Fv� Twt€ OATc Miss C aroLy . Ternbcr eT Renowned' Hotsox ovNd n Mad a N e. istbaWsUy who is f « h x o - ; Ga i n i no • DISl INCT� orx as a N V SlCUr d Ross UtviKc. eKi vbUe. of wYw Oir -s bcavc 'ho v e 57 g� 6?l THE OPTIMIST 1 THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER “Eternal Honor To His Name” Six years ago, on November 11. the big gun were silenced, the roar of the cannon subsided, and the strife and excitement of war was ended. We, here in South Side, experienced little of the hardships of war, even tho we enjoy the sweet- ness of peace. In due respect and appreciation for those who went Over There,” the student body had an Armistice Day program in the as- sembly. Miss I.orrainc Saylor, in the absence of Mr. Gordon, led us in the singing of “America.” Fol- lowing the usual opening exercises. Dr. Kennedy voiced an appeal for The Community Chest. Then Edward Brooks recited a poem entitled Arm- istice Day in the Trenches. After the recitation Miss Saylor rendered two patriotic songs, which were so enjoyed, that she sang an encore. Then Robert Canfield recited a part of ex-President Harding's address in 1921, at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington. The school sang two '.'old timers' —“Over There, and There’s a Cong, I-ong Trail A-Winding. The flag was then brought in. the school standing at attention meanwhile, by Ann Gude, attended by two scouts. Dorc Cohen and Emil Stcfany. I«ois Brown sounded To the Colors” and Taps” on the bugle, as an impressive ending for this patriotic assem- blage. We hair a voice tvilh which to pay the debt Of boundless loir and reverence and regret To those great men who fought, and kept it ours ’ SOUTH SIDE AUDITORIUM Dr. Kennedy, Princ. Nov. 3, 1924. Overture _______________-____MRS. KEOGH MINNIE KLINGEl. Minnie Klingcl's act consisted of the giving of an excellent speech, entitled “Newark in the Revolution.” Her return to the platform brought many of her admirers to witness the perform- ance. HELEN SHIFTMAN in a speech on Port Newark and Newark’s Fu- ture.” This was well received by the audience. S. S. TRIO Samuel Marantz, Violin. George Goldberg, Clarinet. Aaron Warner, Piano. This was one of the big headliners. This famous trio is always well received when it appears upon our platform. It was twice en- cored and the selections were very good. They included the Spring Song” and “Stephenia.” SAM HOLZMAN TEAM Another big headliner! The captain came to the platform and told us what his team ex- pected to do to Barringer (Poor Barringer). He then called up several members of the team. They were Ali Robbins, Martin Heller, Milton Muntrick. F'dward Brooks, Samuel Goldstein, and Andy Ramaglia. This was novel. Indeed, those fellows should have been orators instead of football players. Most of them conveniently forgot what they were going to say. You see these boys are accustomed to appearing before an audience when they are in football togs, but being all dressed up. they were sorta bashful. At least they all convinced us that they were going to fight till the last whistle” and that’s sweet music” to our ears. Well, the boys have done their bit. and it's up to us to do ours. Another little feature was an extemporaneous speech by Dr. Kennedy. He spoke of the pros- pect of our team’s bringing home the bacon. He wanted some that we could all use. We arc going to play Barringer,—not a team like Newton where they arc likely to have a Coun- try Fair as a side show. NOTICE—Unlike Proctor's, our last act comes up to the rest of the features. LOUIS HART Famous cheer leader came up to the platform and led us in some cheers. The response was great! Some like that on Saturday and we'd win the game by scaring our opponents. I.ouis gave some new cheers which arc cracker-jacks. We ended by singing our football songs. If all our programs in Assembly were as good as this one, Proctor’s would soon go out of business. •Ed. Note.—S. S.—0, Barringer—40. (TtTsorry,nr wol oh that’s all) FIND I’VE KEPT) GHT.JUST lYOU IN A HALF CvTAKE T OFF I lHOUR TOO LONG) WHEN 1 COMEl DETENTiONJlU TO - M OR ROWj M: 58 THE OPTIMIST ]W Editor Jerome Goldstein. Senior Chairman Jack B elect Howard Newmark Alfred Marco lies Samuel Wilder THREE YEARS HENCE Where Are Our Wandering Athletes This Year The Class of February, 1925, will take with it many varsity athletes. We are consoled by the hope that they will do ns well in the colleges they attend as they have done at South Side. One often hears of South Side Alumni starring in college athletics and the Class of ‘25 would like to hear, in the future, of some of its members as successful college ath- letes. There is no doubt that the varsity teams will miss the strength of these few. The football squad will lose Sam Holzman, captain of the 1924 team. For three years, Holz- man has played the position of fullback. By the fighting spirit which he displays in all the games and which is known to all South Sidcrs, he has earned the name “Fighting Callahan. When it was necessary to plunge the pigskin over the goal line, the South Side quarterback could always depend on “Fighting Callahan. He just put his head down and fought thru the line for the needed touchdown. There arc many players on the teams of South Side’s op- ponents who know the danger of being in Holz- man’s way when he is dashing thru the line, and more than once a player was carried off the field after tackling the dashing South Side full- back. Holzman was a sure left fielder on the 1923 baseball team. He never missed a fly and could be depended on as a heavy hitter. Andrew Ramaglia came to South Side two years ago and has played baseball and football in both 1923 and 1924. Andy” starred as third baseman on the baseball team. He was a very clever baseman. His favorite trick, and it worked very often, was to hide the ball in his glove and when a less experienced player stepped off the base he would tag him out. On the varsity football squad Andy assisted at left end. He was a fearless man and played a clean game of football. Next season it will be necessary to search for a new second baseman because this term the veteran and big leaguer, Arthur McNickic. grad- uates. Because of his brilliant playing in 1922, McNickic was elected captain of the team in 1923. During the three years that he played second baseman, he was the most consistent bats- man on the team, his average at the end of the season always being highest. In 1924 McNickic again played baseball and being one year more experienced showed even greater ability at sec- ond base. Muntrick, the speedy halfback, is also leaving with the class of February 1924. For two years Muntrick has played well in the halfback posi- tion. He is a shifty runner and often edged his way thru the line for substantial gains. In the East Side game of 1924 Muntrick intercepted a forward pass and ran eighty yards for a touch- down. Any football man is proud of a run as long as that. Three of the many star tennis players arc leaving South Side this term and will soon play at some school higher up. Fierstcin, captain of the 1924 team, who played two years on the tennis team, graduates along with Goldstein and Frey. All three earned their script S for ten- nis. 59 ‘jfreTl THE OPTIMIST ZZIW IRVINGTON SECONDS LOSE SOME DIRT But Our Seconds Were Scrubbed as Well Monday, October 27, South Side’s seconds went to Irvington Park to conquer their second victim of the season on the gridiron. As soon as the whistle blew to begin the game. South Side started with a bang. Irvington kicked off to South Side and it was South Side’s ball in our own territory. After the backficld carried the ball to Irvington’s thirty-yard line, Blitman ran around end, and, assisted by fine interference, scored the first touchdown. This was only a start for the flashy Sunnysidc scrub gridders, and to prove this they scored a total of twenty points before the first period ended. In the second period the supporters of the Black and Gold continued their aggressive playing and scored seven points more. In the third quarter they added another seven points to their total. In the second half a flock of new men entered the game for Irvington and, assisted by these and very frequent penalties against South Side, the Camptowners succeeded in scoring fourteen points. The game ended in the darkness with the score thirty-four for South Side and fourteen for Irvington. The undefeated South Side seconds next met the Central warriors on the field at Wccquahic Park. A good judge would have predicted a sweeping victory for Central if he had compared the size of the boys playing on each team. This same judge would have quickly changed his mind after seeing the first play of the game, when the Central backficld men bucked up against a stone wall in trying to break thru the South Side line. It was Central’s ball on their own fifteen-yard line. They chose to kick but our speedy linemen broke thru and blocked the kick, a Central man recovering it. On the next play Central again tried to kick, this time the ball being on their five-yard line. Again the South Side line broke thru and blocked the kick. A Central man fell on the ball behind the goal line and it was two points for South Side. South Side tore thru Central’s line and ran around the ends, making one first down after another. But when they came within scoring distance, Central strengthened and South Side was unable to score. In the third period a Cen- tral man intercepted a forward pass and ran seventy yards for a touchdown. The extra point was made by a dropkick. In the final period. South Side made a desperate attempt to score and twice carried the ball within ten yards of the goal line, but was unable to put it over. The Ccntralitcs, tho they were out- played in every branch of the game, w'on by the score of seven to two. The South Side seconds arc a speedy bunch of young fellows. They all play in unison and fight hard. It is interesting to watch the whole team come back for a conference and then all jump to their positions ready to execute the play. They have the steam, they have the team for they arc loyal Southsiders. THE LAST WHITE LINE CROSSED S. S. First to Place the Pigskin on Asbury’s Goal Line On Saturday, November 1, 1924, Asbury Park’s much talked of eleven invaded the lair of the South Side Tiger at City Field. Being a great favorite to win the fray by a large margin, the grid mentor of Asbury Park brought thirty war- riors with him in the expectation of allowing each one to show all-Statc potentialities against the Sunnysiders. However, only a few of the men actually did get into the hattlc. This was due to the fact that the South Side team dis- played a nevcr-say-dic-spirit and held the Beachcombers to a 14-6 score. The South Side gridders, alt ho defeated, accomplished what many other high school elevens had failed to do thus tar this fall, and that was, to score on the Asbury Park eleven. A large crowd of loyal South Side rooters was on hand to witness what was to be a ter- rific battle. Indeed, a battle it was, and there was scarcely a moment that did not have its thrills and spills. The game was one of the fiercest ever seen between two rival elevens. The game began when Hosner kicked off to Asbury Park’s twenty-yard line. Asbury Park started to rush the ball toward the South Side goal posts. Having failed to gain any ground on line plunging. Wilson kicked to South Side’s forty-yard line. It was in the next few plays that Finck, the fleet right halfback of the Sunny- siders, showed his extraordinary ability. Having been given the ball on three successive occasions, he succeded in skirting the ends for long gains, which netted South Side three first downs. In the next few plays South Side failed to gain and Morty Horwitz kicked to Asbury Park’s thirty-five-yard line. Asbury Park now in pos- session of the ball resorted to a terrific line plunging game, which netted them great gains 60 THE OPTIMIST W[ 1W and brought the ball to South Side’s sixteen- yard line. The ball was advanced to the one- yard line because of a fifteen-yard penalty against South Side. With their backs to the goal posts, the Southsiders fought like tigers to prevent Asbury from scoring, but their efforts were in vain. The Asbury gridders were not to be denied and Moyna smashed thru center for a touchdown. The extra point was also ob- tained, thus making the score 7-0. In the second quarter each team tried to score but with no success. The battle was being waged in midfield. The first half terminated after each team had exchanged a series of punts. The second half was begun when South Side kicked off from midfield. Stewart, the fleet visiting fullback, caught the ball and aided by some excellent interference, succeeded in reeling off fifty yards before he was brought to earth. After a scries of punts had been exchanged. Moyna started to raise havoc by his wonderful line plunging, elbowing his way thru the South Side line on one occasion for a twenty-two- yard gain. With the ball within scoring distance, a fifteen-yard penalty placed the ball close to our goal line. Andy Kamaglia prevented Moyna from scor- ing in two successive plays. However, Moyna succcded on the third try, and again tallied a six-pointer on a line plunge thru center. The try for the extra point was successful and the score was 14-0. The third quarter was marked by very little excitement, each team holding its own in mid- field. However, in the fourth quarter Sam Holz- man, our sterling captain, showed himself to ad- vantage. The Sunnysidc team had been penal- ized fifteen yards for an offside and Morty Horwitz was forced to kick out of danger. It was then that the eagle eye of Sam Holzman saw the spheroid fall from Moyna’s hands. Quick as a flash he plucked the oval from the ground and raced down the field for a touchdown. It was the first time the Beachcombers’ goal had been crossed this season. In the remaining few minutes of play South Side again tried to score when Ed Herman intercepted a forward pass near the visitors’ thirty-yard line. South Side, however, soon lost the ball on downs. The game was ended with the ball in midfield. The Asbury hackfield trio, Stewart, Moyna, and Wilson, scintillated for the shore team. Holzman distinguished himself in a lively fash- ion for the Black and Gold, while Finck’s end runs were features of the game. Gross and Kamaglia gave a fine exhibition on the defen- sive. The line up: South Side (6) Asbury Park (14) Szanger Rosner Left End Gross Left Tackle Goldstein Left Guard Bopp Center Heller Right Guard Ramaglia Right Tackle Robbins Right End Horwitz Quarterback (Capt.) Moyna Finck Left Halback Right Halfback Holzman (Capt.) Fullback Score by periods: Asbury Park _ 7 0 7 0—14 South Side ___ 0 0 0 6-6 • Touchdowns: Moyna (2), Holzman. Goals after touchdowns : Brucckncr. South Side sub- stitutions : Herman for Finck, Braver for Gold- stein, Muntrick for Robbins, Robbins for Mun- trick. Kelner for Horwitz. Horwitz for Kelncr, Halprin for Szanger. Szangcr for Rosner. As- bury Park substitutions: Brucckncr for Reyn- olds, Hendrickson for Stewart, Stewart for Pierce, Vola for Kraemer. Referee: Stein, Springfield. Umpire: Wittpen, Rutgers. Head Linesman: Lawes, Rutgers. v. x A Mia IMAGINE rcuow iOotM toc s-. wo At TK VJHKH MV ovtn TMri -«urn ‘M tv w naorc. Gto ic ‘TM or •rs- 61 w T H OPTIMIST WO IS ME But We’ll Beat ’Em Next Time On Saturday, November 8. the South Side High football team received its worst defeat of the season at the hands of its bitterest and greatest rival. Barringer. The Ridge Street ag- gregation outplayed South Side in every depart- ment of the game. The powerful backfield trio. Breithut. McDowell, and Harris, were largely responsible for the victory. At the start of the game. Henry Finck, South Side’s stellar performer, took the hall from Holz- man on a cross buck and skirted the end for twenty-five yards. Between Captain Holzman and Finck. the Sunnysiders began a march down the field and things began to look bright, hut a Southsider fumbled and Barringer recovered the hall on its own thirty-yard line. From then on. Barringer became the aggressor and kept at it for the rest of the game. They worked the hall down to the sixteen-yard line and then Breithut calmly whirled, pivoted, and sidestepped thru the entire team for the first tally. The kick was missed. South Side kicked off, Barringer plunged a few times and returned the compliment. After another exchange of punts the quarter ended with the Sunnysidcrs having the hall on Bar- ringer’s thirty-yard line. On the first play in the second period, Breithut intercepted a forward pass and ad- vanced the hall to the thirteen-yard line, hut on the second plunge he fumbled and it was South Side’s hall on our own goal line. Muntrick called for a safety because it was too dangerous to punt in the position they were in. South Side then punted from the thirty-yard line and after a long end run by McDowell and a forward pass. Breithut to McDowell, the Ridge Streeters scored their second tally. The dropkick for the extra point was blocked and the half ended with the score 14 to 0 in favor of Barringer. The second half was merely a repetition of the first, with the exception that it was marred by frequent penalties. Barringer used an open at- tack for its next touchodwn, McDowell being used repeatedly. The extra point was made by a forward pass from Breithut to Walsh. After several exchanges of punts, Knight in- tercepted a South Side forward and ran fifty yards for a touchdown. The try for the extra point failed. South Side again kicked off and failing to gain, Barringer punted and Ali Robbins in an attempt to get the ball touched it and it rolled to the one-yard line, where a bluc-jerscycd player recovered it. Knight opened the final period by carrying the ball over for a touchdown. The kick was missed. In desperation South Side opened up an aerial attack and after having advanced deep into the enemy's territory, had all their hopes blasted when Jamieson intercepted a long for- ward and raced eighty yards for the final six pointer. For the Black and Gold, Finck, Gross, and Holzman bore the brunt of the labor and showed marvelous fighting spirit in the face of great odds. Barringer 40 South Side 0 Thigpen ---------------------------- Szanger Left End Jarvis--------------------------------Brooks Left Tackle Robrccht_______________________________Gross Left Guard Betchel____________________________Goldstein Center Brundagc________________________________Bopp Right Guard Nisivocia _______________ .........__Heller Right Tackle Recks ----------------------------- Ramaglia Right End Harris______________________________ Robbins Quarterback Sheehan ____________________________ Finck Halfback McDowell ___________________________ Horwitz Halfback Breithut (Capt.)_____________________(Capt.) Holzman Fullback Score by periods: Barringer_________________6 8 14 12—40 South Side ______________ 0 0 0 0— 0 Touchdowns: Breithut, Knight. McDowell, Jamieson. Points after touchdown: Harris, dropkick ; Walsh, forward pass. Safety : Holz- man. Substitutions: Barringer. Walsh for Thigpen, Knight for McDowell, Smith for Har- ris, Jamieson for Smith, Scott for Thigpen, Nay- lor for Sheehan, W. Bergoffen for Betchel; South Side. Herman for Horwitz, Muntrick for Robbins, Halprin for Ramaglia, Coffey for Bopp, Robbins for Finck. Muntrick for Robbins, Hal- prin for Szanger. Referee: Smith, of Colgate. Umpire: Lawcs, of Rutgers. Head Linesman: Thorton, of Cornell. Time of periods: 12 min- utes. 62 'im'l THE OPTIMIST V -?l uXML.ili. 6JL«jl J ' Cp-to- 0tu . '♦«kw v-o V- ” )fcAtW( ft 1 CL ui | o A 4_ 'Hu. tU«X v� lacL Vg xi rUU 4 4% A1 fX L i� n--- Tti,ftjL AiArwi4 . H ct • lo- jL 'T-Iul. Cfi- v 8j.4 fcj '7 . tv4-t jw, -Lw AA. Oi JJ-1 - — a„ J) 'B ‘J‘fr S:tw- 9- 3 L . «W� - AX2laA JcJUjl. U AirL ja jAqJLJu. UU_ r 63 SENIOR SLAMS Name Nickname Ailment Knoum By ow They Got Thru Fate £ Remedy Ahrcndt, E. ---------- Evvy”-----------Eyes ----------------Eye-Shade---------------Oh! Gee!__________Vamped'Em-------------Salesgirl Appel, M.-------------“Max -------------Silence ____________Explosion_______________Absence __________Don't Know-------------Ice Man Blcick, W. -----------“Will”-----------Studying-------------Loss of Books___________Stammering________Brains________________Night Watchman Bochner, E. ---------- Frankie --------Style________________1000 B. C_______________Bow-Legs _________Naturally_____________Manicurist Briggs, R.----------- Ruthie”----------Size ................Stretcher_______________Smiles____________Slipped Thru__________Nursemaid Brown, L.-------------“Loc ------------What’s His Name?..Who’s Who__________________Eyes______________Danced Thru___________Miss Liberty Bruck, S.------------“Sid”-------------Face ----------------Beauty Treatment________Quietness_________Mistake ______________Hot Dog King Cohen, B. ------------“Babs”-----------Freckles-------------Lemon Lotion____________Oh!!!!____________Rep __________________Movie Pianist Cohen, D.------------.“Dora -----------Shyness ______________Seminary_______________Flaxen Hair_______Beyond Us_____________Ladies'Tailor Cohen, M.------------•‘‘Red’’----------Hair------------------Dye--------------------Brief Case________Studied_______________Bachelor Crane, A.-------------“Lene ------------Conscientiousness____Falling in Love________Complexion________Worked ..............--.Housewife Dombusch, C.--------- Claire” ----------Conceit--------------Sixes__________________“Nines”___________Bluffed________________School Marm Epstein, H.----------- Eppic -----------Too Quiet------------Parties----------------He’s Not__________Who Cares?____________letter Carrier Farbstein, L. ------- Lee -------------Disposition --------Sugar___________________Mop ______________Noise —_______________Quack Doctor Feinbcrg, M.----------“Berg -----------Benign Expression ...Cough Up_______________Ancestry__________Carefulness___________Insurance Agent Feldmann, J. --------- jack -----------Feet------------------Opera Pumps------------ Tens ___________Drag__________________Dancing Teacher Ficrstcin, P.--------“Phil ------------Width-----------------Corset-----------------Voice_____________Jumped________________Auto Salesman Filacanevo, A.--------“Artie”--------...Size-----------------“Longies” _____________Hair _____________No Reason At All_______Midget in Circus Flcischncr, N. Frey. A. Dot” ...Collecting Dues .. Carfinkel, M. Goellcr, H. Goldberg, M. Mart he Goldberg, R. . — Fatty” - Past Goldstein, I. . Jerry” . Is He? .. Gorcwitz. J. .. Joe” ... ....Cold ..Translating Virgil . ... I«atin Teacher Oovendo. J. .. . lake .. ..Can't Tell Govicr, R. ... “Ruth . Bobbie” Grabcr. H. .. Fat ... D'-ct Grcenlxrg. N. Nat ... .Adenoids Greenfield. N. “Greeny Girl-Shv Gross, L. Lena” _ Halm. L. .... “Lenny .Bluffing ..Walked Chorus Girl Halprin, A. .. Ann” ... Walk Halprin. A. — Chink . Hecb, M Mary” .. Ways ..Inspiration H I m o u ( ) H Xante Nickname Ailment Remedy Heller, M.___________ Myry ..........Frivolity-----------Disappointment ........ Hclmcr, F.___________ Fritz”__________Girls_______________Uninhabited Island----- Hey man, ! ’II_I™-.“Paur .............Weight..............Milk Diet.............. Hirschbcrg, E.____—“Eddie” -----------School -------------Cut-------------------- Hymowitz, H........... Mymo ..........Talking.............Adhesive Tape.......... Irwin, F..............“Francic”_______Solitude............Wild Life.............. Holzman, S........... Calahan” .......Strength —..........Stronglady ............ Kabel, S..............“Sid ..........Arguments...........Foresight.............. Kaelberer, M......... Milly”..........Books...............Loss of Books.......... Kestenbaum, G........ Gus ...........There Arc None!--Can't Be .............. Kimmel, C............. Charley” ......Stubbiness..........Hang on a Jitney Strap. Kingsland, M. . Millie” .... Prompt Rising ..Gum the Seat Bashfulness ..Flirting - Kuskin, H. .. Mesh” j. The re is None “Svl” ..Pepper Laneburg, M. Mack” Whiskers ..Shaving Cream ...Hair ..Baldness ..Defeat 1 rvv E Ed” ..Daily Dozen ... ..Addfhg Machine .... „ Name ..Is There Any? Mandclhaum, F. . Flora” Perfection ..Flunking __ Limelight Martin, F. ..“Frank” Lingo - -R’s McN’ickle. A. ..“Art Ruth “Edna” ..Wake Up! Harry Mitchell K . Km” ..Yeast Morris. J. _.“Joo” Ask Dad Moskic” ..Amnesia “Milt ..Disillusion Parker, C. ..“Tilda” Affectation ..Eating Lemons Freda” Perlmuttcr, 11. . “Mush” Pestiness ..90 Days Permison, A. ..“Abie” _. Holiday Bill . .. Hopeless Jnle Quietness T. N. T. ..Knowledge Priestcr. C. ..“Ceil” .Carelessness ...Neatness Known By How They Cot Thru Fate Pug Nose -Used Her Eyes .Tel. Operator .Comments -Error Gas Man .Tell Me aitress ????? -Struggled I-aundress .Originality -Lease Expired Dog-Catcher -Teacher's Pet Dairy Maid .Baby Blue Eyes. ..Football — Truck Driver .Midnight Oil - Organ-Grinder .Parisian Styles (?) Pull Spinster ..Kibitzed ..Lecturer . Name — ..To the Tunc of Charley, My Boy”. ..Overbrook . Yes, Miss —' -Rose Model for Statues ..Dragged ..Polygamist .Honor Roll Pin. ..Knowing History ..Cook . Everybody —Unnoticed . Sailor's Wife -Sweetness ..Couldn’t Help It ..Nurse ..Physique ..Foolish Questions . “Over the Hill” ..(Iptimist ..Newspaper Editor -Buttinskincss ... -Kicked . Shyster Lawyer Fell . Conductorcttc -Red Checks ..Checked .Chaperon Did He? . Inventor .Hair ..Rushed .Barmaid -Stability ..Overlooked .Tramp -Senseless Chatter Talked . Soap Box Orator -Complexion . Collar-Model -History Marks ..Unobserved — . Matrimony .Room 114 ..Pardoned His Way—. . Bootblack -Sociability ..Miracles Still Happen.Cook -Hustling ..No One Was Looking. Jailbird -Industriousness . ..Much Effort .Newsboy .Ties —Lagged . Tourist -Teeth ..Used Judgment . Vamp -Red Hair ..looked Wise . Chorus Girl -See Ailment ..We’re Not Telling— .Blowing ..Teacher’s Banc . Bootlegger . Poundmaster -Winning Manner .Debating ..Political Boss -Al sent-mindednessWatchful Waiting .. . Bacteriologist - Father . Rabbi -Boys —Drawing . Artist Name Nickname Ailment Puth, H “Helen” Ramaglia, A. “Andy Rebcnfcld, M. Mill” Reynolds, A. Rittenband. L. “Li!” ...“Jerry . Rosenbaum, L. ... Rosinsky, B . Ben” Ross, F. Freddie” Sachs. I) “Debby” Schachtcr, F. “Flo” Schcckner, I. Izzy” Schenkel, G. Schwab, I'. . Charlie Schwartz, E. “Ed Schwartz. P. ... “Phil Shifman. J. “Joe Shpincr, II Harry Sissman, A. . Ann” Snyder, R. “Rufus” Solomon. P. Spector. H. Spitkovc, S .“Sally Stark. I . Julc Stern. H. . Henry” Stcrnbcrgcr. C. . Strauss. L. .“Lon Blah' Swanson. A. . Al Tiliis, H Tillic” Turkenitch, I. “Turkic” t slander. L. Lcnnic” an Yolkenburgh. B... Van” Waldo. N. Wehler. T. eissman. Y. “Yitzie Wenger. M. “Mitzie” ...Oh. Bov! Wild. D. “Don Wilder. S. Mulq Willsky, M. “Moc Wosnitzcr. D. ... Dave Remedy See J. Dempsey. .Girlless World _ High Honors ___ Flunking________ A New Nephew. Reprimam!_______ Baseball________ Common Sense .. Cave-man________ Muzzle__________ Cut It ......... Braces ______ Iceberg ________ Expose to Sun... Study __________ Push............ Golf............ A Change _______ Spikes__________ A New Brand______ Pony............. Stilts........... Loss of Books____ Bob _____________ Rattle __________ A Fall .......... Companions ______ Desert __________ Limelight________ More Acting______ Squeezer ........... Week’s Detention Eve-Sore_________ Muffler__________ Well. Well!...... Grow Up______.... Straight Jacket .. Love Affair______ A Jar............ Knowi By How They Got Thru Bate - Agrecableness -Efficiency ..Waitress -Swagger -Somebody’s Generosity Sailor - (higgle -Optimist Ms -Watched Her Chance. . Governess -Librarian -Personality -Joked ..Comic Editor - Features -Kicked Thru •All State End -Collegiate Clothes Vamped Faculty -Rudy Valentino II -See Directory ... -Ask Doc Austin -Cute Nose -Girth -Girls -Kan -Long Hair - Fiddled .Violinist -Glasses — -As Usual -Lankiness -Sister Sadie -Sneaked Thru . Terrible!!! -Worried Teachers Another Tildcn -Affability -Oh. Dear! -Deviltry -I’m Not That Kind of a Girl!! Private Secretary -Frivolity -Can’t Say “Ad” for Cosmetics -Gcorgic -Worked -Sweet Voice -Hair Henna “Ad -Associates -Goodness Knows! ... Reporter -Willingness -A Secret -Whom? -Dancing -On the Light Fantastic Movie Actress -Football Tickets . -Eventually Salesman -Freda Pastor ... -Played -Acting -Acted Actor -Head Bands -Shone Ivory Tickler -Clothes -Was Pushed - A thletics -A Puzzle Helen Wills -Cuteness -Troth -Obligingness .Real Talent -Curly Locks -Banana Oil! Macaroni Maker -Face -Deep Mystery Heaven Knows! -Stillness -Nobody Heard Him... Junk Dealer Wl THE OPTIMIST OR SATIRE- CANNIBALS cur 15 wilder i —, v uard eifKw CLASS SKrSCflAPEk WILD UTTWS HE HA5 AT LAST ' AE V. (THE fROUBLE WAS THAT HE ULONT Gtr HI5 HEAC OUT Or r £ w y.) W 13 SAM WOil- fAAH WILL 5J7U BE A B£cort£ irntnm'of'iMuiLmiN. Just coodIineman A lOUBLE WAS THAT ,r- 'COULDN’T GET HI5 HEAD CREffT AMBmotf v s ro graduate v 34 r— ANDY «A A fclM SEEMS To BE L00KIN6 FOR HIS NAME AAKWC THE REAT FOOTBAIL STARS WERNER LEDERER’S FAV- ORFIE PLAY USED TO BE THE MfRtBAAO Of VENICE “ NOW LOOK AT HIM’ M_________ _____ Of THE ROYAL 5AGES Or THT CLASS HE TELLS I IVt T0 IN SCHOOL MHN ALWAYS WAS AL CoodCE [Ryoin POL E5HUCK fiOUNO 70 RISE fWJHN ALWAYS WAS A GOOD „ DRESSER. NOW HES DRE55 N6 .SALARY ™£ VYPALU 67 CCT� r THE OPTIMIST Sidney G. Goldberg Lucille S. Strauss Marcus M. Harris OUR ZOO Lei’s go O South Siders out for a lark, Let us all go out to Bronx Park. There we shall see all our seniors sage Looking at us from behind their rage. Now as we enter what do we hear? The roar of Govendo. a great big bear. And look is that Ficrstcin we see over there. That terrible lion coining out of his lair? And who can that huge hippopotamus be? Bill Philipson, can it be you that we see? Can you see that replica of the dinosaurus? That’s the one-time proud senior, Jos. Morris. Ah. there’s the one from the land of the ski. I thought we would find him, Sam Lomachinsky. A dazzling white polar bear he’s turned out to be, But in spite of this, we arc glad him to see. No more can Sam Holzman go dashing 'round end. He’s that giant tortoise over there in the pen. We will now enter the tiger-house, And there we see Muntrick chasing a mouse. But fellow South Siders for you there’s surprize When I tell you Fred Hclmcr is that animal wise. At the monkey-house we arc able to sec Rubin Poleshuck, one of primates three. And in the cage, down near the door, Harry Pcrlmuttcr is asleep on the floor. And so all thru the zoo we go. Seeing our South Siders fallen so low. So be careful, O seniors, and don’t be so proud, Come back to earth, don’t fly in a cloud. els toe say it— Hey! This is the down stairs! .■Is the French tvould say it— Pardon, monsieur, but I believe zat zis is ze stairs downward. els the F.ngtish would say it— My word, old top, it’s bally rude of me to say so. but I perceive you arc upward on the stairs marked “down. As the German would say it— Mein (iott! You dumpcll don you know dat you is koing der upvays on dcr down ways stairs? els the Romans would have said it— Unto me the ability to speak is given saying altho you walk not otherwise than up, it is unto the greater pirt of us the downward stairs. Martin: I think that Gorewitz has a sterling character. Fcldmann : How is that? Martin: Yesterday he gave me a piece of chewing gum. even tho the election was over. One Bee: (who is watching funeral) Who do you think has died? Shifman: The man in the hearse, you sap. Honor roll students may come, Holl roll students may go; But the sixes march on forever. History Teacher: If every one in the class will bring two cents I will give each one fifteen sheets of paper. Martin : All right. I’ll ask my father about it. 68 THE OPTIMIST Xt7 ] THE INQUIRING REPORTER Every Day He Asks Five Persons, Picked at Random, a Question By Henrietta Stern TODAY S QUESTION Do you agree with Miss Maggie Migglcs that America is imperilled by high school education? Where asked—Broad and Market. THE ANSWERS 1. Jerry Jumbles, street cleaner—Why should any person consider a high school education an asset? I, a man of means, have never had one and see where I am today. Miss Migglcs, never having had one either, knows. 2. Davy Jones, groom—No one knows better than I how unnecessary a high school education is. All the histories of successful men in my line bear out this fact, that a high school education is a waste of time. 3. Abraham Bochuitzawizsky, hot dog vender— Miss Maggie Miggles sounds a deep warning in her address. History shows us that a high school education is entirely useless. Caesar never had one, neither did Brutus. Charlemagne never went to high school. Even our own Abraham Lincoln never went to high school, neither did I, so why should any one else care to go to high school? 4. Charlie Lee, Iaundryman—Miss Migglcs allec, lightee. Today we gottee big ploposition. Alice dumbells which go to highlec school stay so long they gcttcc be fifty-bundled years old when allcc leady and they never do work. Me no go highlec schoolcc. Me succccdcc allec light. 5. L. H. Smith, soda slinger—A high school education is quite unnecessary. I started to have one but I was asked to desist for which I am now very grateful. Today I can surpass any man in my line, having been at it for fifty years. Since I have needed no high school education to succeed in life, why should any one else? AN IDEAL PHYSICS TEST By Debby Sachs 1. What is the resistance of a l cd spring coil? Why? 2. Given the time T and the number of crumbs, to determine the currants in an ordinary cookie. 3. If the coefficient of friction is 98.7, what are the chances of sliding thru this course? 4. When R is the resistance, and T is the time, how long should it take you to tell her good-by, if R is practically zero? (Answer any three questions, including the fourth. Everyone should know No. 4.) momiE Bucoirn N € Under, a sPRiACMwa----- CUES7NVJT Tlttt, Tmc village Snirry stands tc. ____- ' 69 ESI Xc7 )J THE OPTIMIST Senior “Cross-Woids ” Try to Solve It, and Lose Some Sleep! Constructed by Willard Bleick. Definitions by Jack Feldmann and Werner Lederer This puzzle contains last names of Seniors and other words: Horizontal 1. Silence is golden (fern.). 5. King of Macedonia and son (masc.). 12. Short and sweet (fern.). 13. Our noted scribe (fem.). 15. Condensed (fern.). Vertical 1. Fatima’s brother (tnasc.). 2. What our parents do when they see our cards. 3. Comparative of a hot place (fem.). 4. Even (poetic). 6. Surgeon’s knife (fern.). 70 THE OPTIMIST Horizontal 18. Perfection of the marcel wave (masc.). 21. 1 B’s spelling of “come.” 22. Lion (1 A Latin). 23. Fifth sign of Zodiac. 25. Chemical Wizard (?) (masc.). 26. What we often do on test papers. 28. Some bird! (masc.). 29. Not out. 31. Price of one trolley ride (abbr.). 32. Cutter’s Society (abbr.). 35. August (C’mon, you French studes!). 37. Captain of the Guard (abbr.). 38. “Sid (masc.). 39. A relation (IB version). 40. The early bird (masc.). 44. All the girls wear it that way. 45. While. 46. A chew (colloq. for a long conversation). 47. Cicero the second (masc.) 48. Twenty cents a mile.” 51. Has long hair (fern.) 53. First to see rainbow (“It Ain’t Gonna Rain No More.”). 55. How we usually start our recitations. 56. Natural elevation. 58. Conjunction. 59. Future residents of Hades. 61. We often do it to get to our classes on time. 62. No good (abbr.). 63. Refer to No. 22. 64. To itch. 67. Page (abbr.). 69. The Girl Scout. 72. The effect that the thought of exams has on us. 74. A metrical foot (How we always loved to study about it!). 76. Prefix meaning air. 78. Clergyman cr (fern.). 82. Cows (Archaic form.). 84. Third note of diatonic scale. 85. Whose Izzy Is He?” 88. Lefthanded Spanish shark (masc.). 89. The long-legged sheik. 91. Worthless (abbr.). 93. What is given to undesirable people. 95. Spermatophyte belonging to the Conifera Family. 97. Civil Engineer (abbr.). 98. Denoting possession. 100. Antiquated by wireless (masc.). 103. Kute Kid (fern.). 105. Black. 108. Sons of American Revolution (abbr.). 109. “The Ham what-------?” 110. Eppic” (masc.). Vertical 7. Author of “The Gold Bug. 8. Look for her cartoons in this issue (fern.). 9. A sharp knife is some cutter. 10. Thank goodness he’s not Wilder. 11. Highest card in suit. 14. Thistle-bush (Dcutsch). 16. Again (prefix). 17. Red-headed papa (masc.). 18. Lomo” for short (masc.). 19. Noise. 20. Slang for a Bolshevist. 23. “Phat and Phunny” (masc.). 24. Old Testament (abbr). 27. Sunken track. 29. Tavern. 30. Toot’s husband (masc.). 33. Reflexive (Lat., Fr., Span.). 34. Twelve dozen (fern.). 36. Advertising manager for Stacomb” (masc.). 37. Often called Dora” by mistake (masc.). 39. Beast of burden. 41. A derrick (fern.). 42. Harold Lloyd’s sister. 43. Worthless (abbr.). 44. Bachelor of Science (abbr.). 49. To feel sick. 50. The mathematical wizard (masc.) 52. Towards. 54. A mythical by-product of the banana indjustry. 57. Behold! 60. A kind of bread. 64. 1 and 1. 65. Not out. 66. Inevitable with a collar. 67. Often thrown in the movies. 68. That red-headed gal. 69. Been (Swedish). 70. Stagger. 71. Conjunction. 73. Roly-poly (fern.) 75. A coffee cake. 77. Slang for can.” 79. One of Jupiter’s flames. 80. Snow skate. 81. Paderewski’s rival (fern.). 83. That little word that means so much. 84. Mother (colloq.). 85. Lake (Scotch). 86. The time that you'll try anything. 87. An Honor Roll stude (fern.). 90. Country on E. coast of Adriatic. 92. A huge floating mass made of green ice (masc.). 94. Champion eraser slingcr in Room 58 (masc.). 71 W[ THE O P T I M I S T 112. Land Property of a King (fcm.). 113. A president, a football star, and a champion cutter to boot. 115. 3.1416. 117. And (Lat.). 118. Behold! 119. Fragrant and medicinal exudation from cer- tain trees. 122. Dumb but happy (fcm.). 124. Definite article. 127. Man-eating demon (not exams.). 129. Fish of elongated form. 131. To use articulate utterance in ordinary voice. 133. A small part. 134. South American Monkey. 135. One a day keeps the doctor away (masc.). 138. Month of year (abbr.). 139. Dining table of horses or cows (masc.). 141. Shy. 142. Caraway Seeds—German (masc.). 143. Baby Blue Eyes (fcm.). 146. Prefix meaning “not.” 147. Another chemistry wizard (?). 148. The Class Wise Cracker (masc.). Note: The answers to this brain twister will 96. Desert watering place. 99. Comes from drinking too many ice cream . odas (see Wilder). 101. Prohibition. 102. Therefore (Lat.). 104. Void's partner. 106. Verb of being. 107. Every girl likes to make them redder. 109. Fermented malt liquor. 111. Hit with whip. 114. The science of cutting up and studying pickled animals (abbr.). 120. Conspicuous by his silence (masc.). 121. An insufficient portion. 123. He handles the dough in the lunch room. 124. We recommend Walter Camp’s “Daily Dozen (masc.). 125. Brand of oat meal. 126. And (Lat.). 128. Writes in Palmer Penmanship with his left hand (masc.). 130. Those who withheld the truth (IB spelling). 131. Noise made in using the olfactory organ. 132. Sweet potato. 136. Privy Council (abbr.). 137. Composition in verse. 140. A number rarely seen on our cards. 144. Even (poetic), found in the January Optimist.” Question Box Dear Ed—How can I become clever? G. Moskowitz. Dear George—Just listen to some of Phillip- son’s remarks in geometry. Ed. Dear Ed—How can I pass my French? Fred Hclmcr. Dear Fred—Don’t worry, old boy. Miss Cum- mings wouldn’t take another chance with you. Ed. Dear Ed—Why did Martha Goldberg change her name to Marthe? M. Cohen. Dear Max—Marthe has not been taking French for nothing. Eld. Dear Ed—What makes Uslandcr smile so much? S. Wilder. Dear Sam—Ask him what kind of tooth paste he uses? Ed. Dear Ed—What is the synonym for wise crack? J. Gorewitz. Dear Joe—Why—cr— sophisticated crevice.” Ed. Dear Ed—What makes D. Sachs blush when she goes thru the halls? P. Ficrstcin. Dear Phil—1 think she’s afraid somebody will propose to her. Ed. Arthur Frey wonders why we seniors arc so charitable when it comes to giving thanks, lend- ing an ear. and giving a push, but why the oppo- site is true when it comes to paying dues. Fierstcin was walking in his new Sunday shoes and his father, who is of Scotch descent, said. Philip, arc those your new shoes? Yes, said Philip. All right, my son, his father said, then take longer steps. 72 S5 I THE OPTIMIST •N0W1MV m WTUU3 6?EfnneL0 ( 0 R£RT ( RT CRITIC AH© . TLOneiWO tKPCRJ. GCX R53C IAM6URC£R 3CU£f1ktL HOT 006 WtflVT HJMRBtiE 5 HQPK N! ’ curtii c Roseti e Non HOno6� 5T TO THfc VCtMG OF KONGO wv fAnoo mrAWtg. a«o otie or rnt Ho o'- T«££l CLti £fi . O CK. q 0 nc% FtLOhfs«H ,V HQ VAii, hf‘6MT ;V«0 0«6ri� Ty° Oo £P 05-fXLU � o5 'v cnjW hn onto Jt H% slRGAU T HO£RlV ■$ . esnftGUF� ( ncx)! $eRRi-.Tc € tHOTeo khight , 1 OF THE .0 0« - SPvrxxt0 trowgweao- « MOHUi-CMt� 6Rotv 5 HOUTwsru vueuu KWC Y vHHTdKAU coutorc. peex w THE OPTIMIST Substitute: Where is Estelle Fischer? Martin: You can't see her because she's so small. Bruck: Why arc you always holding your feet out in the aisle? Caspar: Can’t you see my new shoes? TO----------- By Peggy Wood One teacher here is very nice, I like his classes much; He is fair to every kind. Be they British, French or Dutch. He talks and talks all period, And we, we listen well; But what it is he talks about We really cannot tell. A MUSICIAN’S CATECHISM Question: What is your advice to boys? Answer: B sharp. Q.: To girls? A.: B natural and avoid airs. Q.: Which is the most appropriate key for water music? A.: ”C.” Q.: With what do you decorate your waist? A.: With a band. Q.: What note helps in the dark? A.: The leading note. Q.: What medicine do you take? A.: A tonic. Q.: What note unlocks your door i A.: The key note. Q.: With what do you tic your boxes? A.: With cords. Q.: Name the smallest drum? A.: The drum of the ear. Q.: Who is your good fairy? A.: The metronome. Q.: Which key is in the army? A.: The major. Q.: What do you lean on in walking? A.: The staff. Q.: Name the anatomical instrument? A.: The trom-bone. Q.: Name some of the useful members of the orchestra ? A.: Strings. Q.: How do you weigh your motives? A.: In scales. Q.: What is your opinion of this cat-echism? A.: A fiddle-stick. The South Side teacher who tells his pupils and scholars not to study or smoke just before retiring is entitled to believe his advice will be heeded in part. We had submitted some of our efforts to the Chairman of the Personal Board of The Senior Optimist and after a week’s time we received the following reply from him: “Dear Sir: Your jokes received. Some we have seen before—others we have not seen yet.” After seeing our friend, Jack Dempsey, before and after he had his nose remodeled, we think it would not be a bad idea for the Senior Class to vote an appropriation from the Class Treasury for the purpose of an operation upon the nasal organ of our illustrious classmate, Mr. Samuel Callahan” Holzman. Altho only a few seniors know of it, a com- mittee of four has been appointed to consider the possibility of such an operation. After three weeks of careful and serious consideration, ob- servation, and study, the committee has unani- mously decided that the result of such a surgical task, tho very delicate, could be nothing but suc- cessful. The two obstructions now in the path of the committee arc the possible refusal of Mr. Holz- man to undergo such a painful operation and the all-important matter of the enormous expense of the operation. Altho the Treasury has a sur- plus of a few hundred thousand in pawn tickets, the cost of the bill will put a good-sized dent in our pockctbook. This must be deeply con- sidered, contemplated, deliberated, examined and studied, after which the committee must medi- tate, ponder, reflect, and think. If the selected group still survives it must carefully weigh the subject. But. between you and me, when the class learns the cost of this beauty treatment we think it will unnanimously decide that Captain Sam is indeed naturally handsome. Teacher: What dative is this? Pupil: Genitive of the whole! Canaries sing well: but the glee club sings a trifle better. More honors for our Alma Mater. Shapiro (during chcm. experiment on iodin) : What arc you getting all that iodin on your hand for Frank? Martin: So that the won bees will think I am a football player. 74 THE OPTIMIST IDEAL EXAMINATIONS History— Where was the Battle of Tippecanoe fought? What was the date of the Compromise of 1820? Where was Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address de- livered ? Where did U. S. Grant buy his cigars? Why didn’t Robert E. Lee shave? Why was Lincoln gawky? Why did George Washington have false teeth? Give the cause for the World War. English— Who wrote Wordsworth’s “Tinturo Abbey? What form of Spencerian verse is Spencer's Faerie Queen”? Give your honest opinion of poetry. Latin— Translate this passage if you feel like it. Re- member just memorizing a pony doesn’t show that you arc a Latin student. This prose can be done if you haven’t any other way to waste time. This sight passage was put here to let you guess how many English derivatives arc in it. Zoology— What makes a worm wiggle? Where did you get the idea man was higher than monkey? Gym Teacher: All odd numbers move forward. What’s the matter with you Ross, aren’t you odd? Gorewitz: No, he’s curious. Playing Safe Chem. Teacher: All those who think that this statement is true raise their hands. The majority of the class responds in the affirmative. Teacher (to Tiliis, who has not raised his hand): What’s your reason for keeping your hand down? Tillis: Well, Blcick didn’t raise his hand. Langburg: I had some drag with that teacher. Willsky: How’s that? Langburg: One day she pulled me way up to the office. Chemistry Teacher: Does every one in the class understand that equation? Class: Yes. Teacher: To make sure, I'll ask Pickarsky. Teacher: When did Columbus discover Amer- ica? Estelle Fischer: I know that; ask me some- thing hard. )Y0U WftU f’-- --yOrt LQQK I TO School y wo-vmoopu.!i _ Jwith An ex- (.N- prmco ftuu- mteCTRM UIIWc GfiMxjfu co PBCin jute of a enno card. wjt OQRG rt i YGUR.W WGWES 00 TW- StGN tvERMHlNfo s O.K.yjim V ow | THE G1AQMKTIQ • , UX (The wm GRMXXWQ . j l Qrt'BOx! no — JOKfttmGoP Fhere-vour YOU y[Mj( rO O' OOKlNfo I is h HERE. - VOUfc “ THE ym « U UITW pf u nl ge r yqo uu A T yO Pion —AHt) Ovj VP alu 75 THE OPTIMIST miw Democracy Teacher: 1 will now go on with my little talk---all seriousness aside --- Famous Sayings Ficrstein : Pay your dues. Gorcwitz: Get your tickets here. Teacher (4-A): Be sure to get your pictures taken this week. Gottfried: Did you do your chemistry home- work ? Govcndo: She surely is a “pip. Martin: I’ll smack you right down. Appel: I don’t know. Frances Bochncr: We didn’t get home until early in the morning. Cohen: Do you have to write in ink ? Lucille S. Strauss: Do you know any jokes? Jap” Halprin: Yay! Interstate! Helmer: Peep! Peep! “Dcbby” Sachs: Ha! Ha! Ha I A Senior translating Chaucer: -------- and he had pimples all over his face with little eyes. One morning after Cohn and Fcldmann had filed out of the class room cn route to the lunch room Car.” the democracy teacher uttered the following remark: “They go out for bottles now, as of yore; but they arc different kinds of bottles.” Martin doesn't have to wait until April to make a fool of himself. FIRST NIGHTERS AT GRADUATION By Debby Sac ns How much? My, it must be a good program. 1 wonder if they rented those suits?. Don’t they look sweet? Just like scarecrows. Why don’t they direct you to the right scat in the first place. Ten minutes to wait. No advertisements in the pro- gram. How interesting! I wish those kids up- stairs would hold on to their crackers, and stop yelling out loud. They’ll yell thru the whole show. Here comes the orchestra. What pretty hair the leader has. Will they ever quit that noise! 1 hope this is better than the last one so the seniors won’t have anything to crab about. The curtain! Singers arc pretty, but none too confident. Hope the music improves. Male lead sings well enough. Ah! At last, a plot. Who is that end girl on the right? Why can’t people get here on time? There goes my hat and oh! my toe. That’s a pretty song, costumes are also pretty. I wish that orchestra leader would stop waving his arms and quit moving his head around so much. Hasn't he pretty hair tho? Intermis- sion already. Who's in the wrong seat? Well, here’s where they put tnc and here’s where I’ll stay. Yea. Here’s my stub. Glad that’s over. Program continuing. Gee! That end girl on the right certainly is pretty. Pardon me. Why don't you pull your feet in? How do you like it, etc.? No. I didn’t get a pass out check. That girl is certainly good looking. Must be from out of town. Why don’t they sing again? Wonder what jokes they left out. I’ll have to get an introduction to that girl. Finale. Where’s my hat! A new Stetson from Truly Warner's. Quit pushing. If I don't sec you again—Well, Hello—Good Night. Given: Midnight oil and toil, Results in graduation. Given: Fun and jollity Results in fiunktuation. Johnnie One Bee: Teacher’s pet! Willie One Bee: No, do they? Evelyn Ahrendt: Did you get that Physics problem? Samuel Wilder: Surely. E. A.: Heavens, you’re smart! S. W.: Please don’t remind me of it. Estelle Fischer: Oh. I have just been thinking about something but it has drifted out of my mind. Mollic Wenger: H-m Driftwood,” I suppose. 76 85 1 THE OPTIMIST IW CROSSWORD PUZZLE (?) Horizontal (That' across). 1. Reason for the fall of Rome. 2. The left over (abbr.). 3. In the arms of Morpheus. 4. The ghost of a chance. 5. Law and order. 6. The day we celebrate. 7. Lower regions. 8. Mysterious organization (abbr.). 9. The condition of our heads. 10. What this is. Answers 1. Prose. 2. P. G. 3. Classes. 4. Re-exam. 5. Study. 6. Graduation Day. 7. Gym. 8. G. O. 9. Empty. 10. Fierce. Vertical (That's downward) 1. Utopia. 2. Evelyn Ahrendt. 3. Brain twister. 4. Where most of us arc going. 5. Our photographs. 6. All tens (slang). 7. Lunch-room products. 8. Largest part of us. 9. Result of cramming. 10. This. Answers 1. Graduation. 2. Blonde. 3. Exam. 4. Undecided. 5. Sickening. 6. Bunk. 7. Questionable. 8. Feet. 9. Headache. 10. End. The old saying, needles and pins, needles and pins, when a man marries his trouble begins, is true. We advise certain Seniors to take heed to this before it is too late. Heard in Music At the end of a record. Anna Sissman: I like that oboe, don't you? Mildred Kingsland (anxiously): Who is he? Teacher (in Chemistry): If you inhale too much chlorine, and you feel you need succor, why---- Voice (from class): Call the ambulance. Teacher: I trust I make myself plain? Ross (in a low voice) : Not necessary. Nature attended to that for you. Teacher : Now go straight home. Rosenbaum: I can’t. I live around the cor- ner. Teacher: What is it that makes statesmen great ? Lederer: Death! Teacher (handing back papers, when arriving at Schechncr’s marked ‘86’) : This must have been a very easy test, so many of you have received such good marks. Wilder (the philosopher): Did you ever stop to think how much life resembles a piece of machinery? Schcnkcl: No; how’s that ? Wilder: At every turn, you find a crank. E. Ahrendt: Why docs a small cavity always seem so large to the mouth? Dentist: I guess it’s just the natural tendency of the tongue to exaggerate. There’s a rime about a candle—the longer it stands the shorter it grows: but applied to Jack Fcldmann it is, the longer he stands the longer he grows. Jack Feldman and Debby had been quarreling. Jack said: Debby, you'll drive me to drink. And Jack walked out for his milk. Lilian Rittenhand: Gee. my arch hurts. Debby Sachs: Take your shoe off and step on it. Apologies to Mother Goose Dickory, dickory dare. The Seniors walked on air. But cards passed round soon brought them down, Dickory, dickory dare. 77 Senior tears and Senior fears Will make us old before our years. THE OPTIMIST utograpf)S 78 THE OPTIMIST W[ 1W’ utograpfj£ 79 ISeTr THE OPTIMIST 1X55T WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE PICTURE? A Naive Tale (In fact it’s the only one of its kind) Once upon a time, a senior went into a neigh- borhood store to secure an advertisement. No sooner had she stepped inside the door, than the owner advanced toward her with a broad grin and extended arms. Quoth he. “You’re just the one I’ve been waiting for. You must let me give you a full page ad for The Optimist. “With pleasure”, she replied, for she had ex- pected nothing less. Next, she went into another store, and another and another. (The reader may supply as many another's as may suit his taste.) After ma- king her rounds she returned home with her purse bulging with the day’s receipts. Soon the day came when she must hand in her ads to the class adviser. The number was so great that he had to refuse some of the ads so that the vast amount of wonderful material written for The Senior Optimist could all be put in. Signed-PEARL SOLOMON. President of the Ananias Club. P. S.:—I forgot to say that those whose ads were refused were so heart-broken that they made the senior promise to put them in the next month’s Optimist. Spector : Don't you like Goldberg's bow legs ? Wilder: Yes; they give him such an arch look. Distinguishing Things About Distinguished Seniors Emma Mitchcl’s height. Clarence Kohn's hair comb. Edna Mcistcr’s eyebrows. Jack Feldmann’s legs. Arthur Frey’s curls. Ruth Govicr’s poems. Dot Murray’s freckles. Belle Cohn’s report card. Evelyn Ahrendt’s light head. Arthur McNickle’s silence (in History). Hulda Gocllcr’s stories. Sam Hoizman’s size. Poular Songs as Dealing With South Side and South Siders Mindin’ My Business—Sylvia Landau. A Smile Will Go a Long, Long Way—Martin Goldberg. Two Blue Eyes—Mary Hecb. Going South—To South Side. Linger Awhile—Max Langberg. I Love the Girl That Kisses—Leonard Us- lander. Yes-Yes In Your Eyes—Dorothy Murray. Wow—Frank Martin. From One to Two—Detention. After the Storm—Returning of report cards. The world is astonished by a remarkable dis- covery made by one of our class. Fiorito, the eminent chem expert, has just found out that water is round. T H E OPTIMIST IW ENTERTAINMENTS FOR THE WEEK By Anna Room 105 Presents AMERICA A thrilling story of the United States. Di- rected by Miss Teacher. Admission sevens and eights. Reynolds Room 216 Offers LATEST THING IN JAZZ CONCERTS Played by the Phonograph Orchestra. Selec- tions from the famous Wagner, Mendelssohn, and others. Admission half hour homework each night. Room 50 Presents THE OLD SEA DOG Adapted from the story of the Ancient Mar- iner, by Coleridge. Story of the sea guar- anteed to make you think. Mr. H— directing. Admission one (1) test per month. JOE 'HOSE' MORRIS THERE VJto A MOVING FELLOW NAMED M05E, ME 5ANG WHILE HE. ATE,IF HE CW03E, WHEN QUESTIONED, HE SIGHED— AMD ANSWERED WITH PRIDE, YOU SEE FOLKS I SING. THRU hY NOSE? Room 210 Presents THRILLS. PUZZLES, SURPRIZES Professor Pointer will demonstrate his pow- ers in changing triangles to squares, circles, etc. Room 112 Presents WORLD FAMOUS RODEO See the three celebrated ponies, Virgil, Cicero, and Caesar. Sec them do their wondrous stunts. Room 104 Presents Series of Lectures on OLD SPAIN, AS IT WAS AND AS IT IS These lectures will be illustrated in text-books. Rooms 209 and 208 Offers A FLOWER AND PLANT SHOW , In connection with semi-annual animal show. The show will contain many relics of past years, c. g., ancient grasshopers, and crawfish preserved from the time of the “Seven Plagues.” Rooms 201 and 202 Offer JOINT ART EXHIBIT Cartoons, Masterpieces, Prints, and many other forms of art. Patrons arc requested to come early as a large crowd is expected, owing to this exhibit’s being free. Room 203 Offers Special Lectures on COOKERY IN THE HOME Free samples. Life insurance policies sold as a side line. Room 59 Presents ECONOMIC DEBATE Resolved, That detention shall be done away with. Students—Affirmative. Study Hall Teachers— Negative. Gym Teacher: Hey there, why aren’t you run- ning? Gorewitz: Can’t, I have a sore finger. 81 $0 1 THE OPTIMIST SENIOR SHOWS The Busybody—Werner Lcdcrcr. Be Yourself”—Evelyn Ahrendt. I’ll Say She Is”—Estelle Fischer. “Zicgfeld Follies —Mart he Goldberg, Belle Cohen, Pearl Solomon, Edna Hirschbcrg. The Guardsman”—Mr. Myers. The Saint —Hulda Goellcr. Cock o’ the Roost —Fred Ross. In His Arms —Debby Sachs. The Red Falcon — Red Schwartz. “The Miracle —Some of us graduating. High Stakes —Caps and Gowns. The Show Off —Samuel Wilder. The Farmer’s Wife —Freda Paster. The Haunted House —South Side. I-azybones — Andy Ramaglia. The Far Cry —January 31. “The Fake —Everybody Getting 9 for Final Marks. The Grab Bag”—Diplomas. The Little Angel —Emma Mitchcl. Strange Bed Fellows —Sidney Kabcl, Har- old Epstein, Harold Pcrlmuttcr. What Price Glory —Report Cards. Vanities of 1924 —Frances Bochncr, Yetta Weissman, Cecilia Pricstcr. Dream Girl —Mary Heeb. “Little Miss Bluebeard”—Sara Spitkovc. Shipwrecked —Philip Ficrstcin. The Best People —Honor Roll Students. Izzy —Israel Lyons. “Top-Hole —The last month, January. “Desire —To Graduate. The Fast Worker”—Willard Blcick. “The Turmoil —The night of graduation. Artist and Models”—Lawrence Rosenbaum, Lucille Strauss, I conard Uslandcr, Lenorc Hahn. Blind Alley —Our Future. The Steam Roller”—Final Exams. The Passing Show —Our Class. Little Jesse James —Ruth Lancit. He Who Gets Slapped”—Those Who Don’t Graduate. Peter Pan —Alice Swanson. Teacher: You arc not original enough, you follow the author too much. Graber: It isn’t my fault that I’m so good that you think I write like the author. Joe: You don’t, eh? It was his windpipe. Somebody stepped on his pipe at the game. Jack: I don’t see why he’d have to go to the hospital for that. Joe: You don’t eh? It was his windpipe. Heard at a Football Game I.ate Arrival: What’s the score? Early Arrival: Nothing to nothing. I atc Arrival: Must be a good game, eh ? Early Arrival: I don’t know, the game hasn't started yet. WHEN HOLZMAN PLAYS THE GAME I. There’s a thud of falling bodies, in the chill October air. Can’t you hear it? On the level it’s a sign That the mighty ranks arc broken, and the surest sort of token That “Hoary-Headed Holzman’s buck the line. II. Now the great throng sits in silence, ’ncath the shadow of the stand. Then you hear it—hear the shouting of the mass. While the boys in blue arc tumbled and the enemy is humbled As Holzman intercepts a forward pass. III. There’s a sound of frenzied voices bursting from each scat and tier, Comes a moment now to try a strong man’s soul— Then a roar like distant thunder as of heavens burst asunder, For Hoary-Headed” Holzman’s kicked the goal. SOUTH SIDE BLUES (To the Tunc of Limchousc Blues) By Pearl Solomon Oh! South Side High Oh, oh! Oh! South Side High, You arc the one who we’re goin’ to pass by In future years when our studies are o’er; Sighin’ and cryin’, we’ll go by your door. Oh, South Side Blues, We’ve those real South Side Blues. I«carncd from the ’Lumni those old school-time blues. Frcshic to Senior, four years soon fly by; And that is the story of old South Side High. In Geometry Teacher: Give me a ruler. Govendo: King Louis XVI. 82 Wl THE OPTIMIST THE BED POST Published in New York City by the Optimistic Blues Company Patent Applied For Entered as second class matter August 34th, 1946. Limberger, Pa., Aug. 34th. Returns of the recent election here show that the election for the office of assistant dog-catcher has resulted in a tic between Joseph Gorewitz, running on the Ku Klux Klan ticket, and Jerome Goldstein, of the Farmer-Labor Party. Next week, it is reported, another election will take place, in which it is hoped a decision will be reached. Both these candidates arc of practically equal ability; Gorewitz has already served in one position of trust, being elected last year to the high office of door tender at the 13th precinct police station. On the other hand. Goldstein has served his coun- try in the recent war, having been commissioned as stable sweeper of the 3rd Regiment. We are sure that no matter which one of the two honoi- ablc (?) candidates is elected, the office of assist- Pr6 essdr “ WftaX is JoflsiTy? Hclevi I Th ' I defiW, l?u1 I ivcyoM n •ff n sTrlTiovi „ fro essov - (tastVifl n IS jood ant dog-catcher will not be vacant next year, ana will be creditably filled. Skunkville, Mass., Aug. 31st. A beauty contest was held here last week under the auspices of the G. A. R. Post No. 147 , Vet- erans of the Spanish-Amcrican War, and was won by the pulchritudinous Alice Swanson. This fair maid amassed a total of 137 votes, almost twice as many as her nearest contender, Evelyn Ahrendt, who received 135. Miss Swanson will receive, as a token of her beauty, an Ingcrsoll Midget, valued at $1.00. She will also receive a collapsible rolling pin, donated by the ever popular Maques Q. Kone, president of the Post. Miss Ahrendt will receive as her gift a second-hand sardine can, which, it is hoped, since it is practically new, having been used only once, she will use to her best advantage. Fannichurst, N. J., Aug. 33rd. A record flight of 2,467 miles was attempted this afternoon by Major X. Jehosophat Fcldmann, the eminent aviator. The major attempted to break the world’s record of 2,466 miles, held by General Nuisance, of Italy. The major used a Durham Durplex, with a 400 Ford-power Liberty motor. He hopped off at 5:45 Middle Western time, and was back at 5:30, Middle Atlantic time. When he descended the major was blue with cold, altho his nose was still red from the effects of the night before. His altimeter showed that he had attained the astounding height of 2,465 feet, thus almost equalling the world’s record (of 2,466 miles). Special Announcement For the special benefit of those who wish to maintain a neat personal appearance, a new beauty parlor has been opened at No. 13 Easy Street. Our specialty will be restoring hope to those who feel they can never more attain that manly beauty or maidenly pulchritude for which they have been so long vainly striving. We will do our work while you wait. If you do not feel like waiting, leave your face here, and call for it later. Enjoy our easy credit plan. Come in and have your ears tucked in, your nose bobbed, your face ironed out, your eyebrows pressed, and your eyes shined up. You will never (be able to) regret it! Mildred Rebcnfcld: It’s against the law to build fires in New Jersey. Mildred Kingsland: Oh, the place I want to build one is in Irvington. Christmas comes but once a year. High school graduation once in a life time. 83 Itefl THE OPTIMI ST 1 BEDTIME STORY FOR SENIORS By the Wise Owl (Copyright S. S. H. S.) Whooo? Whooo? Why, it’s your old friend the Wise Owl. Here I am again to tell you stories; but before I begin I want to broadcast a few personal messages. Hello there, Sammy Holzman, that was fine playing at the East Side game. (I’m not referring to the band.) Keep it up Sam. You may be a star yet. Who can tell? Stranger things have happened. Now then, Dcbby Sachs, I certainly appreciated that little note you sent me, and I would suggest that you study harder if you wish to pass that history test of which you spoke. Evelyn Ahrendt, I’ve not had very good reports about you. I believe you’re not as careful as you should be. Don’t you think you can be more careful not to fall into boys' arms? Sorry, children, to have kept you waiting for this story, I hope you'll forgive me. Now then— Once upon a time not so very long ago, there was a wonderful school. It was the finest in the country, and its enrolment was exceedingly large. The school had a great variety of courses to choose from, among which were: a Detective Course, Public Speaking Course, Expert Engineers’ Course, Inventors' Course, Rat Catchers’ Course, and so on, too numerous to mention. The students who attended were fond of the school and were seldom burdened with long assignments, because the teach- ers did not believe in them for fear of disastrous results, such as brain fever. If a pupil was un- able to answer his lesson, it was not counted against him. In addition to being such a fine school, it had an excellent record for scholarship. Every Senior had been on the honor roll at least twenty-five times; and when graduation came every one received a diploma. Often the faculty had difficulty in determining who should be Valedic- torian for the graduating class, because of the close averages. Take it all in all it was an ideal corresponding school. My story is now finished, but if any one would like special information about this school they can have same by addressing your letters to WISE OWL. Southwest Tower, South Side High School, Newark, N. J. Next week the story will be entitled, “How to ■cut and get away w’ith it;’’ that is if the inkwells in Room 105 arc filled. Good Night. 84 Glee Club Aspirant: When I sing I get tears in my eyes. What can I do for this? Teacher: Stuff cotton in your ears. Football Player: Time out! I lost another tooth! Captain: Next time swallow them and don’t be holding up the game. Wise Senior in History Class: What did Sir Walter Raleigh say to Queen Elizabeth? She: Step on it, step on it, kid. Senior (enters a clothing store to buy a new suit for graduation): What’s this suit worth? Storekeeper: Fifty dollars. Senior: All right, I’ll take it on account. Storekeeper (getting scared) : On account of what ? Senior: On account of my other being worn out. What Seniors Sing As They Grasp Their Diplomas The Bright Boy: “To Have, to Hold and to Love. One Not So Bright: “That’s How I Need You.” The Fellow Who Just Got By: Somebody’s Wrong.” The Five-Year Student: “After the Ball Is Over. The Unworthy Fellow: “You Know You Be- long to Somebody Else. The Fellow Who Flunked: I’m Always Chas- ing Rainbows.” Marthe Goldberg: Isn’t Sam Holzman a handsome brute? The only draw-back to a successful high school career is the report card. Facts A girl who goes to the ice cream parlor with a boy: Give me a strawberry frappe with pecan nuts and cream. A girl who goes alone: Give me a soda. Alice Swanson: I helped mother dry the dishes. Frances Bochncr: Don’t work so hard; it isn’t being done. THE OPTIMIST CALENDAR OF EVENTS By Anna Reynolds Sept. 4—School opened and we rushed (?) back for a good early start. Sept. 5—Edna Mcistcr didn’t do her homework. Sept. 8— Settled down after several changes here and there. Sept. 9—Phillipson had his hair marcclcd. Sept. 10—Molly Wenger knew her English. Quite a change. Sept. 11—Special Defense Day Services in As- sembly. Sept. 12—Mr. Howe cracked his first joke this term. Sept. 15—A Monday and not much homework done, as usual. Sept. 16—“When I was a child I spake as a child,” etc.—once more. Sept. 17—4 A class election. A noisy time was had by all. Sept. 18—Marthc Goldberg lost her tongue and couldn’t go home without it. Sept. 19—The picture of the Prince of Wales was hung in our corridor. A group of girls soon gathered. Sept. 22—Ruth Briggs left her compact at home. We couldn’t recognize our little Ruth. Sept. 23—Nomination of G. O. candidates. South Side orators raised their voices on high. Sept. 24—G. O. elections. You all know the results. Sept. 25—Buclah Van Volkcnburgh wore a new pussy cat bow. Sept. 26—Friday. No school till Monday. Sept. 29 and 30—Holidays. The school was like a morgue. Oct. 1—Tie for G. O. president broken. Sam got it. Oct. 2—Election of Senators. Oct. 3—Our first football game. Oct. 6—Received our first marks. For better or for worse. Oct. 7—Dot Murray had a birthday. Oct. 8—Sam Wilder was unprepared for his classes. Oct. 9—Somebody was absent. Oct 10—Henrietta Stern rode to school in a teacher’s car. Oct. 13—Bloomfield beat us in football. Oct. 14—Noisy Assembly (usual thing). Oct. 15—E. Ahrendt found a penny. Oct. 16—Cecilia Pricstcr lost her lip-stick. (If found please return.) Oct. 17—Nathan Fleischncr was serious. Oct. 18—We beat East Side 39—0. Oct. 20—4A American History Test. Oct. 21—Collection taken to get Pearl Solomon a hair-cut. Oct. 22—Ruth Lancit, our elocutionist, recited “Jack and Jill” in a very dramatic manner. Oct. 23—Rubin Poleshuck forgot to use his Stacomb.” Oct. 24—Holzman knew his history lesson. Oct. 27—Senior Optimist work due. Oct. 28—Lilian Rittenband pestered her home room students for their dues. Oct. 29—Werner Lcdcrcr began to rave about The Optimist to any one who would listen. Oct. 30— Herman Tillis had his picture taken. Oct. 31—Some one had detention. Nov. 3—Cards and Assembly. Nov. 5—Proofs returned. Some proofs! Nov. 6—Senior Optimist meeting. It sure was a lecture. Nov. 7—Andy Ramaglia had his shoes shined. Nov. 10—Alice Swanson found a piece of apple in an apple fritter in the lunch room. And so the year wears on, one event after another. CURRANT’S HISTORY International Law BOBBED vs. LONG On the other hand an amelioration of an inter- national sore spot has begun. One of the Long •Haired arguments of apparent potency against Bobbed Hair was that it did not stay curled in damp weather. The Permanent Wave was held up as the way to peace. The question was con- sidered in the appointment room of the Beauty Parlor and was not decided upon, the reason being that Permanent Waving was a slow process. This year the report on the progress of new hair- cuts and shingles under the auspices of the Beauty Parlor showed twenty more nations of Bobbed Hairs negotiated thru the Beauty Parlor’s inter- vention. This year also the Long Hair delegation, feel- ing that the main heads of Bobbed Hair had been blocks to begin with, before the bobbing was done, introduced a resolution calling on the rest of the Long Hairs to invite comment favorable and otherwise on “the items or subjects of new coiffures which may be demonstrated with a view to use them at other international conventions in order to enable the Long Hairs to contribute in the largest possible measure to the pulchritude of the adverse sex.” The resolution passed on February 30 contemplates conferences on cos- metics which promise vivid complexions and wan ones. 85 Cwf L__________THE Q P T 1 M I S T — 2 — ORCHESTRAS — 2 — 'Dance to your heart's content HIGH SCHOOL inns BROAD i-HILL 5T5. NEWARK,N.J. Continuous Dancing Every Night THE ORIGINAL DIXIE- LAND JAZZ BAND” (Victor, Columbia, and Aeolian Record Artists) HI -HOP A Most Exquisite Dancing Party for Young Folks—Properly Supervised EVERY SATURDAY AFTERNOON COLLEGIATE NIGHT — EVERY THURSDAY AS WE ROLL ALONG By Joseph Gorewitz Two minutes to eight. Key gets stuck in locker. Finally the locker opens. Throw my Prince of Wales in. Rush up steps three at a time. Reach room panting like a race horse just when bell rings. Class looks glum. Always docs before the last bell, probably thinking they should have done some home-work instead of going out last night. That reminds me, what was I supposed to do for English? About to ask Moskowitz but sec Gott- fried. Ask him what we have in French instead. Can’t hear his answer. Noise of fellows talking about football, and girls jabbering like parrots about parties, dances, and “Isn’t he nice,” etc. Here in English class now. I’ll be in Dutch if he calls on me. Imbibe some poetry and then gym. Meet Phil Ficrstcin, a husky brute, dandy tennis player, and ardent supporter of La Follctte. Doesn’t talk much since the election. And there’s Jerry. Find Jerry and there’s Phil, a Damon and Pythias act. Now fellows are throwing football. Football bounces toward Kuskin who’s speaking to Schenkel. He throws it. I get it and whistle shrills. Who said I was lucky? Do Walter Camp’s daily and ready for trig. Bleick hurries in. Math- ematical genius. Used to solve those star prob- lems in Schultzc and Scvcnoak in Intermediate Gcom. Wish I were as cool as he is when taking a test. Somebody asks for solution of problem. Raise my hand. Put it on the hoard. Feel clever and Parmalce points out an error. Have to beat him in checkers for that. Bell rings. Excused. Pass 108. Fellows sitting there with long faces waiting for judgment. How's detention every day, etc. Well, now I’m in French. Have to give a resume. Clara Dornbusch snickers. I wonder how I could do French if I had a cold in my nose. Sylvia Landau now gives a resume. Bright girl. Was on debating team. Secretary of Class and on Senior Directory. I atin now. Interesting but takes hours to do. Mostly girls in class, only three fel- lows. Interesting class. “Dot Murray in hack of me translating now. Speaks in low voice. Then Leonora Gross. Only one on the honor roll thirty- five times, not so had. Knows her work, no ques- tion about it. By this time Aeneas is safe and sound and the bell rings. Last period, history. Some class, every seat taken. Best athlete Sammy Holzman, and smartest guy Sammy Wilder. Red” Cohen reciting. Been thru four years of high school with me. I’ll miss him in my next few years here. Teacher calls on me. Bell rings. Saved by the bell. Up to home room. Dismissed and another day gone by. 86 THE OPTIMIST ]W «tWAR A NEW OUTFIT, FELLOWS, for the CHRISTMAS VACATION! Tog yourself out for the holidays. A whole week of good times, dances, parties, etc. arc ahead of you. A new Larkev suit or overcoat will make you look your best. We have a stunning selection of Col- legiate Clothes that will fetch your eye. Just the style you want—at the price you wish to pay. the LARKEY co. CORNER MARKET AND HALSEY STREETS Open evenings till 9; Saturdays till 10:30 NEWARK LITTLE JOHNNY’S FATE By Gkorce Schenkel Little Johnny Jones, as a freshman he did start He did his homework faithfully, took cv’rything to heart. At the end of the term, two nines, an eight, and a, seven Made his average firm, and sent his thoughts to heaven. But little Johnny makes a vow: he'll get out in four and a half. The moral of this poem is, little girls and boys, Pass your evenings studying, do not look for joys, And, if you do not heed my little warning true The thing that ruined Johnny, will also ruin you. There goes Johnny Jones, he's now a sophomore, His English all is fearful, the teacher is a bore. He spent his time in cutting, and at the end of a year His marks, they were so low, they made him sick with fear. His third term started well, he tried to do his best, The first two months came easy, ’til the boys began to jest; Then our little Johnny, he was in an awful fix For on his card that month appeared an eight, two sevens, a six. Our Johnny is now a Senior, which makes him feel so great, He wastes his time at dances, leaves everything to fate; And now comes graduation, which makes some seniors laugh, 87 55 1 the optimist H agT Countless Hostesses have achieved a Reputa- tion with the Cooperation of DAY CATERER 899 BROAD STREET NEWARK INTERESTING NEWS FOR STUDENTS We are sure the students of South Side High (or the students of any other school, for that matter) will be pleased to learn that a new book has just been published by the Reading, Ritcing, and Co. entitled, Excuses For Every Occasion.” This little manuscript contains a collection of twenty-five excuses for either absence or tardi- ness. Besides the excuses themselves, the book contains directions for choosing the right excuse for the right time. Here is a sample excuse, selected from those in the volume itself. Mr.------ My dear Miss----- (cross out improper title) son-------- Will you kindly excuse my daughter--- (cross out wrong sex, and fill in name of criminal) for tardy being absent (check your offense ( on--------- (write In day) the-----------------as he was obliged to remain (date of month) at home to mind the baby while I went downtown to buy a loaf of bread? Respectfully yours, ---------Mrs. ----------------- Say It With Flowers WOLFINGER FLORIST 883 Broad Street Newark, N. J. Telephone Mulberry 3404 Tuition and General Practice in MODERN BALLROOM DANCING M. C. RICHARDS STUDIOS 653 BROAD STREET Tel. Market 9950 Chem Teacher: Does fluorin occur uncombined ? Joe Shifman: Yes, it is found uncombined in compounds. Chem Teacher: CaF2 is the formulae for fluor- spur. Abe Halprin: Any relation to valspar? This Is a Bird Wilder: What is it that has wings, flies, eats worms and whistles Yankee Doodle”? Gorry” (thinking hard): I give up. Wilder: A bird. “Gorry” (menacingly): But a bird doesn’t whistle Yankee Doodle.” Wilder: Any fool would know it’s a bird other- wise. That’s just to make it hard. Translating French: Avoir beau d’applcr: To have a beaut of an apple. Phillipson (collecting class dues) : “Give me a quarter or give me death.” Gorry” (after trying to sell football ticket to a stude) : You hold your quarter so tight that the American Eagle screams. THE OP T IMIST ]W The Real Caterer SIMON DAVIS 943 Broad Street Mulberry 0800 Education Is Essential SO IS A PURE WOOL SWEATER KOORSE KNITTING MILLS sells them for all-year-round purposes. All Sweaters and Bathing Suits Guar- anteed for 100% per cent pure wool. Every Sweater Kept in Repair Free for One Year Special Discount to South Side Students Koorse Knitting Mills 345 SPRINGFIELD AVE. Opp. Bergen Theater TELEPHONE WAVERLY 8835 National Clothing Company o-------------------------o COLLEGE CLOTHES O-------------------------O 215 Springfield Avenue Corner Charlton Street “OLD FAMILIAR FACES” IN 215 By Debby Sachs Feeling the Way I Do, said Lyons, “I Must Have Company.” Ha! Ha! Don’t Make Me Laugh, answers Andy. Rosenbaum thinks that Lucille Strauss must have the Forgetful Blues,” hut Lucille has this idea,— What's Today Got to Do With Tomor- row?” Fierstcin keeps asking Epstein, Where Is That Old Girl of Mine, and Epstein tells him that she’s in “Shanghai,” where She’s Every- body’s Sweetheart.” Holzman reads his Morning Ledger In the Candle Light, while Rosinsky keeps thinking of An Orange Grove in California.” Alt ho Stark is a red-head, we are all sure that he’s always dreaming of That Red Head Gal.” What'll I Do” asks Mollie Wenger, because she knows her paper is due to-day You should not have dwelt upon Memories Flora Mandcl- baum tells her. Flo studied till Three O'clock in the Morning”; left her Romancing” for the Morning After” and passed her test with a 10-. Nobody Loves You Like I Do, says Shpiner to Pcrlmutter. Kcstcnbaum tells him to G’wan With It. Dreamy Melody and “Love Tales have no effect on Ida Turkcnitch and Freda Paster. Abe Halprin believes in Sittin’ in the Cor- ner. If my thetory is correct—Mildred Kingsland, Mildred Kaclbcrcr and Mildred Rebcnfeld arc not The Girls That Men Forget.” Pickarsky is always “Mindin’ My Business. In Edna Levy's case we may apply Laughing Eyes, while Anna Sissman is one of “The Sweet Quiet Kind. I myself am convicted of being A Panama Mamma.” History Teacher: Tell us something about Fort Sumter. Clarence Kohn: Fort Sumter was discovered in 1492 and---- American History Teacher: By whom was the Mason and Dixon line, that famous line which separated the slave from the free states during the Civil War, laid? Joe Morris: It was laid by Gallagher and Shcan. 89 ISSTl THE OPTIMIST Hardware and Housefurnishing NUNGESSER’S 501 Clinton Avenue Tel. Ter. 0S75-7G PARKS DRUG STORE “The Store of Quality and Service Hawthorne Ave. and Bergen St. Newark, N. J. S. Green C. Sacharow ROSEBUD DANCE ORCHESTRA For Appointments Call Terrace 1247 J. Kaplan E. Kobetz NEIGHBORHOOD SHOP 103« BERGEN ST. NEWARK (Near Lehigh Avenue) Attractive Line of Ladies’ Hosiery, Gloves, Lingeries, Negligees and Bath Robes, Children’s Hosiery and Gloves, Dolly Dimple Dresses, Sizes 2 to 6 Years BYE LO BABY DOLLS Guaranteed Full Fashioned Hose in All Colors, $1.35 OPEN EVENINGS UNTIL NINE SENIOR ADS We have to be Appel—Wholesale fruits. Most careful or Brown—Cough mixture. Our last term will Cohen—Ice cream cones. Take flight. Crane—Derricks. What is that high Epstein—Epsom salts. Integrity Fischer—Bread. Our forefathers Flax—High-grade linen. Relate Frank—French standard coin. When wc must sit Frey—Oysters on the half shell Up nights liecause Holzman—Lumber. We want to graduate. Kabel—Cables. Lancit—Surgical instruments. I've almost lost Lederer—Evcrsharp leads. My patience and Mitchel—2000-Yellow cab. My hair’s become Parker—Rolls. Quite gray. Paster—Milk. This menace dogs Pickarsky—Tooth picks. My every step Reynolds—Portraits. And fills me with Sachs—Potatoes (o' $2.00 per. Dismay. Snyder—Tailor. There can’t lie peace Stark—Iron. On earth again We're losing all And I can’t thank My Stars Our beauty sleep Nor cease my watchful Get not a wink Waiting till At night; I’m sure I graduate. 90 The Senior Class is unique (some word) in having a sort of war-cry. It can he heard often and from a great distance. It is almost un- necessary to tell you what this phrase is. Any- way. shift your eyes below: Peep! Peep! A. HIRSCHBERG Teacher of Violin and Saxophone 414 CLINTON AVE. NEWARK Telephone 4464 Bigelow Little Miss Muffet Was out to rough it In socks and knickers gay; ’Long came a bull Of anger quite full And scared little Miss Muffet away. PURE MADE PRODUCTS CO. Manufacturer� and Jobber� of Bakers. Confectioners and Ice Cream Manufactur- er Supplies, Utensils and Machinery 420-422 Ogden Street Newark, N. J. Phone Mulberry 0296, 4688 AT 50UTH S70£ AW.T MUNTRKK MADE MS LETTeA-rCTTF OOTBAU A f£VN te lRS ROM NOW KTW U At AM TMf l fo PASE TIWS W IN 93V ARTHUR FKft will STILL BE A GOOD Tff KKMAH PRDPHECI FDR 50ME SENIDR ATHLETES 91 THE OPTIMIST Phone: Bigelow 1642 G. HOLDER INTERIOR DECORATOR Draperies - Rugs - Art Furniture 116 Clinton Ave. 1 Parkhurst St. Newark, N. J. Cretonne Boxes, Slip-Covers, Tea-Wagons, Curtains, Mirrors, Consoles, Floor-Lamps, Table-Lamps, End-Tables, Tables, Vases, Etc., Etc. MB NEWMAN’S Prescription : Drug : Store Johnson - Mandeville Company M. D. NEWMAN. Ph.G. HARDWARE 328 Hawthorne Avenue Factory Supplies, Pipe and Fittings “At Huntington Terrace” 496 Broad St. and 8 Bridge St. YOUR FAMILY DRUGGIST Newark, N. J. HE IS ALWAYS AT YOUR SERVICE ADVERTISEMENTS Raised on Mcllin's Food and Milk —Phil Fierstein. “A skin you love to touch’’—Xca Norton. “3 and its yours”—Caps and gowns. Play yourself into popularity —Belle Cohen. Dainty-form —Ruth Briggs. I want you —Mollic Garfinkcl. Lose a pound a day —Estelle Fischer. I would not part with it for $10,000 —South Side High School (?). One happy day —Graduation. “The Brush waved-bob”—Mollic Wenger. “On every woman’s lips”—Lipstick. “What a whale of a difference a few cents makes —In the lunchroom. There's a reason”—Why we didn’t graduate. “Ask Dad, he knows —Report Cards. “The Secret of Drawing”—Norman Green- field. Room for 5 toes”—Jack Fcldmann’s shoes. “Their music sways a nation”—South Side’s orchestra. Your future —See class prophecy. Ten Years Ago —We entered South Side. “57 Varieties —Graduating Class. “Compare Champions”—Holzman and Ra- maglia. Be a livewire, and you won’t be stepped on. PROCESSES OF EDUCATION L Registration—Big rush. 2. Inflammation—Getting ready for the foot- ball season. 3. Gravitation—Getting thrown by your card. 4. Temptation—Desire not to study but to see new show. 5. Illumination—Studying. 6. Syncopation—Our socials? 7. Realization—Getting term’s mark. 8. Culmination—Going home with the good news. TH!v5 IT IS iMDKb POQTHt POTuec COUKC rjen- rr 92 THE OPTIMIST 1 . ..THE . .. Lippel School of Dancing Announces the Opening of the NEW STUDIOS AND BALLROOM Located in the heart of Newark. Available for bookings for Sorority and Fraternity Dansants and for all exclusive occasions. You arc cordially invited to inspect our beautifully decorated ballroom. Strand Theatre Bldg., 120 Market St. Mulberry 4722 Private and class lessons daily for chil- dren and adults. Social, Ballet and Stage Dancing. CASTLE’S ICE CREAM PURER because HEATHIZED ROOM 114 BEFORE CLASSES I peeped into room 114 a few minutes before eight o'clock and saw Ruth Govicr industriously bent over her books. I decided it was too early to go in so I took a few more turns around the corridor. B-r-r-r, the first bell and away I dashed so as to get in the home-room before the late bell. When I reached the room I found, Florence Shachtcr, Belle Cohn, and Ruth Snyder engaged in a lively talk about the terrors of history tests, while in another part of the room Robert Casper, Dorc Cohn, Harold Milward, and Norman Green- field were talking about radio, if one can judge by their gestures. Herman Tillis was at the door endeavoring to persuade the members of the class that they needed a football ticket in order to sec our team win the next game. Frances Irwin fell for the bait as well as Mildred Schroeder. Edna Hirschbcrg and Ruth Lancit were study- ing history so hard that they could be heard re- citing the Compromise of 1850 anywhere in the room. Allenc Crane and Lois Brown were rather silent, which was a most unusual event. It may have been because Cecilia Priester and Helen Puth were doing more than their share of talking. Arthur McNicklc was having his trials as agent for The Optimist, a task which he seemed to relish. Harold Graber and Carl Kress who were read- ing a week-old paper and seemed to I annoyed by the voice of Lilian Rittenband, who was trying in vain to secure funds from Clarence Kohn and Clara Dornbusch, who paid no attention at all to her. Arthur Collani and Milton Haase were parked comfortably in the back of the room, cracking jokes or exchanging the news of the day, or rather the night before. Milton Muntrick, when not talk- ing, was gazing out of the door, we presume in hopes of seeing Clarissa Dccrin. Nearer the front of the room Emma Mitchel was tormenting Anna Reynolds as usual, while I.esnik was receiving a call-down from our teacher. Ah, the last bell and just then Naomi Waldo dashed in. Better late than never, Naomi. The other day Ruth Govier powdered her nose so hard it bled. 93 THE OPTIMIST Sterling Ice (reau ‘Deliafitfully 'Delicious French Teacher: What recent movie was taken from Victor Hugo's Notre Dame le Paris?” R. Polcschuck: The Woman of Paris!” We asked one of our debaters what an orator was and he said, When you ask an ordinary person how much two and two arc, he would say four. But when you ask an orator he'd say ‘when in the course of human events it becomes necessary to take the numeral of the second denomination and add it to the figure two, I say to you, and I say it without fear of successful contradiction, that the result will in- variably l c four.’ That's an orator. Phone Market 9430 Largest Retailers in the State WASHINGTON FLORIST Floral Designers and Decorators 577 Broad Street — and Central Avenue Newark, N. J. Flowers delivered everywhere through our Telegraph Delivery Association on short notice. Strictly Highest Grade Cut Flowers. —: THE STYLE Stunning Models in LADIES’ APPAREL at Popular Prices 443 Springfield Avenue Debby” Sachs rushed up to a teacher at an Optimist Board meeting. “I've had a terrible misfortune, she announced. My 3 year old little brother got at my Optimist work and tore it to pieces. Extraordinary that a child so young should be able to read, said the teacher. Martin had a reputation for coming in late every morning. Then suddenly he gave the whole classroom a shock by arriving to school early for three days running. Ah, said the teacher, I am glad to notice you are arriving punctually now. Martin. Yes, sir; I’ve bought a parrot. A parrot? What for? I told you to get an alarm clock.” Yes, I did. but after a day or two I got used to it, and it failed to waken me. So I got the parrot, and now when I go to bed I hang the alarm clock just above the parrot’s cage. It wakes the parrot up, and what the bird says would rouse anybody. Teacher (reading notice): The members of the Glee Club will please report in the Assem- bly immediately after the second period. Andy Ramaglia: God save the audience! 94 THE OPTIMIST W[ ]W What is the difference between an OPTOMETRIST and an OPTIMIST? None—They both make things brighter DR. JOSEPH H. SALOV OPTOMETRIST and OPTICIAN Suite 107 to 110, the Albert Building 404 Clinton Avenue Newark, N. J. Between Bergen St. and Chadwick Ave. Eyes examined and glasses fitted exclusively Salov’s Sight Service SalisfieS THE ELKAY COMPANY 235 MARKET ST. Newark, N. J. Newark’s School Supply House for GRADUATION RINGS and PINS MEDALS and TROPHIES Souvenirs of All Kinds for BANQUETS, PROMS and GAMES Clubs and Fraternities may secure our circular by request Mary: I became acquainted yesterday with a young man, at whose very touch I became ner- vous. Jack: And who is this young man? Mary: My dentist. Teacher (discussing the topic of wind): As I was coming on the car this morning, something came in thru the door and kissed me on the cheek? Can anyone tell me who or what it was ? Govcndo: The conductor. Fred Strubbc: Did you get that sheet of glass 14x12 for our window in school? Frank Martin: They didn't have any more 14x12 panes. The only size they had was 12x14. Fred Strubbc: Well, why didn't you get that? We could have put it in sideways. Helen: When Harry proposed to me he acted like a fish out of water. Mary: Well he knew he was caught. 20 Year Hence Feldmann : What is I anghurg doing now? Wilder: He's a diamond setter Feldmann: A diamond setter? Wilder: Yes. he sets out at the baseball park every afternoon. ' MV ' TmT V foresight op EYESIGHT Have your ryes examined notv. Master in the Art of Examining Eyes and Fitting Glasses CHARLES W. CASPAR OPTOMETRIST—OPTICIAN 566 BROAD ST. NEWARK, N. J. (Broad St. Theatre Bldg.) PHONE MARKET 3870 BILL PWILUPS0N. FIRST SOUTH SIDFR TO WRITE A DICTIONARY AND WAVE WORDS LEFT OVER. 95 THE OPTIMIST ]W DAY, KELSCH CO. CLOTHIERS One Thousand Three BERGEN STREET ALPINE PHARMACY (Just Down the Hill) BREYER’S DELICIOUS ICE CREAM SERVED AT OUR FOUNTAIN ELIZABETH AVE. Cor. Alpine St. Wrecker Service Phone Terrace Phone Mulberry 4985 Day or Night 3 4 8 1 Members A. F. of M. Automotive DORN KIRSCHNER Repair Sales Company Wholesale and Retail Jobbers of All We make a specialty on Rebuilding all Kinds of Musical Instruments Makes of Cars and Trucks with a 60-day Guarantee 111 SPRINGFIELD AVENUE 43-45 LILLIE ST. NEWARK, N. J. Newark, N. J. BATTERY SERVICE Isaac Morris, Manager BUESCHER Leah Farbstcin, translating in Spanish: The beautiful Moors came together from all over the country and their beds. If we had radio in the Caesarian era, the pro- gram would look something like this: Station T-O-G-A. Prima Vigilia: One Round Brutus vs. Consul Caesar. Announced by Mark Antony. Secunda Virgilia: Luke Catiline will speak on “How to Become a Conspirator.” Tertia Vigilia: Cytherea Venus, in her weekly lecture on The Use of Beauty Clay.” Prima Hora: M. Apollo will give his morning reducing exercises. Secunda Hora: “The Sirens” will sing some news songs accompanied by Scylla and Cerberus. Tertia Hora: Echoes from Olympus” by direct wire from the oracle at Delphi. Quarta Hora: Aeneas of Troy, will give a lec- ture on My Seven Years in Aequore.” The following question was seen on an examina- tion paper on Forest Products : Make a table of the chief uses of wood in the U. S. and give in round numbers the amount consumed under each head. 96 THE OPTIMIST ]W Ell A. Maull Edna M. Maull THE MISSES MAULL Pianoforte Instruction Home Studio: 911 South Sixteenth St. Newark, N. J. QUINCIE TONSORIAL PARLOR LADIES’ HAIR BOBBING A SPECIALTY MASSAGING — SHAMPOOING 351 Avon Avenue Near South Tenth St. Newark, N. J SENIOR ALUMNI SINCE 47 B C. January 1—Cleopatra uses Palmolive soap. Ruth Briggs tries same. 13—Chewing gum invented. Lcnorc Hahn tries this. 28—Stacomb first used. Fred Ross tries this. 30—New way of copying drawings invented. Uslandcr tries this. February 1—Three Musketeers found to be al- ways together. Mildred Kaelbeauer, Edna Mcistcr, and Emma Mitchell form one trio, Anna Sissman, Mildred Kingsland, and Mildred Rcben- feld, the other. 9—Mohammed writes Koran. Hulda Goeller writes story. 19—First telephone conversation. Sam Wilder starts to talk. March 1—Clocks invented. Lilian Rittcnhand gets new crystal for hers. March 14—Battle of Waterloo. “ Calahan Holz- man” enters football. April 1—Sphinx built. Flora Mandelbaum ut- ters first word. 16—A new kind of compact invented. Yctta Wcissman first one to try it. 22—Sousa’s band comes to Newark. Ray Gold- berg, Freda Paster, and Ida Turkcnitch try to catch up with him. FOR GOOD DANCING BERRYS DANCING STUDIO 832 Broad Street (Next to Central R. R. Station) The most beautiful studio in New Jersey The studio may be rented for closed dances PHONE MKT. 086S THE ELITE SHOP “The Store of Service and Value” FANCY DRY GOODS and ART GOODS ........... 1062 Bergen Street Newark, N. J. 30— Smiles first noticed. Florence Schachtcr .practises these. May 1—Malted Milks discovered. Molly Wen- ger tries these. 5—My birthday—enough of an event! 11—Study first considered a good thing. Belle Cohen tries t'.iis. 31— Teachers learn how to make tens. Jack Feldman is the one they practise on. June 1—Getting ready for exams. 15—Half a month less! 30—We graduate!!!! Who can tell? Just after the apple hit him on the head Sir Isaac Newton became suddenly serious: “I realize the gravity of the situation. Here’s an item that says that the King of Sweden raises prize dogs on his farm,” observed Phillipson. “I suppose he uses them to drive his Stock- holm, replied Govcndo. Don’t hold your head too high—your neck may be dirty. Teacher: Listen to what I am going to show you! THE OPTIMIST PEERLESS SIX The “Balanced” Six PEERLESS EIGHT The “Equipoised” Eight Drive these new models of one of America’s foremost manufacturers of fine motor cars, and ascertain for yourself the meaning of our slogan, “Peerless-all that the name implies” J. W. MASON SONS 982 BROAD STREET NEWARK, N. J. 98 THE O PTIMIST W[ ]W GREENWOOD’S DRUG STORE FEDERAL FOOD CO. 907 Bergen Street Corner Hawthorne Place Wav. 0811 Phones: j Big PRIME MEATS GROCERIES and VEGETABLES KRAEMER WANKE INCORPORATED 1S2 Elizabeth Ave. 114 Wilson Ave. 100 Astor St. 106 Orchard St. 518 Mulberry St. 276 Main St., E. O. BAKERS’ SUFPLIES 358 Washington Street New York Telephones: 6970, 6971 Walker The height of extravagance: A man wearing a necktie when he has a beard. Teacher: What docs H SO stand for? Baseball Fan: For two hits, and three strike outs. Martin and Gorry” walking side by side down tht corridor. Martin: What's next to a gorilla? Gorewitz: A monkey. Martin: Ha, ha, you’re a monkey. Feldmann: What’s your topic in Chemistry? Schcnkel: “Anthracite , that is a good one. Feldmann: Yes, good and hard. Ramaglia: My mind is my memorandum. Lcsnick : Oh, I see, a sort of blank book, eh ? Teacher: Name the principal parts of a sen- tence. Lucille Strauss: Solitary confinement, bread, and water. Wild: When I read it, I was wrapped up in my thoughts. Wilder: Didn’t you catch your death of cold? Kuskin: What arc nitrites? Spector: Rides after dark. A certain teacher’s marks are so low, that you would think she spent her vacation in Germany. Cl� tUbn Cv sr To PUnTe jToH wau for hi aUlvTS bUfS smd 99 THE OPTIMIST 1T5 ' Phone Market 7220 Everything for the Roof MOSKOWITZ BROS. Jobbers, Dealers and Manufacturers Tinners’ and Roofers’ Supplies Office: 130-136 Broome St. Shop: 156 Baldwin St. Newark, N. J. Fine Reed Sun All Kinds of Parlor Suites Repairing Done — Manufacturer of — Table and Floor Lamps, Fancy Flower Stands—Other Articles Made to Order A. KAUPPINEN 767 BERGEN ST. NEWARK, N. J. 100 Tel. Terrace 3924 STEELE’S BEAUTY SHOP LADIES’ and CHILDREN’S HAIR CUTTING A SPECIALTY Marcel Waving, Manicuring and Facial Massage—Appointments Made—Open Evenings until 9 P. M. 92 Scheerer Avenue and Bergen Street Newark, N. J. Phone: Terrace 4568 EXIDE BATTERIES SERVICE STATION Open Day and Night Auto and Radio Batteries 205-207 CLINTON AVENUE Newark, N. J. If your heart is aching for Something good to eat call at TEITELBAUN BRAGMAN Delicatessen 475 Clinton Avenue Near Bergen Street - Newark, N. J. We Cater from a Bite to a Banquet Office: Mulberry 3736 MAX LOMACHINSKY STORAGE WAREHOUSE Also Dealer in COAL. COKE. FEED, HAY STRAW and OATS 50-56 Montgomery St. Newark XOJ] THE OPTIMIST AMERICAN FOOD CQ Jhe Quality Stores uhth thejjellouf Fronts INTRODUCING TO YOU AND YOURS i PROGRESSION 1 coffee“x Earnest Teacher: Money docs not bring hap- piness. Ruth Govier: Yes, but it carries it a long way. Chemistry Teacher: They have asked me to suggest what equipment to put into the new “West Side High chemistry laboratory. Martin: It wouldn’t be a bad idea to put lounges in there. Dore Cohen: Why arc you putting pillows around the house? Feldmann: I’m going to put up an aerial, and you can never tell what is going to happen. Martin : I’m leaving school. Levy: How’s that, are you in trouble? Martin: No, I’m graduating. Teacher: Who was it saw the handwriting on the wall? Cohen: The landlord. Teacher: Is the world flat or round? Holzman: Neither. Teacher: What is it then? Holzman: Crooked. PHIL FIBRStEiN — 'DARLING WtfCN YtfO ARE. AM, I HAVE YOUR PICTURE IH Iff tUHO QOHOTHY SACHS 0H PHIL HOW SHALL you HAKE ME FJEEL ' % 101 the optimist BENJ. MICHAELS UP-TO-THE-MINUTE Stationery Greeting Cards W. J. WOLF STYLES in Cigars, Tobacco, Toys, Ice Cream LADIES APPAREL Newspapers, Magazines and Confectionery 156 Springfield Avenue Bigelow 5560 812 Clinton Avenue Newark, N. J. “Store of Service and Quality WILLYS-KNIGHT OVERLAND DRY GOODS, NOTIONS Men’s, Ladies’ and Children’s Wear FIERSTEIN GARAGE Sales Service H. R. BOWLBY 529 Clinton Avenue 441-443 Clinton Avenue Newark, N. J. Newark, N. J. TRENKLE’S BAKERY SAMUEL BRUCK All kinds of FANCY CAKE and PASTRIES GROCERIES and DELICATESSEN COFFEE CAKE OUR SPECIALTY 808 Bergen Street 341 Sixteenth Avenue Newark. N. J. SOUTH SIDE Phone Waverly 3398 William MarGulics B.C.S. (to be) Irving AptckaR, D.O.S. (to be) Abe MAnkowitz, B.L.L. (to be) HARRY KRIEGER Samuel WilDcr. D.D.S. (to be) Builder and General Contractor BcsSic Ellcnport, Ph.G. ... of the . .. 90 Schuyler Avenue TRIANGULAR CLUB Newark, N. J. 102 ftpjj THE OPTIMIST ]W Phones 1180-1181 Terrace At Your Grocers Interstate Milk and Cream Co. WHOLESALE MILK, CREAM and CHEESE 273-283 ELIZABETH AVE. NEWARK, N. J. TEL. CONNECTION Chocolates and Bon Bons SCHULT’S 802 Clinton Avenue Newark, N. J. HOME MADE CANDIES A SPECIALTY READER! Notice Our Fine Lot of Advertisers THE OPTIMIST Song Without Words in History Teacher Wilder Teacher Wilder Teacher Wilder Teacher Wilder sits down. Letters nest to H ? Student: I aluwrn� .‘ What h« e 1 o bot'h 1rW Ft«Wcs. W 103 THE OPTIMIST Phone Wavcrly 869S SHAPOW’S DELICATESSEN FRED DENK GROCER and BUTCHER 124% Elizabeth Avenue All Kinds of SANDWICHES and TABLE LUXURIES 891-893 Bergen Street Telephone Wavcrly 0823 Compliments Phone Mitchell 1383 ... of ... WASHINGTON OUTFITTERS CREDIT CLOTHIERS FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY STEPHEN FISCHL Dealer in All Kinds of BOLOGNAS, SAUSAGES JERSEY PORK, ETC Wholesale and Retail 137 Springfield Avenue Market 8644 416 Mulberry Street Newark, N. J. Phone Terrace 2752 Aloysius Bcrberich Pierson Garbutt Estimates Cheerfully Furnished RELIABLE MARKET CO. BERBERICH GARBUTT Meats, Vegetables and Groceries PROMPT DELIVERIES 5 Avon Avenue (Near Clinton Avc.) Newark, N. J. Plumbing, Heating and Tinning Jobbing Promptly Attended To Telephone Waverly 0896 Rscidcnce Phone Terrace 0774 178 SOMERSET ST. - NEWARK, N. J. At Junction of Clinton and Elizabeth Aves. E. KEARNY Compliments ... of ... . . . Dealer in . . . QUALITY MEATS LIVINGSTON AUTO PARTS DEALERS IN USED CARS 441 Avon Avenue 48 LIVINGSTON ST. NEWARK Tel. Terrace 3519 104 ImT! THE OPTIMI S T LERNER STATIONERY STORE 120 ELIZABETH AVENUE All kinds of School Supplies Newspapers Delivered Magazines Candies and Toys Reed’s Ice Cream Cigars and Cigarettes H. B. Watson C. Scholtes WATSON CO. Successors to Geo. H. Squire, Inc. Diamonds, Watches and Jewelry 12 Maiden Lane, New York Established 1837 Tel. 2359 Cortlandt HARRY KAPLAN —: BUILDER Waverly 1214 MORRIS’S WOMEN’S and MISSES’ WEARING APPAREL and FURS 364 Springfield Avenue Two Doors Above Bergen St. Newark. N. J. 10 Percent Discount to South Side Students E. ALDINGER CHOICE MEATS, FISH, OYSTERS AND CLAMS 850 South Sixteenth St. Cor. Madison Ave. Newark, N. J. L. D. Phone Waverly 2944 Phone Mul. 6451 SCHENKEL’S Collegiate Tuxedo Suits FOR SALE : : FOR HIRE Special Rates to Frats, Clubs, Etc. 63 Market Street Newark, N. J. C -Why Jots A. £cofchw T' WVj OSIANOER. iff A j'f'f' 105 'smTI the optimist ZZIW NO FEAR OF TEACHER SENDING HER HOME I Because KIL-VE is Used on Her Head KIL-VB is a vermin destroyer. KIL-VE kills the live vermin and positively destroy� the eggs or nit� that cling to the hair. KIL-VE is not oily or sticky and is easily applied. KIL-VE does not interfere with the color or growth of tho hair. KIL-VE is a household necessity. Don’t be ashamed to ask for it. Sold at All Drug Stores. 35c, 6Sc and $1.25. SCHWARZ’S DESTROYS VERMIN ON CHILDREN’S HEADS J. J. CURLEY 367 SOUT H ORANGE AVENUE, NEWARK, N. J. Specialize in Class Rings and Pins Waltham and Elgin Watches 106 Wl THE OPTIMIST lW Compliments ... of ... THE J. E. MERGOTT COMPANY Compliments ... of ... GOLDSTEIN GOLDSTEIN Lawyers GIFTS That Last It is hardly necessary to say that GRADUATION is always welcome to everyone. JEWELRY is a very appropriate gift, because of its lasting remembrance. You will find in Bertl’s Jewelry Shop, a splendid selection of gifts for every size pocketbook. Prices most reasonable. Quality high. 46 Springfield Avenue Newark, N. J. Compliments ... of ... ALDERNEY DAIRY COMPANY Jap Halprin (after Assembly) : I liked the way the Glee Club sang that classic, Red Hot Mama.” I’d like to be a football star; I’d even like to sec one; But judging from the casualties; I’d rather sec than be one. Teacher (in Chemistry): What arc the uses of coal tar? Lcibowitz: Making licorice. CAN YOU IMAGINE: Fred Ross without his hair combed? Kuskin without his homework? Spector with his shoes shined? Wilder without his perpetual grin? Greenberg without his pocket dictionary? Blcick without his Trigonometry homework? Wild with his Spanish complete? Feldman prepared in Botany? Rosenbaum without his sidekick Grad? Shpiner without his witty remarks? Permison knowing his Chemistry? We have completed our string of jokes and wisecracks, but you amuse yourself by looking at the Senior pictures. 107 SeTl THE OPTIMIST Crescent Studio 839 BROAD STREET Opp. Central Station Phones : Market S. OK IN, Proprietor Photographs of Distinction by Modern Methods Portraits in Tour Home by Appointment DiscounCof 33 Per Cent to South Side Students 108 THE OPTIMIST Helga FedderSen Sylvia RUtkin AustiN W. Henry Pearl FiNkelstein MickeY Klingel Ada Shapiro Sylvia GoOdman Jeanette BlUm KaTherine Brown Mamie GersHkowitz DoriS Abeles Daniel Wardell Blanche Donald Joseph KEssler GertRudc Walsh Grace Schultz Roscnfeld VAn Volkenburgh RIttenband RebeNicld DuBman SpitcOvc SchWab KrueGcr Shi f man HeRman M. Levy EiSen Compliments ... of ... S. A. PAUL Compliments . . • of . . . AL. BERKENMEIR 525 Clinton Avenue Newark, N. J. Compliments ... of ... A FRIEND Compliments ... of ... A. HOLLANDER SON INCORPORATED Hollander Welfare Bureau 109 THE OPTIMIST COMPLIMENTS OF Senior A Home Rooms R 210, MR. MYERS, Class Adviser R 215, DR. AUSTIN R 114, MISS CUMMINGS R 58, DR. SMITH Compliments ... of ... A FRIEND Compliments . . . of . . . LEON KHALAF no Compliments ... of ... SH1FMAN BROTHERS Compliments ... of ... LEW BANDLER Wl THE OPTIMIST 1'©gT Compliments Compliments ... of ... ... of ... JULIUS FELDMAN MR. AARON COHEN Counsellor-at-Law Compliments ... of ... Compliments of Friends Mr. and Mrs. Mr. and Mrs. JOSEPH COHEN LOUIS COHEN Compliments f Compliments ... of ... ... of ... Mr. and Mrs. Mr. and Mrs. J. L. RITTENBAND MORRIS RUBIN Compliments ... of ... Compliments ... of ... ABRAHAM ALBOUM MR. SAM COHEN in so 65 1 The optimist 112 WILLIAM J. THOMPSON Edward M 47! CL Gifts Galoi COME IN TOC Attend to Y BAU Insurance 110 East 42nd Street Room 809 jdents y Monday M-A-N JR., Prin. hod— chool V TRY AUSO HILL'S FAMOUS RYE . Your Grocer Hr Kotl� ff every woman on the street .Should make r loaf of bread. They wouldn't be the same at all,” •flfhe Master Baker sabf Some loaves fvoidd 'burn and some Aould fall. fAnd some woulcHiot be good. Though earhone used the self- anffc And did the best hc corild.' That the beauty of Hill Horqe Craft bread—every loaf i uni� torfculy good, fay in and day out. ‘ ; And the reason 16 three-fold. First, the ingredients are the purest and- best ’«obtainable.- Second, they’re combined just-right—and pains- - -takingly yjstfcd.C No guesswork. Third. every loaf is baked at a uniform temperature bv expert bakers. keeps fresh longef: The crisp, goMeji-brinvn crust just meh$ in the inotith. Every slice cuts evenly, no matter how thin—which makes it , ideal for sandwiches. Growing children require the best and we honestly Tielievc there «• is none better than Hill’s Horae Craft, hacked by the fifty ycsi -oid quality reputation otits-balcers. i Hill Breed Co.. 6:� Market Sfc, Newark