South Paris High School - Chronicle Yearbook (South Paris, ME)

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22 THE CHRONICLE Mr. Griffith: I often wonder if I could get away with shooting a referee. Mr. Bean: I wish I could bring myself to hold high C just a fraction of a second too long. Mr. Huff and Mr. Coombs: Some day we are hoping to set all that shop ma- chinery going and then walk out and lock the door. Mr. Cunningham: And I have an un- controllable urge to repeat everything I hear. I can't wait to get out of here! Bud Colby: My car will go 180 miles per hour and stop on a dime. Cliff Crooker: Yeah? Then what hap- pens? Bud Colby: A little putty knife comes off the dash and scrapes me off the windshield. They were sitting on opposite ends of the sofa. Ray: Bet I know what you're think- ing. Lucy: Well, you certainly don't act like it. D. Dodge: Any mail, Mother? Don's mother: You have several in- vitations: one from the Johnson's, one from the McAlister's, and one from the Ui. S. Army. Miss Hall: What happened, Conductor? Why is the train stalled? Conductor: Nothing at all lady. Calm yourself. We just hit a sheep. Miss Hall: Was it on the tracks? Conductor: No, we chased it into its pen. Heard in Math class: Reno, Nevada, is a mathematical town. It specializes in short division. A sweet voice called the telephone oflice repeatedly one day to ask, What time is it now, please? Finally recognizing the voice, the oper- ator asked, Eloise, are you going' somewhere ? Nope, she said, just boiling eggs for Home Ee. A few years ago- Mr. Ellis Bean struggled into the Nor- way bus with five small children. These all yours, asked the bus driver, or is it a picnic? All mine, said our janitor, and it's no picnic! Hoping to inspire his workers with promptness and energy, Mr. Henry Mor- ton hung a number of signs reading DO IT NOW, around the factory and office. When asked some weeks later how his staff had reacted, he shook his head sadly. I don't even like to talk about it, he said. The cashier skipped with 81,0003 the head bookkeeper eloped with the best secretary I ever had: three typists asked for more money: the fac- tory workers went on strike: and the oliice boy joined the navy. John, addressing the Chronicle Staff: And now, I wish to tax your memories for a moment. Lee Murch: Good heavens, why haven't I thought of that before. Alfred Brown rushed into the doctor's office bleeding from a cut on top of his head. As the doctor prepared to treat it, he asked how it had occurred. I bit myself, said Alfred rather proud- ly. The doctor recoiled. Bit yourself on top of the head? But that's impossible! No, it isn't, grinned Alfred, You see, I climbed up on a chair to do it.

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JOKES The brakes screeched in front of the house, but Harry Robbins had not stopped in time. His head hanging low, he approached the door and knocked. I ran over your cat, he said to Mrs. Johnson. Seeing her shocked look he added quickly: But I want to replace him. The woman nodded. Get busy then, she said, there's a mouse in my pantry. Mrs. Chandler is fond of having her fortune told. The other day she was informed: It is terrible. You will be a widow soon. Your husband is going to die a violent death. Mrs. Chandler asked innocently: And will I be acquitted? Be a wealthy pedestrian: sell us your car. -Ripley and Fletcher. Cliff Crooker lived way back on Streak- ed Mountain, where no one had ever seen a motorcycle. So one day when a man came roaring down the bumpy trail on a puffing motorcycle, Cliff, excited, grabbed his gun and shot at it. Did you kill the varmint, Cliff? hol- lered Beth. No, it's still growling back thar in the bushes, but I sure made it let go of that man. Mrs. Mary Wheeler was visiting an ex- hibition of domestic appliances and paused to gaze through the glass panel of a laundry which was being swirled and splashed. Well, said she, if that's television, they can have it. The weaker sex is the stronger sex because of the weakness of the strong- er sex for the weaker sex. Mr. Cunningham: When Union troops captured a Virginia town during the Civil War, they discovered a stockpile of unused grey uniforms. The Yankee commander thought he could make use of this clothing and instructed the local dyer to change the uniforms to blue. The man did, but just as he was com- pleting his task, the Confederates swept in and retook the town. One of the first things the Southern commander did was to order the poor dyer to fade the blue out of those uniforms and re- turn them to their original gray. Faced with this mountainous task for the second time, the dyer closed his shop and joined the army. This is knoum as the case of the old dyer who didn't fade, but just soldiered away. Mr. Huff: Everything in our home is run by switches except the children. Senior Amateur Show All Loco Talent At a recent teacher's meeting the dis- cussion chanced to be concerned with the frustrated feelings and suppressed desires of the group. Mr. Small: I must confess I occasion- ally have a terrible urge to see if the drivers' training car can do ninety. Mr. Chandler: I sometimes wish I could make some T. N. T. and conceal it under Murch's chair.

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