South High School - Tiger Yearbook (Minneapolis, MN)

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THE CLASS ANNUAL OF ’00 17 a number of imps scatter small bits of paper which she is unable to pick up. (Exclamations of horror from all. Enter excitedly, Bertha Sanford and Frank Lawler.) Both—Oh! has anybody here red hair? Chorus—No! Why? What’s up? Bertha (turning to Frank with a gesture of despair) — What shall we do? We’ve got to have more fire under the boilers, and where shall we get the fuel? Chorus—Tell us what this fuss is about! Lawler—Ralph Douglas and Sivert Fjermstad went into the coal business together and got from King Frederick Coaker, of Esperanto, a monopoly of the whole supply; so none can be mined, either on earth, Mars or in Hades, without their permission; and that they won’t give. I am keeper of the coal store, since my earthly habit of dealing minerals, particularly lead pencils, so eminently fitted me for that position. Bertha—And now, since the supply has given out, Oscar Wilson has just arrived. He has been starring in Rip Van Winkle, and they say that even Joe Jefferson couldn’t do the twenty years’ nap better than he. Altogether, he’s been so sleepy since the fall of ’05 that Mephisto is desirous of jarring him up somewhat. Fligelman—Ah! now 1 remember! He fell asleep afterthat East-South talking match. And Mephisto has ordered Elta Lenart and the rest of that bunch, Ingrid Gustafson, Clayton Griswold, Harold Noreen and even Phoebe Warner—that collection whose heads, both in and out. were bright—to heat the oven and wake Oscar up! Kittell Well, Lawler, I’ll go with you. I think I can find what you want. Arthur Swanson in his brilliant chemical experiments has found substance which will change iron to gold or coal; and since George Reynolds has controlled the iron market he’s been feeling gracious to Mephisto. I’ll find Art for you. (Exeunt Kittell and Lawler.) Bertha (looking after them) — Well, there goes a good couple. Frank has a lot of pencil sharpening energy and Harry Kittell is a first-class agent. He even went into the bill-posting business and, with the help of Elta Lenart, made a fortune at it. It was he who made Ed Johnson and Harold Noreen quite as famous tailors as Harry Mitchell. Martha—Isn’t it strange how things turn out? Now I never would have expected it, but Nevada Evans, after wavering undecidedly between great numbers of Eastern suitors, rejected them all and married Oklahoma Bill. They have settled in Wyoming and are the representative couple of the west. Charlotte—Yes. I heard from Mephisto the other day that Myrtle Stenning and Edna Lampert had graduated from a school of domestic art in 1910. Now they own a very popular sandwich wagon which brings them great profit. Rand—Listen to this attraction at the New York Majestic Theatre. (Reads) Morris Skordrud presents Dagmar John-

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1G THE CLASS A NNUAL OF ’00 (Music changes to “Yankee Doodle.’’) Girls: I. We went through Virgil like a flash, A-riding on a pony; We took some French and struck it slick, By the system of Marconi. Refrain: (Martha and Charlotte)— We’re the Alpha Sigma girls, Wear our classic dresses. (Mayme and Marie)—“ We re the Beta Kappa Phi, Now could you ever guess it? II. The boys they thought we were all right. As likewise did our teachers; We’ve found in Hades just our place. Among its novel features. Refrain. III. For here we sit beside the throne, In great Mephisto’s court-room, And help initiate the folk. In the mysteries of the ghost’s tomb. Refrain: IV. We pull the strings of queenly power Our knowledge is so mighty, For we’re the Grecian sisters dear, Who take all things so lightly. Refrain: Rand Well, girls, what’s the latest news from Mephisto’s court room? Marie The greatest ever! His majesty has decided to build a roller skating rink, and he’s going to make Martha chief instructress. She claims to be able to show them how to stand and keep them from falling, if they don’t know how to skate. (Boys shout with laughter.) Charlotte—And Mayme Bailey is to hunt up boys and invite them to the rink. Elliot—Oh, gee! that’s swell! There’ll be great skating with that combination! I 'm going out to get my skates oiled. (Exit.) Martha—Oh, pshaw! I have a lot more important news than that. Its about some old South High people. All (crowding about)—Let’s hear it! Martha—Well, Harry Hildebrand arrived the other day. He had been giving lectures on ‘ How I Got my Golden Hair” —but when it faded, he died of grief. Now he’s Hades’ greatest literary dictator. Today Miss Watts dared to criticise his work, and Mephisto sentenced her to six months captivity in a school room, where she writhes in chains while

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18 THE CLASS ANNUAL OF ’06 son and Lillian Nordell in a howling comedy, ' He Laughs Best Who Laughs all the Time.” (All smile reminiscently. Enter precipitately, Jake Lampert.) Lampert—Well, well! So glad to see you all! Been wanting to come for some time. Edna s sandwich wagon was a dreadful bore, and then, I got rather tired acting as chauffeur to Edward Enger’s automobiles. Since Ed’s been King Coaker’s dancing master lie’s kept me mighty busy. (Enter imp, with sharp-pronged fork.) Imp—Here, you ! Come away ! The keeper of the door way, Miss Kerr, demands your presence. You came in at the wrong entrance. (Exeunt Imp and Jake.) Tillie—Ah ! that reminds me ! I have a committee meeting with Mephisto, Clarence Oberg and Emily Hafstad. Clarence has such training as minister to England that he’s now Satan’s Chief Councillor. Emily joined an anarchistic association in Russia and was sent to Siberia. She escaped and led a revolution in South America. She was killed there and is now dictator of policies to Mephisto. (Exit Tillie.) May me—I must go, too. Peryl Johnson will be waiting for me. We have started a name bureau which fills a long needed want. Names Latinized, modernized, euphoni-fied, Frenchified and extra-letterized at reasonable rates. Tillie Will’s going to be one of our customers. (Exit.) Rand —Why was Beth filled with (re)Morse? Charlotte—That’s easy. Because Elliot’s a Jay. Marie—Oh, say! You know Lillian Flaten arrived some months ago and started a new sorority. Even the board of education is its firm friend. She is going to give an affair for Mae Thornton, who saved nine children from drowning in the Styx. We re all very proud of her, and I’m going to be there. (Looks at watch.) I must go now, but I’ll see you all again. (Exit.) Elliot (entering)—Good evening. I’ve just met a lot of the fellows and, as lord-high-knocker to his Satanic majesty, I can’t miss the chance of knocking a few. Mephisto just received a petition from “Pius Aeneas” which sets forth the brilliant, kindly virtues of Miss Friedlander, and the horrible torture she endured on earth; so he is sending her to the Blessful Islands, where a loud voiced, attentive Virgil class will make life a heaven. Fligelman—Oh, have you heard Ed Clark took such a dislike to German that he’s married a French girl? Martha—A marconigram from Esther Apelt who, because of her fondness for saying “hello” to people, is central on a big telephone exchange owned by Elsie and Howard Williams, says that Frances F'erguson and Anna Kramer are matrons of a children’s home, and Lizzie Aase is a botany teacher in a great eastern college. Bertha—I hear Signe Holmboe has won world-wide fame by discovering a chemical compound which will produce an extra foot of height in a single night. She is now preparing Hattie Robertson and Matie Crogan for exhibition