South High School - Tiger Yearbook (Minneapolis, MN)

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M Class Book, 1904 must have been a pretty good brakenian. lie broke me, anyway. I had just thirty cents left when he got thru. Paystrcak. That reminds me of once when I was coming down the trail. It was one of those narrow, winding trails that you never reach the end of. I met a porcupine. Now the porcupine is a despised animal but let me tell you, it has a great many good points about it. And porcupines aren’t any kind of pig. They get their name from stealing bacons and hams from the campers. When they steal the pork, you pine (porc-u-pine). Now. as I said, that trail wasn’t made for a four-in-hand to turn around on. On one side was a cliff and on the other side was another cliff. One went up and the other went down. And there wasn’t room for that porcupine and me to pass—I don’t see why they called it a pass, anyway. He couldn’t pass and I couldn’t pass. Ha! ha! That reminds me of when I was in school. 1 couldn’t pass there, either. Well, that porcupine looked at me and I looked at him. and we looked some more. In fact, the silence was becoming embarrassing. Then I took my pack off from my back and I hunted all through it until 1 found an old shoe. Chorus. What did you do with the old shoe? Paystrcak. 1 just shooed that porcupine away. (Bell rings. Re-enter Sally and John.) Mrs. Saunders. Hello, Sally. Been out for a little walk? i r imp kins. Ha! ha! I thought you'd forget the mail. Sally. Well a—h—I’m glad we've got good weather for plantin’ aren’t you, Mr. Jones? Jones. I don’t believe you remember this gentleman, do you, Sally? You were so young when lie lived here. He used to be our most perfect citizen. Always “bought his butter of a butter store (isn’t that natural?)” and his salt of a regular salt-cellar; did all of his swearing at the bar (I mean in court, of course), and never got married—he was our most perfect citizen. Paystrcak. Pleased, I'm sure. (As he takes off his hat. nuggets drop out. All stare open-mouthed). John. Nuggets! Paystreak. Them’s some Seth Gilkey gave to me. You remember him, don’t you ? He is a missionary up north now. He’s

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Class Book, 1904 3 first time I’ve hit the trail in kyers. Whew, how we went! Have you ever been in a limited express when it’s going around the curve at sixty miles per? Perkins. Yes; I was once, and I haven’t got over it yet. I don’t mean over the train—I got thru that, though it took me a long time. I was trying to get into the observation car. I think the car 1 was in must have been an .observation car too, from the observations I was forced to make. They weren’t astronomical but I saw a great many stars anyway and I think I saw the moon —right in broad daylight too! I saw it with a see-saw that I got from the train. But I only gave it a passing notice (I was too well trained at the time to stare. Well, when I left my seat (I think it's a good plan to leave what you can’t take with you) the train gave a big lurch and I landed right in the lap of the man opposite. He thought I was a Russian, but I told him I was a Laplander. I guess he believed me, all right. He told me that three other men from the same place were on the train. It reminded me of a race-track —four Laps to the mile. And I was just starting on my second lap. I lit four seats back on the other side of the aisle. This man told me I was not too light. I said I couldn’t help it, the railroad company made me light. He said he didn’t notice it, and then I felt him. Now. what do you think? I went up into the air a human being and lit—a cigar, and that’s no pipe dream. The next man I sat on said he wished I were a little lighter. I think lie must have had on regular gun-boats (like George Johnson’s). You know, they use lighters to unload gun-boats with. I knew I’d won the race, because I was ahead at every lap (I did all of the beating). I had two watches besides my own, so I knew I’d made good time. 1 was my own time-keeper. I didn’t keep those other two men’s time, tho, the pawn-broker kept theirs! Just as I was about to step out of the door, the brakeman entered and I landed on his toes with both feet. I guess I made quite a hit with that brakeman. Anyway he asked me what I took him for. I told him I thought he was the car-pet. He said his name was Matt but I needn’t take him for a door-mat. He

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Class Book, 1904 15 educated the Eskimos so that they drink kerosene in place of raw oil. Kerosene has such a “refined” taste, don’t you know? Arthur Anderson is up there with him. He was a Methodist minister out on the coast but when Seth came along, went north with his outfit. 1 met quite a few members of old Xaughty-four.” I suppose you would like to hear of them. Mrs. Pun kins. Yes. Tell about them. Paystrcak. Well, first person I met was Arnold Anderson. He is third assistant cabin boy on the “A1 Ki.” plying between Seattle and Skagway. One afternoon when sitting on deck, someone started a funny- graft a-going. These were the words of introduction: “Hun- garian Rhapsody, by Miss Jeannette Gamble of London and Paris, Columbia Record!” Pearl Gunther, Etta Mvrcs and Emma I laker have a prosperous laundry near Sulphur Gulch. They do all of their work with gold dust! One day, up in Circle City, I came across a book by Miss Leah Fligelman, effectually disproving the Darwinian Theory. Everybody reads it up there. Let me tell you a little incident that happened in connection with it. Just as I’d finished a square meal and was leaving the table of a restaurant up there. I overheard one waiter remark to another: “No, he isn't descended from a monkey, he’s descended from a hog. Miss Mabel Hildebrand, the Albino, is traveling with Ring-ling’s circus. She attracts large crowds by her beautiful hair. When I was leaving the boat on my second trip to the states, I met Ruth Banker embarking for the far east. She is a trained nurse and her pleasant face has given courage to many a wounded soldier. Mrs. Saunders. Do you know what has become of Russel McBride? He went up there to hunt for gold. Paystrcak. Last 1 heard of him he was still hunting for it. Peter Ostrand has made quite a little dust. tho. You remember how muscular he was at school—he’s traveling around now, exhibiting as a strong man. Wal, I ain’t heard much news about you people. What’s become of George Johnson ?