South High School - Tiger Yearbook (Minneapolis, MN)

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ADDRESS TO JUniORS. 7 HEN, in the course of human events, it Incomes the sad fate of yy young and inexperienced mortals, to be thrown upon this cruel world, deprived of the care and advice of their guardians, the anxiety which the latter feel for the future welfare of their whilom charges, compels them to give that final admonition which may serve to help them in their worldly struggle. Such is our duty here to-night, O Juniors! Although the loss of your Principal was a severe blow to you, yet by this second and still greater calamity you are indeed left to the tender mercies of a cruel world. Don’t give up in despair however, for the Seniors, who have always stood by you in all your trials, are here to-night to give you their final advice and to direct you into the path of happiness., In doing this we can recommend to you no higher standard than the Class of ’92 who can proudly say, without fear of contradiction, that, it is the smartest and lx?st looking class that has ever graduated from the Adams High School. When you look back upon the career of this illustrious class your youthful minds will be surprised at the wonders it has accomplished, and you will sink back in utter despair of gaining such a remarkable reputation. But in order that the path which you have yet to tread, may be easier for you, we will explain some of the secrets of our brilliant success; and if you will take the advice of more experienced and mature minds, we think that you may be able, with the limited amount of knowledge which you already possess, to maintain creditably the fame and glory which we have gained for our school. In the laboratory you will make many startling discoveries, but provided you do not attempt to test the odors of the different bottles your lives will not be in serious danger. Here you will find a certain innocent looking liquid, with which, after a first introduction, you will not desire a further acquaintance. Its odor does not suggest Arabia the blest. Here also you will find materials with which you can make anything from soap to the intoxicating extract of malt. In studying chemistry, your success will depend in a great measure upon your influence, or ability to “stand in” with the professor. Always .look frightened whenever he lights a match and he will immediately think that you understand the principle of explosions, although you may not know whether there are such things as explosives. We have no definite rule for the study of Virgil, but we will give you some of the various devices which have proven successful. The best way is to translate very rapidly so the teacher can’t follow you, supplying the text for the most part from your own imagination, and occasionally taking a thought from the book. Of course

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Miss Carrie Holgate, as representative of the Give-to-all-women-a-fair-chance Party will run for President. Unfortunately for women and for yourself you will be elected. After six months of misrule, you will be impeached and will spend the remainder of your time in knitting babies socks. Mr. Henry Byorum, you will become the silver-tongued orator of the century, “the best after-dinner speaker in America”—a second Depew. Your eloquence shall stir the hearts of all who hear you, and you, the woman hater shall plead in behalf of the Mormons, among whom you will settle with your wives. Mr. Joseph Sharpless, you will lx? the greatest chemist of the time. Your discoveries will be simply wonderful. Your laboratory will l e built on an elaborate scale and will lx frequented by the learned men of the times, who will bow to you as a second Bacon. You will disappear in a remarkable manner amid the fire and smoke of an explosion of chemicals, and like Arthur none will know where your body lies. Miss Mamie Weir, you will become the traveling agent for a large New York millinery establishment. Your mellifluous tones and arts of persuasion will be the financial ruin of many a hapless country merchant. Your employers, very much pleased with you, will settle a lifelong income on you. Mr. Mahlon Tirrell, you will lx a great railroad magnate. You will lx President of a road and your name will 1x3 renowned over the country. Your cars will be models of elegance and comfort. Miss Amy Horton, you will raise chickens. A wonderful incubator will you patent. It will hatch eggs in twenty-four hours and will 1x3 a very successful contrivance. Miss Amy Horton and her chickens will be far famed. From the remarks I heard I should judge that was a class, a graduating class in fact, and I must admit it is one of the most brilliant and talented companies 1 ever met. There are our future inventors, presidents, farmers, musicians, politicians. What a variety! But the Class of ’1)2 is one 1 shall remember all my life. Grace Miller.

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you can overlook half of the words and translate the other half incorrectly, but that will never lx noticed provided your speed is satisfactory. It is the worst mistake, when you haven’t your lesson, to try to go through it slowly, for you will invariably stumble against the Latin roots. If a passage with which you are wholly unfamiliar falls to your lot, you can just say that you have translated it before, and it will generally lx given to someone else; but if the contrary should happen, you must be prepared for the consequences, as this method does not always prove successful. Your success in English Literature depends entirely upon the amount of time you spend on it. But this study has one advantage which the others have not- that is, it can be studied in your sleep. We will explain this to you for it is a secret which we alone possess, and to which we owe all our spare time for enjoying Zetagathean elexir and playing ball. When you study Mental Philosophy, you will learn, that is, if you can learn anything without our valuable aid, that the last thing with which you occupy your thoughts IxJore retiring at night, will come to you in your dream—this is a law of Mental Philosophy. Working upon this principle a member of this ingenious class, one night thought of Shakespeare, and as he expected, the immortal hero appeared to him in his sleep, all his plays were acted, and in fact everything connected with his life was disclosed. It would take months and months to read all that he.discovered in a single night. Thus you see what a great time saving process we have discovered, and we who have tried it can assure you that it generally proves successful. But occasionally the personages get confused, and sometimes one party is taken for another as is illustrated by tin; following: A young man one night thought of Ceasar and Pompey and he desired to see them appear in a duel, but imagine his surprise the next morning when he found, that instead of those ancient heroes engaged in a duel, he had been dreaming of two pugilists engaged in a prize fight; the misrepresentation was probably due to the pugilistic turn of his mind. The interest manifested in literary work in the different classes, is entirely due to our ceaseless efforts in organizing the lower classes into societies. Freshmen and Sophomores are alike vicing with you to attain the excellence which has characterized our social meetings, and they will surely get ahead of you if you allow any of the interest with which we have inspired you, to relax. From the various programs which have appeared on your bulletin board we have noticed that you have occasionally adopted some of our novelties, which, though delivered with your small amount of talent, cannot fail to lx? interesting. We would also advise, you Juniors, to be more lilxiral in inviting the other classes to your meetings, especially should you have invited the Seniors, by whose observations and judgment, you would have been greatly benefited. When you are Seniors you will probably begin to pay more attention to dress and less to study, for it is then that you must shine forth in all the splendor of society. In this respect we have been fully up to the standard; look at the twins for instance. Although they may have appeared to you as rather amusing, yet they have