South High School - Tiger Yearbook (Minneapolis, MN)

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Miss Carrie Holgate, as representative of the Give-to-all-women-a-fair-chance Party will run for President. Unfortunately for women and for yourself you will be elected. After six months of misrule, you will be impeached and will spend the remainder of your time in knitting babies socks. Mr. Henry Byorum, you will become the silver-tongued orator of the century, “the best after-dinner speaker in America”—a second Depew. Your eloquence shall stir the hearts of all who hear you, and you, the woman hater shall plead in behalf of the Mormons, among whom you will settle with your wives. Mr. Joseph Sharpless, you will lx? the greatest chemist of the time. Your discoveries will be simply wonderful. Your laboratory will l e built on an elaborate scale and will lx frequented by the learned men of the times, who will bow to you as a second Bacon. You will disappear in a remarkable manner amid the fire and smoke of an explosion of chemicals, and like Arthur none will know where your body lies. Miss Mamie Weir, you will become the traveling agent for a large New York millinery establishment. Your mellifluous tones and arts of persuasion will be the financial ruin of many a hapless country merchant. Your employers, very much pleased with you, will settle a lifelong income on you. Mr. Mahlon Tirrell, you will lx a great railroad magnate. You will lx President of a road and your name will 1x3 renowned over the country. Your cars will be models of elegance and comfort. Miss Amy Horton, you will raise chickens. A wonderful incubator will you patent. It will hatch eggs in twenty-four hours and will 1x3 a very successful contrivance. Miss Amy Horton and her chickens will be far famed. From the remarks I heard I should judge that was a class, a graduating class in fact, and I must admit it is one of the most brilliant and talented companies 1 ever met. There are our future inventors, presidents, farmers, musicians, politicians. What a variety! But the Class of ’1)2 is one 1 shall remember all my life. Grace Miller.

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popular that your terms of tuition will be little short of fabulous. Your hand, Mr. Peter Holm, is certainly a farmer’s hand. You will manage a large farm and the produce, chiefly pumpkins, you will sell to hen-pecked husbands. Whether they follow the example of the immortal pumpkin eater, I cannot say but they will derive a great deal of comfort, from the contemplation of their possibilities. Miss Kate MacDermid, you will discover a wonderful herb which, mixed with a little flavoring will make gum of a quality superior to anything hitherto known. It will be very popular and will yield you an immense income. Your original modes of advertising will necessitate a wide knowledge of literature and art such as you possess. Miss Lizzie Luce, you will marry a politician. He will go to Washington and you will go with him or rather the reverse. He will not be a hen-pecked husband. O, no! But strange to say the opinions you express on political questions will be just the ones championed by your meek looking husband. Your influence in House and Senate will lx? none the less powerful, because secret. Perhaps it is better to aim high and fall below one’s standard than not to have any ambitions whatever. Such will lx; your fate, Mr. Bert Roberts, as is shown by your deep hollow palm. You will strive hard to become an orator. You will speak first for one political party and then for another in the vain hope of becoming a renowned orator. As is often the case you will not be appreciated and will lx; forced to use your melodious voice in crying “Oranges ” in the streets. Miss Maude Amonsou, I see before you a life of disappointments and sorrow. An unhappy marriage. A speedy separation. You betake yourself to a nunnery where your brilliant talents will be entirely hidden. But as time passes, the deeds of Sister Dolorosa will bless many. Miss Sophia Petterson, you will ruin your voice by too much screaming and this wonderful strength of which you lx ast so much will be turned to good account. Eschewing all manner of labor saving machines you will earn your living by washing clothes in the old fashioned method. Your home laundry will lx; well patronized. Miss Ada Gozzard, you will become a brilliant society belle. For many a season you will make bright buds, full bloom roses, and young widows feel the sting of the green eyed monster. At length, however the conquering hero will come in the guise of a clergyman and bear you away in triumph. Misses Frances and Addie Woolsey, you will together go to Germany and there found a school for the purpose of teaching English. It will be very successful from a financial standpoint for it will be patronized by the court, but since you will have difficulty in making yourselves understood, I doubt if the students will derive much benefit from it. Mr. Biley Smith, you will found a college for the purpose of extended study of the dead languages. It will be called the Ciceronian Institute from your favorite author. Your Latin orations modeled after his, will be as wonderful in the manner of their rendition as in their construction.

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ADDRESS TO JUniORS. 7 HEN, in the course of human events, it Incomes the sad fate of yy young and inexperienced mortals, to be thrown upon this cruel world, deprived of the care and advice of their guardians, the anxiety which the latter feel for the future welfare of their whilom charges, compels them to give that final admonition which may serve to help them in their worldly struggle. Such is our duty here to-night, O Juniors! Although the loss of your Principal was a severe blow to you, yet by this second and still greater calamity you are indeed left to the tender mercies of a cruel world. Don’t give up in despair however, for the Seniors, who have always stood by you in all your trials, are here to-night to give you their final advice and to direct you into the path of happiness., In doing this we can recommend to you no higher standard than the Class of ’92 who can proudly say, without fear of contradiction, that, it is the smartest and lx?st looking class that has ever graduated from the Adams High School. When you look back upon the career of this illustrious class your youthful minds will be surprised at the wonders it has accomplished, and you will sink back in utter despair of gaining such a remarkable reputation. But in order that the path which you have yet to tread, may be easier for you, we will explain some of the secrets of our brilliant success; and if you will take the advice of more experienced and mature minds, we think that you may be able, with the limited amount of knowledge which you already possess, to maintain creditably the fame and glory which we have gained for our school. In the laboratory you will make many startling discoveries, but provided you do not attempt to test the odors of the different bottles your lives will not be in serious danger. Here you will find a certain innocent looking liquid, with which, after a first introduction, you will not desire a further acquaintance. Its odor does not suggest Arabia the blest. Here also you will find materials with which you can make anything from soap to the intoxicating extract of malt. In studying chemistry, your success will depend in a great measure upon your influence, or ability to “stand in” with the professor. Always .look frightened whenever he lights a match and he will immediately think that you understand the principle of explosions, although you may not know whether there are such things as explosives. We have no definite rule for the study of Virgil, but we will give you some of the various devices which have proven successful. The best way is to translate very rapidly so the teacher can’t follow you, supplying the text for the most part from your own imagination, and occasionally taking a thought from the book. Of course