South High School - Tiger Yearbook (Minneapolis, MN)

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CLASS STATISTICS ------ ------- COME West—I say. “Go West” were the words that fell from the lips of Horace Greeley some years ago when he looked around him and saw the thousands of young men who were striving to climb the ladder of wealth by living on five cent lunches and lodging in poorly ventilated rooms. These words proved him, indeed, a true prophet in regard to the advantages the West offers, but he little knew of some of the wonders of the age which were already developing in the great West. No need of the Exposition Board to send hundreds of miles away for curiosities to fill the Exposition when we have one at our very door. Some years ago, Dame Nature had an infant at her disposal, and looking around her for some level spot to deposit her offspring, passed through the saintly city of St. Paul, through the streets of Minneapolis, and laid it gently down on the steps of the Adams’ Home for Mental Culture, knowing full well that big-hearted Father Jordan was never yet known to shut his doors against the rising generation. I will now describe this monstrosity of nature, which in due course of time developed into the Senior Class of the same institution. To begin with its age is on the shady side of 500 yrs; its exact age being 493 yrs., 3 mo., 17 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes and 30 seconds. It is 140 ft. high and at each step it covers the distance of 500 ft., occupying only 7 lirs. in journeying around this terrestrial globe. The size of its waist, allowing 12 inches to the foot, is 7434 in., or nearly 62 ft. around. This huge mass of organic matter weighs 3423 lbs., and to raise it an inch from the ground would require a derrick run by an engine of 40 horse-power. The length of its arm being in exact proportion to its height is 504 inches. Its fairy-white hand is usually covered with a well fitting glove, 92 inches in size, and made especially for it. But the smallest parts about this conglomeration of matter are its feet; small, dainty, little feet covered by a patent leather tipped shoe, No. 56 inches in size, which of course are manufactured in Chicago. Its clothes fit to perfection and I judge by their color that its favorite hues are pink and cream; delicate taste indeed. Its complexion varies with the seasons of the year, embracing all the colors of the rainbow and ranging from a creamy pink to a rich walnut. Eyes, which none but a poet can describe. At times they speak the language of love, then again they pour forth fiery vengeance from their depths. They seem to see down into your very soul and give forth an intelligence

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SASF EE) TO THE JlWmorg Of tt. VIRGINIA CRAVeN. DIED OSTOBEf 3, 1890. Her loving presence in the school-room ever tended to guide, incite, and elevate the minds of those with whom she daily came in contact. Even though gone from our presence, these duties she still performs if we diligently preserve the memory of her life and death,—a life useful, wise and pure—of death resigned peaceful and holy. “ Call not back the dear departed, Anchored safe where storms are o’er, On the borderland we left her, Soon to meet and part no more. Far beyond this world of changes, Far beyond this world of care, We shall find our missing loved one In our Father’s mansion fair. ”

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which is peculiar to it alone. Every new moon they assume a different color, partaking it now from the modest violet, now from the azure sky, for it is, in truth a lover of nature. The expression of its mouth denotes firmness of character. With the aid of a spy-glass and with the closest observation, there is discernable, around the edges of his mouth, a few quills, closely resembling those of a fretful porcupine, which promise in the future to develop into a bewitching mustache, finished off with a diplomatic curl. We now come to the most prominent feature of its face,—its nose, in which are represented all the different styles of architecture from the classical and intellectual, to the contemptuous pug. Its brain is massive enough to be the source of all the future inventions which will astonish the coming age. The weight alone will confirm this prophecy, it weighing exactly 74 lbs., 3 oz. and 4 pennyweight. The political sentiments of this freak are a pot-pourri of Republicans, Democrats, Alliance, Whigs, Tories, Liberals, Mugwumps, Prohibitionists, Conservatives and Anarchists. Its views in regard to the future life are extremely liberal and so many and varied that we might form a pyramid of them, placing the Baptist at the base, then in order come the Congregational, Presbyterian, Methodist, Universalist, Lutheran, Catholic and Episcopalian. The extreme point of the pyramid being formed of two elements, the Infidel and Mormon. This freak of nature has the unusual honor of many birth places, namely: Ohio, Minn., Penn., 111., Mich., N. Y., Canada, Me., Iowa, and Mo. I must not forget to mention the kind of food this aesthetic creature is fed upon. Its tastes you will think are rather fickle when you hear the bill of fare. To give it an appetite, after being wrapped in the arms of Morpheus, it takes a small dose of Zetagathean elixir to be followed by his breakfast consisting of pickled humming birds’ tongues and butterfly wings, sauerkraut and baked beans, hair pin hash and slate pencil soup, watermelons and wax, birds’ nests and ice cream with a small addition of tin-tag bread. Do not lay this flattering unction to your soul, that we Seniors will disappear from public gaze after to-night. Our future channels have already been chosen. Some will enter the legal fraternity and speak the truth and nothing but the truth, some will enter the medical profession, to either kill or cure, others are going to climb the ladder of fame through the University, two will deal out pills, two will enlarge and improve the field of electricity, and three will survey the broad plains of the West; the pretty type writer or the comely house wife will not be found wanting, and still others will train the young ideas. I must not forget to tell you that when this freak of nature was found there was, pinned onto its clothes, a card tied with a tiny bow of pink and cream ribbon, bearing the words, “ potens et volens ” which translated means “ able and willing. ” If in my description, worthy friends, I have followed the ridiculous and left out the sublime, I leave it to your vivid imagination