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Page 22 text:
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FCI? 1934 May They Benefit By Qu Generoslty accidental explosion. Previously intending to bury forever the formula for obtaining ones in American history, we have since changed our minds. A private office shall be established with two of our most prominent colleagues in charge, which shall distribute for the nominal sum of live dollars per semester the needed information to any and all who feel them- selves obligated to pass in at least one subject. As a result of the acquiring of said knowledge, the recipient thereof shall be able to combat with speedy, thoughtful answers the steady fling of breath-taking questions forthcoming from the noble mouth of Mr. Freshwater. Aided by this marvelous system, the student shall never be compelled to appear in class with half-prepared lessons, or far worse, with copied notes so obnoxious in the eyes of said pedagogue. With aforesaid help the pupil shall be able to devote his entire study to that which is printed in the blank spaces between the lines and, adding an unlimited imagination, a brilliant recitation will result. To those fair maidens being left behind who have a distinct liking for the promenade, we leave the north corridor intact, brick for brick, none having been dislodged, at least to our knowledge, by the spike heels and hob-nailed boots of the peaches and pairs. To those who may at any time during the day find their studies monotonous, we will and bequeath the use of the marble swimming pool on the roof of the school building. For those who prefer fishing to swimming, cans of sardines, salmon, and great quantities of non-odor bearing dried herring have been placed at stated intervals in the pool. How to catch said members of the aquatic family with angle worms is a problem solved only by certain deeply thinking members of the Class of '34. With the highly unselfish consent of the four and one-half red heads of the Senior Class, we hereby will and bequeath the freckles now in the possession of said people to all juniors of the flaming tresses. We are certain this combination will be as becoming as powdered sugar to a doughnut. After all, what is a doughnut without powdered sugar? ,Tis like unto freckles without red hair. Since there is no one who can rightfully claim the Clay-like oratorical ability of our president, Jack Youmans, we propose to hang said ability in the lost and found case on first floor until same can be claimed on some future date. Lastly, and most regretfully, we oHer to the faculty of South High School any useful pieces of information that we may have given them in our outstanding recitations. These they may use at will to aid them in getting their ideas over more skillfully and clearly to the class when their own methods prove unsuccessful. In witness, whereof, we, the Class of 1934, do now close and seal this last will and testament on this last day of school of the year 1934. WITNESSES I Abe de Missinlink, eminent evolutionist. Hon. Alleyoop Popeye, professional strong man. Madame Wava Set, beauty horticulturist.
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Page 21 text:
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PCT G' GOLD To Gur Lessers, the Juniors, We Leave-- Last Xxflill and Testament By Pfl2lI'Z'lI6 Parleffe and Ofrrille Yomzg E, the members of the most intelligent and illustrious Class of '34, hibernating from South High School, city of Lima, county of Allen, state of financial embarrassment, do hereby record the following divers unremembered bits of knowledge gained throughout the past four years of our school life for the due consideration and application of same by the insignificant Class of '35 of this so-called institution of higher education. May our successors profit by these helpful hints so as never to offend their teachers and classmates without being aware that they offend. We are certain that the sagacious consul contained herein will benefit our successors as greatly as we would have been benefited had such a class of mental geniuses as ours preceded us. Due to the blight of a most terrible economic upheaval so unwillingly thrust upon us, we fully realize that our store of material resources has depreciated greatly. But, on consideration of the fact that the afore- mentioned class of Juniors is so sadly stunted in its intellectual ability, we, the Class of '34, are fully reconciled to the fact that they will not need the same amount of material substance required to pilot a normal class through the stormy seas of the senior year. Therefore, the greater part of that which we shall bequeath to our successors will be of a more or less mental nature. To those who have the good fortune to occupy the mohair upholstered seats in the very sociable home room 227, pussy-footed by Miss Baver and Mr. Roberson, who believe all seniors sufficiently grown to remember to bring all necessary articles from lockers, but juvenile enough to be seated far enough apart to prevent them from engaging in a game of tiddledy winks, marbles, or pinochle, we very generously bequeath the center support of the desks so conveniently placed as to tear silk stockings and fracture unwary kneecaps. The subjects of English, chemistry, and history, being those of greatest interest, we leave to future generations the art of giving undivided attention to the instructors of said subjects. May the study of romance in the raw and otherwise interest you as much as it has us. Debating and short story and poetry writing will entirely occupy your spare time and will awake in your being a desire for the ability of such men as Webster, Poe, and O. Henry. Woe be unto him who, on the last day, is found waiting for divine inspirationg far better that he should resort to plagiarism. Verily, this is decidedly the safer risk, considering the fact that Miss Bowlus may not have read widely enough to judge whether or not the poem or short story has been copied. Still, considering the mentality of the oncoming Junior Class, there is a shadow of a doubt that the students might not be as well read as the aforesaid instructor. In chemistry you must not learn valence, atomic weights, or acid radicals. If such would occur, we fear the shock to the instructor would inevitably precipitate an
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