South High School - Index Yearbook (Worcester, MA)

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of catching cold, Elsie Hoeftmann, another of Arthur's round table, went to work in the Boston Store. But, alas, they didnit understand Elsie as well as we do and she didn't stay there long. Elsie wrote an ode to the ancient poets entitled, UO Homer, Howe I Love You! After that she went round the country lecturing on Woman's Rights. Mary Richardson married a car conductor, but as he didn't love her, she got a transfer and became a doctoress. Diseases of the heart were her specialty. One morning she arose rather late and paid a visit to a patient who was suffering with pneumonia. Mary laid her head on the sick man's breast and told him to count. When Mary, with a start, awoke the patient, was continuing weakly, Ten hundred and sixty-nine, ten hundred and seventy, ten hundred and seventy-one ..... On the strength of a recommendation from Mr. Woodward, john jefferds became night watchman in the Five Cent Savings Bank. john resigned the next day, however. The money talked so much he couldnit sleep. The world of science was dumb-founded by the marvelous dis- coveries made by our celebrated stars, Herman Batty and Goody Robinson. Their latest was a composition of Shredded Wheat and Malted Saw-dust, put up in tablet form, to help you to get up in the morning. If you wanted to get up at tive o'clock, you took five tablets, at six oiclock, six tablets, etc. At exactly the right hour the tablets would cause a ringing in the ears. Within six months the Alarm Clock Trust was put out of business. And the immortal Bessie, the second Niobel QD The dashing Miss Morley was still waiting for him to shake his college caps and motorcycles for nobler things. Of course, she never really waited, for Bessie was an authoress, almost as good as Pa Morley, of Ta- tassit fame. She wrote one satire, entitled, The Fatal Puff. It was the tale of a little hair, now donit think I'm talking about rab- bits. Among Bessie's best works were:- The Songs of Roland, t'The Passing of King Philip and The Mystery of the Question Club or W'hy We Left so Early and so Often. Failing to make a living writing poetry, Bessie's inventive genius soon got busy and she perfected a new kind of puffs, not cream puffs, either. They were the kind warranted not to work loose. Well, Bessie, ex- perience is a good but sad teacher. Finally the Ostermoor Mattress 'J fm UO

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scrape a living. They used alcohol and turpentine, you could take either. Thomas McGauley, our well-known politician, ran for office and, alas for him and his, he caught it. Being of a jovial turn Tom soon turned a jovial being, and at last he decided that the climate of Canada was more beneficial to his complexion, and left the city hall. That was about all he did leave. In order to keep more in touch with other people's love affairs, Mildred Duncan, Helen Hainbury, and Madge Forsythe formed a company of three and became Jewelers. Millie took one-half of the shares, and Madge and Helen one quarter each. Of course Mildred ran the establishment and settled the weighty questions of the Hrm. In spite of this their business prospered and the girls were soon able to buy out Durgin and Browning. Helen read the novels, Madge drew the illustrations for the firm's ads and Millie sold engagement rings. Finally it became necessary to make the space behind the counter greater than that in front of it in order to accom- modate Mildred and she had to withdraw. She then took charge of the curtains and gum machine. I was very sorry to find that Charles Albert Batty had not been successful. Al got a job in the Worcester Market but lost it the same day because he sold a blind man soft-soap for butter. just at present Al was not doing anybody in particular and was living on his credit. A hopeless man-hater, wishing to avoid the sex as much as possible, Edna Dyer left the sad sea waves at Willard Beach, bought a farm, and settled down to lead the simple life with a cow, two hens and a cat. Edna received a medal from Washington for perfecting a new kind of grape fruit, produced by grafting a watermelon on to a squash. Later Edna became famous by discovering a sure cure for the measles. Doubtless Edna's experience in this line aided her in making her discovery. Out for the Dust was Helen Sellar's motto. She had fol- lowed the horses successfully and now owned Handsome Paul, the famous racer, who had been known to do a mile in 6:03 when he was in a hurry. Helen had gone to Carlyle to learn to be a Nourse, but the Dean of the college wouldn't allow it. Giving up the idea of going on the stage because she was afraid 32

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Co. bought out her invention and made Bessie independently rich. In fact, it was rumored that in this deal she made quite a good Hall. Well, everything comes to him who waits, even the German Measles. I was deeply grieved to learn that Walter Hanley had strayed from the straight and narrow path and had at last been compelled to go to work. jerry started a dressmaking establishment near the Adams Square Recreation Grounds. He soon went to Seattle, however, to a much talked of Pattefrln of great beauty. But Jerry decided that it would be Boutswelle for him to leave Seattle to see Veda, so he returned to Worcester. XVhile Munson steered the submarine back to earth I wrote up the notes I had gathered, and if your fate does not please you, just remember that I am not to blame. I was but the victim of circum- stances and was obliged to record things precisely as I saw them. And now, having taken an imaginary look into the future, we must leave our real destinies in the hands of Providence, and let us trust that it will be kinder than I have been. 34